Feeling trapped by 7 week old naps - advice please!!

[Kellyje90]

Not really sure what I’m trying to say here so bare with me!
I’m FTM to a 7 week old DD. Until about 4 weeks of age she napped really well during the day but then it changed and now it’s sometimes a bit of a fight to get her to go down and stay down for naps. She can really fight it and end up terribly over tired which isn’t pleasant for her or for me. Since having a few really over tired days when this change first happened I now try to stay on top of her naps as best as I can (maybe a bit neurotically) for fear of this happening again. She’s not a baby who will just crash and sleep anywhere, she will sleep in her pram or car seat if in motion but will wake as soon as it stops. Other than that it’s in her bed side crib, in her swaddle bag and in the dark. Even then it can take sometime to get her down.
I’m feeling quite trapped by this as it feels like I spend most of my day trying to put her down for a nap and repeating that cycle. I imagined a baby that would crash anywhere all over the house but obviously this hasn’t been the case, probably a bit naive and unrealistic of me. Always thought I’d find the nighttime sleep the hardest as that’s what everyone talks about but it’s getting my head around the daytime sleep that I struggle with. I feel like I can’t really go anywhere as I’ll miss her nap window and then she’ll become over tired or have people over as I’ll have to go to the bedroom for ages to try and get her to nap after an hour or so if awake time. I don’t know if I’m over thinking things and just feeling overly anxious about it all but it’s hard to shake the trapped feeling and impending doom of never ending cycle of trying to put her down for a nap. I suppose I’m just looking for advice/support. Has anyone else experienced similar/felt similarly? Any tips/advice? Will it get better?
Thanks in advance from an anxious ftm

I don’t really have much advice for you I’m afraid, but I know exactly how you feel. My mood will depend almost completely on when baby has napped well on any given day!
When I say it out loud that I’m getting fixated on my baby’s naps I know it sounds insane, but it’s all consuming! I’m just telling myself that this too shall pass, and trying (really trying!) to relax a bit.

Have you googled baby sleep cycles for her age?

My daughter was the same and I found I was putting her down for a nap when she was overtired, first nap at that age is usually only around an hour after waking for the day for example. I was missing her sleep cues, she was overtired and became impossible to settle. I found that by following the sleep cycles and putting her down when suggested, even if I didn’t think she was tired, really helped.

No advice I’m afraid as I’ve just posted similar, my 7 week old Is a fighter of naps too. I naively expected maternity leave to be much more fun- lunch dates with friends, my baby going happily into others’ arms, then napping on the go while I gallivanted around. Not a chance. Thanks to lockdown/ second waves worries, I’ve now resigned myself to not really leaving the house just so I can get on top of these naps. When we’re at home and really putting the effort in she does well, but if we have to go somewhere then I may as well write her naps off for the day!

I'm in the same boat OP! My LO is 11 weeks and it has improved a bit. She can now be awake for 1 hr 30 mins before needing her next nap, which makes the constant nap cycle less relentless. When she could only be awake for an hour it was painful - I felt like I was constantly fighting to get her to sleep. Sending solidarity, it does get (a bit) better!

I've found that she fights sleep less now as well, not sure if that's due to her age or us reading her sleep cues better but it's so nice to not have her crying everytime we try to get her to nap.

If you want to go out can you walk (say to the park to meet friends) so she gets a sleep in the pram on the way there and on the way back? Or pop her in the sling? The sling is the only way I can get her to nap for a few hours and once she's in it and asleep you can socialise as normal if you have people over etc (even if you are standing up the whole time!)

I too had dreams of coffee with friends whilst the baby naps in the pram during mat leave. Absolutely no chance. I'm so jealous of friends' babies who will fall asleep at the drop of a hat. It's pretty lonely at times as I can only go out of the house/see people for a limited amount of time due to her naps, but it's not forever... Hopefully!

I've had two pretty terrible sleepers. Second time around I discovered nap gaps and a sleep tracking app called huckleberry. After logging your child's sleep for a few days it suggests sleep sweet spots. Obviously all children are different but it's worked really well for identifying nap times here.

She is now 2 and I started using it again for a patch a few weeks back as her bedtime is really late and I wanted to see what time they'd suggest. But she doesn't agree so much with that one 😂 the nap times are still pretty much spot on though. I think you can pay for personalised advice but I never felt we needed to.

Second huckleberry and also try a baby sling? Mine always dropped off in there and my first was the worst sleeper in the work!

My son's naps were really early, at that age he used to get up about 6 then back asleep by 10am at latest

I found this really helpful when my two were small. It helped me work out a rough schedule each day based on average awake times.

www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/02/average-sleep-charts-by-age.html

I wouldn’t stress about a 7 week olds naps and defo would plan my day around them that’s for sure. Babies can sense the stress so this may prevent the nap. How often does your baby need to sleep in the day?

