Dummy and four month regression

[Dillybear]

Hello, I’ve posted on here before about my daughter’s sleep and got some useful advice, so I’m back for more!

DD is now 17 weeks old and in the past few days I think we’ve entered the four month sleep regression. She’s started waking more frequently overnight wanting the dummy - I think it was roughly hourly wake ups last night from around midnight onwards.

I’ve worked hard with DD to get her to be able to go to sleep where she’s going to stay asleep. Now, for all sleep I put her down in her crib (a next to me one) and she has her dummy and goes to sleep with me lying next to her holding her hands or stroking her face. This is a huge improvement from being fed/rocked/bounced to sleep before being put down (only for her eyes to ping open again!). Her taking a dummy was a big part of us achieving this.

She is currently having three naps a day: 30-45m, 2.25h, and then 30-45m. I often have to resettle her after 30m of her lunchtime nap by replacing the dummy a couple of times but it’s clear she wants to sleep so it’s not difficult to resettle her. However, sometimes she stirs but doesn’t wake fully so I don’t need to do anything. Even from being two months old she has liked an early bedtime so she goes down somewhere around 7, depending on when her last nap ended/how tired she seems. Her awake time before bed is usually 2-2.5 hours (I aim for 2 to be on the safe side). She goes down to sleep contentedly, just some days she takes longer to actually fall asleep than others. She has a dreamfeed (though is taking half the quantity of what she was taking before) and then wakes once for a feed in the night. Sometimes she wakes around five but will settle back to sleep in my arms. Most days I then wake her up for the day around 7.15.

Although DD taking a dummy has improved her sleep significantly, which is great, my worry with it was always what would happen if she needed it replaced between every sleep cycle come the four month regression. I appreciate that popping the dummy back in her mouth is much less effort than having to get up to feed or rock her to sleep, however, waking up every hour is not ideal whichever way you look at it. I’m not sure if this will just resolve itself in a few weeks or whether the dummy is such a sleep prop that she won’t be able to link sleep cycles without it.

Does anyone know whether the regression can resolve itself? Or do I need to do some more work on sleep with DD - possibly to get rid of the dummy? If so - please tell me how as I genuinely don’t know how she’d sleep without it at this point.

Also, just out of interest, did anyone notice a change in the length of their child’s sleep cycles after or during the regression? Did you see nap lengths change etc? Probably due to the monotony of lockdown, I have been finding baby sleep quite interesting to learn about so I’m curious to know what I might see from DD to indicate that her sleep cycles have matured.

Thanks so much in advance.

@ BabySleepTeacherUK

Thanks so much for your response. I don’t think she is overtired - I could be wrong - but she goes down very happily for all her naps and is good tempered generally. Today she’s had one hour, then two hours, and she’s sleeping again now). Before the frequent wake ups started she was sleeping from 7am-3/4am, having a feed and then going back down easily. She would start to sleep very lightly from around 5.30 onwards and sleep until 6.30/7ish, or even longer and then I’d wake her myself. Now she’s waking from the dreamfeed and it’s very difficult to resettle her after it. The same when she wakes for a feed, and she’s also crying out for the dummy a number of times in the night, so I’m thinking this is the regression. I’m not clear whether you think I should be giving her the dummy to resettle her when she is waking? If I didn’t she’d become very upset and frustrated so I always give it. I can tell she’s desperately trying to get back to sleep but she’s finding it really hard overnight.

Firstly, you cannot compare Forth Trimester sleep is with post-Fourth Trimester sleep.

Sleep in the forth trimester (so until around 114 weeks, 4 months ish, that's why its called the 4 month sleep regression) is like it was in the womb - passive. In the womb and in the first 3/4 months of life, as long as all baby's needs are met then baby will be asleep. Being asleep is baby's passive state. So waking only occurs if a need is unmet, usually hunger or uncomfortable (nappy/pain/temperature). And then as soon as that need is met (baby is fed, nappy is changed, etc) then baby goes back to their passive state easily - ie asleep.

