Wakes up Every hour every fucking night

[Toastiemaker]

9 month old dd killing me by not sleeping
She has silent reflux but refuses to take medication and infant Gaviscon does not work, which is the only thing she takes. I hate my life, soon DP and I will split up over this, god knows how I can hold on to my job. I feel sick during the day and my anxiety in the evening and at night is crippling. She has 1 nap during the day and that is it. How the fuck do people manage???? It will pass, but it will kill me first!!
Just venting really - I know there is nothing I can do but wait it out. Or die- which right now is the preferable option.

Oh no, I'm so so sorry that you're having to deal with the torture that is never ending sleep deprivation due to children. I've been there too - nothing in particular worked except time and accepting the situation (somehow that helped psychologically rather that getting hopes up for each new 'this might sort it' idea).

Can you take a night each in turns, or even half a night each? If this is the only thing tearing your marriage apart then hold on for all its worth. Bad sleep and small children do awful things to relationships but if you can ride out the storm and find a tiny bit of kindness for each other then it all comes out the other side just fine.

It really is tough though - lots of sympathy and

Will she sleep in a bouncer or swing safely? Being upright might help with the reflux. Another option rather than medication is thick formula if you haven’t tried it - Aptimel do it but I think it needs to be prescribed.

I did co-sleeping with mine, would not have managed otherwise. Good luck, hope you find a solution soon x

We put the head of the cot up on bricks so DD slept in a more upright position.
Found formula before bed worked better than breast feed as well.
Good luck

Waking every hour sounds as though your little one can't link sleep cycles. I would sleep train. That doesn't have to mean cry it out, you can read up and find something that fits whatever your parenting ethos is. Sleep is really important for child development and adult sanity. I say this as a parent of 2 non sleepers! Massive sympathy.

We had this, nothing helped at all. For years. We found a v cheap air bnb round the corner that we would take turns staying in every week or so. We tried literally everything but nothing worked. 1.5 hours sleep max each night for 3.5 years. I spent all day thinking about sleeping and sick and dizzy. You have my sympathy.

I would sleep train too. Research and look up lots of sleep consultants (lots you can follow on Instagram and get free advice).

I'd focus on her going into her cot awake, and ensuring two naps however possible. At nine months I think the 2-3-4 awake schedule seems to be most common. So wake at 7, nap at 9-10, nap 1-3, bedtime at 7.

She's probably chronically overtired just like you and struggling to link sleep cycles. I feel for you, it's absolutely horrendous.

I had a very similar situation but he was a little older and it was due to food allergies causing stomach pain. Once I’d cured the stomach pain within a fortnight he was only waking twice a night.
Definitely try propping the cot up at one end
For the naps does the pushchair or car seat work? I always put DS to nap in pushchair or car seat unfortunately I have to push him out or drive him round to get him to sleep but he does sleep longer.
Can you get the better medicine in her in a food or drink she likes? Eg a spoon of syrup (I know this is frowned upon but desperate times).
I thought DS was about linking sleep cycles but it was all about pain. Sleep training is pointless unless you deal with the pain.
Good luck.

I am so sorry you are going through this. As you have said time will eventually be the answer but it can take a long time - with my son he didn’t sleep through until he was nearly 3. How we managed was by snatching naps when we could but also sleeping in separate rooms and taking turns to deal with the nightmare child. It’s nearly killed our marriage but those few nights getting a full nights sleep really do help you make it through

God I’m so sorry! It’s horrendous. Has she ever slept well? As there’s a regression at 8/9/10 months. DS had silent reflux and had liquid omeprezole that we just put into his bottle. He did grow out of it by the time he was having less milk and more solids though. We also used HIPP anti reflux milk which made a big difference.

I’d second trying to make sure she has two naps no matter how you get them. At 9am and 1pm if poss.

Oh, also download the Huckleberry app. If she's overtired, she won't sleep. You log the sleep on the app and it tells you when she should be going to bed next. If you're desperate, after 3 days you can send a questionnaire off within the app and a panel of sleep consultants reply with a personalised plan.

