i know i can't dictate who posts and what they say, but i would LIKE only tips and support please - we ARE starting controlled crying with ds2 (6mo)

[Tutter]

this is the age we used the method with ds1 and it worked really well - 3 nights and we've hardly had a bad night since (he's 2.7yo) (early wakings excepted)

ds2 is a shocking sleeper. we've tried anything and everything. shh-pat worked for a week or so. we're now back to square 1

we are comfortable with using cc now he's 6mo. i know many of you think it's plain wrong, btu it's the decision we've made

ds2 and i are decamping to a spare room tonight (far from ds1) so i will be in the same room as him

i plan to go to the cot after 5 mins and just make shh-ing noises and rub his back. is that right - can't remmber what is suggested - is the back rub too much intervention?

tutter good luck

oh sorry he is asleep didn't read your last post

well, well done

oh yes, another couple of things:

• he's in a size 4+ nappy. they're the biggest ones in the house. his 2.8yo brother is only in size M pull-ups as is v v skinny. arf that ds2 needs bigger nappies than ds1

• it's not really a choice between this (cc) and co-sleeping, because co-sleeping on its own doesn't help. on friday night he was between us for half the night and still cried on and off the whole time. only very persistent bottom rubbing and shh-ing plus a feed settled him

ta capp, but nothing different so far

but will take your congratulations anyway - may not get any tomorrow

Poor you, dont have the answer. Our DS2 is also a cuddly and affectionate baby but a truly awful sleeper. He wakes every 2 hours at the mo and will only calm down if fed - he makes a real racket crying and yelling if I dont feed him.
We are just trying to get through night by night.
If you can get someone to help you so you get some time off in the day that would make your life bit easier. Perhaps a nanny share?
My DS1 is at playgroup and nursery in the mornings so I have a bit of a breather from him.
Oh and my boys are 2.5 years apart and easily fit into the same nappy size!!

Tutter - Good Luck. Have only read OP but we did CC at 3 months and have never looked back. My dd sleeps 7-7 every night...even when she was ill she still slept 7-7. If you can crack it then you wont look back. I only wish I had done it with dd1 (now 8) who is still a poor sleeper!.

Glad you braved it Tutter with him in his own room. Good luck for the night. Try not to give in through the night. Good luck. IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

Sorry to be smug but we have two fairly good sleepers (near 3 and 20 months) and I have plenty of friends still trying to get a decent nights sleep. I do not think 6 months is too early but that is MY opinion. I think if you can try to get him in his own bed and sleeping the majority of the night, you will really benefit esp looking after another DC during the day. GOOD LUCK!!

I know I'm not welcome on this thread and I am trying to keep away - but attending to a 6 month old baby in the night is NOT giving in - it is looking after. 6 month olds do not have wants that aren't also needs.

Of course you're welcome Seeker! Just because you have a different opinion to me does not mean that you cannot contribute to any thread!

I am going to be very interested to see if this works Tutter

can't do CC myself as a) I jsut don't think I can b) don't think it would work with DS as I'm pretty sure his waking is teeth/tummy/hunger etc. c)it would wake DD and I can't do anything about where they sleep

but I hope it works for you Tutter because from what you've said on here it does sound like he isn't a great sleeper and it's really affecdting you.

can completely sympathise with that as 10 month old DS's sleeping, having started off v.well, is now shite and I am struggling very badly with almost everything and being a crap mother to DD a lot of the time.

Message withdrawn

he has been in his own room for a couple of months

only bring him into our room when i worry abotu him waking ds1 (next door to him)

but tonight the plan is to keep him in his room no matter what

am concerned ds1 will wake though

I have sympathy, we did it with ds1. Apologies if someone has already said this, but use a clock with a second hand so you can get it right. 1 minute feels like 5 and 5 minutes of listening to the screaming feels like an hour and without an clock you would be in there! I sat and gripped that clock like a woman possessed. Good luck. (The problem is after a bit it all goes haywire again with teething.. so you may end up wondering what the point was..)

Message withdrawn

Good luck with it Tutter I will also be watching to see how it goes. my DD has only slept through 4 times in her year of life! Each of those nights was very recent, and I of course, was up and down checking on her as i was worried!

The method my HV told me was

5 mins go back, shush and comfort with words, maybe stroke hand. when calm again, leave the room.
10 mins, same
15 mins same then every 15 mins until asleep.

Now, what i need to know is:
1) how long do you stay with them shushing/stroking? shold there be a time limit on this?
2) do you pick up exactly where you left off each time i.e. if they fall asleep after 10 mins when you put them to bed, do you wait 10 mins at their first waking in the night? if you then get to 15 mins at this waking, do you wait 15 mins at the next waking? am I making sense?
3) So, you get through night 1, somehow... night 2 comes along, do you go back to leaving 5 mins, then 10 mins etc... or, do you go back after 10 mins when you put them down, if , indeed this is where you got to the night before?

Not sure if i'm making sense! anyone understand what i'm on about???

