Sleep training - tell me how's your went.

[itskc1994]

Hi all.

So I'm officially starting sleep training tomorrow but have the help of a sleep consultant. We will be doing the ferbers method with check ins.

I'm so anxious , my son he is 6 months old and honestly so clingy and grumpy (due to the lack of day time naps).

He currently sleeps most day naps in arms , is breastfeed or rocked to sleep and spends 1/2 the night next to me.

I guess I'm looking from the experienced how long I can expect the crying to last , how severe the crying to get and how long before things got easier.

Look forward to hearing everyone experiences but would love to more so hear from people who thought that it was going to be a nightmare.

You'll get a lot of abuse on here OP. People will say it's "child abuse" etc and tell you to keep co-sleeping forever. Co-sleeping is awful and I've done it out of desperation but it's not the wonderful magical solution everyone thinks it is.
I did controlled crying (in to comfort and reassure at 2,4,6 mins) with my first DD at 10 months. We were on our knees with hourly wake ups.
Roughly (from memory) it took 20 mins first night, less than 10 minutes 2nd night and we'd cracked it by 3rd night. DD slept through night until 2.5 years when she wanted us in room. Did that fit a few months then all back to normal. There will be bumps and ups and downs but teaching how to fall asleep is important for everyone. She was much happier and well rested afterwards (as were we all).If she wakes now and calls for us we go in. Good luck

@thingymaboob I tend not to take what people say to much online. There is always a lot of people who just know better. But I took my son to a doctor a month ago, thinking maybe teething , ear ache or silent reflux. We searched everything. Then he asked how much he was sleeping, he got me to do a diary. After that he said "you need to start teaching him how to self soothe". He gave me heaps of research and from what I have read , it's not only beneficial to us mums , but to baby to.

I'm so scared because he is so clingy, but it is so necessary. I have even paid so much to make sure I do everything correctly to a sleep trainer.

From what I have read and what my sleep trainer has mention you got very lucky. I pray my bubs is as easy going as yours.

Thanks for that , I really appreciate you responding. Positive feedback is always welcome.

We did the Ferber method at 13 months, before that she had been in our bed. It took 1 night, unbelievable! We didn't feel great about doing it but I was beside myself with sleep deprivation. I don't regret it now and she sleeps pretty well! Good luck

@theworldhasgoneinsane

Thank you. I also am so anxious. I have never left him to cry. And he is basically a mums boy and never lets me out of his sight.

My oldest son was never like this , a great wee sleeper. But he has noticed his brother has been sleeping in my bed and the last few weeks we have woken up to him in bed with us. When I asked him why he said he wants to sleep with his brother.

Super danegours!!

I know co sleeping helps people with getting more sleep. But my youngest is still not sleeping any better , he actually wakes more and sometimes for 1 hour long stretches. Resulting in a miserable baby all day who wants to be held whilst he rest on my shoulder.

Our ds wouldn’t sleep in his own bed for ages. Then at 18 months we sat him in his bed, played songs and sang to him. He cried, with us present for 20 minutes! We just sat, comforted him and sang. He eventually fell asleep. Next night, we did the same. He cried for a few minutes, then the next night, no tears at all.

I tried other methods with my older ones when they were small, and it never worked.

Sitting in a space and singing sounds nuts, but it was a really beautiful moment where he was surrounded by love and support, plus music in a calm environment.

Not sure what the sleep trainer will do, but this worked for us. Saves a lot of time running in and out and there was no frustration on our side. By the time he fell asleep, he was calm and happy.

Also, we now don’t need music. We can just sit with him for a couple of minutes, he even tells us when he’s ready for bed. The best low stress approach IME. But every child is different, so do what works for you.

@Snorkello so the sleep trainer works of the babies temperament, she will also see what we do throughout the day May ask for us to change it and get us together a really good routine to settle him before bed. She will also tell us really good food to put him on.

She said it's really important to make sure he's not crying from pain, being hungry, dirty nappy or sick.

Tomorrow she will decide the best method for us. Basically if whatever method we try he's still very unsettled and no change by night 3 , we adjust.

Obviously I would never do cry it out , nor would the sleep trainer.

But what she taught me is there is some sort of crying with all sleep training, as they adjust.

