SLEEP IS FOR THE WEEK part 7 -- prop your eyes open with matchsticks here

[MegBusset]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...

ep, i was going to suggest a wed meet up at coram fields that i thnk meg suggested. they have an under 5's drop in 10-12 and 1-4.

That looks great. Which Weds? When do you go to Aus?

we leave on 1 dec so all of nov is ok.

ginger, you are spot on, i think i've hit that point where i need to care about myself a little more rather than give give give all day long.i think it's doubly difficult as Lo won't really drink from a bottle. but i'm working on ways of getting some me time back. i'll get there in the end.

Hello. A couple of you recommended that I post on this thread. Tbh I am feeling strangely shy as you obviously know each other really well.

A summary of me: I have 3 dcs I can't say I find having a baby easy. It gets better for me once they can sit/crawl etc. All my babies have been windy poor sleepers but ds2 is giving me a really tough time at the moment as he is waking frequently at night and then being very demanding in the day wanting to be held all the time.

My friend from school has just been round with her impeccably behaved bf 4 month old. Who sleeps 8 hours at night and watches the world quite happily from her baby chair. Trying not to be jealous, but failing.

The sheer hardwork of the last 17 weeks has worn me down and I feel really low at the moemt (though not PND just sleep deprivation.

Would like to feel and act human again.

charlie you're super welcome here, though sorry you're so tired. i seem to know a lot of people like your friend who have really placid babies - i don't know what i did to get such a spirited child!
am feeling a bit low myself atm, though trying to find some ways to reclaim some self time ...
my friend has an au pair, i'm seeing if i can poach her a few hours a week...

A huge welcome charliemama, please dont be shy, we're a friendly bunch!!
dd was hard work at that age too, i spent a lot of time being of a friend whose lo would happily lay on the floor for aaaaages whilst dd wanted to be held all the time. shes still like it occasionally, but its so much easier now, i should hope so at 14mths!! i guess it must be even more wearing in that you cant switch off if lo asleep as you've got the other 2 to entertain or are they quite good at plating together?
i think i remember you saying on the other thread that you're going back to work 2 days a week in jan?? ginger and EP are at work, so they can offer some support in that area.
you're definitely in good company here, so keep on posting!!!

X posted amber, that sounds like a great idea love, get some 'me' time, you deserve it x
part of the reason i havent gone back to work yet (apart from being a wimp about leaving dd!) is that i just cant face looking after anyone else, dd is enough atm, without having to look after clients, some of whom invariably want to offload......god, that sounds a bit harsh, didnt mean it to be
i love my job too, just need to get my energy levels centred first before i can give my best to anyone else

Hi Charliemama

It is tiring having a 'needy' baby and must be more so with 2 older kids to look after. The benefit is they get much more interesting as they get older: DS is sociable, alert, funny and fascinating at 12 months (still not sleeping well, but I am in the minority here as most people with older babies have a bit more sleep than me as a rule). He was crawling early, walking early and babbles away all day, so I reckon much more interesting than a placid baby! He did calm down a lot as well, and doesn't need to be held all the time (clingy periods notwithstanding).

Thankyou for the welcome.

My normal human brain knows that these days will pass. I have been through this twice before and my older 2 are fantastic sleepers. However, my sleep deprived stressed brain feels like this will l;ast forever.

I think its harder this time because I feel like I should know what I'm doing but I have all the same self doubts and worries that I'm doing it all wrong and if I could only do it right my baby would be happy. I'm sorry to burble on but I am feeling huge amounts of self pity. I keep telling myself I should be grateful that I have 3 healthy children and really I should focus on that.

You're right Tibsy having 2 older dcs has made it so much harder than I thought it would. For example ds2 will often sleep for 2 hours in the morning but I either have the other 2 to deal with, or worse I have to take them somewhere like preschool which then disturbs ds2 nap. Aaaargh!

I love my children but would like to feel sane again soon!

cm glad you found us

there i was thinking that next time around i'd be more relaxed and not worry what the f**king books say and blah de blah blah blah. (god i bore myself these days!)

on here we have a term for how you're feeling, it's called a self doubt day (SDD)and is one of those days (or weeks!) when you feel like you're doing everything wrong and have no confidence in your parenting.
trust me it happens to us all!
we might not have any answers here but you'll always find someone to listen and who's going through it too.

chin up love.

Hi Charliemama

What everyone else said, really! We have no quick answers here (if only...) but lots of sympathy.

Must be especially tricky fitting in three lots of routines... I think I'll wait for DC2 until DS is at school so I've only got one to deal with during the day! How old are your other two?

Also I found 4/5 months a really tough stage as I was sooo tired and was convinced I was doing things terribly wrong to have such a bad sleeper especially as everyone I know in RL said theirs were sleeping through by then!

Thanks again for all the support and kind words.

MB my other 2 are 4 1/2 and nearly 3. So they have both just started school and preschool. Tbh I found the 18 month gap between the 1st two easier because we had no place we had to be in the morning and it didn't matter if we were late.

