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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

6 month baby girl.. trying to get her to sleep 7-7 with controlled crying

168 replies

SimonTheDad · 17/01/2008 20:13

So.. here is the story.. we have a 6 month girl who has never really slept well. Here routine until this week:

wake 8-9am
feed
nap on/off untili 11am
feed
various feeds/45 min naps throughout the day awake 2hrs nap 45
right up until 10:30 then feed and sleep
various waking in the night

she has only slep through twice and typically wakes 3-4 times often just for a dummy replacement.

This week we started her on a more structured routine. We tried EASY and are essentially following it. Although she hates the PU/PD. The PU particularly drives her crazy with crying so there is no PD. So we have adapted it to controlled crying but with the EASY sched.

Day 5.. usual bed at 6:15 and crying on/off until currently 8:10 probably until 9 and a breast feed. She has learnt to roll over in her cot (progress for her motor skills) but i think that is mainly as she knows we come to arrange her when she gets all out of shape. She hates having the light off so we have some dim lighting in there. Ermm.. what else.. she is trying to sleep but just cannot.. we are entering her room every 10 minutes and giving light petting and replacing a dummy.

Any advice welcome.. its haaaaaardddd!!!

Oh.. she seems her usual happy self in the day.. but cannot sleep beyond 45 mins in the day so guess what.. its more controllded crying EASY PEASY during the day too... phewwww

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FrannyandZooey · 17/01/2008 20:16

Simon, the advice I would like to give you is to relax about this, as it is quite normal for babies to have a pattern like this - too say your 6 month baby has "never really slept well" is a bit like saying your 6 month baby has never really talked well. It's to be expected and I believe you will all be happier if you can accept this and wait for her to get the hang of sleeping a bit longer, in her own time. Meanwhile share the burden of the night wakenings as much as you can, and get to bed as early as possible. I know it is hard, however your daughter relies on you for comfort and care, and this phase where she is so dependent on you and needy, does not last for long.

thefunkypea · 17/01/2008 20:16

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly trying a new routine. DD's probably wondering what's going on, as i guess it's a change from what you have been doing.

I did EASY w my DD, and it definitely worked. It's v hard though to cope w the controlled crying (my dh sometimes had to hold me back from going to her when she was crying - harsh, but it paid off). Took about 6 weeks to get it established though. Don't give up.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

muppetgirl · 17/01/2008 20:22

I got the naps during the day and a betime routine sorted and the nights followed pretty soon after.

I feed, play, wait for a yawn, then wait for another yawn and then ds 2 is wipped upstairs to his bed for a nap. I tuck him in, pull down his blind and say 'night night, mummy loves you.' Exit room, shut door. I then leave him. The increments of time are up to you -what you can bear. Once awake I go in 'Time to get up! blind up and lift him out of bed with a big kiss (he grins now) I do this 10-11 + 1-2. He is now like clockwork. It may take a few days, even a week but the important thing for my baby is the 2nd yawn...

Bed time
6.20 -after storymaker ds 1 watches.
Bath/story in ds 1's room. Ds1 goes to bed 'Night night, mummy loves you.' In ds2's room (dark, blind down) quiet b/f then put into bed. 'night night, mummy loves you'
Go downstairs. He may 'shout' but he stays there unless he starts to cry.

Since daytime naps have happened regularly and for at least an hour he started to sleep better during the night.

SLept till 7.15am today from 6.30 ish last night with a dream feed at 10pm.

Original poster

SimonTheDad · 17/01/2008 20:27

So.. another thought.. when we go into the room.. she quiets tries to sleep.. when leave she cries again.. she does fall asleep if we stay with here for 30+ mins however this is simply not practical long term.

OP posts:

Desiderata · 17/01/2008 20:29

NappiesGalore · 17/01/2008 20:31

when dp and i were desperate for some kip with no1 bratlett, we had a book called 'the sleep book for tired parents' which laid out some different approaches and had a easy to skim summary of each. when we chose which approach we wanted to try, it then tells you how to go about it.
i personally found having it written down in black and white sommehow comforting (which is utterly illogical since any old onster can write a book fgs) but there you are.

it helped us, it ay help you. good luck anyway. sleep deprivation is a bugger

Karen999 · 17/01/2008 20:32

Are you going in every ten minutes, because this is quite a long time. I did CC and the intervals were only 1-2 mins. It only took 3 nights but it is hard! It does pay off though.

nannyjo · 17/01/2008 20:33

whatever you do don't ask Moondog!!!

Tipex · 17/01/2008 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NappiesGalore · 17/01/2008 20:35

um, restaying in there for 30 mins not working long term. was worried about the same.

i now have 3 (under5) and put them all to bed together at same time. i long ago resigned myself to sitting in the dark with them till they are really settled. someties this is 10mins, soetimes up to 20.

i too fought that (it came about when 'training' ds2 as he simply wouldnt settle without it) and you know what? it really isnt that big a deal to do. they cope on the v odd night im not here, so it really isnt the end of the world. even quite like it now tbh!