My problem is that she genuinely seems hungry in the night, so i do feed her. however, on occasion, she is ont feeding but comfort sucking from me. these are the times i ought to be maybe a little firmer, only because i cannot function for much longer, on my own mon-fri with NO respite and NO sleep...

So, i'd love some advise from you Tutter as you go on... sorry for slight hijack desperate woman alert.

well, the good news is that ds2's crying didn't wake ds1 (or didn't appear to at any rate)

he woke maybe 7 or 8 times during the night. until the final time, he either went back off again before i got to him (i.e. within 5 mins) or when i went in and gave him a dummy (dummy use = another thread altogether, i know)

had a good yell for maybe 40m mins sometime between 5 and 6 (i stuck with 5 min intervals most of that time, the last visit was after 10 mins i think), then we got him up when he woke at 6:45

all in all, not awful - we only had the one session of going in, coming out, going back in again etc

susiecutie, i think that (for cc at least) yuou should leave the room after the alloted duration whether they're still crying or not (otherwise you're not really teaching them to drop off by themsleves) - by staying with them until they're calm you're using another method, pretty much the one suggested by the baby whisperer i think (shh-pat)

i think you revert to the shorter intervals each time you have to go in. in other words, if the first time you did 5, 5, 5 then 10, but the baby wakes an hour later, you repeat the above pattern rather than picking up where you left off

how long you leave it before going in, and how long you stay, has got to be a personal decision imo. with both dsses now we decided on waiting for 5 mins, going in for 30 seconds. we increase the 5 mins to 10 afetr maybe 5 trips in

Gosh you must be worn out but well done. On dummies versus thumbs dummies get a vote from me. You can take them away eventually.. I don't how to stop thumb-sucking and am embarrassed to say how old mine are now.

That sounds like a good start - well done! Great that your DS1 didn't wake either.

Tutter,

Well done on your first night of CCing. Hopefully after 3 nights you will see a big improvement. I have never tried it myself but am sure it works.

However, I was wondering whether it would be better to go cold turkey on the dummy now rather than later. DS will only have to go through the CC once, and maybe part of the reason he wakes so often is that he is wanting his dummy and needs it to fall asleep. I do have experience of dummy use, and DD and DS both slept much better once the dummy was out of the picture (around 5mo). DD started sucking her thumb and cuddling her blanket. DS is still sort of swaddled (but not for much longer as we're trying to stop swaddling).

Well Done Tutter . You are giving me hope that it can be done.

One thing worries me with my lo though and I wonder if anyone reading this has any advice. DS2 takes very little milk during the day. In total I'm lucky if I get 4/5 oz down him. I try to compensate by giving him lots in with his solids (eg fromage frais etc). Could I harm him by withholding feeds in the night? I bf at night and ff in the day.

Own room is the key.

My DD never woke when we did CC with her younger brother.

One session of crying for about an hour first night (with the going back in at timed intervals getting further apart), 20 minutes second night, 5 mins or less third night - with both of them.

Both now the happiest, cheeriest, peaceful sleepers.

Don't worry that you are training babies NEVER to cry in the night. That is just nonsense. Of course mine cried when they were ill or had a dream and I was happy to go to them.

But being woken up 5 or 6 times in the night and spending chunks in the night awake because baby won't go back to sleep,even if in bed with you and bfeeding, at 6 months, is torture.

We've just tried CC with DS but he is older (15 months). I would say that if it doesn;t work in a few days, leave it and come back to it later (maybe when he's about 10 mo, that's a good window for some). I know CC would NOT have worked on DS when he was 6 months, he was a nightmare, feeding constantly at night. We managed to get down from waking every couple of hours to 2 short wakings (self settling) in a few days, so the right time for us.

Good luck

we did it slighlty diffrent;y - I oicked him up and cuddled himuntil he was quiet (or had at least clamed down a little) before leaving again. Didn't seem to matter re the self-settling. If I'd tried patting him he would have gone nuts.

Well done Tutter - wish you success for the next night. MY ds1 still has a dummy at night and often takes himself off to his room for num num time (our word for dummy) when he is feeling a bit stressed or tired. We keep his dummy in his room and he know not to bring it downstairs. He is nearly three. I know we should try to give it up but I still cannot quite understand why yet. i am sure he won't be walking down the aisle with it.

Just a quick good luck, we've doen CC to sort out some of DS sleep problems. You are right CC ISN'T about just leaving baby/child to cry (thats cry it out).

With CC you go in at regular intervals, repeat a stock phrase (but dont' pick them up or apologise) but then leave the room again even if they are crying. The idea is to reassure them you are there, but that they are going to sleep - that nothing exciting will happen.

I found that a quick check the first time for wet nappies/rucked up blanket/temperature/ illness/ missing teddy and then a firm 'goodnight DS, lie down, sleep time', followed up simply with a visit and 'lie down, sleep time, good boy' if he was still awake worked the best.

best of luck!