Planning to night wean - please share your experiences and advice with me

[Dillybear]

Hello all! My DD is eight months old and I think we are both ready to night wean. I think she is ready because:

• her feeds are now 3-4 minutes long, and she is off and on during feeds quite a bit
• it used to feel like she was taking a lot of milk overnight but it doesn’t anymore. I have had issues with oversupply and if she woke late or missed a night feed, even until fairly recently, I would experience engorgement and have had mastitis more than once. Now, when she misses night feeds I don’t get any discomfort. However, I would still be uncomfortable if she missed a daytime feed
• her wake ups have become random, whereas before she woke at fairly predictable times for long feeds

I am ready to night wean because I am very tired, and I’m returning to work soon. I have a long commute on the motorway, and at the moment I wouldn’t be safe to travel to and from work. I also drive a lot for work - it isn’t unusual for me to drive 100 miles in a day.

DD has two naps a day, between 2.5-3.5 hours’ daytime sleep. She self settles to sleep happily most of the time. Sometimes needs a little extra comforting in the cot, but really only if she’s teething. After a night feed I put her back in the cot awake and she self settles back to sleep without any fuss, so she isn’t feeding to get back to sleep.

DH has booked a week off work, and we’re ready for a few hideous nights (hopefully followed by the best sleeps of our lives!). I would be so grateful if you could tell me what method you used to night wean, how long it took, and did it work? Please share all your wisdom, advice, and knowledge with me!

@BigusBumus

I have actually been leaving the monitor on silent and leaving the door open the last couple of nights. It hasn’t helped hugely yet, I could barely sleep at all last night, but I do think it will.

By way of a general update - night before last DD woke at 11.30, 1.30, and 4.30. I didn’t rush straight in and she settled back to sleep within a minute or two at 11.30 and 4.30. Never tried that before so that made me feel quite optimistic! I went to feed her (2 minutes) at 1.30 and she went straight back to sleep. But then last night I went to bed early as I wasn’t very well, put earplugs in and DH said he’d try to settle her and that after 2am he’d get me up to feed her if needed. Anyway she woke at 11.45 and was still yelling at 2am. I slept until about 1.30 and then woke up and heard her. She was in and out of sleep and not yelling the whole time. Perfectly happy if picked up and held. No tears, just really angry! I went and fed her at 2am, and she went straight back to sleep after a tiny feed. So, basically we put her and us through all that for nothing. And she’s knackered this morning. Feeling really down about it today.

@Dillybear I’ve been in the exact same situation & know exactly how you feel! She will hopefully catch up on her sleep today & maybe have an extra long nap. Don’t feel bad!
Great progress with the other wake ups though, try to look at the positives! You’re doing great

Oh @Dillybear thinking of you! It’s so hard to know what to do for the best. It’s really worthwhile discovering that sometimes if left for a few minutes she will go back to sleep on her own. My DH says he knows just by the look in her eyes whether she’ll settle with a bit of shhhing or she’s in the for the long haul until I feed her.

By way of light at the end of the tunnel, the night before last my DD slept through. We did no more by way of night weaning, it just magically happened.... at the 361st attempt 😂. Back to one wake last night but it’s left me feeling really hopeful that perhaps I don’t have to actively address this last feed.

How was your night @Dillybear?

I cut out night feeds with my three at 7 months, whilst continuing to daytime bf them for much longer. But that’s basically my breaking point in terms of sleep, coping and my mental health as none of them were good sleepers. In cutting out feeds we did cc, going in every 5-10 min to let them know we’re still here. None of them had insane bouts of crying and were sorted in two nights. In fact my second cried for a grand total of 4 mins. My third was an early waker so that was a trickier habit and lasted longer but he seemed to grow out of that by himself and it wasn’t that connected to whether he got fed or not anyway.

@June628 @TradedAtlanta

Thanks for your messages. I’m finding things really tough. I’m so on edge about when she’s going to wake up that even when she sleeps I can’t sleep. Last night she slept well! 7.45-4.15 and then 4.30-6.30! But even though I went to bed at 9.30 I think I may have gotten about four hours’ broken up sleep. It’s just so unpredictable. The night before last her first wake up was around 11.30. She used to wake up around the same time each night for full feeds, and that was easier in some ways as at least I knew roughly when she’d be up and I was in a rhythm with her. And of course the more sleep deprived I am the more I struggle to sleep...

We are starting proper controlled crying on Friday night when DH has got his time off. It’s my last hope really. I’m getting really nervous about it already though.

How about you guys??

Oh bless you! It’s so hard to switch off isn’t it & to feel like you’re always on edge! I’m the same so what we do now is DH stays with her for the first half of the night (she’s still in our room) & I stay in the spare room then we switch at 3/4/5 whenever she wakes up for a feed. He tries to settle her first but knows when it won’t work. I just couldn’t sleep in the same room every little shuffle woke me up. Hopefully we’ll move her to her own room soon but I’m worried I’ll have the same problem as you with the bloody monitor & listening out all the time :(
She slept 7-5:30 night before last then down until 7:30 after a quick feed but last night was up at 4:30& 5:30 for the day 😴 no rhyme or reason with these babies is there!!
Good luck for Friday, hope it won’t be as bad as you think!!

