I can’t do this anymore

[Findingahappyplace]

I just want to jump off a bridge. I want it all to be fucking over. I can’t fucking take it anymore.

Do you have a baby?

@Shehasadiamondinthesky I have a 2 year old that never sleeps & I just can’t take it anymore. My life has become so miserable because I’m so sleep deprived that I just want to kill myself.

Oh you poor love

We are with you and will try to help.
Are you on your own? Can you give details of bedtime routine and what the issue is. Is it constant waking or just will not sleep when you put DC down for the night? Details of any daytime naps would help too

I’m sorry you feel so dreadful. Sending you hugs.

I’m on my own for nights because DH can’t help as it just upsets my 2 year old even more.
It’s different every night, just waking up, won’t go back to sleep.
Tonight he woke up at 1am and then woke up at 3 and has not been back to sleep since. He’s saying his hungry tonight. He’s cried non stop since 3am. Now just wide awake.
Every night he is awake at least twice and usually on the second wake up awake for at least an hour crying. Tonight he just hasn’t even back to sleep since 3am.
It just seems to get worse and worse.
Every time I think it can’t get any worse it does.
His daytime naps I’ve tried everything, earlier naps, shorter naps, no naps. It makes absolutely no difference.

Would co-sleeping help in any way? I'm not usually a fan of it but if you are desperate for sleep anything will do.

I understand how you feel OP sleep deprivation is awful . Are you ok just now is there anyone who can help you ?

Can your DH take over when he gets up and let you get a few hours ?

@nootherusernameidea we used to cosleep for a while to try and get some sleep but he kept me awake the whole night fidgeting and kicking me so after a few months of no sleep I had to put him back in his own room.

Can you leave the toddler with your DH for a couple of nights and go to a friend or family member to sleep?

Also have you tried controlled crying? In this situation you desperately need your sleep and your child is 2

@longestfewdaysupcoming I can’t leave him with DH even for one night. We tried the other night just to try and give me a break but it just made my 2 year old even more hysterical than ever and I just had to take over.

@Longestfewdaysupcoming I wanted to do this but he is also scared of the dark and scared of being alone, a couple of times I have left him to cry but it is heartbreaking thinking he might be scared.

But you don’t have to leave him with DH for the night if he could take over early morning and let you get some sleep . Maybe he can take him on a long walk for an hour let you get some sleep l

You need to get tough otherwise this is going to continue. You’re on your knees with tiredness and this is a toddler controlling your whole house.

Leave him with your DH and go somewhere else. Don’t let you coming in to be there be an option.

I survived one horrid sleeper and in the end it took a week but I basically said no I can’t do this anymore I have to sort it. And yes. She was hysterical and she didn’t like it. But tough. I needed sleep

So do you. This isn’t a wee baby or a sick child. This is a toddler who is getting their own way. I’d be getting a bit super nanny on it and being very very consistent.

But for today why can’t your DH get up and deal with him now?

@Boomisshiss I have asked him to take him downstairs early recently but he acts like such a martyr for doing it and makes me feel so guilty I struggle to rest then anyway 😞 he can’t do it today as 2 year old has caused such a fuss that we have all been awake since 3.
I finally caved in at 4.30 and just bought DC downstairs. I’ve never done that in 2 years but I just gave up as he wasn’t sleeping and I just wanted a coffee 😭 now I’m worrying that he is going to wake up at 3am every morning and want to come downstairs to play.
I just feel so tortured by it all. I have no idea what to do or how to fix this.

So. You have a DH problem.

Let him be a bloody martyr about it. You need your sleep.

Same with the child. Let him have a tantrum. You need your sleep.

You need to prioritise yourself. You need sleep. You are entitled to sleep. Why does your DH get to opt out of caring for his child and why are you letting a 2 year old rule the roost?

First and foremost I’d fuck off for a weekend and sleep. Stay somewhere else and just sleep. Let Mr Martyr huff and puff and be the one to get up and deal with the child.

Then I’d deal with the child. This is a tantrum in the middle of the night because he’s not getting what he wants. Do you give in to tantrums during the day?

I literally had the same thoughts last week so you have my sympathies. I have a non sleeping 2 year old too and it's relentless isn't it. I literally couldn't see a way forward and just kept thinking well at least if I die i'll get some sleep! The feeling subsided after a few days but it's still sooo hard. Hand hold

Your DH is the problem he should be capable of looking after his son for few hours. This isn’t all on you

@Longestfewdaysupcoming
I know it sounds stupid but I just worry about leaving him to cry. I worry that maybe he feels poorly and he can’t tell me even though I’ve checked temp etc or that he’s had a nightmare or he’s just scared and hate the idea of leaving him alone if he’s in distress.
I know it probably sounds pathetic.
I’m also probably projecting because I had an abusive childhood where I was neglected as well, so I never want him to feel that unloved or uncared for.
Oh god… what a mess.

Have you had therapy? That might help you untangle it all.

@Boomisshiss @Longestfewdaysupcoming I probably do need to talk to DH about having him a few mornings to help me catch up on sleep. But maybe on a day when he hasn’t also been up since 3am aswell as I don’t think that conversation would go down well right now.

Thank you for your support and advice, it means a lot right now…

[quote Findingahappyplace]**@Boomisshiss* @Longestfewdaysupcoming* I probably do need to talk to DH about having him a few mornings to help me catch up on sleep. But maybe on a day when he hasn’t also been up since 3am aswell as I don’t think that conversation would go down well right now.

Thank you for your support and advice, it means a lot right now…[/quote]
You are putting so much pressure on yourself OP . You need to share the burden . I know it’s hard to sleep when your son is having tantrums downstairs with DH so him taking him out would be perfect . Plus out and about will distract the little one that you aren’t there. You can’t run on nothing

@secretintrovert

I literally had the same thoughts last week so you have my sympathies. I have a non sleeping 2 year old too and it's relentless isn't it. I literally couldn't see a way forward and just kept thinking well at least if I die i'll get some sleep! The feeling subsided after a few days but it's still sooo hard. Hand hold

I’m so’s prey you’ve been feeling the same. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I feel the exact same. I don’t really want to die, I just want the torture of it all to stop and sometimes I just feel so desperate that I can’t see any other way out. When I’ve had sleep I don’t have any thoughts like that at all. It’s just the sleep deprivation that is making me feel desperate.

@secretintrovert that should have said I’m so sorry 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sleep deprivation is used as torture for a reason you know x