My baby's lack of sleep is ruining my life

[crispyeggs]

She is just a terrible sleeper and has been since day one. Had severe colic until 16 weeks and has always, ALWAYS needed rocking and feeding to sleep. She has never slept without this. She is six months old.

The last week, this is no longer working and she is screaming bloody murder from bedtime every night, all throughout the night and is sleeping only in 20 min intervals on one of us and is waking the moment we put her down. Have tried pain relief in case it's teething pain, nothing works.

Tried sleep training g but she doesn't tire - will just scream for hours unless held.

I honestly want to die. What do I do?

Thank you, I'll try both of these things

My almost 8 month old had been an awful napper, I've got 3 DC and all of them have been terrible. DC1 and 3 both did 30 min naps for months. He has recently started to take longer naps but they are inconsistent, unfortunately long naps are developmental in some babies. The critical wake window to get right is the last one as that sets them up for bedtime, def offer a later nap if necessary and don't be afraid of a 6pm bedtime! My DC3 has had a few before 6pm because I can't ever get a later nap in. Hang in there, it will improve.

You need positive sleep associations based on the senses. Milk before bedtime for taste, low level lighting for sight, a smell on a soft toy/blanket for smell, the soft toy/blanket also doubles up for touch, a sound detecting device that triggers soft music. That way they will learn to use these to help them to get back to sleep when they stir instead of needing you. It really works.

Thank you. I definitely wouldn't ever have another baby, I am praying I survive this one. If I'd known I would never have had a baby. Meeting other mums with nice, easy going babies who don't scream for hours makes mevso sad

https://cheshirebabywhisperer.com/

This lady is fabulous!

have you tried putting her to sleep on her tummy? DS was a terrible
Sleeper. He would only nap in sling and we Coslept. He woke a lot though. As soon as he could roll
over in his sleeping bag he slept on his tummy with his legs tucked under him. I often wonder if he’d have slept better as a baby on his tummy. I think it would be safe enough to try at six months.

We ended up sleep training at 6m. Sometimes frowned upon here but co sleeping didn't work and i was hanging on by a thread. Took 3 nights.

Been there. I have little decent advice at all. I remember swinging on our bannisters in the hope that they would break and send me plummeting headfirst down the stairs. The trouble is - everyone who has a baby is tired so it is hard to explain that your problems are not the normal baby-tiredness but something much deeper and darker.

What can I say?

1. This is a temporary hell. It will end. Mine is 14 now and we have to drag her out of bed in the mornings. She also has a (planned) 11 year old brother so it must have ended and we forgot quickly. (He was also a poor sleeper but either not quite as bad or I coped better.)
2. It wasn’t anything you did. Some babies just don’t sleep.
3. There was a book I read (there were many many books I read but this one actually helped a bit!) called “The no cry baby sleep solution”. The main thing Inliked about it was that there were just lots of suggestions of things that might help. A lot of the books (Gina bloody Ford) were very “you must do everything exactly like this or it won’t work and it will be All Your Fault”.

Ah OP your thread has brought it all back, went through sleep hell with DC1 - just like yours, a baby who would only sleep on me or in a moving buggy and ping awake in any other circumstances.

With hindsight she a) had physical discomfort due to tongue tie/wind; b) became vastly overtired and c; had got dependent on being held/rocked to get to sleep.

Long long buggy walks helped a bit to get her to do longer naps and ease the overtiredness. I had to walk continuously though or she’d ping awake. I remember doing circles waiting for lights to change.

My other tip is earplugs. Quies brand are best IME. Use them whenever DH or anyone can hold the baby, let yourself switch off. Easier said than done I know (I used to imagine DD screaming even when she wasn’t) but you must rest whenever possible or you’ll go nuts.

Finally: we got a sleep consultant in. All she did, I suspect, was let DD cry it out. But it worked. In one day. Like a fucking miracle. And I never could have done it myself.

DC1 was a terrible sleeper and it nearly broke me trying to get him down independently.

This time round I decided to look round at advice. There is a sleep consultant that has looked at research etc, and it is possible to sleep with them on you safely (just need to ensure you have the correct set up). It’s saved me this time - I now just co-sleep rather than having DC2 on me, but when she’s been ill this is what we revert to.

You will not be making a rod for your own back. At this stage it’s about saving yourself and your sanity.

I would seriously consider looking at allergy advice. My DC2 has gained weight well, normal looking nappies etc but looks like she does have a cows milk allergy. There are immediate reactions (hives, wheezing etc) but also delayed reactions, which can really affect their digestive system and makes sleep really uncomfortable for them.

