I can’t do this anymore

[Findingahappyplace]

I just want to jump off a bridge. I want it all to be fucking over. I can’t fucking take it anymore.

For going down to bed at night I give my son who is 22 months, a cup of cosy milk. It seems to make him calm and sleepy and he goes to bed with a warm full tummy.
Could you try something like that?
My boy only likes me to put him to bed but DH did manage to a couple of nights ago albeit Ds was upset and it was not a good way to get him down but he slept all sodding night, never does that when I put him down! So I do think you need to get your DH to do more bedtimes. O think they say it takes two weeks to break routines and habits so after that time frame you should both be able to put him down without too much fuss.
I'm yet to try this myself although I'm ill right now so can't do much anyway and DH is Gona have to put Ds down tonight.
It's so bloody hard though, you have my sympathy

How much physical activity does he get each day? Can you up it and really tucker him out? Long walk/scooter each evening before bed time routine?

If he is not going to sleep on an evening and is 2 years old then it probably time for the naps to go. It’s takes about 2 weeks for them to get used to the new routine.

This may really annoy people, but have you tried medication?
You can buy melatonin online and phenergen elixir.
Sleep deprivation is torture. Medication is safe.

@AnonBon

How much physical activity does he get each day? Can you up it and really tucker him out? Long walk/scooter each evening before bed time routine?

He honestly could not get more physical activity into his day if he tried. He is non stop all day long. We are always out, always active, he is always running around. I often take him on a long walk of an evening and he stops and has a run round the park and then walks all the way home. I couldn’t fit anymore into his days if I tried. 😩

@Fitforforty

If he is not going to sleep on an evening and is 2 years old then it probably time for the naps to go. It’s takes about 2 weeks for them to get used to the new routine.

He goes to sleep ok, in the sense that he is tired when he goes to bed at about 7.30. I am having more trouble when he wakes in the night - usually about 2/3am and then he is wide awake for hours. I have tried all different nap times and no naps etc but no difference 🙁 I also struggle with no naps because he usually ends up falling asleep on the floor at about 4pm because he’s too exhausted. He has only just turned 2, so is a young 2 if that makes any difference.

I would say keep a nap if you can. He will probably drop it at maybe 2.5yo. His poor sleep means he's probably run up a sleep debt and that can lead to night wakings. His body will be releasing cortisol stress hormones. Cutting his nap will only add to that problem.

I know you've got a plan for now.

But about cosleeping. Is it possible to have him in your room but in a different bed? You said he kept you awake cos of his fidgeting. But if the room is big enough bring him a smaller separate bed in, if its something you want to consider

I have no groundbreaking advice but just here to sympathise. My now 3 year old DS was just like this. It's only since my husband had to take charge when our DD (7 months) was born that it has improved.

I can also relate to the martyrdom, mainly because DH, although mostly brilliant, cannot handle tiredness or any kind of pain. I dreaded his moaning & negativity more than sleep deprivation itself.

We still have to lay with DS while he falls asleep. It's so hard as all the suggestions we were given never worked. Once awake he is ready to run a marathon, be it midnight or 3am. People used to say give him a chance to self-settle but he would get so worked up that it caused way more disturbance. Our only choice was to leap out of bed and intercept before he got too awake.

He has improved massively since turning 3 and will usually go through the night. He dropped naps altogether soon after turning 2 and that helped.

Controlled crying wasn't for us either and I think two is too old to implement it anyway, as they are far more intelligent now.

Honestly I had this with my DS, not sleeping until midnight due to naps or up for an hour in the night. In the end I would do intensive play / read books in his room and just wear him out and get him down again. I think they tire quicker when they have your full focus. I also got a red light as meant to be calming. No crying required and then honestly by about 2 year 4 months it was done, he started sleeping through for 20 hours, usually 10pm - 8am. I appreciate this is still late, but once naps stopped it came forward to 8pm asleep. I then decided to TTC and the second one is just as bad, but I seem to cope better. 😬

Honestly there are so many people who's kids night go to sleep at 7pm and not wake, but they don't all sleep until 7am. Many friends are up for the day with their DC at 4.30am/ 5am. The 12 hours sleep is unusual in my opinion.