Original poster

SimonTheDad · 17/01/2008 20:36

i appreciate the encouragement.. its hard going.. I'll keep you all posted., its breast feeding time soon and she usually sleeps after that.

OP posts:

nannyjo · 17/01/2008 20:39

Sorry that wasn't advice..I wouldn'twait in the room. You need to decide what you're comfortable with with regards to how long you leave baby. Don't let them get too stressed. When you do return comfort them to the point that they are settled again, but don't let them fall asleep in your arms. Out baby back down and regardless of a cry or not walk straight out and wait again for your time scale.Do this over and over again...the key is to perservere and try to be strong. Try a little water maybe as i know i would get thirsty after lots of crying but if nappy is fine and water is offered then after a couple of nights of perserveremce baby will soon learn that you are not going to play their game (so to speak before moondog calls social again) ...sorry previous thread!!

gingerninja · 17/01/2008 20:40

Simon, I agree with whomever said relax. It's a big ask of a baby this small to not only sleep to your schedule but also to do it all on their own. My DD didn't achieve her first 'sleep through' until 13 months. It's really realy normal for young babies to need help and comfort to get to sleep. The thing about a routine is that just as you sort one you have to change it because they've got that bit older so if you follow your babys lead and go with what ever it takes you know you're responding to their needs for that moment.

I know it probably feels like this stage lasts an eternity but I can guarantee you, in a few months you'll get your evenings back and then your nights will probably follow. (remember that you may wake frequently in the night but are happy and confident and old enough to lay their on your own)

My DD didn't nap beyond 30 mins until 8 months when all of a sudden she just started sleeping better.

Just relax your expectations of yourself and her and you;ll all sleep easier.

Tipex · 17/01/2008 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingerninja · 17/01/2008 20:45

I totally disagree with nannyjo. Let her sleep in your arms if thats what she wants. It won't go on forever. If we all felt less pressure from others to have our babies sleep to such a ridgid routine then no one would think about 'training'. ENJOY your tiny baby. You'll turn around soon and she'll be a very independent toddler that doesn't want cuddles.

Desiderata · 17/01/2008 20:45

Fuck me.

Original poster

SimonTheDad · 17/01/2008 20:45

Nappies.. i agree that its not a big deal to satand with here.. i did it at lunch time today for 45 minutes.. but does she do it because we encourage it and does doing it reinforce that behaviour.. i think its worthwhile stopping to ask ourselves 'does she do the things she does because of us and what we do (parenting)?' or 'because it is unavoidable for her'. Its probably a bit of both to be honest.

OP posts:

gingerninja · 17/01/2008 20:48

NO SIMON, SHE DOES IT BECAUSE SHE'S A BABY. PLEASE please relax. Chuck those books away that you're reading. They're not helpful. they make you fell like you're a failure a that there is a one size fits all solution. There isn't. Time and maturity are the best solutions

NappiesGalore · 17/01/2008 20:49

this is a v emotive subject. lets try to remeber that babies, and parents, are individuals and that none of us have all the answers in B&W for all babies, just coz we have our own.

during the day, btw, i would totally just go with the flow for now. you ight want to limit sleeping in the mid-late afternoon/evening to help with bedtime, but being 6mo is a tiring and v changable business, and she ay just be more sleepy some days/hours.

Desiderata · 17/01/2008 20:49

And your reason for a routine is what, exactly?

Tipex · 17/01/2008 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NappiesGalore · 17/01/2008 20:55

aw, you sound like me. youre over analysing and finding fault with yourself. you cant be perfect. youre just learning as much as she is. its cool. you are trying your best, thats all you can do.
youre over tired and stressed out, so try to take a deep breath and congratulate yourself on all the great stuff you/she does.
then come at it fresh and ask yourself how much of this you want to take on.

personally, i couldnt face doing CC during the day and at night too. i found going with the flow during the day also helped me feel 'right' about doing CC at night.

and yes, its all a balance. it felt awful to listen to him cry for even a moment, but within a week he was going to bed (first one this is) without a hitch every night and it was bliss for us, and MUCH healthier for him, coz he was rested in the morn. so that balance worked for us.

no such truck was held with it by ds2 but thats another story!

and thats the point about these threads, these posts are our own stories, so you just pick what you need out of each and use it and dont worry for a minute about what you dont need. youve got enought stress

Desiderata · 17/01/2008 20:57

I agree. What's the problem with her falling asleep with you in the front room and laying her down when she's ready?

I really, really don't get this modern obsession with routines. I'm sorry, but to me it's ill-advised at best, and fecking cruel at worst.

Throw all the books away, and chill out.

Original poster

SimonTheDad · 17/01/2008 20:58

"Just relax your expectations of yourself and her and you'll all sleep easier."

We did have relaxed expectations and we are both knackered as a result.. that besides its questionable whether letting a baby dictate her schedule is the right way to go.

OP posts:

gingerninja · 17/01/2008 21:00

Why though?

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