I want honest answers only...

[mumma90]

When your first finally slept through; when you felt you finally got a tiny wee bit of your evenings back; when you felt "normal" again...with all that in mind ...when did you decide "oh let's try for another".

What happened and how did it pan out?


I'm asking because I'm torn having another and rocking the tiny, resemblance of a boat that was me and hubby before we had our glorious DD.

Honest answers only...

[Happyhappyday]

DD did what I think most people would call sleeping through consistently from around 10-12 weeks (6:30-5ish am, feed them straight back down) and slept properly 12 hours consistently from 5 months. I had insomnia until she was 9 months old so that’s when I got my life back, DH was staying up to adult bed time around 3-4 months old.

Probably not having another because #1 was such a good sleeper & I STILL had PND and hormone related insomnia for 9 months. I don’t want to do that again.

[mumma90]

🙏 thank you all for your honesty.

I'm still absolutely torn having another or not.

DD is a lovely little girl and we have such lovey days together playing. I love doing craft and art things with her and to be honest have really enjoyed being a SAHM - apart from working one morning a week back at work....

I also have got time back with DH in the evenings.

We don't have close family nearby so I've done the entire - well DH has helped with making dinners cleaning etc - caring for DD.

I've divided mentally whether I could cope doing it all again.......

[joystir59]

I'm amazed at how much of a given it is to a child let alone more than one considering the sacrifices that have to be made to a woman's wellbeing and career.

[FTEngineerM]

DC1 wakes every 45 minutes (until 3 night ago when we got a sleep consultant) still at 7m and we’re expecting DC2 right now.

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

Neither of mine were good sleepers. On paper my second was much worse however when you have two you can't pander to it so much so it didnt feel anywhere near as bad and she used to just crawl into our bed in the night without waking us. The first sleeping well wasn't a factor in choosing when to have a second. You have a lot less time with two to be the Blue Peter mummy doing arts and crafts, baking etc but for me the benefit they get of have a sibling far outweighs that.

[embolass]

Bit of a blur but remember being 6weeks pregnant with DC2 when DC1 turned 1!

[Ragwort]

It's an interesting question, I am amazed that so women go on to have a second/third child when they've had a traumatic birth or really difficult sleeper. Are people conditioned to assume that 'two children' is the right thing to do?

There seems to be a bit of a stigma about only children on Mumsnet (I personally have never met it in real life) - I have an only child - who was actually a great sleeper - I never had a 'disturbed' evening - but I never, ever considered having another one.

[custardbear]

My first was 13 weeks but the first 13 weeks were pure hell - never more than 4 hours a night - colic issues.

She slept for months about 12 hours at a go. She then started being a pain to get to sleep at night but wasn't toooooo bad! Particular after I did some very gentle sleep training with my HV.

Second baby went to sleep ok, he's wake 2-3 times a night foe food. Even at 2 he Seoul's take at least once a night. About 2.5 years and he started sleeping through but he was never bad at getting to sleep.

Good luck and get help if you need it

[tara66]

I am/was ''against' only children.

[FTEngineerM]

@Ragwort I can only speak for myself of course (also had traumatic birth and now expecting dc2).

No it wasn’t a social conditioning, I was lying in bed and I was craving a contraction.. my body was just yearning for pregnancy, birth and then to mother another child. It had irrationally completely forgotten the trauma and sleepless torture that has been endured so far.

Now that I am pregnant, I am remembering the trauma and feel anxious at times about birth.

I think that’s down to the innate biological need to reproduce as a race. I obviously don’t ‘crave’ a contraction they’re awful, but my body was making me ‘want’ it. I want more children even at the large cost to my physical and mental health. I’m definitely not the only one.

[BikeRunSki]

Dc1 was a great sleeper from an early age, and formula fed. Those things didn’t influence when we chose to have another child. I always knew I wanted another (I have 3 siblings, I couldn’t imHo e dd bring an only child) but it took 2.5 years for that urge to outweigh the horror of hyperemisis. DC2 was a terrible sleeker, book stet and very clingy. If she’d been first I would not have been so keen for another.