@Dillybear I can really relate to the difficulty sleeping when you’re listening out. I will be thinking of you on Friday night. My friend who did controlled crying recommended ear plugs, having something valuable to do whilst you’re waiting to go and soothe her and reminding yourself that if you stop and feed you’ve let them cry for nothing. Fingers crossed your DD will get it quickly and better sleep is on the way for you.
Here we had another sleep through last night. I think it’s because she’s not very well so strangely I’m hoping for this cold to go on and on!

I had the same experience as @Himawarigirl with my DD. CC worked after one night. I can totally relate to being unable to sleep because you're on edge. Hopefully the finish line is in sight.

DD cried a lot on the night we did CC. A lot. But the next morning she was smiling and happy and she's been a brilliant sleeper ever since. The whole family, including her, felt better when we were sleeping better.

@Dillybear Good luck with CC tomorrow. My boys were all the same when i did it. About an hour the first night, 20 mins the 2nd, 3 mins the 3rd and then nothing forever more after that.

Just remember 2 things. (1) The second you cave in and go in to her, you've put her through all that for nothing which is more cruel really as you've achieved nothing and (2) No baby ever died of crying.

Its pretty shit, but the rewards after that third night are immense.

🤞🏼🍀🤞🏼🍀💐🍷

Thank you everyone for the encouragement. DD has been sleeping better the last two nights... it’s all very suspicious. Maybe she heard me talking about CC!

Night before last she slept 7.45-4.15, 4.15-6.30, then last night she slept 7.30-5.30 but was up for the day. It’s a real improvement as that’s the longest she’s ever slept continuously, though if she could push it to 6am I’d be much happier!

Would you guys still do controlled crying if she’s waking just for one feed around 4am? Not sure if it’s worth it. Having said that, tonight she’ll probably wake three times haha!

Seems to me there’s no right answer @Dillybear but no doubt it will be up and down. You could see it if she sleeps til 4 the night you first try cc you only have one wake to get through.

Awesome improvement! Did you manage to have a good rest as well or were you still worrying about her waking up?
I don’t know what the right answer is regarding CC, as @TradedAtlanta says there’s probably no right or wrong way to go.

I night weaned my 8 month old who woke up every two hours. I was on my knees with my mental health and really wasn’t coping well. I used a lovely sleep consultant who advised that I (not my husband) comfort and settle him when he woke. Luckily he would let me sush and pat him back to sleep. Tbh he wasn’t remotely fussed about it but he was awake more than he was asleep for those three nights! After that I did some gentle sleep training (stayed in the room with him while he dropped off and then moved to going in and out every 2 mins). It took night weaning and self settling for him to sleep more but he did eventually become a great sleeper.

I now have his younger brother who is nearly 7 months and is as dreadful a sleeper as his brother was (I seem to make a brand of super sleep resistant babies!!). He is actually mixed fed, formula in the day and breast at night. He’s getting enough formula feeds so am considering dropping the night breastfeeds but I’m thing myself in knots with guilt (especially after reading some other MN threads). It’s interesting and a bit of a relief to see talk of balancing mum and baby needs on this thread!

If you want details of what I did or the sleep consultant let me know

@CycleWoman - glad to hear the tone of this thread helps you feel more comfortable with your desire to night wean. I don’t think any of us should feel guilty about supporting our children to sleep well. My mum was the martyr type and all through my childhood I remember being aware that although she loved us she also resented us (or at least she resented what she was doing for us). I really want my LO to grow up with the security of consistent boundaries and the knowledge that everything I do for her is not only because I love her but because I think it’s right and appropriate. Doing the hourly wake up business I could feel that resentment building and I wasn’t able to be the mum I wanted to be in the day because I was just too exhausted. With better sleep I have the energy to engage with her so much more.

I’m really interested in your sleep consultant’s advice that you should do the night weaning rather than your DH. Did he/she give a rationale?

May the sleep gods be with you tonight @Dillybear, whatever you decide is right for your family xxx

@CycleWoman thanks for your comment. I really like mumsnet, there are so many wise women on here and I love that people are so supportive and helpful. At times, though, I find it can be a bit evangelical and even fear mongering about sleep and feeding etc. I think we are all just trying to do our best, and what that looks like can vary massively from one family to another and that’s okay. I’d love to know more about what you tried with your eldest. Are you planning to do the same with your second soon?

@TradedAtlanta thanks so much for thinking of me, that’s so kind. I’m not sure if we’re going ahead tonight. DD was looking dangerously like she might be teething! So we’ll have to play it by ear tonight I think. She’s so close to sleeping through though. Last night she woke and had a 90 second feed at 11 but otherwise slept 7-6am.... and I slept 12am-6am! I literally got so much done today. Honestly felt incredible! 🤣

That’s sleeping through in my book! Well done mini-Dillybear, what a little poppet!