I also recommend the little ones sleep programme- I used one or a younger age because a friend shared the pdf with me, but it was very useful.

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I was working with my lovely HV in regards to sleep training but she said it is pointless until the silent reflux is under control. Just spoke to the GP and he said that as she's not taking the omeprazole then the only other option is the retadine which is in short supply so we can't get it.
She's a happy, healthy baby in the day. She used to sleep like a dream when she was a newborn, waking only once or twice, but after the 4 month sleep regression it only got worse. She has a great bedtime routine and goes to sleep in my arms (stopped feeding to sleep!). She can self settle as I have watched her do it on the monitor, but lately it's as if she has forgotten how!
@fedupandlookingforchange how did you sus out the food allergies?

Could you see a specialist? GP's can only prescribe so much.

Our DS had silent reflux too and would fetch all night and wake himself up, it was awful. We saw a paediatric gastroenterologist who prescribed lansoprazole. It was amazing, two weeks after he started taking it he slept in two hour stretches which eventually got longer.

Do you feel like it actually is silent reflux op?

Only because the doctor said it could be that with my Dd. It wasn't! I got the feeling they say that when they're stuck.

My 1 year old does this and has done every single night since birth. No reflux, just bad habits and loves the boob. I'm not strong enough to sleep train but the only way we've managed it is I do first half of night til 4am, then DH takes over and does 4-8am so I get a solid 4 hour stretch! This past week he's started doing 3 hour stretches so there is light at the end of the tunnel I promise!! X

From 4 months we know he had a milk allergy but and egg and soya allergy developed around 12 months. Something I read on the internet said egg allergy was very common so we stopped eating eggs and food with eggs in. The dietician said most children with a milk allergy have a soya allergy and to eliminate that from the diet as well. But the actual symptoms were very similar to your child’s, a happy baby during the day and then waking hourly through the night.
He did pull his legs up to his stomach a lot and when he was going through a particularly bad time of pain in the night there’s was nothing I could do to comfort him, he’d just scream until it was over.

@Indecisivelurcher yes it definitely is, she has all the related symptoms. It was my HV who diagnosed first , not the docs- he doesn't really seem bothered... She will just grow out of It he said. In the meantime I am not coping. What did your little one have?

@fedupandlookingforchange we know she has a milk intollerance, I have been off dairy and now we have started the "milk ladder" very slowly. We are possibly thinkong wheat intollerance also?? Clutching at straws here (pardon the pun!)

How are you you trying to give the Omeprazole? by the way - sounds incredibly tough.

@toastie my Dd didn't have anything medical, she just couldn't link her cycles. She'd go to sleep on her own initially but then up every hour.

Hi OP so sorry to hear you are going through this. My son had reflux and had omeprazole for it. He just grew out of the reflux at about 8/9 months once he started pulling to stand and being more upright and we found sleep improved then.

We also did a bit of sleep training around 9 months and found that made a massive difference. If he woke up at night we would leave him for 2 mins, go check on him, leave him for 4 mins, go check, leave him for 8 mins etc. It cut down the wake ups to just once a night. Do some research online and see if you can find a method that might help you.

Good luck

@Sandsnake I tried the syringe, a spoon, putting it in a bottle, diluting it with water, putting a bit on her lips to get her used to it... She doesn't open her mouth or if I get it in she just spits it out. Don't k ow what else to do

Co-sleeping, no dairy and no soya were the only way to survive other here. However he's now not intolerant to dairy and only sleeps for 2-3 hours at a stretch (10months).

My daughter was the same then at some point between 10months and just over a year she just started sleeping through. Like her body just knew how to do it all of a sudden. She's been a great sleeper since.

Fingers crossed my son is the same.

I know it's tricky in a pandemic but I would push for proper allergy testing. My friend who's kids had milk allergies into early childhood were also allergic to tomatoes and peppers.....

We have only been successful with the milk ladder since ds was nearly 2.5 and we are going very very slowly.
Maybe try eliminating different food stuffs individually and see if there is any improvement. I would definitely try soya first and its a difficult one because its in almost all bread and sneaks into other products.