A 4 hour awake window for a 7 weeks old seems very very long!

At 7 weeks old most babies will struggle to stay awake more than 1-1.5 hours at a time.

Huckleberry app will tell you when to put her down for her next nap based on when her last nap was and how long it was. I found it very useful.

Alternatively, the Little Ones sleep programme does a daily routine by age which helps you identify appropriate nap windows. That costs money though, while Huckleberry is free.

I'm confused about this, I have a 7 week old too, FTM. I was under the impression that for babies of this age there's no sleep schedule as such? Surely baby will just sleep when she's tired and be awake when she's not? I've never tried to "get" mine to nap, if she's awake I "play" with her (singing, talking to her etc) and when she falls asleep I put her in the Moses basket or let her nap on my lap. I don't follow any schedule and I go out with her in the pram/carrier as and when. Have I been doing it wrong?

Over thinker don’t over think... haha!! What you are doing sounds good! Carry on doing what’s working for you 😊

I've found parenting a constant cycle of finding the best strategies, enjoying them for a short while, and struggling to adapt to the next change.

You'll find and adjust to her new nap pattern, you'll be happy for a while and then she'll change again. It's normal.

@OverTheRainbow88 Thanks, yes I guess it works, I just wondered why "fighting sleep" is a problem, surely if a baby doesn't want to sleep just let them be awake?

Very normal.

In my (very generalised!) opinion, you either have a baby that will sleep anyway during the day (or often in fact, prefers sleeping on the hop) or you have one that will only sleep at home.

My first was an at home napper and I had a small age gap and I was determined that my second would sleep in the pram/pushchair. She had other ideas though!

You get used to it and actually it gets a lot better when from about 4-6 months when they typically have 2 naps a day. Mine used to have their first nap at 9-10.30 and then we'd go out for the morning, come back for lunch and then they'd have an afternoon nap.

You get used to it!

Oh yes, and a sling did work in the early days but after about 3 months old, she also refused to sleep in the sling!

@Overthinker1988

I guess Sometimes babies can get ‘over tired’ so they are proper Cranky and won’t settle or calm down regardless of what you try to do yet they won’t go to sleep... which can be hard work and not fun for anyone!

@OverTheRainbow88 Good to keep in mind, mine just does her own thing for the time being. Anyway I don't want to hijack the OP's thread.
Perhaps a sling would help? I use the one from the baby box (I'm in Scotland), I think it's the same as a Moby wrap. I've just cleaned the house inc doing the hoovering and baby slept through it all.

Babies are contrary little beings - they can fight sleep because they don’t want to sleep (great, just move next nap time forward a bit) or they can fight it because they are too tired!

It’s finding what works for your child. If they constantly fight a particular nap then try dropping it altogether and reduce the number of naps they have.

For my two dropping the late afternoon nap was the worst - finding the balance between having the last nap close enough to bedtime that they are not still wide awake, but not so early that they’re overtired wrecks!

@Overthinker1988 I assumed all babies do this too. I.e. just nod off when they were tired throughout the day, no schedule. But my little one doesn’t do that, she may be tired but she will fight sleep as though her life depended on it. Would be fabulous if she just nodded off whenever suited but that’s not the case. So if I don’t ‘fight’ to put her down for a nap she just wouldn’t and then she’d become more tired and be almost impossible to settle I.e. screaming till she’s red in the face.

@Kellyje90 How long is she awake for at a time? You mention having to go through to the bedroom, does that mean she's napping in a different room to where you are? Could be that she wants to be close to you...have you tried putting her in a sling? Works a treat for us when LO is unsettled.
And is she definitely getting enough to eat? My LO was a bit like yours in the first week when I was trying to breastfeed, except it was night times we struggled with. Since moving to FF she's got no problems sleeping, turned out I had low supply and she was just hungry.

@CaveMum But how do you "schedule" a baby like that? I have no control over when mine naps, she nods off when she wants to and feeding on demand means she doesn't always sleep at the same times every day...

I only later realised that DS didn't exactly fight sleep but got annoyed that he couldn't sleep.
When he was a baby, it made no difference.

The trick might be to let her rest before she gets tired.

Another trick I learned was that trying to get them to sleep for too long didn't work very well.
In fact, it might help to have a little giggle (or equivalent when they are too little) to allow her to relax and release some endomorphins before attempting to put her to sleep.
Maybe a baby massage, or some light play that involves movement, rather than trying to get her to stay still, and then putting her down after winding down with a cuddle, for example.

@Overthinker1988 you can't schedule a 7wk baby but in a month or two you'll be able to build in a bit more structure when you know your baby better.