23 month old won’t sleep

[Stressedmum27]

Hi , I’ve posted here before with the same issue . My little boy who’s now 23 months is awful at sleeping . He’s never ever slept through and currently is waking every hr . He wriggles about , hits out etc and this can last up to an hour or more . I’m still breastfeeding cos it’s the only thing that settles him even though I hate it now cos it hurts . He’s co slept with me since maybe 8 months cos it was the only way to get him to sleep but I can’t do that anymore it’s affecting me and also it doesn’t work cos he still wakes up every hour .
I’ve spoken to a sleep therapist and are currently on day 5 of the cry it out method , I go check on him at 5 , 10 then 15 minute intervals up to an hr but he cries the entire time . Will not lie down and sleep . It’s gotten so bad he starts crying before being put in his cot cos he knows what’s coming . I then have to settle him on me after the hr and place him in his cot when he’s out cold otherwise he wakes up and I need to start it all over again . This means all night when he wakes up I sit with him till he’s out then put him in his cot and he repeats this process and wakes every hr . I’m getting no sleep at all .
I’ve adjusted his wake windows , I’ve timed his naps etc and nothing works. He doesn’t sleep in a pram so it’s limiting me leaving the house as I need to be home for his nap . Im honestly struggling and beginning to think there is something wrong or I’ve just failed him . Does anyone know what to do ? A very tired and sad mum

@LGBirmingham i definitely will , having this thread is really helping me when I felt lost

Is your baby sleeping any better xx

@Whatsrightnow No he’s not. Have tried cutting down his naps to 45 minutes and gave crying it out a try . On the 3rd and 4th night he did fall asleep himself at around 45 minutes but it didn’t last and then he was up every hr through the night plus waking at 7 😬. On the 5th night he cried for an hr and a half and I had to go and settle him and now he’s not well so I’m not having a great time at all . I’m beginning to think he just doesn’t like sleep .

This is biologically normal.

Why can't you continue to bed share?

@user40643 i didn’t want to bed share in the first place I done it because he wouldn’t sleep anywhere else but with me and now even when he is in bed with me he’s waking up every hr to breastfeed and then go back to sleep . I’m getting no sleep and no break so that’s why I would like him in his own bed

@Stressedmum27 that sounds really stressful. How are you feeling? Perhaps he's just not one to respond to the crying methods? Would it be quicker if you tried to get him to sleep a different way? What did you do when he woke evey hour during the night?

It really must be very very exhausting and distressing for you. I really hope someone has a brainwave for something you can try.

How does he seem before you put him to bed? For instance I know mine needs to be yawning regularly during stories for the going to sleep bit to go OK.

How much time does he have between end of nap and falling asleep? Mine is a bit older but seems to need minimum 7 hrs these days. But he also can manage without a nap.

Any chance he's teething?

@LGBirmingham he currently has about 5 hrs to 5 15 between waking and then bedtime . He is definitely tired by this point but he just won’t go to sleep without fighting it . I feel bad thought cos before he used to like his wee bedtime routine but now after the I’ve tried this this week he’s starting to cry even before we start it . It’s as if he panicking about it ?

im ok just tired and wondering what I’m earth I can do to fix it ? Like I’m running out of ideas tbh . And when he wakes in the night I’ve been trying to cuddle him to sleep and offer a dummy etc . Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t and he kicks off and screams cos all he wants is me and breastmilk 😬

Mines the same. Haven't tried cry it out. Literally feeding back to sleep like you. Shattered!

@Whatsrightnow god i feel for you it’s hard isn’t it ? He’s so clingy the now and I’m just not getting a break or sleep

Oh that sounds tough! You're managing to not feed during the night though? That's big progress, well done! I found with mine once he realised he really wasn't getting milk during the night he actually went back to sleep so much easier with just a cuddle and did start waking less after a while as well.

I've no idea about the sleep training as I haven't done it myself but if he's definitely tired at bed time it sounds like it's just not for him? Usually when people have done it they seem to say it gets easier night by night and only takes a few nights for them to stop crying.

If you're managing not to feed during the night you could just stick with that and see if that reduces the wakes on it's own? Could be going from feeding to sleep and bedsharing to falling asleep on his own in a cot in a different room is too big a jump? Might be he needs your reassurance for a while after the shock of the last few nights and might respond better to making changes more gradually? If you're set on stopping feeding then maybe you could start by cuddling to sleep in your room instead of feeding, then next move to cuddling to sleep in his room and then keep on reducing what you do, but very gradually over the months?

It was the same for me and completely made me dysfunctional. I'm a single mom and so I never got any reprieve. I now see how sleep deprivation is a form of torture and terribly sorry for anyone going through it.

My daughter is 31 mos almost and she's finally started sleeping through the night as of not too long ago. Some wake ups from things like dreams or seasonal allergies. She's very sensitive. What actually helped was clearing the energy in the home, if you are open to trying that.

@LGBirmingham @ontheothersideofthepond Sorry for the late response still having a hard time of it tbh . He’s getting anxious at bedtime and not wanting to leave my side . Think I just need to let him be with me as I don’t know what else to do

@Stressedmum27 absolutely. I'm sure that's the right thing to do in your situation. Trust your instinct. If you have the time I'd really recommend this book - Still Awake - Lyndsey Hookway. Lots of tips for stuff that you can do to tweak things without leaving your child crying.

I think this age is tricky as they're about to change loads, gain lots of language and soon stop napping. But before it falls into place and your in the in-between stage it's hard. Mine just fell asleep in seconds around 6:45 as he hasn't napped today and it makes it all a lot easier.

Hang on in there, I'm sure it will be better in many ways in a few months time. And keep us posted on how you're doing.

Yes I agree, trust your instinct and keep him with you. I'm glad I did the same - we cosleep. Eventually she got through it. I know it will happen for you, it must.

This sounds so difficult, you must be really exhausted!
It sounds like the sleep training in this instance has caused more problems than it solved and he's now panicking about being left to cry and so being extra clingy. You might need to work to undo this by being extra comforting to help him feel secure. Sorry I haven't read every single post - have you tried co-sleeping?
What does your bedtime routine look like?
Things that can help create the right environment for sleep:

• no TV or screen time in the couple of hours before bed
• keep lights off all evening if you can, or at least very dim
• keep playtime and bath time if you do it very calm (don't turn bathroom light on at all as it's very bright and inhibits sleep)
• try using a red light as this stimulates sleep hormone
• try to make sure he's getting minimum of 15 minutes outside everyday
• ensure you're not putting him to bed too early as melatonin (sleep hormone) doesn't rise sufficiently until around 7:30 so aiming for sleep before that is difficult

Ok sorry about the delayed message. Was trying to be helpful with sharing a resource that worked for me.