Those who have done Controlled Crying...

[LydiaFTM]

...was it successful?

DS is 6 months old and nurses to sleep. We also cosleep and contact nap. He's starting nursery in March and I'd like him to be able to fall asleep better on his own or with less support. Previous, more gentle, sleep training attempts where we stay with him while he falls asleep haven't been successful.

I'm aware sleep training isn't for everyone and if we could avoid it I would but I'm not going to survive on current sleep levels on 8 hour work days. Plus he will be looked after by nursery and grandparents and I need reassurance he will be able to settle for naps without me there to nurse him. So please no judgment!

If it's worked, how long did your baby take to fall asleep on the first night? And how long did the whole process take?

Am I right in thinking on each check-in we spend a few minutes comforting DS without picking him up? I'm fairly sure it will reach a point where no amount of reassurance will comfort him in the slightest!

Did you use it for bedtime and naps all at once? Or start with bedtime?

Thank you!

I did it with my son when he was about the same age. My health visitor persuaded me to.

The first night he screamed and cried for 50 minutes. My husband was going in to reassure him and so on but my son didn't want that! The second night he did the same for 40 minutes.

The next night he went down laughing and we never had any bother again. The health visitor said that if you do it properly it never takes more than a week.

@HollowTalk so after 50 minutes he just gave in and went to sleep? Your experience sounds ideal! I was against it at first but the more I read and hear other people say it worked, the more I'm persuaded. I know it will be tough but in the long run I think it might be our only option.

Further info I meant to include... he currently wakes several times a night. We might get a 3 hour stretch to start with but then it's every hour maybe and he's becoming increasingly difficult to settle again.

It was a long 50 minutes though! I left it too late with my daughter who is older. By the time I tried it with her she could climb out of the cot and come to find me!

Did it with my twins at 11 months because I was broken. We do the 2 min, 4 min, 6 min then never left them more than 10 mins. Took a week I cried outside their door a LOT but they are 2 now and good sleepers. We still don't hurry in when they wake unless they are poorly.

I have a week old baby and will do it with her at 6 months if needed. I think earlier is best. You will be ok. It's hard but I'm glad we did it

I did with all three of my boys from 4-6 months.

All were exactly the same. You so the exact same Bath and bedtime routine every night so it's familiar and they know what's coming. The key to CC and routine is consistency.

1st night was about an hour of crying. Bad at times but tailing off and then silence. I never went back in to check until asleep (this was 2002-2006 and that's how it was then)

2nd night was 25 mins.

3rd night was 3 mins.

4th and every other night from that time on was a happy but tired, smiley baby almost looking grateful to be going to bed. Left room whilst still awake. No crying. Sleep was instant. Even night feeds tailed off within a few weeks. Anyone could put them to bed as well, grandparents etc. As long as the routine was followed.

My boys are 19, 18 and 15 now. Always been fab sleepers and great kids now.

Did it with my eldest, she settled reasonably quickly, no problems, always a good sleeper.

Tried it with my youngest, and he just threw up everywhere each time I left the room, so we gave up. He’s still not the best sleeper at 18months but we just have to get on with it.

Different things work for different babies. Give it a try, but don’t feel like you’ve failed if it doesn’t suit your baby.

I'm not judging but you cant really expect him to drop all of these crutches all at once. It was your choice to feed him to sleep. Also to contact nap and co sleep. You need to get him used to his cot first. Try with day sleeps. Then give it a bit of time between feeding and putting down. Again start with his day feeds. Then try controlled crying for sure but if they have a crutch (I would say a dummy is a crutch) it's way harder. You're changing 3 things all at once so I wouldn't expect him or this to work within a week. My 4 month old had got used to being rocked and it still didn't work when we got her to self settle. She needed a lot of soothing before we could wear her off the night feeds.

Same, we did it at 6 months and DD was sleeping through within 3 nights

It’s not easy, it’s really hard to hear them cry but after that first night it’s much much easier

Consistency is key though, you have to stick to it and not go and pick the baby up after 20 mins or something or it’s not fair on them

Please don't. It gives the message there is no point in asking for your needs to be met as no-one's coming.

We did at 6 months. I never got to 7 minutes. My other half was 10 to 15 minutes. Think it took about 4 nights.

Just to add, my lo always shouts for me in the night if she needs me even with cc we did. Still needed a feed, or full nappy or if teething or unwell. She still cried for us.

I think once you start you will know if it is going to work.

We tried it with DD (now 13), and it involved so much crying (for much longer than a week) on the advice of the health visitor. I should have given up on the first night and hugely regret putting DD through it.

DD has ASD, ADHD and a sleep disorder though. Back then though she was just a baby who did not sleep.

@crossstitchingnana

Please don't. It gives the message there is no point in asking for your needs to be met as no-one's coming.