I HATE baby books because they always make me feel pants and always make me cry. Honestly, I can pick up any book read 1 paragraph and be reduced to a blubbering wreck of self doubt and insecurity.

I think that at the moment I am feeling particularly rubbish because I have found all three hard as babies whilst people I see in rl seem to sail through motherhood. That makes me cross to because I know lots are not sailing through but I think its hard in rl to admit you are struggling with your baby. I know with my first I used to smile at the hv and say I'm tired etc. but on the inside I felt like I was screaming please help me I'm not coping. At least this time I am ready to admit how hard it is, but on bad days I wonder if someone else was bringing up my child would they be doing a better job. Am I somehow sublimaly sending messages to my child and thus making him more discontented. My mum keeps saying "just relax, don't worry". I would love to be that sort of person,but I seem to be a natural stresshead and worrier.

Sorry about my ramblings I think I have 4 and half years of pent up feelings about motherhood which are starting to be unleashed!!!

ramble away CM!! as the others have said, we all have those days/weeks when we feel that nothing we're doing is right, but underneath it all, we are doing great jobs. you sound like a fantastic mama and total respect to you for looking after 3 littleys, especially when theyve all been rubbish sleepers. i was blessed 1st time round with a ds who slept
am hoping some sleepy vibes are winging their way to your ds2 tonight

this is a good place to ramble cm.
people are always saying to me 'oh you look really well ...' and i think do I?
sometimes you can pull off a certain look with motherhood that makes you look a lot more confident/together than you might actually feel. i'm sure a lot of people out there are doing that when on the inside, they are as tired/scared/unsure/confused as the rest of us.

tibs, i know what you mean, especially as a therapist you have to give a lot. it's what scares me about teaching yoga, people dump a lot of stuff on you for some reason or another. i end up as a quasi counsellor. and prob similar why i'm taking a break from peer supporting at breastfeeding group, i feel i have to look after myself before i can look after others.

i was kind of annoyed on sunday actually as i went for a massage and had a new guy, as the old guy who i went to had left. and the massage was good, but he kept on talking all the time as if he wanted to fill in the silence. i was really looking for a quiet peaceful time. but he just wasn't getting it. maybe i should have asked him to shut up, but felt a bit rude. i don't mind to talk for a bit at the start, but then i really need to zone out.

amber, i get that...
them 'you dont look tired'
me 'well i f*ing feel it'
i'm obviously doing a good job

amber, i quite agree, sometimes it takes too much out of me, its not necessarily the physical, but the emotional side of it.
what a shame about your massage, i'm quite happy to zone out as a therapist and only talk as led by the client. much nicer to lay there and relax, especially if you rarely get that chance.
a chap training at the same time as me would say to all new clients
'a little bit about myself, my name is and i like to work in silence'
honest to god
i dont think your therapist would have minded, maybe if you have him again, you could mention it? just explain, youre on call 24/7 and it would be nice to switch off completely x

LOL at the silent masseur! actually i think i prefer silence too. i used to do hawaiian massage and it helps me get into the zone of it too if the client is not babbling away.

Amber, I feel like that about hairdressers, I hate it when they expect you to chat away about your blardy weekend! I jusr want to shut my eyes and be pampered thanks!

I travel down to Winchmore Hill to a hairdressers there because they are all Italian and don't speak any English, so don't chat to you

On the massage note, a Champneys shop has just opened in Enfield, might treat myself to a massage next week... not cheap though

Would love to meet at Coram Fields btw, will have to ponder about timing though as I feel a bit tied to the house until after his lunchtime nap, but I think the place closes at 4...

What's a Hawaiian massage?

Hawaiian Ka Huna Bodywork

amber, that sounds lovely. when i'm in your neck of the woods and we're both getting regular sleep, we'll have to exchange therapies [hopeful emoticon]

right girlies, i'm off upstairs to watch a bit of tv with the boys, dd just been crying out in her sleep, so i dont know what sort of a night we're in for better grab some space while i can

night all, hope there are some sleepy bubbas out there

Hi Charliemama, you're feeling so overwhelmed at the moment and hope you receive some comfort in the fact that we're all feeling similar (albeit not times 3). Sleep deprivation does terrible things to you including making you feel like a rubbish mummy but you've got such a tough job that it's not suprising you're doubting yourself. It's not easy to relax else we'd all be doing it and when you're not getting any sleep it becomes an obsession that no one else understands.

Tam, I feel your days here are coming to an end and I'm about it. Hopefully you'll stay with us even though the little fella is starting to sleep. He is doing so well and you got there gently and confidently. You must be proud of him and you should be proud of yourself.

Sounds like the rest of us are having so so nights. DD was very restless last night and although not really awake, she thrashed about for hours keeping me awake.

well, hope we all have some good nights. RE: meet up. I can't do Wednesday so unless it's a Tue or weekend I can't make it 'fraid. What about Tibs, can you make a weekend?

one day tibs!