Why kids no longer sleep in their own beds?!

[iwasgonnasay]

This seems like a new thing because when we were kids you just went to bed.. you didn't get cuddled to sleep. And you didn't wake up every night and go into your mum and dad's room! Occasional nightmares aside.
But it seems vastly common from what I've heard that kids just do not stay in their own rooms and I just don't get what's different? I didn't do anything my mum and dad didn't and I had no problem just going to bed and staying there but my son is 5 and constantly wakes up - every night without fail. When I was aware I would take him back repeatedly to his room. Sometimes he went straight back off and sometimes I had to repeat it a few times. But now he's like a night ninja he slips into my bed without me knowing and i wake to find him fast asleep between us! I have talked to him, we've done pompom jar incentives. He just isn't getting it and he's not sleeping great and neither are we, but what else can I do? He'll go to sleep fine but without fail will at some point get in with me and I'm unaware until I wake up at 4 or 5 with a knee in my back. And by then it's nearly time to get up anyway.

Talking to family and friends with young kids this seems so common and we can't find a common denominator. Someone suggested weighted blankets and duvets but we've tried different mattresses and pillows and duvets it doesn't seem to make a difference so I'm loathed to buy more bedding if that's not going to do anything.

Anyone able to share? Or have a winge of their own :/

Sorry but I also coslept with my parents until I was 9 - which was 40 years ago.

My parents slept in the same room as their parents 70 years ago (one a poor family but one very wealthy so not due to bed space). I know my grandma shared a bed with her mum nearly 90 years ago.

This isn't new, it might be driving you mad but it isn't new.

Eldest hasn’t slept in our bed since she was about 12 months old (and this was when she was ill with high temp) and youngest not since about 6 weeks old when I stopped bf. They have no recollection of it so they don’t know its an option.
they’ve both been used to their own rooms since 4-6 months old.
Both sleep independently with very little in way of sleep training so no cuddling to sleep, no sleeping on anyones floors. Youngest age 4 often wakes asking for a drink but calls to us, we get a drink, he rolls over and zzzzzz.
we are not cold, were a very loving cuddly family, we watch tv in bed when they come in on a Saturday morning, but we just dont sleep together for all our sakes.

I'm 40 and my parents said I slept with them until I was 3, and only got evicted as the twins were born.

It’s guilt. Parents don’t get to spend much time with their kids anymore so it’s something they can do to form attachment. Often the children seeking attachment will take themselves to their parents bed for reassurance.

I'm confused as to why people think this is modern. Surely it's only really since the early 20th century that most homes were large enough to have separate bedrooms? Before that many working class people will have lived in 1-2 rooms sharing beds, and richer families often had nurses that slept in the nurseries.

My boys share a room - the eldest sleeps brilliantly but the youngest needs soothing to bed and will keep getting in to our bed at night.

Children and their emotions are more catered to now, people who think kids don't need cuddles and affection were probably lacking it in their childhoods.

My managers son is 10 and he co sleeps. He got anxiety during covid.

Well I see two options. Lock your door or give the kid a bed on your floor. When he's scared ect he can come sleep near you without being in bed with you. My mom used to do this

I cosleep when my son is poorly. He's still happy to sleep in his cot

I just like cuddles.

No guilt here.

I really don't mind my toddler creeping into my bed if he has a nightmare or just wakes up and wants a cuddle in the middle of the night. It doesn't really affect either of our overall sleep quality and its sweet. He won't be little forever. I don't see it as a naughty or undesirable behaviour. I think it's a sign of healthy attachment.

I really just can't be doing with cosleeping. My children don't cuddle nicely and stay still, they starfish and rotate and kick me etc.

I love my children very much and if they need a cuddle after a nightmare, I'm there. But I am not bed sharing routinely

It's definitely not that here... I spend almost 100% of my time with my kids 😅

I didn’t sleep well as a child but was ignored and wasn’t allowed to seek comfort. I remember staying at my cousins and 2 of them cried themselves to sleep, parents ignored them.

Its not a new thing, it’s just not seen as acceptable to not comfort your children anymore. Thankfully.