Errrr this is absolute rubbish

We did it accidentally! I was putting ds down for a nap. Something that had been getting increasingly hard. Then the door went and I popped him down to go answer it. He complained for 6 minutes and then drifted off. We did it for bedtime the same night and had 3 minutes of crying. Same the next day and then nothing.
We now have a toddler who asks to go to bed and prefers to settle himself. The crying it took to get to that point was way less than the crying he was doing due to being overtired. Poor kid just needed a bit of space to figure it out.
It doesn’t have to be hours of terrible crying. As for the “no-one is coming” brigade, as long as you are meeting their needs at other times, your baby will be fine. He will just learn to sleep without help. Sleep is so important for his and your health and well-being.

I agree with the previous posters. It worked for us and I’ll be using it on third baby if I have to. It’s not ideal but I think it’s better for everyone in the long run if everyone gets a good night’s sleep and baby feels secure in going to sleep independently. I believe it’s a skill that is a parent’s duty to teach.

Good luck! It’ll be worth it.

My tip would be to get an iPad and some earphones to sit outside their door with. It means you can keep an eye on the time while also having a bit of a distraction from the commotion.

Mine took a lot of crying but the worst was over after 3 nights. Over an hour of crying on each of the first 3 nights. Very little or none after that. So brace yourself - don't expect your baby to be one of those that just moans for 5 minutes then goes to sleep! Basically you just need to decide on your strategy and then stick to it. Be 100% consistent. Sleep training isn't nice but it's worse to let them cry and then give in. Then they've cried for nothing.

Initially you can do.it just at the start of the night and feed to sleep after any night waking. That might be enough for your baby to work it out. In our case we had to do another stage of cc for night waking and then another for naps. Very stubborn baby. The first cc was the worst though - the others he got pretty quickly.

I must say though that my baby still cries if he needs something, he still has one breastfeed at night and he's his usual happy self in the day.

You could do whole nights plus naptime all at once but you will be seriously frazzled from all the crying. I advise do nights first.
For the check.ins spend just 30 seconds, he may not calm down at all, and only go in if hysterical, not if just moaning. Time wise I think more often to begin with then decrease it. You kind if get a feel for how long you should leave them

Thank you everyone for your advice and experiences. Sounds like of those that have done it, it was definitely painful but worth it long term. It's not something I'll start lightly, it will be horrendous having to do it but we have tried gentler methods and none of us is getting enough sleep.

I'd recommend waiting if you can until your DC starts nursery. They are used to babies that don't settle and will want to get your DC into their routine. Which basically means they will do a lot of the hard work for you. If you start changing things now, you run the risk of them changing it all again in a few months anyway.

I have a relative who did it, it was utterly grim for months and ultimately failed.

Worth reading the Ferber book to get the technique. Also if u can it might be better to get your partner to do it. It was easier for my DH to do it and be sensible and rational than for me to do it (very sensitive at that point). Took 3 nights for each of ours. The joy of a full nights sleep for means!!!And they were better rested when they stopped having disturbed nights too.

I think the thing that’s missing from all of these ‘success’ stories is how the baby felt!

Numerous studies show that once ‘controlled crying’, which allowing a baby to scream and cry for an hour isn’t, works the cortisol levels of parents goes down to what it was before the stress but that it stays elevated in baby for a long time, they just don’t let you know as there is no point crying for someone who doesn’t come.

My 3 year old slept through for the first time at 20 months and has slept through every night since (sparing illness) she’s in bed at 6.30om and sleeps until 7am. From 1year old she only woke up once per night for a feed. We never did any form of slee training and she got there herself in the end. She also stopped feeding to sleep herself, asked to move in her cot herself and then a bed etc - we just did it at her pace.

My 6 month old is currently feeding to sleep and in a next to me, I couldn’t imagine putting him through what you are thinking of. He will settle differently for grandparents and nursery because you aren’t there - you don’t need to do anything to prepare him .

Have you followed care it out on Instagram? She has great ideas that don’t involve leaving baby to cry and could help you get more sleep? Or could you get more support to allow you to rest when you get home from work or in the mornings so you can catch up? I know it’s so hard but it is a short phase,

I did a very loose version of Ferber.
From about 4.5months the I started weaning sleep crutches (swaddle & falling asleep in arms). She continued to have a dummy and to fall asleep with my hand on her tummy. At 7 months we moved her to her own room. We did a version of popping back in and checking every few minutes. I couldn’t bear it any longer than that. Resettling her with her dummy and hand on tummy and reassurance. We tried not to pick her up unless she was really sad. She dropped her 5am feed that week and started sleeping through most of the time.
By 9 months she learned to put her dummy back in and this helped greatly with any night wakes.

Do what feels right in your heart. I knew I needed to teach her to be more independent but was not 100% committed to ST 🙈 xx

they just don’t let you know as there is no point crying for someone who doesn’t come.

@Mmmmmmbop90 do you seriously think that babies who have been sleep trained using controlled crying never ever cry again?