I can’t do this anymore

[Findingahappyplace]

I just want to jump off a bridge. I want it all to be fucking over. I can’t fucking take it anymore.

@whoami24601 That’s very helpful thank you 😊 I lay there this morning thinking “Do I go in? Do I leave him? Oh he’s stopped crying he must be asleep”, then he would cry for a minute, then go quiet etc. I get so stressed about it because I don’t want to mess anything up and sometimes I don’t know what to do for the best. I’m hoping I will figure it out soon! Thank you for the advice 😊

We've all been there! My first was a brilliant sleeper (I thought I was sooo clever 😂) but I remember when she was a few months old she got poorly. I rang my brother to ask if I should get her out of bed because I didn't want to ruin her routine 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Well done OP. Keep going, the important thing is to be totally consistent. If you listen, you might notice different types of crying (I learnt about this from the Baby Whisperer books) - sometimes they do a kind of whingey low-key crying which is actually them self-soothing, it sounds different to a cry of distress or pain. If you hear that it's best to let him lull himself back to sleep.
When I was struggling with an awful sleeper a psychologist friend of mine said that teaching your child to sleep is one of the most important things you can teach them. Don't feel guilty. You're not abandoning him. Give him lots of positive attention during the day. You need your sleep in order to be a functioning human being. Good luck!

@GreenTeaPingPong Thank you. I needed to read this this morning. Tonight has been quite hard - for all of us! He’s taking a long time to get back to sleep tonight. He’s doing a lot of that whingey crying, then will suddenly start sobbing again, then shouting for me. If I go in to check on him though it seems to make him 100 times worse when I leave and he becomes hysterical again, so I’ve had to leave him more than I wanted to 🙁
He was actually much better yesterday! He seems to be finding this much harder and more upsetting tonight. 🙁
Having a bit of a wobble tonight, wondering if it’s going to work or if I’m just traumatising him for no reason 😭

Hi! No advice here, but since I'm also awake for the exact same reason thought I'd post in solidarity. It's bloody tough and the detriment to the waking parents sleep is so huge, I'm actually surprised that it doesn't get covered more in the GP and HV appointments (apart from the checkbox "mum doing ok? Good"). Tonight I almost shouted I was so frazzled :( not good. I hope you're doing ok, and able to get some sleep tonight. Still a few hours to go until morning at least...

Keep going. He is likely to get worse before better. Stick to your guns and he will get it.

Hang in there. Give this technique at least 2weeks.

When things are so bad you are suicidal- you must sort this as priority. He will cry a bit and protest but it's better than you not being there at all. Sorry to be blunt

I've been there. Very nearly not here to post this. Look after yourself.

I'm wake too... unfortunately DD is in our room still, and fell asleep at 5pm so a 3am wake up was bound to happen. Hope to get her back to sleep now. I'm going to confess I've popped the TV on so I could go downstairs and make tea. This is prob the worst thing to do

On the red light it's to do with the light type of the bulb I believe rather than colour settings. Typically I don't have the red light in our room, only in DS' room, he's fast asleep. Planning to move them in together once DD turns 2.

Hope you got through it op! 4am is going to be the worst because their need to go back to sleep is the least, they've already got up to 10hrs under their belt by then, depending on when they go to bed! It might be worth thinking about when they go to bed, naps, and overall amount of sleep. Over tiredness can be a real contributor to early wakings. You could even find that an earlier bedtime helps them sleep through past 4am.

If going in winds them up more then I would definitely be trying to ignore any mithering (rather than proper upset).

My ds is 4, we've always struggled with early rising. Even now most mornings he wakes before 6am, he stays in bed and hums - it sounds cute but it wakes me up through the wall! I've tried everything I can think of, these days I just shove earplugs in and ignore him until he comes in to me at 6! If I put him to bed later then he wakes at the same time or earlier and is tired all day!

Sorry one thing I just forgot to mention, sometimes when he's awake too early I put an audio book on my phone for him to listen to, which at least keeps him in bed. He has low level white noise that stays on all night still, because he does sleep better with it. My Dd age 6 has plinky music on all night or children's meditations. Have you tried anything like this? Plug in white noise machines are cheap on amazon.