Oops 10 hours straight ( I wish it was 20 hours could of caught up)

Well done OP. Keep going. Be consistent and it will work.

@Findingahappyplace

I’ve just found your thread and was reading through because my DD also loves a long wake in the night. She was doing really well sleeping through but it’s all gone very wrong in the last month or two.

Anyway, how was last night! Amazing that CC worked in 20 minutes at bedtime. I really hope you had more success last night!

@Bancha Last night was a good night. He slept through until 4am - when I went in he had a dirty nappy so needed to be changed and I did worry that this might really upset things. I put him back to bed and he cried for 3 minutes and then went quiet. I did think he’d gone to sleep but a few minutes later he cried again for a couple of minutes.
I might start a separate thread on this because I’m not sure what to do if he cries again after a certain period of time.
Anyway he finally went to sleep properly after 30 mins, a bit of crying / whinging on and off, and then slept till 7am.
I feel so much better after having a good sleep today 😴😴😴

I agree with trying Ferber or cry it out.
Did it with both of mine and they've both slept through from 12 months old.
If you have a nightlight then it's not dark so he can't be scared of the dark 👍🏻
Stay strong!!!

@Findingahappyplace that’s amazing news! What a great result after only one night.

Oh OP that's brilliant! I've always had a 10 minute rule with mine, unless they sound particularly distressed. Sometimes babies and toddlers just need to have a little moan to help them get back to sleep. If they're still crying after 10 mins then I go in. If they stop and start I restart each time. Unless they've been doing it for ages! It's not a hard and fast rule but you will get to know the cries that need you. I'm glad for you that you got some sleep!

Brilliant you got some sleep fingers crossed it works again - if this doesn't work in our area you can get referred to a sleep clinic once they are 2 if they aren't sleeping.

This wee toddler is your husbands responsibility too. Whether toddler likes it or not, daddy is going to have to look after him while you get a sleep/ time to yourself. Daddy will need to cope the way you have to. If your husband complains about having to look after his own child, then he needs a good talking to. You can also remind him that he will also be doing full time childcare after you have knocked yourself ill , possibly physically and mentally with caring for your toddler with absolutely no help. Men have the same duty and responsibility to look after their own children as women do, after all they are happy enough to help make the children!

Our 2 year old is similar; but we tag team, one does the wake ups and the other of us does the early morning 5am downstairs for the start of the day

Well done! It sounds like whatever you did was the right thing! I would say don't rush in.

This is the light for night wake ups, it's not white light as that's arousing, it's a red based light even when not set to red. Sorry long link at John Lewis

https://www.johnlewis.com/lumie-bedbug-child-sleepaid-light/p3250427?sku=237006211&sppc=2dx92700064091985337&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1zWLhsRf0kVpW8QXnL8FTJZz&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1zWLhsRf0kVpW8QXnL8FTJZz&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-7ytqLO48QIVCoODBx1DAAYFEAQYASABEgIxMfDD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Good suggestion, we have this one which we leave on all night, on red.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07CS3C8HN/ref=cm_sw_r_sm_apa_glt_fabc_5PBBANNKA9GG6WHQY2Q6?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@helpmewiththisnew thank you for the suggestion! DS has a nightlight with a couple of different light settings, one is like a warm orange/yellow. Would that be the same sort of thing? I just make sure not to have it on the white or blue setting.

@Orangeinmybluelightcup thank you, I think that’s good advice. Last night/4 am wake up he had stopped crying and then cried just after the 5 minutes check in time, but in hindsight, he was not screaming and I probably shouldn’t have rushed in as it actually seemed to make him worse when I went in, so I did very quick soothing and rushed back out. Then the next time I made sure to leave him a bit longer.
It is difficult to know what to do for the best when he is going quiet and then crying again but after the suggested check in time.