Haha thank you! Mini Dilly is definitely teething, poor babe. She has been up and screaming since 10.30. I knew as soon as I heard the first cry that she was in pain so I was straight in with lots of cuddles followed by DH with the calpol. It’s horrible that she’s in pain but on a positive note has made me feel confident that when we do sleep train we would realise straight away if something was wrong. One of my worries with sleep training has been the idea that she’s ill or in pain, rather than just cross, and we don’t realise. DH is settling her now, but definitely no sleep training tonight.

This is typical! She often teethes on and off for several days in a row, so there’s a good chance that the time off DH has for this sleep training won’t be any use in the end!

@TradedAtlanta The sleep consultant said it was to let the baby know that Mum wasn’t doing milk anymore! So he’d wake up expecting milk but instead you’d be there with cuddles/comfort etc but not milk. But I have heard that the general consensus is not for Mum to do it! And I can totally see that some babies might get more distressed with it being Mum. It worked fine for us though.

@Dillybear I am trying with my youngest after much dithering. The last few nights have been putting him down and staying with him til he dropped off but still coming in to feed/cosleep later in the night. Letting him fall asleep on his own seems to have least pushed his first wake up back to 1/2am rather than 10pm! Tonight I did the same but am planning no milk! He’s currently fast asleep on my shoulder. Completely nonplussed about lack of milk but I think there will be a lot more wake ups as he’s completely reliant on milk to get back to sleep. Wish me luck!

@CycleWoman how did it go? Hopefully you’re all still asleep!

We ended up doing some controlled crying last night. After the calpol kicked in DH was trying to settle her but she was still upset so he was walking around soothing her for a while, and after a few minutes of her being calm he put her back in the cot. I hadn’t fed her by this point as it was such an early wake up and clearly for teeth rather than hunger. She started to cry again but this time it was a cross cry. I heard the difference from our room and DH came back into the room and said the same thing. We agreed that as long as she sounded cross and not in pain or upset we’d give it a go, as trying to settle her in other ways wasn’t working anyway. After that it was just under an hour of on and off crying (more like shouting really), with me going in and out and reassuring her. There were no tears, not even from me! She went back to sleep around midnight and slept til 6.30 when she was up happily for the day.

I, on the other hand, slept from 1-5am, and I I woke up around 2.30 for a bit as well. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to lie down this afternoon.

@Dillybear Nothing worse than being awake when they are asleep! I find their frequent wake ups totally break your sleep and it takes a while to get used to sleeping yourself again.

We cracked on and he woke as usual at 3am and 530am. No tears but he would wake up every time I put him back in the cot so I resorted to the dummy. Not ideal as I guess I’m swapping one sleep crutch for the other. But will see how we get on over the next few nights.

@CycleWoman yeah that’s how we’ve gotten to where we are, really. She seems to be on one wake up at the moment, for the last week at least, which sounds totally manageable, I know. At one stage I would have thought I was mad to complain about just one wake up! But I’m still really struggling with it because she can wake amy time between 10.30-5.30. I find it so hard to sleep when I constantly feel like I might be woken up any minute. I’m hoping if she gets the message that there’s no night time milk, she’ll only wake if she’s ill or in pain etc. - so hopefully she will sleep through often enough for me to be able to sleep a bit better. Of course, she may have other ideas! But I’m still hopeful.

That’s good that you managed the night without milk! It is an extra challenge if DS isn’t settling to sleep by himself just yet, but I would have thought that the dummy is less of a strong sleep association than breastfeeding. And hopefully he will be able to replace it himself soon enough, so it doesn’t need to be dependent on you.

Awful night here. Woke up at 10 ten 1 which is very unusual for her. Tried to comfort without feeding for a bit but wasn’t going anywhere so had a quick feed. Then woke up at 3:30, I gave only a 5 min feed wanting to cut down the time & she screamed inconsolably for an hour. I could tell it was an angry scream, would calm down when being held for a bit but as soon as I put her down she’d start again.
I know she wasn’t hungry she just coming off & on the boob for the 5 mins sl thought it was a good opportunity.
I don’t know what to do tonight. And on Top of it all I wanted to move her to her own room tonight.
I couldn’t sleep at all; had to camp out on the sofa with the monitor because every little shuffle was putting me on edge & DH was in the spare room after a rare evening out.
Hope everyone else’s night was better

Sending commiserations @June628. My DD’s cold has gone to her chest so the poor mite is coughing for England (don’t recommend a Covid test for a 12 month old - not fun). Coupled with the fact I discovered three molars that weren’t there a few days ago, I feel very sorry for her and she’s not great company. She hasn’t done too badly overnight, still only waking once, but she’s much noisier in her sleep (and didn’t get the memo about the clocks changing) so we’re all quite tired and grumpy here too!