Newborn will only sleep when held. We have tried everything!

[Helpmeimtired]

Hello all

First time poster.

I am at my wits end and really starting to worry about the well-being of my family.

My 6 day old DS absolutely refuses to sleep anywhere other then my arms and occasionally my partners arms.

We have had no sleep at all for days now.

When DS wakes he has to be soothed by feeding which sends him straight off to sleep but within 5 mins (occasionally 20) of putting him down in his crib he awakes and instantly requires soothing in the form of a feed. Nothing else works.

To get some sleep me and my partner have attempted to share the load by holding him 3 hours at a time but most of the time this doesn’t work as he either wakes up 20 mins after passover to my partner from which the whole process is required to start again.

We have had very little success. For example he did sleep 3hrs in the crib one night but was only possible due to my partner staying awake and rocking the crib if DS became restless and putting his pacifier back in his mouth once he lost it.

He has napped maybe twice for 2 hours during the day in his crib, but always seems to have extremely light sleep and on the verge of waking up any second.

I am very concerned about the amount of sleep he is getting as well as us.

We are trying really hard to get him adjusted to his crib and feel like I have tried every trick in the book. Below is what I have already attempted.

1. white noise
2. raising one end of the crib
3. rocking (both in arms and the crib itself)
4. using my shirt as a sheet for scent comfort
5. dummy/pacifier
6. swaddling (if anything this seems to just agitate him)
7. pick up and put down technique
8. keeping hand on his head/stomach for comfort and walking away slowly after he drifts off
9. leaving the room
10. co sleeping (only works if he’s pressed against my chest which is totally unsafe, and wakes up if rolled over onto his back and a mere inch away from me)
11. partner supervising me attempting to sleep whilst DS is in my arms (totally unfeasible)

it’s worth noting I am exclusively breast feeding and believe my milk is only just coming in.

I appreciate this is very early days, but does this behaviour sound normal? Should he see a doctor?

The frequency of him wanting feeds is about once every hour for 45 mins.

Is there anything else we can try?

This way of life is completely unsustainable and we need help.

thank you

Yes DSis baby is the same. They take turns holding him all night in 2 hour shifts. This is quite common. They look knackered. Now he is 6 weeks They are lengthening his naps in the cot and hope to have her in it for longer periods. It's exhausting though. All babies are different. Mine was happy to go in the cot straight off.

Hey

It's totally normal. Feeding little and often is how he encourages your body to up the supply of milk and his stomach is very tiny so little and often is the way. My little girl fed about every 40 minutes for the first 8 weeks. As they get older their stomach grows and the frequency beaten feeds lengthens

The sleep is totally normal too, all he knows is you. Your voice, your smell, your heartbeat. It's totally normal although exhausting. The sleeping in shifts thing is something me and my husband did. It's exhausting at the time but it does pass which I know is incredibly frustrating to hear when your in the thick of it

Congratulations on your little boy!

Tried everything it seems other than relaxing and just going with it. This is the fourth trimester

I'm really sorry to say that is very normal. Is he happy to be on the bed next to you, maybe with a hand on his tummy, or does he need to be held upright?

Careful cosleeping is safer than not sleeping at all. Flat mattress, no pillows/duvets near baby (I used a duvet up to my hips and a thick cardie on my top half, baby up high by my face). Only mum in the bed, obviously no alcohol, drugs, smoke. If you're nervous, try it during the day first, when you're less likely to fall into such a deep sleep.

Normal, don't worry it doesn't last. But you could Google 4th trimester for understanding of the reasons and that might help you by being more informed with the physiology of what's going on.

Totally normal but gets better over time. We were the same. It's so tough I know

Could you try expressing milk in the day so your partner can give it in a bottle at night and you can get some sleep?

It's brutal, but as others say it's all very normal and doesn't last forever.

If your little one sleeps slightly better while being rocked, you can buy something like 'Rockit' which attaches to cots/prams and rocks it for you.

Good luck. It gets easier, honestly.

Sounds familiar. I ended up sleeping with baby on me, propped up with pillows so I couldn't roll. It's not the recommended method but was the only way to survive. It didn't last long (but felt like it). Try a sling or carrier in the day, take it in turns to sleep. Binge watch Netflix and drink a lot of tea!!!! They just feel safe with you x

What an unpleasant and unhelpful comment. I remember being this OP, it was the most stressful few weeks of my life.

OP it is normal, and it won't last forever. We bought a cheap rocking chair on eBay which saved us as the baby would sleep in our arms if we sat and rocked and we did that in shifts overnight. I promise this will get better

I would not do this at 6 days old at all especially if OPs milk supply is only just coming in now and she’s a first time breastfeeder. That’s a sure fire way to mess up your supply.

