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Original poster

My 4 months daughter can't self soothe to sleep

32 replies

LauraPan · 03/11/2020 21:00

Hello,
my daughter is 4 months old. She's finally starting to sleep more at night, but there's an issue. She seems to have a very hard time falling asleep even when she's very tired. Sometimes she would start crying out of tiredness, she would doze but as soon as she closes her eyes, it's like she's resisting the sleep. Then she wakes up and cry again.
The only sure way to make her sleep is to give her some breast feed. Sometimes as soon as she sucks one single time she falls asleep. Then maybe she wakes up, another suck and sleep again.
Sometimes we manage to make her sleep by letting her cry, but it's more common at night when she's very tired and in general it's difficult.

What can we do to help her to learn self soothing?

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 03/11/2020 21:07

Wait a few years. I think you have some unrealistic expectations about what a tiny baby can and needs to be doing. I’m sure your not but please don’t your baby cry without soothing comfort from her parents.

allthewaterinthetap · 03/11/2020 21:09

My son is 4 years and still struggles! Sorry, but you might need to adjust your expectations a bit!

Thatwentbadly · 03/11/2020 21:10

Wait a few years. I think you have some unrealistic expectations about what a tiny baby can and needs to be doing. I’m sure your not but please don’t your baby cry without soothing comfort from her parents.

Thatwentbadly · 03/11/2020 21:11

Wait a few years. I think you have some unrealistic expectations about what a tiny baby can and needs to be doing. I’m sure your not but please don’t your baby cry without soothing comfort from her parents.

MrsWooster · 03/11/2020 21:12

She will. Stay with her, very gradually moving away over a few nights, from lying with her, to lying near her, to being next to her with a hand resting on her.. next to her.. you get the picture! She’ll get there.

5zeds · 03/11/2020 21:14

She sounds like a four month old.

SunShinesStill · 03/11/2020 21:16

That sounds normal OP, she’s 4 months. She isn’t designed to be encouraged or let to cry to sleep. Feeding to sleep or rocking to sleep is normal. You’re doing great

JumpingJamboree · 03/11/2020 21:17

Don't stress about it. 4 months is when most babies go through a sleep regression so now probably isn't the time to try shaking things up. They just want comfort so give it to them. Wait until they are a bit older and then look at gentle sleep training if you are still keen to get them self settling. My baby learnt to self settle in one night once she was 6 months old and in her own bedroom. We still have the odd night where she needs a bit of help from me either rubbing her back or lying with her but on the whole, she goes to sleep on her own.

Notashandyta · 03/11/2020 21:17

Please comfort your 4 month old!

SunShinesStill · 03/11/2020 21:17

That sounds normal OP, she’s 4 months. She isn’t designed to be encouraged or let to cry to sleep. Feeding to sleep or rocking to sleep is normal. You’re doing great

Siennabear · 03/11/2020 21:21

My Son is 4 and still likes one of us to lie with him. Gentle sleep book is worth a read.

Sooverthemill · 03/11/2020 21:22

She's tiny. She needs you still. She will learn as she gets older

Siennabear · 03/11/2020 21:23

Agree with pp. far too young to fall asleep by herself. My 4 year old still likes one of us to lie with him. Gentle sleep book is worth a read to help you understand how babies sleep.

MrsWooster · 03/11/2020 21:23

She will. Stay with her, very gradually moving away over a few nights, from lying with her, to lying near her, to being next to her with a hand resting on her.. next to her.. you get the picture! She’ll get there.

Kittykat93 · 03/11/2020 21:29

Jesus christ op, your baby is 16 weeks old! Of course she doesn't settle herself, that's what you're there for! As others have said you seriously need to rethink your expectations or you will be very shocked. My son is three and still wakes up during the night sometimes and gets up at stupid o clock.

majesticallyawkward · 03/11/2020 21:32

Babies aren't designed to self soothe or sleep for long stretches, we are fed unrealised expectations and made to feel like it's a problem when a baby depends on comfort from their parents when it's completely normal.

If she falls asleep with a feed let her feed, if she needs a cuddle give her a cuddle... does she sleep in a cot/bedside crib or do you bed share? there are ways to try to encourage better sleep, like white noise, comforters etc but adjust your expectations of what a baby's sleep pattern is.

My 11 month old doesn't self soothe but as we bed share he just cuddles in to get back to sleep, until around a month ago he was still BF 4-5 times a night.

Some babies will do 10-12 hours a night from early on but they are the exception rather than the rule, don't force it. I can't stand the thought of letting a baby cry it out and teaching them that no body is coming.

mayflowerapplepie · 03/11/2020 21:42

She is 4 months old

NaughtipussMaximus · 03/11/2020 21:43

I’m not against gentle sleep training, even if it involves a bit of crying, but 4 months is way too young to be left to cry.

EmpressoftheMundane · 03/11/2020 21:48

She’s only 4 months old. Breast feed her to sleep. It’s developmentally appropriate. You will not be causing problems for later.

GirlCalledJames · 03/11/2020 21:54

Just feed to sleep, she won’t be able to self-soothe for another 2 months at least.
If you want to be doing something you can pull her gently off the nipple when she stops sucking so she gets used to falling asleep without it but sometimes when you do that she will wake up again so best to try when you are not desperate to sleep yourself.

Lazypuppy · 03/11/2020 22:02

My DD self settled by 4 months, but OP it depends if you want to sleep train.

If you are happy breastfeeding to sleep then carry on, or you could try gradual retreat if you aren't happy and want something to change.

There is no right or wrong, you can only do what is best for you and your family.

Lazypuppy · 03/11/2020 22:03

My DD self settled by 4 months, but OP it depends if you want to sleep train.

If you are happy breastfeeding to sleep then carry on, or you could try gradual retreat if you aren't happy and want something to change.

There is no right or wrong, you can only do what is best for you and your family.

Lazypuppy · 03/11/2020 22:04

My DD self settled by 4 months, but OP it depends if you want to sleep train.

If you are happy breastfeeding to sleep then carry on, or you could try gradual retreat if you aren't happy and want something to change.

There is no right or wrong, you can only do what is best for you and your family.

Lazypuppy · 03/11/2020 22:05

My DD self settled by 4 months, but OP it depends if you want to sleep train.

If you are happy breastfeeding to sleep then carry on, or you could try gradual retreat if you aren't happy and want something to change.

There is no right or wrong, you can only do what is best for you and your family.

Lazypuppy · 03/11/2020 22:07

My DD self settled by 4 months, but OP it depends if you want to sleep train.

If you are happy breastfeeding to sleep then carry on, or you could try gradual retreat if you aren't happy and want something to change.

There is no right or wrong, you can only do what is best for you and your family.

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