Planning to night wean - please share your experiences and advice with me

[Dillybear]

Hello all! My DD is eight months old and I think we are both ready to night wean. I think she is ready because:

• her feeds are now 3-4 minutes long, and she is off and on during feeds quite a bit
• it used to feel like she was taking a lot of milk overnight but it doesn’t anymore. I have had issues with oversupply and if she woke late or missed a night feed, even until fairly recently, I would experience engorgement and have had mastitis more than once. Now, when she misses night feeds I don’t get any discomfort. However, I would still be uncomfortable if she missed a daytime feed
• her wake ups have become random, whereas before she woke at fairly predictable times for long feeds

I am ready to night wean because I am very tired, and I’m returning to work soon. I have a long commute on the motorway, and at the moment I wouldn’t be safe to travel to and from work. I also drive a lot for work - it isn’t unusual for me to drive 100 miles in a day.

DD has two naps a day, between 2.5-3.5 hours’ daytime sleep. She self settles to sleep happily most of the time. Sometimes needs a little extra comforting in the cot, but really only if she’s teething. After a night feed I put her back in the cot awake and she self settles back to sleep without any fuss, so she isn’t feeding to get back to sleep.

DH has booked a week off work, and we’re ready for a few hideous nights (hopefully followed by the best sleeps of our lives!). I would be so grateful if you could tell me what method you used to night wean, how long it took, and did it work? Please share all your wisdom, advice, and knowledge with me!

I haven't read the full thread but my DS's sleep started to improve once we night weaned at 8 months. My DH took a week off work and for 3 nights I slept in another room and he just offered water when DS woke at night. There were some tears but it wasn't awful as I think DS knew DH couldn't feed him.

So my suggestion would he to step away and let your partner do it.

How was everyone’s night? DD was really unsettled for about an hour overnight, crying in her sleep sort of thing. I lied down on the floor next to her crib to shhh as necessary but I was so uncomfy! Been looking at foldable mattresses today haha anyone have any good ideas of how to camp in little ones bedroom if needed? No room for any other furniture in there like a single bed. This is the first time I have missed her being in our room but overall I love having our bedroom back!!
Hope everyone had a good night & the sleep gods are being kind on you all

@June628 it’s so hard and cold on the floor isn’t it? Massive dressing gown is essential! We have a futon in there but no room to actually get it out without moving the cot so I end up curled up on it in its sofa shape. Not comfy. Another sleep through here... we’ll sort of, she was up at 5.30 which could be better. We left her chattering to herself until 6 before going to get her. I didn’t want to feed her at that time and get her thinking waking up so early gets her milk.

@June628 having your own room back is amazing. It’s so nice feeling you can move in your sleep or get up to pee and not worry about waking the baby! It’s rough though when they’re in their own room and you have a difficult night with long wakings. I have always just lay down on the floor of her room out of desperation- definitely not comfortable or planned out. Sometimes I would go and get a pillow haha. I don’t have any tips really but I hope that your night tonight is loads better.

@TradedAtlanta your DD is doing so well, I’m so pleased for you. 5.30 not ideal but it sounds like she was perfectly happy and you’re not encouraging an early wake.

Another sort of sleep through here - she woke at 5.15 and cried for a few seconds and I was about to get up but she went quiet so I left her for a minute or two and she went back to sleep 5.20-6.20. Her naps in the day were very short so possibly that was the reason for the wake 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hope tonight is okay everyone xx

Hi everyone!

Thanks again for your lovely, supportive replies and all your help. The last few nights have been up and down, but I do think DD is teething quite badly as she's drooling a lot and her two top ones are fully out with 2 more bottom ones either side poking out a bit too.

I've been cutting down dramatically on night feeding, picking her up instead to soothe her or popping her dummy back in. She'd getting the hang of doing it herself I think too. Only if she was really upset after that have I fed her. And when I have, she did seem hungry!

