6 month baby girl.. trying to get her to sleep 7-7 with controlled crying

[SimonTheDad]

So.. here is the story.. we have a 6 month girl who has never really slept well. Here routine until this week:

wake 8-9am
feed
nap on/off untili 11am
feed
various feeds/45 min naps throughout the day awake 2hrs nap 45
right up until 10:30 then feed and sleep
various waking in the night

she has only slep through twice and typically wakes 3-4 times often just for a dummy replacement.

This week we started her on a more structured routine. We tried EASY and are essentially following it. Although she hates the PU/PD. The PU particularly drives her crazy with crying so there is no PD. So we have adapted it to controlled crying but with the EASY sched.

Day 5.. usual bed at 6:15 and crying on/off until currently 8:10 probably until 9 and a breast feed. She has learnt to roll over in her cot (progress for her motor skills) but i think that is mainly as she knows we come to arrange her when she gets all out of shape. She hates having the light off so we have some dim lighting in there. Ermm.. what else.. she is trying to sleep but just cannot.. we are entering her room every 10 minutes and giving light petting and replacing a dummy.

Any advice welcome.. its haaaaaardddd!!!

Oh.. she seems her usual happy self in the day.. but cannot sleep beyond 45 mins in the day so guess what.. its more controllded crying EASY PEASY during the day too... phewwww

Simon, she's a very young baby. The absolute best thing you can do for her in to concentrate on responding sensitively to her needs. A young baby's wants and needs are THE SAME THING at this age, no matter whether nannyjo thinks she is capable of manipulating you. Don't think in terms of your reactions reinforcing her behaviour - you've been watching too many behavioural tv programs I'll warrant. Focus on meeting her needs to the best of your abilities, and developing the bond between the three of you. This will stand you in good stead for the rest of her childhood, and in fact the rest of her life.

Agree with desi

a baby should dictate their own schedule ...

My DS didn't sleep through until he was 5/6 months old

Books can give unrealistic expectations of what to expect

Most babies don't sleep through - they aren;t designed to

My DS never did the "long nap after lunch", he also had a catnap at 4.00 pm until he was a year old, in spite of the books "saying" he shouldn't

the best thing you can ever do is tune into your DD and learn her cues for sleeping and eating and you will not go far wrong

she may not fit into the EASY schedule but you will all be a lot happier

And by relax your expectations I mean remember that she is only 6 months. Is it really feasible to expect her to sleep like you expect. It took me about 3 weeks to get over jet lag when I travelled to NZ and I'm in my 30s. SHe's just getting used to the world.

Dictate her schedule?? She's not Hitler! She is a little baby who is just not quite ready for what you want her to do. Chill out and give her what she needs, please don't let her cry on and off for over an hour. Probably putting her to bed a bit later will help. dd was 10 months when she cracked it but they're all different bless 'em

listen, theres knackered and theres knackered. if youre so knackered you can hardly think staright, you DO need to do soething to improve that.

BUT. a 6mo is incapable of doing anything out of malice, selfishness, stroppiness, awkwardness, to irritate you, to annoy you... they simply do not do things to get at you.

she depends on you 100% for absolutely everything. you are her world. she adores you. she has NO idea you have needs, she can only act in terms of her own needs. and for this short time, it is your job to serve those needs.

frannys right. her needs and wants are the same thing right now. if she needs it she wants it and vice versa.

if shes over tired and fretful, then you need to put her down to sleep obv, but really, if she consistantly doesnt sleep for more than 45 mins in the day, her body just doesnt need to.

this hard going stage will be over before you know it. promise. and you WILL survive. promise.

Hi Simon. You asked for advice about CC so I will try and help you. It is hard (that you know!) but try going in every 1-2 mins. I did CC and as mentioned before it only took three nights. I am also a big fan of routine and I found that structuring her day (in terms of feeds/sleeps etc)helped with her night time routine.

I will say that I did a routine and CC with dd2 because I went with the flow with dd1 and she was still in my bed at the age of 5! I just wanted to try something different this time and for it has worked. Having a baby in the house can be stressful at times, especially when they are not sleeping/feeding/whatever that great. It can put a strain on a relationship.

I have an elder dd and because baby is in bed at 7 it means that I have time with her - and it also means that me and DP get to spend the evening together...

I agree Nappies but there are other things ie co-sleeping, going to bed earlier, sleeping with baby in the day that can help. I've been so tired I've been sick but I'd go to bed with her at 7 and co-sleep

simon - i think i probably sounded like you when my ds was that age, but now i would have to agree with those people who are saying your LO is just a BABY, honestly - you will find in the coming months and probably years that because she is growing and therefore constantly changing that sometimes you just have to go with the flow a bit. I know you are knackered and its an awful feeling, but maybe try relaxing a wee bit..

stick to you instincts

others here say ignore the books

by the same token you could ignore their advice

people tend to advise what has worked for them.. or sometimes what hasn't worked for them, but they'd like to justify it

fwiw, i have a 6mo. a shocking sleeper. we have just started cc and our nights are better. not brilliant but better. a week ago he would wake between 5 and 10 times a night. a couple of feeds. maybe into our bed at some point, but still very upset

last night he woke twice but settled self within 2-3 mins. at 5:00 he woke and i had to do 30 mins of cc. he then slept til 7am

i have no words of advice though, except to speak to your dp and agree what your gut instincts tell you

Routine works for us.
Ds1 was a much happier baby when he was in a routine. He screamed solidly for 6 weeks -day and night then just during the day for another 6 weeks. Once I'd introduced 2 naps in the day he was a much happier baby. He could still have a nap now but he's 3.9 and knows everything
Ds 2 is a happy routine baby. He's 10 weeks and a very placid baby (unlike his brother!)