As baby leaves the fourth trimester, sleep changes, it becomes an active endeavour. So baby's passive state now becomes awake, and to be asleep requires work and effort. Also baby develops sleep that is like an adults, with cycles of light sleep > deep sleep > light sleep > brief semi-conscious state > repeat.

This change in baby's basic physiology is a permanent change. Sleep will never go back to being passive as it was in the womb and 4th trimester. This is the new normal.

So to think 'baby used to sleep well before 4 months old, so should be able to now', really just shows a lack of understanding the changes baby is going through. The way to overcome the 4 month sleep regression is to find a way to help baby sleep in an active way (ie working at it) rather than assuming sleep has always been passive and expecting it to continue to be.

The dummy is an easy and effective way to help baby to get to sleep.

I’m not clear whether you think I should be giving her the dummy to resettle her when she is waking?

Definitely give the dummy

The key things that help a baby through this sleep regression is:

• Baby needs to go from fully awake to asleep in the place they will stay asleep. So no putting down an already asleep or nearly asleep baby. Dummy is a significant helper in this. Also for daytime naps, naps in something that moves helps this (bouncy chair, pushchair, pram etc).
• Not feeding to sleep. So fully separating feeding and sleeping. Again, dummy helps with this.
• Trying to resettle night wakes with a dummy reinsert and in-cot cuddle (if sidecar cot), rather than feeding - due to the feed to sleep association
• Avoiding baby getting overtired (which results in more light sleep and less deep sleep) by ensuring frequent daytime naps.

@ BabySleepTeacherUK

Thanks again for replying. I have been finding it so interesting to learn about her sleep! I’ve read a number of times that her sleep was ‘passive’ before four months and will suddenly start to take effort - but she stopped just falling asleep from about 5/6 weeks, when we started needing to actively help her go to sleep. That’s why the dummy was such a game changer for us as it meant she started to fall asleep much more quickly and happily and without endless rocking and then trying to put her down without waking her etc. Now she goes down awake like you say, and falls asleep in the crib, for all naps and nighttime sleep. So if anything her sleep is easier now (and for the last month or so) than before. But falling asleep isn’t the issue it’s the resettling during the night (she resettles much more easily for her lunchtime nap, sometimes doesn’t need any resettling at all - like this morning when she slept for an hour). It’s good to hear we’re doing the right thing to resettle her at night, though, even if it seems to take forever.

Can I ask whether she will learn to link sleep cycles again without the dummy once the regression has passed? Or as you say is this just how it is now? And if it is how it is now, how do we improve things afterwards? Thanks again for your help.

Linking sleep cycles is developmental. So even with perfect sleep hygiene in place, baby might not be developmentally ready to link their cycles just yet. While all babies are different and develop at different rates, a reasonable approximation for this developmental stage would be 5-7 months (assuming baby goes to sleep where stays asleep and is not over tired - both of which will make linking sleep cycles much more difficult). Like all distribution curves, most will be in the 5-7 range but its not unheard of for babies to link cycles at 2 months or indeed not until 10 months.

The ideas is that once baby is linking sleep cycles, they don't wake up between cycles.

So it's not to do with baby reinserting own dummy, or not being able to. Once linking sleep cycles then what happens is the sleep cycle goes along the lines of light sleep > deep sleep > REM sleep > light sleep > deep sleep > REM sleep.... so no waking up at all.

The waking up between cycles, if it does happen, occurs during the light sleep phase. This is likely to happen if baby didn't go to sleep where went to sleep (and wakes fully due to being confused and scared) or if overtired (when more sleep is light sleep and some period are so light that almost anything wakes baby up).

So really this dummy reinsert phase is just a phase. It helps baby while they cant link cycles. As long as you have good sleep habits in place and baby is getting enough sleep overall, baby will developmentally get there with time.