[cptartapp]

DS1 slept through from four months when I stopped bf. We always wanted two but not in subsequent school years, so waited the right time and got pregnant first attempt with DS2. There was never any real urge, just didn't want an only child.
They're now 18 and 15 and watching their relationhsip and have family experiences together has been the single best part of parenting.

[PeigiSu]

We had evenings back around 5-6 months and DS.slept through consistently around 10 months.

I would ideally like a 3 year gap so the free nursery hours kick in, however this thread is making me reconsider! Not sure we’d be so lucky twice!

[Ragwort]

FT thank you for your reply, I honestly never had any 'biological' thoughts or feelings about having a baby, it was very much a considered, practical decision for my DH and I (after 10 years of being happily 'child free'), so I have never known the 'biological urge' but I do hear about it a lot so I guess it must be real for a lot of women.

[FippertyGibbett]

When my first was two I felt like I wanted a baby again so we went for it.

[MiddlesexGirl]

My gap between kids was 17-24 months. Was bored with only the one (that's the 17 month gap). Co-slept mostly so never lost much sleep past the first few weeks and they were out of my bed around six months. Weaned off breastmilk between 9-12 months.

[Icanseegreenshoots]

First baby didn't sleep through for four years, but that time I was pregnant with the second baby so add another three years.

Seven years in total of broken nights, and I think I was quite lucky when I compare to friends.

Evenings to ourselves started around 2 years old, but were patchy with one of us going back and forth. Date nights we started once the baby was a year old and waking up just the once.

[Covidcovid]

I never did. I was too excited by the thought of some normality and couldn’t stand the thought of going back to square one....or worse! Never regretted it.

[theskywasallviolet]

@joystir59

I'm amazed at how much of a given it is to a child let alone more than one considering the sacrifices that have to be made to a woman's wellbeing and career.

I think this too now that I have a child. I’m also currently struggling with the decision of whether or not to have a second, my son is 2.5 and I thought I’d feel ready by now but I don’t really.

I definitely think there’s societal pressure to have more than one but my thinking at the moment is that my son would be better off with happy calm fulfilled parents than with a sibling they may or may not get along with.

[UnaOfStormhold]

We started trying at 1 despite having very broken sleep because I knew with my age (37) and 2 years unexplained infertility was counting against us. DS didn't sleep through until 4.5 but still no success TTC. But if we'd left it later I'd be wondering if starting earlier would have helped.

[albertsquirrelnuts]

First slept through at 11 months. Tried for number 2 from when she was 2.5. 4 miscarriages and a 7 year age gap later we now have a 9 and 2 year old. Don't put it off of your are ready.

[PracticallyPerfectInZeroWays]

My DS started sleeping through about 6-7 months old and hasn't yet looked back (18 months old). I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to go into him in the night since then.

Having evenings back has been absolute bliss. I don't deal very well with lack of sleep or lack of a little bit of 'me time' or time with just DH.

I absolutely adore DS and if money were no object of probably have another but not until he was about 5 years old and I felt up for round 2!

[mumma90]

Thank you again to you all for your honest answers.

I'm also really thankful to all those who have been honest as to why they are sticking with one. I also think there is a prerequisite to have "two"....

I am still on the fence.

I see so many positives to having just one. And I don't want to just have another so DD can have a sibling .....number two might be the worst sleeper ever!!!! And I'd rather be fun Mum for my DD and do everything with her ......

[theantsgomarchin]

@mumma90

Thank you again to you all for your honest answers.

I'm also really thankful to all those who have been honest as to why they are sticking with one. I also think there is a prerequisite to have "two"....

I am still on the fence.

I see so many positives to having just one. And I don't want to just have another so DD can have a sibling .....number two might be the worst sleeper ever!!!! And I'd rather be fun Mum for my DD and do everything with her ......

Very good way of looking at it.

Not to play devils advocate, but if you'd like DD to have a sibling, not having one because you're worried about them being a bad sleeper doesn't seem to outweigh the positive sibling aspect to me. The baby / toddler years are incredibly short in the grand scheme of things, and siblings will be around forever.

Of course there's no guarantee they will even get on, so this isn't my trying to convince you either way. Just feel like the sleep deprivation years are so short, if that's the only thing putting you off, personally I'm not convinced it outweighs the positives