Sorry OP, I felt shocked and lied to at first - I used to fume at the mere existence of the pristine, untouched, next2me crib. It sounds completely normal though. Wanting to be on or next to the breast pretty much constantly is how they stimulate your milk supply. It’s really tough but at 6 days, you are best just rolling with it. As your milk establishes over the up and coming weeks it’ll really start to settle down. All the best.

Ah the forth trimester no one tells you about. This little bundle of joy has just spent 9 months curled up in your warm snuggling tummy. Held tightly 24/7. Then they come out into the big wide world and plonked in a cot/basket and it's all very different. I Co-slept with both my children for many months in the early days, sometimes sleeping half upright cradling the baby. It's perfectly normal and you need to lighten up a little. Sleep when you can, try getting into some sort of routine with feeding and changing. Before you know it .. three months have passed! Yes it's tough, yes the sleep deprivation is fucking hard .. no one puts that in the lovely parenting books you ready when your pregnant. It will get easier in time.. the only best buy I every recommend is the vibrating bouncer, that thing saved my sanity.

Totally normal don't despair! After trying different things with mine I found a nest worked, she settled better in there than in the cot. It was a second hand dokatot. 💐💕

Normal I'm afraid. And horrific.

Google 4th trimester. Also Dr Harvey Karp the 5 S's (swaddle, swing, suck, shhh, side - with these all together it's supposed to be an act of magic - for some babies). Although I see that swaddling aggravates him. Have you tried a swaddle bag it's less fiddly and more secure. My youngest hated a traditional swaddle but loved the swaddle bag.

My second was just like you're describing. In her case she wasn't getting the milk she needed- i always had trouble with my supply. Even when I started mixed feeding things only marginally changed. Things that got me through - putting her in the sling in the day for sleep (patted her bottom and I swung from side to side and then was able to sit and watch tv). Once her daytime sleep improved, night time improved a bit. If I had to hold her at night I'd watch Netflix on my phone - helped me to stay awake.

Normal. He needs touch and comfort. He’s only 6 days old. Can you co sleep? I find co sleeping and breastfeeding the best for newborns. Really settles them.

Bedsharing. Look up guidelines from BASIS and Lullaby Trust on how to do it safely. It really is the only way with some babies, and it can be a game changer. Also shown to be much safer than unintentionally falling asleep while holding your baby.

I also agree about Harvey Karp and the 5 S's. I found it the most useful baby book I ever read.

Completely normal.
I just made sure I didn't have to do anything, but focus on him.
So no work, no shopping, no socialising, very little housework.
Just me and him, getting used to life outside the womb.

Thank you for all the responses. There is immense comfort in knowing this is normal and others have gone through it.

I attempted co sleeping once, but he cried after I rolled him onto his back after he’d fallen asleep post feed.

Nothing seems to work other then being constantly at the breast.

You have a colicky baby. I had this with DD1. We bought a swing, strapped her in, and she would sleep. I also had a CD of ocean waves I played ON TOP VOLUME while she swang.

Very normal but wasn't sustainable for us either. I've still got a baby that will not sleep in the day independently but does sleep all night on their own. From the very start I persevered with night time sleep. Every time she woke up at night I would walk around with her silently in the pitch black until she fell back to sleep and put her back in the cot. Of course she would wake up straight away and we would keep going like that. Eventually she did get the idea and over the coming days it did improve. It feels like it will never work, but it does pass with routine and consistency.

Me too. Saved our lives. We weren't swaddling tight enough in the beginning

Being constantly at the breast is probably the best thing for him... That is what will establish your milk. It is brutal. I remember with my first being just shell shocked about it and, like you, trying everything. With DC2 I knew what to expect and just rolled with it and found it much easier because I psychology had accepted it rather than saw it as a problem to fix. Those first few weeks are just survival, and it does improve. I remember my health visitor saying it would improve by 3 months, and that just seemed like such an impossibly long way away!

This won’t last for ever.

the key thing for me was to learn to feed lying down. So I wore a warm fleece open at the front and had duvet up to waist only, then baby in a sleeping bag, with their side of the bed against the wall, (with a towel stuffed down the 2cm gap because for some reason I thought I had given birth to a borrower rather than a human child, who would fall down it). I then slept with as low a pillow as possible with my arm cradling the baby, which was enough contact for them to feel enclosed. When a feed was needed i latched baby on and dozed

Also, nappies don’t need to be changed constantly during the night unless there is poo. This being the case, concentrate on just feeding the baby, send your partner to sleep elsewhere with earplugs if needed, for a few nights, so at least you are not both completely empty and exhausted. He can then look after you

I’m exactly in the same boat right now but I’m only three days in. My son was completely different- didn’t care about feeding and slept on his own straight away so this is all new to me. My little girl just wants to be held and on the breast constantly and cries within 2 mins of being put down. No advice just wanted to say you’re not alone xx