I been there, absolute rock bottom. Worse for me is people saying "have you tried". It's a life of misery and guilt because you're just too tired to function

What helped us was a gradual retreat and I mean gradual. We started out sleeping on his bedroom floor on a single mattress, then after weeks of doing that we moved away from the bed to the middle of the room, then eventually out of the room and stayed until he was asleep and then if he cried in the night I'd just go back in and sleep on the mattress so I could at least get some sleep. Eventually the night waking stopped when bedtime quickened so we'd got to the point where we said we are just going to wait to outside the door if he needs us. That's why the night waking stopped or at least lessened. We still have our moments, and he is coming up to 3. That whole process took us about 3 months. We had to make sure he got completely used to the step we were on before we attempted to change it

@eatingpopcorn The day I created this thread was after a really truly awful night, and I had I had lost my patience with him after hours of trying to gently reassure him and get him back to sleep. Nothing I did would make him stop screaming, and in the end I ended up shouting him which made him cry more and then I ended up bursting into tears. Which is why I decided to try this Ferber method even though I don’t like doing it ☹️

@PandasCatsWolves Thank you so much, needed to read this. I have been trying to remind myself in the night, when it’s really hard, that it’s all for the best in the long run if we can get it to work.
Recently I’ve been such a mess in the day aswell, so sleep deprived I sometimes forget to brush my teeth in the morning, I’m snappy and irritable and shout at DS, me and DH always shouting and arguing because we’re tired, recently can’t stop crying because I feel so depressed - life has just been so miserable recently. This is what I’m trying to remind myself in the night when it’s really tough and I want to give in.
I just pray it works 🙏😭

@Orangeinmybluelightcup Thank you for all the advice, it’s been so helpful.
I’ve found he usually wakes at similar sort of times every night - usually about 11 then about 2/3. And when he wakes at 3 it’s hard to get him back to sleep.
But I’ve found with naps etc, it doesn’t make much difference. If he has a really good night the one day I could follow the exact same routine the next and could have a terrible night. ☹️
I think DS is a natural early riser aswell. He’s usually somewhere between 5 and 6 usually & I don’t mind early mornings at all, as long as I’m not up all night aswell. 😩😴
I have tried white noise in the past but he doesn’t seem to like it, haven’t tried music or audiobooks though so may be something to try in future!

Can I just say thanks so much for all your support and advice as well, I really really appreciate it. Really helping me get through a difficult time atm 🤗

Just to say my middle one is an early riser and always has been. I tried everything over the years but nothing helped him sleep later than 6 (and that was on an amazing night, much more likely to be 530 or even 4 something (inhumane!). He did at least sleep through til that point though. I kept him in a cot for as long as possible and then had a baby gate on his room so he couldn't get out. Because I knew he was safe he could get out of bed and play and I never went in to him until 7. Now he's 6 he lets himself downstairs and puts the TV on. It's a game changer!

Are you seeing any progress @Findingahappyplace?

@Orangeinmybluelightcup I don’t want to speak too soon but we are definitely seeing progress so far!
Last night went down in his cot, cried for a couple of minutes, but then soothed himself to sleep - I could hear him talking to himself in his cot for about 15 minutes before he fell asleep.
Last night he woke at 11, had a couple of minutes of tears again, but was asleep within about 15 minutes.
He’s also getting much better when I leave the room - whereas he used to scream hysterically the moment I left the room he either waits a few minutes before having a little cry, or he just settles himself back to sleep.
He then slept through till 5.30 - so can definitely see an improvement.

Oo really pleased to read this! Don't panic if you have a set back, you've got a plan now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

So good to read your update ☺️

Hi OP. Lots of good advice here and I'm glad you're seeing progress. Just wanted to say you sound so lovely. Trying so hard to do what's right for your little one, with your own traumatic childhood to overcome. Your little one is really lucky to be your son.
X

@Mammamia2020 Thank you, that’s very kind of you 😊