She has been waking up less most nights, one night she only woke up twice after 10 pm which was amazing! So proud of her!! Another night she was up a lot, almost like usual, just not feeding her as much. Last night she woke up 3 times I think (it's all so blurry!) but I didn't feed her at all between 8pm and 8 this morning! Unbelievable!

Kind of feeling a bit more positive about everything and hope she carries on improving her sleep (and ours!). She has her first settling in session at nursery tomorrow, so excited for that as well. She's never "played" with another baby due to Covid etc. only seen them in baby class. It'll be so different for her!

How is everyone else doing? Hope you're all getting some good sleep and your bubbas are happy. Looking forward to hearing your updates! xxx

@Smudgefell, smudgett is really doing you proud there! Well done for working so hard at it. It’s so difficult when you’re exhausted and all you want to do is get her back to sleep as efficiently as you can so you can get back to sleep yourself.

Fingers crossed for her settling sessions too. My DD has done pretty well. She had her first half day today and managed to have her nap as normal, although she was quite tearful afterwards. The childminder took her out in the pram and she cheered up but wouldn’t touch her lunch. Onwards and upwards... tomorrow is her first full day.

@TradedAtlanta awww it must have been a big change for her! Hope her full day tomorrow goes well. What kind of hours is it? We’ve booked her in for “short day” sessions which are 8.45-16.30 I think. I can’t even remember it was so long ago we decided!

Thanks for your reply, keeping fingers crossed for you for tomorrow too!

@Smudgefell hellooooo lovely to hear you’re getting on so well! Seriously well done. It’s so so hard - you know how to get back to sleep quickly but that’s short term rather than thinking more long term.

I was thinking about your DD and her naps the other day. You said she is napping for up to four hours I think, and I do wonder if she is making up for lost sleep overnight with naps?? My DD, I have noticed, has around 13 hours’ sleep in 24 hours - which is less than what most babies seem to need but she does just fine on that. I’ve noticed that her naps have really really reduced since she’s been sleeping through. She’s sleeping around 11 (usually just over) hours a night, and naps are down to 1h45 -2h total for the day. The one night she didn’t sleep through was when she napped longer in the day - 2h40 total - and then she was awake in the night for almost 2 hours. I’m just wondering if it could be a bit of a vicious circle with your DD’s naps. I think it was with mine - she was an amazing napper but her night sleep was awful. Now, I’m very, very busy in the days 😅 but she’s sleeping much better overnight.

Over here things are going pretty well as I’ve said - sleeping through except for the day she napped too long - I won’t be letting that happen again any time soon! During the day she’s been a bit of a handful - she is desperate to stand and walk and she’s so close to being able to do those things without help but she can’t quite and she’s so frustrated, bless her! She was always pretty chilled out before so it’s a bit of a shock to the system really!

@TradedAtlanta is Tiny Traded still sleeping well?

Hope your babies both do well with childcare. It must be so hard and so liberating all at once!!

@Smudgefell hi! Lovely to hear your update. Sounds like you’re doing really well reducing/ stopping feeds! May it continue!

DD is still sleeping through here but waking up quite early. Which should be ok but I’m still finding it a bit difficult, mainly because she has been extremely hard work in the day time. Very grumpy and nothing I do seems to cheer her up which is very draining. I hope it is a developmental leap of some sort she will grow out of soon. She doesn’t seem unwell or to be teething so I’m lost!
@TradedAtlanta hope the full day in childcare goes well! How are you coping with sending her? When are you back at work?
@Dillybear lovely to hear your DD is still sleeping through! Wow nearly walking already? That’s very impressive! My DD won’t crawl yet but she’s quite the speedy roller everywhere so I think that’s what’s stopping her.
It really is lovely to see everyone progressing in the right direction! Please keep the updates coming guys x

@June628 DD is also very grumpy with the standing/walking obsession, plus her top two teeth cutting through. They have both just broken the gum overnight so hopefully she’ll feel a bit happier soon! Very proud that she still managed to sleep til 6.10 this morning in spite of that! The days feel loooooooooong at the moment though. Looking forward to the weekend and DH being home. How early is your DD getting up?