Routine works for some families. It helped me with my severe PND with ds 1 as I was more able to know what my baby wanted when he cried and it gave me markers to get through the day. It also helped me actually bond with my baby as he was clamer and so was I.

As I have a ds already ds2 really ahd to fall into a routine from the start. I have to take ds1 to nursery at 8.15 so ds 2 has to be fed before that. I pick up ds around 3 so ds2 can't feed around then. Ds 1 eats at 5 so I have to be able to put ds 2 down so I can cook a meal.

I have put my sons to bed tonight at 6.30 ish and I will feed ds 2 around 10pm but I won't hear a peep out of them until 6-7am.

Desi and Franny have put it very well. Honestly Simon, going with the flow is the best thing for her and IMO the least stressful for you. I really fail to get why so much is routinely (ha ha) expected of babies wrt sleeping.

I agree. What's the problem with her falling asleep with you in the front room and laying her down when she's ready?

I really, really don't get this modern obsession with routines. I'm sorry, but to me it's ill-advised at best, and fecking cruel at worst.

Throw all the books away, and chill out.

we are all different.. no offense but.. it might be practical for some people to stay at home every night,, hold the baby to sleep for hours at a time,, oh yeah so no tv, lights, music,, no noises or life when then takes place,, same in the day unless u work,, get up 5 times every night unless u work next day,,

she just fell asleep all by her self =D

Simon - A couple of comments:

If she wakes up at 8-9 AM, bedtime at 6:30 might be a bit early. That might be why she isBabies sleep for 12 hours normally, so you could keep her up until the 8 PM feed. Then put her in bed.

Get a bedside camera so you can see without going in if she has really bent herself in a dangerous position.

We had the dummy replacement wakings, as well. It got so bad that we had to put in her dummy every 15 mins or so. It was torture. We had to take away her dummy in the end and only gave it back at night when she started teething and was old enough to find & plunk it in herself.

As for teaching her to sleep through the night: Cut out night feeds. At this age it is a habit, not a need. Last feed at 8 PM, then nothing until 8 AM or whenever she wakes. When she cries, wait for a minute to see if she will fall back to sleep. If not, go in (you, not breastfeeding mum because she will smell milk from her), shh, pat, rock, sing, kiss, hug whatever you need to do to put her back to sleep. It is ok if she sleeps in your arms the first couple of nights during these night wakings. The idea is that you are not abandoning her, you are there when she cries, but there is Just No More Milk At Night. She will get the idea in a couple of nights.

This was what our paediatrician recommended when DD was 4 months old and it was the single best advice I had. Ever.

She has slept through after 2 nights and has been sleeping through ever since. Very happy, bubbly, giggly girl who has no sleep issues. Goes to bed happy and sleeps on her own, until 8-9 AM.

Good luck.

i know ginger, and i did relax and cosleep with subsequent children... first time round i was new to it all and trying so hard to do my best and so freakin tired... and expecting no2 when no1 was only 3mo and so i thought i needed him sorted so i could cope with next one... anyway, point is, it takes time sometimes to relax into parenting. co sleeping not for everyone (tho i adore it!)

Don't feel guilty for wanting your baby to sleep.
Don't feel guilty for wanting a good nights sleep yourself.

I spent a stupid amount of time wondering if I was forming habits. My mum (who has a scary amount of nursery nurse experience) kept telling me it was a load of nonsense. And curiously enough, she was right. If she likes to go to sleep with you in the room, you can very gradually sit a little further away, night by night, letting her remain calm and confident that you're there for her. And they are little for such a short time - you'll never regret time spent cuddling your baby. When she's older you'll be able to explain stuff to her a bit more, and she'll "get" a gentle routine. But she's tiny just now - am utterly with Franny, Desi, Nappies etc.

Sorry Cote, but of course a 6mo can still need milk at night.

bero - is that your professional opinion? and is it based on anything other than that you know babies who wanted to feed at night well after their first birthdays?

Get a bedside camera so you can see without going in if she has really bent herself in a dangerous position.

Got one!!

I do not feel guilty.. i respect everyone's opinion here.. we are just trying to find the best way for us all to move forward..

she woke.. we went up.. she sleeps again.. maybe we could adjust it to 9-9 as she seems better able to sleep at this time.. hmmmm.. problems..questions..answers?!?

zzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

simon, give whatever new thing you are trying at least two weeks to give your lo time to adjust.

agree with whoever said she's going to bed too early. imo anything from 10 to 12 hours is enough.

e.g.

my ds goes to bed at 7.45 and wakes up around 6.45, that's 11 hours on average.
sometimes he wakes at 6 , sometimes at 7.30 .

most importantly...
do what feels right

ps - my ds is 6 months too

Whats the problem feeding babies at night once they are 6 months? Do not understand this.
Why is it as 6 months babies are considered not to be hungry at night? Very weird.

Hi Simon. I found that starting my dd's day at 7 (which sometimes in the beginnig) meant waking her up helped in getting her down at 7 with least amount of fuss....tbh I actually put my dd down at about 6.45 as this is when she is sleepy. If I leave it any later then I run the danger that she becomes over-tired and it can be very difficult to settle an over-tired baby.

"Whats the problem feeding babies at night once they are 6 months? Do not understand this.
Why is it as 6 months babies are considered not to be hungry at night? Very weird."

no problem here.. she eats at 4:15am every night

"do what feels right"

nothing feels right really except going 'peeka booo' and hearing her laugh.