There were lovely parents though. My friend parents bought a bigger bed for her so one of them could get in with her when she was upset and awake a lot in the night.

Neither of my children were great sleepers but one particularly struggled. She was later diagnosed with autism which possibly explains a lot. I’d never have just ignored them anyway but thank god we were understanding and loving.

It’s guilt. Parents don’t get to spend much time with their kids anymore so it’s something they can do to form attachment. Often the children seeking attachment will take themselves to their parents bed for reassurance.

I can’t speak for everyone but I’ve been a SAHM since my first child was born so had plenty of time with them.

Some children aren’t good sleepers, there’s lots of reasons. My oldest just struggled to switch off, for my youngest it was probably autism but was undiagnosed at that time.

I don’t know why people care that others are providing comfort, if needed, to their children,

I agree with anyone that says that our parenting style has collectively changed. I remember never being allowed in my parents room at all - but I don’t have memories of sneaking in.

My DD didn’t sleep in her own room until she was about 6/7 and I thought I tried everything. It got to the point where I would wake up and she was there.

I wish I could give you tips. As a lone parent I let it slide but spent a lot of time making her “love her room” - so she would then sleep longer in her room before coming into my bed (I don’t know how I would know on the nights I didn’t hear her come in) - then one day she spent a whole night in her room. I think it had something to do with feeling like a “big girl” and also because there weren’t any huge consequences to coming into my bed (apart from a telling off or a “why can’t you sleep on your bed) then she probably felt comfortable continuing.

Mine didn't sleep with me but if they were poorly or upset I went to them and slept (or not) beside their bed. I'm an insomniac and wake to a sparrow's fart so having them in my bed would mean no sleep for me so it something I didn't want to start. Dd does the same with dgs as she has ankylosing spondylosis so it would cause her pain if he was in beside her. I never went in my parent's bedroom much less their bed as it was their space maybe that is why I was happier going to them than having them come to me.

I don’t ever remember getting into my mum & dads bed when I was little, but then again, I shared with my siblings till I eventually had my own room aged 9/10. I never felt lonely or scared because I had a brother/sister in the next bed.

Dh and I co sleep with both our kids - they are both little ( a baby and pre schooler ) it feels natural to me & I’ve never really thought about it, we just do it and we all sleep pretty good ( it helps we have a super king size bed!)

It's not a new thing at all, quite the opposite! There's been a period in the industrualised West where separate beds/rooms for children has been the norm, but historically and globally the norm is to have the family together in a bed. I think a greater understanding of human physiology, neurological development etc is encouraging more parents to do what our ancestors did through instinct or necessity. It's a good thing, imo.,

My son won't sleep alone. He's 5. It's a bloomin nightmare.

As a baby he wouldn't sleep alone without being in the car /buggy. So we held him to sleep. Guess what? He still wants that. We have a younger one who just pops of to bed alone without issue.

We r tried everything, rewards, bribes, force! He just won't do it. If we get him off to bed by sleeping with him, about 80% of the time he'll be in our bed by morning.

He also hates sleep anc doesn't seem to need much . Goes to bed at 9.45 usually.

The whole thing is a huge strain on the family. We get no evening as one of us needs to stay with him until a he's sound asleep . Im at the end of my tether. I usually end up sleeping with him as he will scream and cry and wake his sister up if I don't.

I’d agree that not many generations ago there would be multiple siblings to a bed, let alone a room. I think it’s human nature to want comfort and company from others at night for most people.

I'm well over 40 and I slept in with my parents very often. My parents slept in with relatives (grandparents, parents, cousins, siblings) when they were children. Ditto my grandparents.

It's really not new.

I'm in my 30s...my parents are older parents and did the whole cry it out and leaving me outdoors in the pram alone thing. It was pretty distressing and I remember a lot of it. A few times as a toddler I fell down the stairs trying to get to the toilet or my parents' room when I was sick or scared. My mother refers to me as a naughty little bugger because it took months for me to stop crying myself to sleep for hours.

Thank God attitudes to parenting change.

My parents never allowed us in their room / bed.. it wasn’t even something that would cross our minds.
Me and my three siblings ALL have our kids in our beds. Parenting and attachment styles are changing!