I don’t know if my DD’s walking thing is normal - she’s not really feeling crawling but wants to walk around the room holding my hands constantly. Is your DD into that at the moment? She can stand without help for a couple of seconds now and is getting steadier and steadier every day. It’s exhausting!!

I’m also really enjoying the updates. Nice to hear from you all especially with everything going on at the moment.

Hi all! Lovely to hear that your little one is also doing well sleep wise @June628. I’m trying to remember whether tiny-traded was hard work at that age. I don’t think so, but she’s never been interested in physical development. She does butt shuffle now but not at all concerned with pulling up or walking. We’ve continued with sleep throughs here, except for one night her dad woke her up and we had to settle her again with calpol then lying with her in the room. Unfortunately she seems to still be a loud sleeper so makes a couple of noises each night which is enough to wake me up. Honestly it was easier with one wake a night! So the last couple of nights I’ve used a different monitor which has less good audio. The monitor has also switched itself off overnight so it’s perfectly possible that I’ve accidentally done cry it out! She seemed fine in the morning though.

I’m not sure if she’s grumpy because she’s frustrated about something or if something else is going on. She isn’t interested in walking around like you describe @Dillybear but will happily stand with me/sofa there for support. Naps are becoming a pin too she cries when she’s put down whereas usually she goes down quite happily so I’m just hoping whatever it is goes by quickly!
@TradedAtlanta what you say about little noises is so true! DD has started doing little cries, just one cry, I’ll wake up &look at the monitor & she’s asleep! But I’m awake 🤦‍♀️ Think monitor off is the way to go because the walls are pretty thin anyway I’ll hear her wake up properly but I feel uneasy doing that just yet.

My DD does the same odd little cries as well. Not every night but now and again. Sometimes she shuffles a little and goes straight back off, other times I think she must be doing it when she’s actually fast asleep. Can you imagine if adults did that?!

I am keeping the bedroom door ajar so I can definitely hear her but I’ve got the monitor on mute. So far I still hear every shuffle - I even hear her beginning to wake up in the mornings, before the chattering starts - but it doesn’t sound as harsh as it does on the monitor so it’s less disturbing to my sleep.

This afternoon DD has started cruising around properly - I am getting absolutely nothing done 😅

@TradedAtlanta haha I’m absolutely certain you didn’t do cry it out - even without the monitor! You definitely would have heard her!!

@Smudgefell That is really good news about DD. I hope it continues for you!

@Dillybear DS only sleeps a total of 13 hours too. My DD slept for huge stretches in the day, so it's a shock!

I can't believe your DD is ready to walk. Like @June628 my DS can't crawl yet but is a proficient roller so doesn't really need to. I stood him up against the sofa yesterday and he loved it.

Things are going fairly well here. We had a blip last week with a few nights of 2 hours' constant crying and I nearly cracked but I read about extinction bursts, where there is a sort of regression in behaviour, and that seemed to fit the bill, so we kept going. We are now on 4 consecutive sleep throughs, but some very early starts. One morning it was 4:45!

@Dillybear Hello! Glad to hear your nights are continuing well! It sounds like little Dilly is becoming a real handful during the day

It's so frustrating for them when they want to do something but can't quite get there! DD is doing the same things as little Dilly by the sounds of it - obsessed with pulling herself up, trying to walk etc. Although she is more interested in trying to climb up things (stairs/cushions/into baskets) than walk. Amazing to watch but exhausting the keep up with!! Incredible that little Dilly can stand unaided already, that's really good. And the cruising is a massive leap - you really will be watching her like a hawk now!

I think you're right about the naps too - I noticed the other day that her second nap (usually 2-4 pm) is getting closer to 45 mins/1 hour now. It was a bit of a shock at first when I thought I had a good 2 hours to get stuff done!