(still a good idea to work on teaching baby to handle own dummy through)

Thank you @BabySleepTeacherUK that is such a helpful explanation. I’ve read a lot about how adults wake between sleep cycles but we don’t remember it and so I didn’t realise it’s not the same as a proper wake up. We’ll just carry on as we are then for now.

Hi. My older children both had dummies and they kept them until approx 18 months old which is what I intend to do with my 4.5 month old. I’ve Been battling thus sleep regression for weeks now with him and I’m exhausted. I put him to sleep in his crib after his bedtime feed at 7pm. I always leave the room before he falls asleep and he usually settles and is asleep within 10/15 minutes. He has a dummy this falls out eventually then He stays asleep until approx midnight and then he wakes every 30/40 minutes until 4.30am when he has his next feed then he settles and sleeps solid until 7.30am . He has 2 x45 min morning naps and 2 x 45 min afternoon naps each day without fail he is in a routine. I don’t remember my older two children going through this sleep regression. This waking every 30-40 mins in the night has gone on for weeks now and I don’t know what to do . By time I’ve put his dummy back in and put my hand on him back to sleep it’s leaving me about 25 mins each time to sleep my self. I don’t understand why he has the long stretch of sleep when he first goes to bed then again after his 4.30am feed -if he’s struggling to link the sleep cycles why do it just first part of the night and last part of the night and not the middle? do I increase his feeds so he has one around midnight or not as this would increase the association to feed with sleep ? He has plenty of milk during the day so I don’t think he is hungry .

@Complex1950 that sounds awful poor you! I don’t have the answers I’m sorry, but I know what you mean about doing it sometimes but not other times! What’s that about?! I hope it’s over soon for you.

@BabySleepTeacherUK would you please be able to offer any advice on my situation- any advice would be appreciated thanks 😫

Thank you I’m just sat up now it’s 2.30am and I’ve given up any chance of going back to sleep I’ve just popped his dummy in but know I’ve only got 40 mins before he wakes again

Poor you! I hope you managed to get a little sleep? And that you get a response. I’ve had advice from babysleepteacher before and i always hope she’ll respond if I post about sleep as she’s really helpful. I think she wouldn’t mind me saying she previously posted under the username fatedestiny so if you’re ever trawling old threads looking for answers as I have done, if you see replies from that username it’s worth reading them!

I was up half the night too because I was convinced she’d need me to replace the dummy over and over but she just had her normal feeds and resettled easily, slept all the way through til 7. I could see she was thrashing around between sleep cycles but she didn’t want help from me. She’s been really out of sorts for over a week now but today was back to her usual sunny self, which has given me a boost! But I just think I’m so tired now I can’t sleep even when given the chance...

@Dillybear @Complex1950 As if night times weren't hard enough at the moment, my little one has suddenly gone from 1hr - 1.5 hour naps in the day to suddenly having 30 minutes bang on. I can almost predict when he is going to wake up and his eyes ping open and he will not resettle back to sleep for love nor money! Really worried about him getting into a cycle of overtiredness and it making night sleep even worse than it is 😫

Yes my little one too only ever sleeps for max 45 mins each nap during the day I think that’s a sleep cycle 39-45 mins and thats why they wake

I always leave the room before he falls asleep and he usually settles and is asleep within 10/15 minutes. He has a dummy this falls out eventually then He stays asleep until approx midnight and then he wakes every 30/40 minutes until 4.30am when he has his next feed then he settles and sleeps solid until 7.30am

Why aren't you feeding at midnight?

I used to work to a 10 mins / 1h rule at night. When baby wakes, try to resettle with a dummy for 10 minutes. Then...
● If not settled after 10 mins, feed.
● If settled back to sleep within 10 min, but wakes again within 1h (or thereabouts) then feed without bothering with a dummy resettle
● If settled back to sleep within 10 min and stays asleep for well over 1h then try a 10 min dummy resettle again.

