Can she sleep on me while I sleep?

[Doughnut100]

Sorry I'm sure this has already been asked, I don't have the energy to search the forum very well although I have tried.

My two week old daughter just won't sleep at night except on me. She won't stay in her snuzpod longer than 5 mins even if I make sure she is so asleep before I put her down. I tried bed sharing safely looked at all the guidelines and even that doesn't help as she's not actually being held.

I know I'm not allowed to fall asleep breastfeeding or to fall asleep holding her. But it's the only time she will sleep. I'm losing my mind. Has anyone done this? Let her sleep on your chest while you sleep? Or will she grow out of this?

Doughnut, if expressing hurts a lot it might be the funnel is too wide or too narrow - some brands (like Medela) do them in different sizes.

I had to size up but it made a massive difference.
Also pumping while you are feeding from the other side, if you can manage it, seems to help you get more, it worked for me anyway.

DH used to give a bottle every night and then rock baby to sleep, it was a lifesaver.

Good luck, it does get easier.

I would also use some formula and I exclusively breastfed but in hindsight wished I hadn't. Adding a bottle of formula in makes everything so much easier (it means you can get some sleep, which is absolutely crushing at that age, I was literally hallucinating from lack of sleep at that point) and baby still gets the benefits of your breast milk.

It also means as baby gets a little older you can pop to the hairdresser or for coffee with a friend without worrying (I couldn't - I had to time everything around a feed)

This stage is horrific - it will pass, but it's genuinely torture at this point.

Has she been checked for silent reflux? 🤔

No I wouldn't.
Try putting a hot water in crib heat the mattress and remove before placing baby in.
My babies didn't like the space. I'd roll a blanket super tight and place them at their side under armpit under blanket to make them snug.

Formula is not a solution to a sleep “problem” (biologically normal baby sleep) , what crap advice makes no difference and will affect your supply.

This book helped me tons www.amazon.co.uk/dp/178066155X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_15GBVEKPNBXRA36HH7PK?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Sweet sleep book

Also OP my baby refused to sleep in the bare crib but it got a lot better when we introduced a sleeping nest.

I have this one but I think the HVs don’t recommend them as technically not a flat hard surface so just be aware. But it really did help.

Çheck with doctor before formula if it is silent reflux there is specialist brands for different baby needs.
I couldn't breastfeed. DS had to have comfort formula he'd silent reflux and colic.

@Lemonelderflower What an invention brilliant idea the nest.

I think my baby felt a bit lost in the bare crib and they are awfully hard (of course they have to be but must admit I’d struggle to sleep on it!)

@Lemonelderflower

Also OP my baby refused to sleep in the bare crib but it got a lot better when we introduced a sleeping nest.

I have this one but I think the HVs don’t recommend them as technically not a flat hard surface so just be aware. But it really did help.

Sleeping nests are not safe. Check out the Lullaby Trust:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/sleeping-products/

Here is a guide on sleeping products but their whole site is dedicated to safe sleep and reducing the chance of SIDS.

Yes I did concede that in my post emily

They aren’t recommended by the lullaby trust but there have not been any cases of SIDS using them. It is just that they deviate from the official advice which is a hard flat surface.

The problem is if your baby simply won’t sleep on a hard flat surface what do you do? Getting by on four hours a night works for the short term but longer term does start to seriously impact on physical and mental health.

It’s one option of many. As with most things what is important is that the person has all the advice and information.

All 3 of my DC went through phases of this and both me and DH have slept with each of our children on our chests.

People can flame away but you won't find one peer reviewed (ie proper scientific standard) study that has looked at this sleeping arrangement.

Most of our sleep has been cosleeping in a c shape (touching) around the youngest and they tend to be happy with that after a couple of weeks

OP I've nodded off with my baby on me plenty of times. I'd only do it in bed, but it was the only way my baby would sleep in those first weeks and sometimes physically impossible to stop myself from dozing. My body only ever seemed to let me doze and I was always super aware of any movements she or I made.

Yes it does raise the risk level, but so does some of the alternative advice youve been given here like tummy sleeping or making a 'nest'. Ultimately the guidelines are just that, you have to weigh up the level of risk that you are happy with. An exhausted mother is also a risk. A lot of the safe sleep guidelines deliberately make it hard for a baby to sleep deeply, as deep sleep is in itself a risk factor. Babies aren't designed to sleep alone on cold hard surfaces. It is the safest way, but following it to the letter is likely to result in less / lower quality sleep for at least some babies and it's up to you to decide what level of risk you are happy with. Bear in mind that some risk factors put your baby at higher risk - e.g. low birth weight or if you smoke or drink.

I think we’ve all done it misshoney take baby out of crib at 1 am for a feed, then before you know it it is 430 am. Whoops.

I did try co sleeping but I found it awfully stressful. I know it works really well for some people though.

[quote Doughnut100]@JemimaTiggywinkle we wanted to express so he could do this but expressing hurts and yields so little. Perhaps formula is worth considering. [/quote]
@Doughnut100 expressing shouldn’t hurt no more than direct feeding does. I’m exclusively pumping for my 6 week old, please feel free to DM if you’d like any advice or help trouble shooting x

You really need to learn to feed whilst lieing down, its a lifesaver

swaddling. saved my sanity with baby of that age. A really tight swaddle makes the baby feel cuddled & safe & she won't twitch & wake herself up.

I had this one
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0013T1M04/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_FEH2GT436G9CQHYSPV61?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I hugely sympathise. DD went through a spell like that when she was tiny. I remember one night when we were staying with my parents when she was four weeks old and the only way we could sleep was with me on the sofa and her on me - my Dad sat up for over half the night watching over us to make sure she was safe. But yeah, not safe on your own unfortunately.

In terms of getting her used to the snuzpod - one thing that worked for us was warming the mattress before we put her in it - either on our bodies or holding it against a warm radiator for a few mins before we put her down. The advantage of doing it on our bodies was as well as warming it up it also smelt of us and I think that helped. We would also then put a hand on her tummy to start with (could take it off once she settled).

Good luck and remember that this is only for a short time, she will get better.

@SquigglePigs but a Snuzpod is also against safe sleeping guidelines?

I think squiggle means the bedside crib - this one?

@Wobbitcatcher - we weren't saying formula would help the baby sleep. We were saying it would allow the babies dad to feed the baby while mum slept. It is NOT crap advice and it's really unhelpful for you to say so. OP is clearly exhausted, one bottle of formula isn't going to make any difference if that's what she chooses.

I had similar with DS when he was tiny. I noticed a pattern - he would only sleep well on his side. I thought I'd try something - rolled two towels up and put them underneath the moses basket sheet and sort of 'wedged' him between them (I used two so he couldn't roll either way). Worked a charm, he finally slept for more than 20 minutes.

I'm not saying this will work for your baby, just an observation from my DC.

My third child was like this, formula didn't help as it wasn't that she wasn't able to sleep but she was waking upon being put down. I learned to feed laying down and co slept so I didn't have to move her once asleep.

They do grow out of it.

@trunumber I cross posted with yours which was a more thought out answer than the previous few.

I’ve been in OPs position with my first and at all avenues I was advised to give formula. It’s a real bugbear of mine that any problem with a breastfed baby and everyone yells formula as if it’s the miracle cure. I may have projected that on OP who possibly won’t have taken it to mean that the biologically normal act of breastfeeding isn’t enough.

@Lemonelderflower

I think squiggle means the bedside crib - this one?

Yes, that's what I was referring to - thanks.