Again it sounds if you were very lucky. We have talked about the different sleep training options and usually the more present you are and how much you help to soothe them to sleep , usually the longer it takes them. But as you said all babies are different.

For us, nights went far far better than I could have imagined. We only had to do 2 check in's the first night and he was asleep in 26 minutes. I actually couldn't believe it. Before this I was putting him down asleep and he was waking over 6 times most nights. Now he wakes twice for feeds (breastfed), occasionally twice. We only did Ferber for bedtime not during the night.

Now, nap training with Ferber was a completely different ballgame and I gave up on it after 3 attempts.

*that should say- occasionally once a night

I sleep trained my oldest using the check in Ferber method. It worked the best, she slept beautifully.
I didn’t manage to do it with my other 2, I was nervous their crying would wake up the eldest… I’m pregnant with number 4 now, and plan to use this method at 6/8 months.
It’s teaching the child that they can sleep, that they don’t need you to fall asleep. Not that they’re being abandoned as some people say.

I did it with my daughter at 15 months. Before people mention co-sleeping, gradual withdrawal etc I'd tried all that and it didn't work! The first night was horrific. She probably cried for 1.5 hours. It broke my heart. I felt terrible. I had to get up and clean my kitchen to distract myself. I can't describe how upset I was, and obviously how upset she was! However she eventually fell asleep. She woke up once about 2am, cried for a minute then fell back to sleep. The next day she cried for 10 minutes then slept through. By night three there was no crying. I genuinely believe this isn't cruel - you wouldn't believe how much happier she was once she was getting better sleep. Prior to sleep training she was exhausted, grouchy and aggressive. After sleep training she was a happy and content baby. It saved my sanity too! I also had to do it with son at a similar age. Took a bit longer with him - maybe 5 days - but again it worked really well and he was much happier afterwards.

Gradual withdrawal at 13mo and 9mo with dc1 and 2. They both slept through within 3-4 days I think. Fairly good sleepers since. It was great for naps too as previously I'd be stuck with them on my lap, then with cot naps you have a few hours to be free (or do housework) in.

It was hard, especially the first time. I didn't have enough faith in it working. Once it worked I realised it was worth it. The longest DC cried for was prob 40 mins, but that was with plenty of check ins and reassurance so it wasn't a whole 40 mins on her own. DH did all the bits in the room.

You get loads of people on here who are invested in it being awful and cruel as if helping a child to sleep in a comfy bed is the worst thing you can do.

It's a bit of a lucky dip, it works better for some kids than others. Six months is about the youngest I'd do it.

Hi all so I stated and as suspected it was horrible.

I'm questioning maybe if he is to young. The sleep consultant doesn't think so. I had to go off how I felt and i decided to give in for the night.

He grizzled for an hour and a 1/2 , it was easy much better than what I thought. He actually drifted off for 5 minutes after that and then woke screaming at the top of his lungs. I mean going for it. We kept trying following what my consultant was telling me. But honestly he was beside himself. After a hour of absolute screaming, and getting to 1030pm I decided to feed him and get him to sleep with rocking.

The new day it seems to have effected him. He was very upset , angry , clingy and a lot of wimpering.

Any suggestions. He's so tired today and so upset it makes me anxious.

Sleep training is not for me, though I see why people do it - especially if their babies are cranky and tired in the day. I'm sorry it went so badly, I'd be devastated too. 6 months is very little, the absolute minimum they recommend I believe? If he'd been up 2.5 hours mine would have wanted a BF regardless, and crying will have made him hungry and thirsty I bet. I'd make today very cuddly and reassuring.

No advice about what to do next I'm afraid, I went down the cosleeping, getting solids established, oesteopath, sorting medical issues like allergies, probiotics etc route and started to see some improvements around 10 months. Loads of physical play and outside time to tire them out. Figure sleeping is a skill they'll learn. I'd say if you persevere that'll probably work much faster but only if you can stand it and any guilt, what does the sleep consultant say? Time for them to earn their fee!

I can understand why people want to use this method, but it sounds like you've tried it and it was distressing for you and your baby.

I personally don't recommend this method.
When your baby is left to cry on their own, their body fills with cortisol due to the distress they experience, if no one comes to hold them and comfort them, they do stop crying .. eventually. But this does not mean they've 'self soothed'. This means they know no one is coming and they are still in the same distressed state, but quiet and may have exhausted themselves to sleep.