I really do hope that things improve.

@crispyeggs

My third baby was this exact way. Could never be put down…Completely obsessed with me and the breast. It was awful…My back and hands and arms and legs all suffered…I had to walk around the house for 1 hour until she fell asleep then put her on my chest and sleep upright…during day - I could not put her down to wash to cook…she had no medical issues…she just wanted me…didn’t even want daddy. She is 2.5 now and still doesn’t care whether he is there (or anyone tbh) but as soon as she sees me do my makeup, try to change clothes - she runs to get her coat and shoes hhhhhh…but she sleeps from 9pm - 7.45 every night. I co-sleep with her and will probably until around 4 years. I use to count each day she was older… OP it will pass - hold on to that. Try to make your environment as comfortable as you can for yourself. Continue to co sleep. Lay something on her that is warm and smells of you or smells of your breast milk. If she falls asleep on you and you want to put her down don’t just move away from her. Rock her gently while laying down with her and continue the motions with your hand while you separate your body…I remember sometime she only had my nipple left in her mouth and I use to gradually take it out…it’s about not disturbing her sleep and not realising their environment has changed. My children all had 2 naps a day and no longer than 45 minutes. After 1.5 years of age it went down to 1 and now none. Unless in long car journey, on trip and exhausted from activities or ill. So maybe think about whether shes napping too much? Not all babies are the same and need the prescribed 4 naps a day.

Co sleeping was the only thing that helped me! I would end up climbing into the cot and staying there all night as it was the only way I could get some sleep without having to go in and out of the room all night.

Now he will usually sleep through the night and I feel so much better for it! Do whatever you have to do to get through this.

Shit I really feel for you OP, mine was similar. His sleep wasn't quite as horrendous as yours at night, but we still had to co-sleep as he couldn't settle on his own. I used to go up with him at about 6pm and I was pretty much shackled to the bed. Any slight sound would wake him up. I couldn't speak, couldn't watch tv, it had to be absolutely silent!

But omg, the lack of daytime naps absolutely finished me off. I think he was over 6 months before we got any kind of success sleeping during the day. Mine would wake up at 5am and pretty much refused to sleep until 7pm. I also wanted to kill myself. He screamed and fussed all day.

As others have said, often you just have to ride it out and they get better with age, mine did too. I don't know how I got through that time. I was a mess, but I did. Babies change so quickly, she could completely turn a corner in the next month. I also wore ear plugs a lot during the day to drown out the screaming, it helped.

Sorry OP, have only scanned the thread. I remember those days so well, it's brutal.

I don't think anyone has suggested this yet. Something developed in both my DC's sleep at about this age and all of a sudden they didn't want to be held and just wanted dark and peace for all sleep.

Tomorrow would you try do the nap up in the cot in the dark? Soothe her, put her down asleep (if that's what you usually do) and then leave the room. It might be a disaster but she might settle better in the quiet dark room and sleep for longer. Better daytime sleep might help with that horrendous overtired thing some babies do.

If that works for naps, try her in her own room overnight. My eldest went from waking every two hours in our room one night (reflux baby who also only slept when held when younger but thankfully that had passed by then) to sleeping 11 hours in her own room the next night. I never ever would have believed that could be possible. Even now at 6 she's just not cuddly and prefers her own space.

Just in case that's something you haven't tried.

Good luck, all three of you must be exhausted.

Feed on demand but roughly 5 x 7 oz bottles per day, plus a little veg based meal around 4/5pm. Yoghurt and avocado around 8/9.

Is she eating lunch and having snacks? Have you tried giving a meat protein and carbohydrate based dish for dinner, such as blended spag bol or similar as that can help mitigate night waking/early rising due to hunger.

You have my sympathy, my first was a terrible sleeper, waking up every hour of the night no more than 20 mins nap in the day unless in a buggy. It was insane. I remember her wide open eyes at 3am just knowing she wouldn't sleep for hours! No help or support. GP advice was to sleep train, gaviscon had no effect. There was no way because she would scream so loudly I couldn't bear it for more than 3 mins. I stopped listening to other people's advice and decided to cosleep. Best decision ever. She still woke up but I just breastfed her immediately back to sleep within a couple of mins. She slept through one night at 18months and I panicked when I woke up and it was morning. It was a one off and but she had her own bed at 2.5 only waking once and probably slept all night in it by the time she was 3. I am so glad I didn't make her cry it out, though I would not criticise others for doing it, I knew I couldn't. My second slept better only woke up once or twice by 10 months. I had a friend who's baby was a poor sleeper, it was good to support each other. Hope you find a solution that works for you soon.