I have to say at night we sleep with our door open and hers shut - the rooms are next to each other and as we live in a village it's very quiet at night so you hear every peep! So when she does wake up, I hear it but not until she really starts making proper noises. She does those little short, sharp cries too! They're so loud! And then she does her babbling when she's half asleep too, very loudly. We can hear everything downstairs with the TV on when her door is shut so I'm not too worried about potentially missing any noise at night.

@June628 Sorry to hear little June is being so difficult during the day! It's so discouraging when they're grumpy for no apparent reason and nothing cheers them up. I just chalk it down to them having a bad day/couple of days. DD gets like that sometimes and it feels like you just can't do anything right when all you do is love them and do anything you can for them. Can't do right for doing wrong!

@TradedAtlanta how did Tiny Traded's nursery go? Smudgett had a good time at her settling in yesterday, but got a bit ratty at the end as it was her nap time. Next session (where I leave her there) is tomorrow - nervous for her but excited!

I don't know how the hell they do it, but they seem to be nap aficionados there. They had about 4 of the older kids happily snoozing away on the floor during our settling in even with DD making noise and us talking quite close to them.

@Stringervest wow, 4.45 is very early but well done on the 4 sleep throughs. That's amazing! I haven't heard of extinction bursts, will looks into them now. Can't believe you didn't give in during the 2 hour crying sesh. That's amazing willpower - I don't think I could've done that.

Last night was quite good - I had to wake her from her second nap at 4.30 as it was bordering on 2 hours plus, then kept her out a bit late (food shopping) and she got annoyed so we went straight to bed with lots of milk and no dinner. She doesn't usually eat much at dinner anyway so I wasn't too worried. She slept until 3ish this morning, woke up but I left her alone. She went back to sleep. Then woke up at 5.45 so I fed her as she was really annoyed/hungry. Then she went back to sleep until 8ish!

Thanks all for your updates and love hearing the progress that you and your DCs are making. Like June and Dilly said, it's nice to read, especially at the moment! Xxx

@Smudgefell, good luck for Smudgett tomorrow. Hope you’re feeling ok about it - I got really upset a couple of nights before leaving her. I was so sad about her not having any way of knowing I was coming back especially as our Covid babies will have had so much less of an opportunity to be looked after by wider family and friends.

Tiny-T has done so well though. She’s had her second full day today. She’s managing to eat and sleep, and not too many tears. Today she got there and wanted to be put straight down to play. When she got home she’d somehow learned how to make towers with blocks where before she was all about destruction. So nice to see giving her these new experiences is really making her brain zing. It is so nice to have a break from her too, much as I love her! It was my first day back at work today and I am knackered but really enjoyed seeing my colleagues and getting my head round something not baby food, sleep routines and nappy rash again!

Keep the updates coming @Dillybear, @Stringervest, @June628. Really good to hear how everyone is getting on.

Hi am I OK to jump on this thread? I have a ds who is 11 months old and I'd like to start weaning him of bf at 12 months. I'm thinking about night weaning in a couple of weeks when my dh has a week off, but really nervous about it because when he wakes in the night I often feed him back to sleep because it's the quickest way! Sometimes he only wakes twice and they're really short feeds, but if he's unsettled it can be anything up to 6 wakes a night! He's on 3 meals and one snack a day, eats very well and I bf in the day still too. I'm hoping night weaning first will mean that when I day wean he will less likely to just want more at night?

My plan at first is to feed at 11 and 3 as these seem to be his most regular wake times and anything extra, try to just cuddle him etc, but avoid feeding if I can. Then cut maybe the 3am one and lastly the 11pm? Does this sound like something that could work?

