Newborn won't sleep except on us

[Dweebette]

Exacting as the tithe says, my two week old refused to be put down to sleep. She'll sleep for hours on my chest or on DH but as soon as we try to transfer her to the crib she screams. We've tried a hot water bottle, muslin that smells like me, putting her down awake, waiting until she's in a deep sleep, white noise, bath with lavender, etc. Running out of hope and don't know how ill cope when DH goes back to work later this week as currently we're working in shifts.

Anyone have any experience of this or advice?

@megan2018 I'd appreciate it if you didn't say my baby is going to die on the sofa (babies also die in beds, I believe we're all just doing our best to keep our little ones safe and survive the challenges!), I am being sensible about it and really don't see the difference between what I'm doing and what you're proposing on the bed. Thanks for your advice and you can be assured that if we decide to try cosleeping I will do my research and follow the guidance.

@gruffalo45 that's really reassuring to hear, that's pretty much what I'm doing now just on the recliner (I'm being safe, and I only doze for a few minutes at a time but it's getting me through! I worry that if I set up in bed I'd fall into a deeper sleep and it wouldn't be as safe) so there is hope that in another few weeks we'll be able to get her into the cot. We're using the carry cot of the pram as the next to me crib is too big and she just flails in it so I'm also planning on getting her out for walks in the pram once I'm able (my recovery is slow) so she gets more used to it and doesn't just associate it with waking up alone

I’m sorry OP but cosleeping in a bed with the duvet up to your waist is far far safer than cosleeping on the sofa with pillows propping your arms up.

It’s normal OP. My son who had a pretty calm and uneventful entrance into the world wouldn’t be put down at night at that age. The only place he wanted to be was curled up on our chests. Even at 18 months he still needs lots of physical contact. He loves a cuddle and it feels like he’s trying to get under my skin sometimes. Some babies are just built that way I think. They need that closeness.

This will be unpopular but the item that saved my sanity was a sleepyhead. We got one about day 10 and it meant he would spend a few hours precious hours in his crib.

A sofa is one of the highest risk places to sleep with a baby. Perhaps look at ways you can manage it in bed where it will be safer.

DC3 is 2 weeks old. What helps for me is taking him upstairs to dimly lit bedroom, clean nappy, wrap him in a swaddle, then feed him with white noise app playing on my phone. When he is asleep, I wait 10 minutes until I put him down. In his crib, I have a blanket rolled up tight and I put it into a 'u' shape and lay him in the middle of it so it feels like he's being held. Just make sure the ends don't go past his armpits. I hope that makes sense!

Thanks everyone, I've looked at the guidance on lullaby Trust and understaffed the concerns with the sofa (although it seems to be an issue with lying on the sofa, I'm sitting upright) so I will try to stop that and may give cosleeping a try if things don't improve soon

@cupcupgoose thanks, we were told not to swaddle to sleep as covers have to be under the shoulders but may give it a try with a light muslin to see if it helps

HUsband needs to do his share- take her for an hour or two in the evening when he gets in so you can sleep and then in the morning, he gets up a little earlier so you can have an hour or so then. Saved me. AS did safe bedsharing. (which at 2.8, I still do when needed). We couldn't master lying down feeding til 6 mo probably.

Your DH and Mum are talking absolute bollocks and trying to conform to that will not make things any easier.

Tried her on the bed with me yesterday but she kept rolling onto her side so I was too nervous to sleep in case she ended up face down. Think we're just going to have to persevere with shifts.

@harrysmummy246 that would be good if we could time her feeds but she's just feeding pretty much constantly at the minute so giving DH set times to have her won't work. At the minute he's getting about 4 hours at a time of sleep so hoping we can continue with that and it'll be enough to get him safely to and from work. With the corona virus thing it's looking like he may have to switch to working from home soon which would take some of the pressure off as well. DH tries to be supportive but honestly I deal better with the sleep deprivation than he does. I think we'll just have to muddle through and hope she learns to go on her back over time. I'll keep trying putting her down during the day

Don't put yourself under too much pressure. I did things against the rule book which people would frown upon but I did what I had to do to survive and I did it as safely as possible.

It does get easier and after a few months I was able to put her down in the next to me crib at night ( she would still wake a million times but she stayed there). She's still an awful sleeper (14 months and still waking 5-8 times a night) but she ll sleep one day. 🤞🤞🤞

@pippinsqueak thank you. Sometimes it feels like there are just so many rules and not being able to follow them all makes me feel like a terrible parent but I'm just trying to survive this crazy time and keep my little girl safe at the same time. It's hard.

@Dweebette
Has the sleeping improved with your DD?

@sissymate2 nope, now 7 weeks and still only sleeping on us. Have managed 90 minutes in the cot overnight twice but otherwise nothing. We now understand it's her moro reflex so until she grows out of that we're unlikely to be able to get her to sleep safely on her own. We've got a system that works for us though, working in shifts of around 4 hours which is enough to make sure we don't fall asleep with her on us. It's temporary so I'm just enjoying these little cuddles, I'm sure the day will come where I'll miss them

Awww @Dweebette, I am so glad you and DH and DD have worked out a plan that works for your family...ironic how the shelter in place orders are perfect for this, also. I'm so glad that you are able to breathe in her infant essence and she feels safe in your arms.
My oldest DS
needed to be near me for the longest time....all the parenting books said he needed to learn to develop autonomy, but, instinctively I felt if I pushed him away, and let him cry it out,, he would feel abandoned. He was able to go to school and do normal activities and sports, but in his down time he needed the security of home. One day he announced he was ready to take on the World, joined the armed forces and now has a career that takes him to destinations to different continents. He is the most secure of my 3 DC.
I tell you this only to let you know that you and DH are the only ones who really know what is best for DD and your family unless of course you feel like what you are doing isn't working and then you can ask the advice of others whom you trust.

I can't believe DD is already 7 weeks old! The time just passes way too quickly. I'm thrilled for you that you are able to enjoy her.
Boy, that moro reflex is a powerful thing. My 10 month old grandson still has it on occasion, but now since HE has decided that he wants to sleep on his stomach, it is manageable for him.
Take care, and I pray you all are able to stay safe