Babies learn how to self sooth by being soothed. They gradually learn to let go and move away from you but not necessarily at 6 months. That's a bit too early.
I know it takes longer for the baby to separate out from you, this will begin to happen around 18 months. But it will be worth it over time when they do it themselves naturally, as when they're older they will know how to sooth themselves better.

OP did the sleep trainer give you some advice about what to do if he's beside himself? I wouldn't have let him carry on like that as they just get more upset, but would have fed, and then put back in cot. We used to stay alongside and would pat/reassure but would only lift her up if she got distressed.

Poor you, sounds like you’ve had a rough time. I hope you’re all feeling better today. If you want to try again, how about looking at naps? Once DD started napping better, her night time sleep drastically improved. At 5 months (ish?) it was taking us longer to rock her to sleep for naps than she spent sleeping. So when she was tired (wake windows, sleep cues, blah), we tried putting her in her cot and coming back to comfort her after 3 mins, 4 mins etc. I was extremely skeptical. She settled after about 15 minutes. After this we saw a sudden improvement - her naps got longer as she learned to link sleep cycles, and bedtime got easier. It’s horrid to hear them cry, so use a timer and set yourself (short) limits on how long you will try for. I learned that if DD wasn’t settling in 10-15 minutes, she wasn’t going to sleep and to try again later. I think if it’s going to work it will work fairly quickly, don’t make yourself and him miserable.

Focusing on settling at nap times was also less fraught than bedtime - if it doesn’t work you just get on with your day whereas everything feels terrible at night.

(Hoping this is helpful and aware that I probably just got lucky…)

Hi all just wanted to take the time to thank you all for your responses. Just a bit busy but will respond when free time becomes available.

Hi OP hope you're ok. Sleep training can be awful although there are always a lot if people on here who claim it worked after ten minutes of grizzling that wasn't my experience either. We had similar to you a relatively easy falling asleep at the start and then severe screaming when he woke half an hour later.
Here's what I did.
Just did the sleep training at the start of the night for 3 nights. Then he could get to sleep fine but still woke as before during the night (every 1-2 hours), when I fed him as before. After 2 weeks I then committed to a full night of sleep training. By then he was fine at bedtime and actually the nights of sleep training were not bad. A lot of moaning but I only went in twice the first 2 nights as it never got that bad. After that he still woke for feeds once or twice per night but not apart from that. The final piece of the puzzle was night weaning but I left that a couple of months and it was fairly easy.
So if you are really struggling, just do it in stages. Or do a gradual withdrawal method. But you will still have crying and it will probably take more days.

Stick with it OP. We did 'shh pat' ie don't pick up but comfort in the cot. 3 nights and he got it! Such a happier baby and parents!! Give him the opportunity to learn how to self soothe. That doesn't mean leaving to cry! Hang in there, you will all be happier x

@Cuddlywaterfall

We had more advice from our sleep consultant and he did manage to self settle. He did however wake up not long after but self settled 3 times. At 12pm he got really upset so we decided to call it a night.

Sleeo consultant adamant we will see a change in the next few nights and he will start to understand.

We haven't done any sleep training and our son is just starting to naturally self soothe now at just about 2 years old, seems a common age from chatting to other mum friends

That's great OP, now you know he can do it! He will get better each night. Good luck x

I tried Ferber with my first. He became really hysterical and then was really clingy and upset in the daytime too. As soon as we began the bedtime routine the next night he freaked out crying and shaking as he knew what was coming. We decided to stop. A few months later we tried a stay and support/gradual retreat approach and it worked brilliantly. No hysterical crying at all, just a bit of fussing/grumpy crying.

We tried sleep training at 6 months, but minutes dd learnt t crawl a 8 months all sleep went out of the window again. At 1yr I night weaned and sleep trained again. It took one night. She still goes through bad patches of sleep - now 5 yrs - but nothing like those early days! Good luck.

Hey all,

I wanted to update.

So what the sleep consultant promised came true.

He is self settling in 45 minutes. He was very persistent. But no crying this time just grizzle's. And we now have a baby who officially self settled.

No one knows what tomorrow holds, I won't hold my breath he is very persistent but we have seen progress.