Why kids no longer sleep in their own beds?!

[iwasgonnasay]

This seems like a new thing because when we were kids you just went to bed.. you didn't get cuddled to sleep. And you didn't wake up every night and go into your mum and dad's room! Occasional nightmares aside.
But it seems vastly common from what I've heard that kids just do not stay in their own rooms and I just don't get what's different? I didn't do anything my mum and dad didn't and I had no problem just going to bed and staying there but my son is 5 and constantly wakes up - every night without fail. When I was aware I would take him back repeatedly to his room. Sometimes he went straight back off and sometimes I had to repeat it a few times. But now he's like a night ninja he slips into my bed without me knowing and i wake to find him fast asleep between us! I have talked to him, we've done pompom jar incentives. He just isn't getting it and he's not sleeping great and neither are we, but what else can I do? He'll go to sleep fine but without fail will at some point get in with me and I'm unaware until I wake up at 4 or 5 with a knee in my back. And by then it's nearly time to get up anyway.

Talking to family and friends with young kids this seems so common and we can't find a common denominator. Someone suggested weighted blankets and duvets but we've tried different mattresses and pillows and duvets it doesn't seem to make a difference so I'm loathed to buy more bedding if that's not going to do anything.

Anyone able to share? Or have a winge of their own :/

I always think it is odd that sharing a bed with someone you love is frowned upon when it is a child, but not sharing a bed with someone you love is frowned up on when it is a partner.

Both are perfectly fine until one or both parties aren’t getting enough sleep.

This is us. It was never an option for mine, unless they were ill or had a bad dream.

I actually think it’s a bit frowned upon to be like this now as you’re considered a ‘cold’ mum.

Our 9yo is always in with us. We just got a super king bed. Very occasionally the 12yo will come in but when that happens one of us sleeps elsewhere. It doesn't really bother us.
I do agree with a previous comment that in previous generations it wasn't the done thing to go into your parents room even in the daytime. Funny as I've never not let our kids in the room.

There is a big difference between cuddles and affection and letting your child take over your whole life!

I agree with a pp that parents spend much less time with their kids these days, so maybe the kids are looking for affection during the time which is available.

I was an only child, and didn't sleep with my parents. I'm sure I woke up in the night now and again, and maybe if I was frightened got in with them, but certainly it wasn't a nightly occurance as it seems to be for many now. I most certainly didn't lack affection. Society seems to have moved from trying to raise independant strong children to catering to their every whim and making them dependant. Anyone with half a brain can see that if you let children do something on a regular basis you are setting a pattern and they will take advantage of it.

My toddler won't sleep alone. Hasn't done from day 1. As a newborn he wouldn't sleep unless he was held.
Why it's common. My guesses:
-More mothers work now. We want our sleep. If they sleep better co-sleeping, that's how we'll do it.
-babies are advised to be in their parents' bedrooms until 6 months. I'm guessing that's more of a recent thing. So it's harder for them to get used to sleeping alone now.

I agree. It's almost like unless you have a child attached to you 24/7, you're a bad mum.

It's perfectly fine to balance the wants and needs for both parents and child. I think an extreme either way can be damaging for different reasons.

I've not slept in the same bed as my husband for a year now as my 9 year old hates sleeping alone so I sleep with her (she has a big bed). Husband and I just get on with it because I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that she was in her own room scared and upset. I'm a big softy but luckily husband is on board and everyone is happy and sleeping!

I never used to get in my mums bed because I knew I wouldn't have been allowed, my sister used to cry etc because she was scared so my mums answer to that was to buy her a double bed and get me to sleep with her!!

@frecklejuice how do you and your husband ever have sex?

@Namddf by some miracle both kids have football training at the same time on a Saturday morning!! My dh also works from home one or two days a week so that always helps.

I know I sounded quite breezy about it but a year on I'm a bit 😤

Depend on circumstance, in my case my youngest sleep in my bed since my marriage broke down. Never used to do it before, all my kids went to their own bedroom as soon as they were back to hospital. But when my husband left, my youngest refused to sleep on her own and sometimes my 8 year old was coming as well from time to time. I am divorced 6 years and my youngest still sleep in my bedroom, she is only starting this year to sleep in her own bedroom but she will turn up at one stage in my bed during the night. I have tried to get her back to her own room but it was a loosing battle

I still co-sleep with my 7 year old. I'm single mum, she enjoys the comfort, and I enjoy being able to roll over and cuddle her in the night, smell her hair etc. We get all twined up sometimes, legs and arms. I don't know, I think that everyone learns to sleep on their own eventually... She's hardly going to want to sleep in my bed when she's 15! I enjoy it while it lasts. I'll miss it when she no longer wants it, I always think I'd regret moving her out of the bed and forcing her in her own

She does have her own bed and can sleep alone in it btw, but she has a choice of where to sleep and will 95% time choose my bed.

Mine used to wake and come into bed with us - for years. We got used to it, at least we all slept :-). He is in his mid-forties now so it was a long time ago but he remembers how frightened he was when he woke up in his room and how comforting to be able to climb in with us.

I was scared and didn't sleep well as a child, or as a teenager, sometimes terrified.

All children are different but it is our duty to comfort them. It's not forever.

I was a bit confused about this too. I have given it some thought and I remember that in the 90’s there was a worldwide public campaign about SIDS; educating people on how to position their babies in the cot and creating a safe sleeping environment, co sleeping was strongly advised against and considered dangerous.

I was born in the 70’s and co sleeping was pretty common.

I remember sometime after the year 2000 people started talking about safe co sleeping.

There is a period of time in between older and younger generations where co sleeping was discouraged and babies/children learning to self settle and sleep independently was encouraged.

Children being allowed to sleep in their parents bed isn’t new. It’s just making a comeback after a brief hiatus.

Anyway that’s my theory.

My parents would have made it clear how much they didn't like it and I'd have known about it so would only have gone if my fear of the "thing"was worse than my fear of them being angry.

I often think this.

I think as parents nowadays we sometimes take short cuts to get more sleep. I don't remember my parents ever letting me in their bed at night, they always made me stay in my own even if it meant them getting up in the night.

DD wasn't a good sleeper as a toddler and was often up for several hours in the night. I could rarely sleep when she was in the big bed anyway so I just used to sit with her or lie on a sleeping bag next to her until she fell asleep, then I'd go back to bed myself.
At age 4 it finally seemed to stick and she sleeps through in her own bed almost every night -but she is 6 next week!😅

I've known friends who have children who are 8 or 9 who sleep in their parent's bed every night and have even ended new relationships over it.
DD's cousin is 3 and a half and has never had a night in her bed, in fact her mum and dad don't even try any more.
Whilst I'm sure that won't last forever, it would drive me mad.