@Fivebyfive2 Hi! Of course you’re more than welcome!!
I’m probably not the best person to answer that particularly part of your question as my DD was only having one overnight feed but my DH would resettle her any time before that earlier in the night so I think she didn’t get into the habit of feeding during her other wake ups. That was purely by chance as I just couldn’t sleep in the same room as her so we would take it in shifts.
I think your idea of cutting down the number of feeds first is definitely good and will hopefully give you an easier transition! Do you have a DH that can resettle some of the time if DS expects milk from you? Good luck, we’re all here for support :)
@TradedAtlanta you have given me hope that going back to work will be ok! Glad your DD has settled well at the childminder! I’m so nervous about leaving DD with anyone else; she hasn’t been away from me for more than a couple of hours since she was born so it’ll be so strange but I still have a while to go yet (back to work in March).
Had an ok night here, a couple of wake ups but I managed to shhhh through the monitor and didn’t have to actually go into dd’s room which a few weeks ago would have been unheard of. Helps so much her being in her own room so I can see if she’ll resettle and won’t become fully awake by clocking on that me/DH are actually there. Almost wish we’d done it sooner!
Hope everyone else is getting on well!!

I used Dr Jay Gordon but without the bed sharing. So rocking / patting back to sleep rather than feeding, but not leaving to cry.

Took a week but worked brilliantly.

I just wanted to post to let all you ladies know that reading about your progress is really helpful!
My LG is 8 months and has recently gone from 2 - 3 BF a night to 5 or 6 so I'm thinking it will soon be time to night wean, as she's definitely doing it for comfort as a sleep association and I'm worried it's affecting her low solids intake too. I'm thinking I'll start around 9 months if things don't improve magically without intervention! So it's been really useful to read about how different people are going about it

Welcome @Fivebyfive2 and @IrishMammy2020! May the sleep gods be with you when you choose to start. I’ve been really surprised how many of us have had good progress, and how whether we’ve done controlled crying, reducing feeding gradually, alternative settling like patting or settling with voice, it all seems to be positive. It makes me feel we all need to try to trust our instincts as to what will work with our little ones, and then try to be consistent in applying it.

@Smudgefell, how was it? You and Smudgett ok? I was wfh today and DH was looking after her. She completely refused to nap for him this afternoon so I had to stop work to take over, the little Madame! She normally doesn’t do that so I wonder if it was her way of saying she’d had enough of being without me this week.

@TradedAtlanta that’s fantastic about your DD settling so well with the childminder. Amazing that she is learning so well, it must feel like she has a whole life of her own! It’s really reassuring to hear as I’m getting so sad/nervous about the thought of DD going to nursery.

@Smudgefell so glad you’re still seeing improvements! DD’s naps are maximum 2 hours across the day and I’m bloody knackered!! It’s such a shock having to run around after her alllllll day. But definitely better than the alternative!

@Stringervest that’s such good news that you managed to push through. I had to google the extinction bursts thing but that’s exactly what happened with my DD. It’s like they make progress and then push back and then it settles again. Hopefully it’ll be smooth sailing for now.

@June628 that’s fab that you were able to settle DD with shhhing through the monitor - that definitely wouldn’t have happened a few days ago. She has come such a long way!!

@Fivebyfive2 welcome aboard! I have no idea what would work best for your DS but jf he’s waking six times a night it sounds like it would be a good idea to try doing something different. I have a friend who has decided to feed every three hours at a maximum and any other wakes she is settling her DS. He’s much younger than yours but he is sleeping longer stretches now - so it seems to be working!! Whatever you decide - starting when your DH is off work is definitely a good idea and we are here on this thread with solidarity for you! You can do this!

@IrishMammy2020 glad this thread has been helpful. There is lots that makes mums feel guilty about trying to do anything to improve sleep, but you matter, too! Hope things improve for you.

As for me - I am knackered from trying to stop DD from falling over all week but I’ve had two proseccos to celebrate having DH home for the weekend so I’m tired but quite tipsy! Sleep wise - DD has got three new teeth in now, including the top middle two, and her sleep has been good even through all that. Hoping for the positive streak to continue. It’s made such a massive difference to my well-being. Your support with it has been amazing. Love that this thread is still going.

Totally agree with @TradedAtlanta - different babies seem to benefit from different approaches. Just different personalities I guess. And no one is better placed to know what will work for our babies than us.