Incidentally, to reduce the likelihood baby is hungry on the night, feed more frequently through the day.

@S082018 my DD was doing that with naps, I was lucky if I got 25 minutes out of her at one point! That’s why I spent so long working on falling asleep in the crib and resettling to lengthen naps, and it’s definitely helped. Her naps have stayed the same even though her nighttime sleep has gone to shit haha. How did it go without the sleepyhead?

Hi @BabySleepTeacherUK thanks for your reply, he used to sleep through from 7pm til around 4am then wake for a feed , it’s only in the last few weeks he’s started waking at midnight and having the 30/40 min cycle my health visitor said not to increase night time feeds increase during day, which I have. So are you saying I should feed him at midnight when he wakes aswell?

Il feed him tonight when he wakes at midnight and see how he goes thanks again

it’s only in the last few weeks he’s started waking at midnight

Probably growing and needs the extra calories. Sleep regressions usually coincide with growth spurts.

Have you tried making your daytime feeds closer together, so that there's an extra bottle or two being taken during the day?

My youngest (I've 4 children) was a 91st centile chuck. She wasn't feeding through the night (usually) at 4 months old, but was having full bottles every 2h through the daytime - 8 full feeds between 7am and 9pm. I figured her stomach volume wasn't big enough to take the humongous feeds she would need if only being fed every 3 or 4h in the daytime (which would be 5 or 6 feeds a day) and still getting all her calories during the day.

So if you're baby can't take more milk per feed (because the stomach is full) then making the feeds closer together may help.

Il try that thanks he is a big baby he’s on 80 centile last time was recorded

@Dillybear he's actually settling in his crib so I'm not sure why he's waking up exactly at 30 minutes and not able to link his sleep cycles at that point. I used to be able to settle him back to sleep but even that's not happening at the moment!

He was back in the sleepyhead the following night 🤦🏽‍♀️ he had too much space and didn't quite know what to do with himself - he seemed a bit lost 😂 I know I'll need to get rid at some point though.

When I moved him out if his sleepyhead I rolled up a towel and formed a u shape around him which seemed to work and each night i just moved further away maybe try that x

@Complex1950 thanks for that suggestion, I'll give that a go! How long did it take for you to completely remove the towel? Did you feel your little one slept better without the sleepyhead?

I did it over a week but he definitely slept better in the sleepyhead ☹️

@BabySleepTeacherUK@S082018 I know what you mean about not being able to resettle. Naps aren’t the problem as she has decent naps (30mins-1hr, then 2-2.5hrs, then 30-40mins), and she will resettle with little input from me when she has her long nap. But overnight it’s taking 1.5-2hrs to get her back to sleep after a feed very often. It’s not that she’s wide awake, she’s desperately trying to sleep and in and out of sleep I think - eyes closed but thrashing around and needing the dummy replaced over and over. And when she eventually falls into a deeper sleep it’s an hour before she’s crying out for the dummy again. It’s absolutely killing me!

@BabySleepTeacherUK would you have any ideas about why she might suddenly be taking so long to resettle overnight/what I can do to help her? During night feeds she falls asleep feeding and I put her down, and she wakes within 5-10 minutes or so. She used to resettle with the dummy really easily but not anymore!!

Oops I only meant to tag you once there sleepteacher!

@Dillybear what are you doing to calm and still the thrashing around?

Because that is a barrier to getting into a deep sleep. Sounds like baby is staying in the light sleep phase so waking easily.

At 17 weeks I'd still be recommending swaddle use at night specifically for this thrashing around problem (which is not unusual). Have you used a swaddle previously? If not, it's unsafe to start using one now but if you were using a swaddle they are safe until baby is rolling.

If not a swaddle, a tightly tucked in sheet may help a little. Otherwise, use you hands to physically keep baby's legs still and hold baby's hands in your own as going to sleep, to keep arms still.