My son was like this and it was unbearable. Nobody can understand unless they've been through it. Both mine have been "bad" sleepers but my son's sleep was on another level. I felt like I was on another planet.
You need to get a sleep consultant, they give you support and guidance and the push you need when you are too exhausted to see it for yourself. I used Andrea Grace and she was amazing. All done remotely and well worth the money.
Also, I found both mine to be little shits for sleep at 6 month, it's a really hard age. They look cute but they are so restless and angry. It's an ideal time to sleep train. It sounds like your DC is sensitive and bright. Amazing traits to have but can mean tricky as babies, but amazing toddlers! Sending strength! ✨️

ETA, co-sleeping is great if it helps but it made no difference with my son. Sometimes sleep training is the only answer. It's hard but remember it is in your entire family's best interests xx

I’m so sorry to hear this - sounds so tough.

Have you tried lowering your expectations and just doing less? You say you are doing activities every day, long walks etc. Have you tried just staying in and taking it easy for a few days in order to really nail the routine? A bit like you would when you are potty training? At six months they really don’t need the groups etc but for your sake you do really need to work on sleep.

Just a suggestion! I really hope things get better soon.

@Overthebow

This.
I would skip the bath too.
No need for it every day at night time.

I would want GP to see her. If everything is clear (no ear pain, no reflux, etc.). Just to be sure. Both my daughters were ear children worse at night. For periods they had ibuprofen before nighttime after advice of GP.

I'd keep "going to bed rituals" to a pure basic - it's no a game or a joke. It is winding down.
Pajamas, brush teeth, say good night to the other parent and off you go.

We went to sleep together. We had an extra IKEA cot next to bed.
I wouldn't mind missing out on the nights for a while but go for whatever works. It won't last forever. it usually resolves with age.

Go for what ever works in a basic simpel way.

Sorry to read this OP. I'm not sure if this has already been suggested but you can get something called a Rockit which basically rocks the pram for you. I think you said your baby sleeps in the pram so perhaps once she is asleep you could switch the Rockit on so that she doesn't wake up and have a rest?

This is it:
https://rockitrocker.com/

Hopefully it will mean she sleeps a little longer in the pram without you needing to walk/rock

I have the rockit, it's awesome.

I have been where you are OP. Had to co-sleep with DS1 till 3 - he bf till then. I don't think the co-sleeping without BF would have made any difference - it was the ability to feed him back to sleep repeatedly. I don't know how I would have survived if that had not worked. Sleep training wouldn't have worked for him, he got too desperate too fast. He was never a good sleeper until he was 4 or so, then he was great. Still gets anxious at bedtime - he finds it hard to "turn off" but hardly ever wakes.

I do the same with DS 2 (18 months) but I already see such a difference. First few months were AWFUL with reflux, he wouldn't lie down at all, not even while BF. Took me to a v dark place and still feeling the effects of that at times now, but it is much better. He still wakes a few times a night but he doesn't fight sleep in the same way as DS1 did. He's not what anyone who hadn't had a REALLY bad sleeper would call a good sleeper, but he's not as high needs. Some babies are just like that. I'd say he got a LOT better from around 9 months.

Obviously I can't know but with your DD it sounds developmental to me cos of the age and how suddenly it came on. 6 months is a v tricky age. If that's the case it will likely settle again quite quickly.

All the best to you I know how awful it can be.

Oh and I totally get the nearly dead of exhaustion but too high alert to sleep thing. My sleep has never recovered since kids. Anti-histamine (cetirizine makes me really sleepy and took the wired edge off, worked sometimes if I could get a couple of hours cover from DH.

My dd always wanted to be held too, and the minute you put her down, she was wide awake. I was getting up 8-10 times a night to resettle her too and in the end I resigned to co-sleeping which saved my sanity.
She also wanted to be rocked and grew out of that herself when she turned 20 months.
She is just over 2 years old now and we still cosleep but bedtime is so much easier, we just lie down, she nestles next to me face to face, and drifts off.
If there’s no medical issue, I would advise to try cosleeping for a while until you see gradual improvement in her sleep pattern and take it from there.
Hugs and lots of sympathy from me, sleep deprivation is hell x

Can you co sleep? That's the only thing that worked for me and my youngest. We tried absolutely everything but he screamed and wouldn't sleep longer than a few hours at a time for 2.5 years. He's now 7, sleeps fine and was recently diagnosed with ASD.