Can she sleep on me while I sleep?

[Doughnut100]

Sorry I'm sure this has already been asked, I don't have the energy to search the forum very well although I have tried.

My two week old daughter just won't sleep at night except on me. She won't stay in her snuzpod longer than 5 mins even if I make sure she is so asleep before I put her down. I tried bed sharing safely looked at all the guidelines and even that doesn't help as she's not actually being held.

I know I'm not allowed to fall asleep breastfeeding or to fall asleep holding her. But it's the only time she will sleep. I'm losing my mind. Has anyone done this? Let her sleep on your chest while you sleep? Or will she grow out of this?

You absolutely cannot sleep while she’s sleeping on you. It’s not safe and there could be dangerous consequences.

You need to share with your partner. Find what works for you - perhaps he takes her 8-2 and you sleep then, then you take her 2-8 while he sleeps, or you do one night he does the next.

This also works if you’re breastfeeding as he can just bring baby to you when she needs fed then take her away again so you can go back to sleep.

No, she should be on the mattress, sorry. You can have you arms around her and a hand on her but not with her head up on your arm.

You will always get stories of babies who survived sleeping on a parents chest but survivor bias is a thing and there have also been sad endings

2 weeks is very early, it will get better as she learns when is day and when is night. If there’s another parent you need to take shifts for a bit. Also, if you are bfing learn to feed lying down with her on the mattress. Then you don’t have to put her down and she might stay asleep.

The first few weeks are brutal. I always watch a lot of tv in the night in the first few weeks and see what sleep i can get in the day.

Try and sleep 7-10pm when oh can take baby turn get him to take baby 6-8am before work.

It's so so tough but at six weeks it seems to get a bit easier. You'll survive it but when you're in it, it's relentlessly tough.

Please please don’t do this

My daughter was the same but we would only do this if one of us stayed awake the whole time - either the "mattress" or the other person.

This too shall pass.

No, you need to just keep putting her down. Put her down while she's awake after a feed. Let her get used to being in her basket or whatever you use. Give her time to self soothe, if she cries don't immediately pick her up unless you know she needs to be. She'll get there eventually.

Hey OP,

My DD is 11 days old and having a similar problem, she only sleeps lying down on my chest. It's dangerous to sleep like this overnight so for the first few nights i had to just stay awake all night holding her and then nap on the sofa sat up in the day if my partner is watching.

I've managed to figure out a way of co-sleeping that works for both of us now but have to transfer her from lying on my chest once she's fast asleep, it's very tough but my midwife said it doesn't last forever

It’s so hard and it’s why I do get a bit weary with the endless advice to co sleep on here because mine would also only sleep on me.

It does get better

I sympathise OP, I had this with DC2. I hardly slept at all during the night for the first 4 weeks then I gradually improved. I found it easier to stay awake reading on a kindle than watching tv.

Weirdly they slept fine in the pram in the living room during the day so I could catch up a bit then. Will they sleep in the pram when walking? Could try a quick walk and see if they’ll stay asleep when you get back?

Try and sleep 7-10pm when oh can take baby turn get him to take baby 6-8am before work.

This sort of schedule worked best for us too, adjusted slightly for working hours when OH went back to work.

No you cannot do this. It's very dangerous.

I know it must be hard for you but it does get easier x

For the first 14 days we slept in 3-4 hour shifts taking in turns to sit up holding the baby - your other half MUST help with this. Then I started co sleeping - would latch baby on lying down facing him following all the safer co sleeping rules. This gets easier as they get bigger.

Have you tried swaddling her?

It’s really unsafe. I’ve accidentally nodded off whilst breastfeeding and it’s so hard to stay awake I know. My daughter is 3 weeks old so I know exactly how you feel

No sorry OP but that would be really risky.

My DS is 6 weeks and the same, things were doing:

• swaddling seems to help a little
• making sure he’s warm enough (we’ve found he needs a long sleeve vest and babygrow)
• tummy sleeping. I’ll probably get flamed but hey Ho. We’ve been putting him down on his tummy the last few nights which is helping a bit (he’ll go 1.5 hours ish on his front). He’s in a completely empty cot, mesh mattress liner, and I doze rather than deeply sleep.
• take shifts with DH. I sleep 9-2, he sleeps 2-7. Granted I’ve now been awake since 2am, but I’ll try and get a nap today at some point

Good luck, it’s the pits but it will get easier x

Unfortunately not, at that age. When DD was quite a lot bigger (4 months or so) I'd sometimes get her to sleep in the sling then prop myself up with pillows and doze. But I wouldn't with a two week old.

I’m having the same problem with my 3 week old.

For us the problem seems to be reflux, he’s fine when being held upright but uncomfortable as soon as we lie him down. The only solution I’ve found is holding him upright for 20-30 mins after feeds and then putting him down. He still grumbles but sleeps through it.

Also yes to shifts - I go to bed at 8pm and DH has him until 2ish. I’m breastfeeding so DH will bring him in for a feed and then take him away again. He also gives him one bottle a night so I can get a slightly longer stretch of undisturbed sleep.

Thank you all. We have been trying to do the shifts thing. But it's very unpredictable as to when she will let him take her as quite often she screams for a feed even if she's just had one and he ends up bringing her in to me.

This morning he had to be up at 5 for work so he couldn't do much after midnight. We are lucky because he is self employed and can take some extra time off. But I just don't understand how most women deal with this when their partner can only take two weeks off.

I kind of knew the answer was no. I was grabbing at straws hoping someone would chime in and say it's fine but clearly not.

Would you consider your partner giving a bottle? We just do one bottle per night, it hasn’t interrupted my breastfeeding at all and it means I can sleep for a couple of hours.

@JemimaTiggywinkle we wanted to express so he could do this but expressing hurts and yields so little. Perhaps formula is worth considering.

Yes we use formula, it has honestly made such a difference, I wouldn’t be able to cope without that few hours of sleep.
And it makes DH more relaxed knowing he can do something to make the baby stop crying without having to wake me up.

@JemimaTiggywinkle does it affect your supply?

@Doughnut100 No it doesn’t seem to make any difference for me luckily.

But I just don't understand how most women deal with this when their partner can only take two weeks off.

Because it doesn’t matter if they’re working, they still need to take their turn with the night shifts.

I think most couples end up with two shifts, usually 8-12 or 9-1 for one partner and then 1-6 (ish) for the other.

It is so tiring. I was looking back through some photos and there is one of me with a one month old ds in mid January and my eyes are just dead.

We slept separately to maximise sleep as well! (OH snores.)