I can't do this anymore

[Amelia910]

Baby is 14 weeks. Was sleeping 21:00-07:30 with a dream feed @ 23:00.

Now wakes at 02:00, 04,00 and 07:00 for food and has been for the past two weeks. I'm at the end of my tether I just can't do it anymore what an I doing wrong??!?

He wasn't a planned baby and in the night I am having some awful thoughts- I really love him but hate my life now

More info

First baby. Is formula fed. Have a partner who helps but works full time. No family or friend support.

He has five naps of 30 min-45 min during the day but takes me at least 20 mins of rocking or pushing in pram to get him to nap. This became a thing a month ago. He has a bath a 06:30pm then have him downstairs in pram with dimmed lights etc and he sleeps 19:00-20:00 then at 20:30/21:00 I take him upstairs for the night (and stay with him)

Firstly, we all have those awful thoughts when we are sleep deprived. You are not alone in that and it doesn't make you a bad mother, just a tired and exhausted one.
Does the baby take a bottle? Is there anyone who could take over one of those middle of the night feeds for you?

Hey Op, firstly you’re not doing anything wrong at all... it’s the four month sleep regression and it’s a killer but it does pass.
(Until the next one at 9 months 🙈😂)
They lure you into a false sense of security by sleeping well then they chuck sleep regression at you.
My first was the same... it does get better though... it lasted a few weeks with my first and then he was back to normal again.
My second is approaching 10 weeks so I know it’s just around the corner.
If you google sleep regression it will give you more info on it...

www.nestedbean.com/blogs/zen-blog/4-month-sleep-regression

I know it doesn’t help with the lack of sleep now, but it does get better... you’ve got to hold that in your mind to get you through

Firstly, you're not doing anything wrong. You are doing an amazing job and he is just doing what normal babies do but unfortunately we live in a culture that doesn't tell new mums the truth or support them.
The first 6 months with your first baby is hell but you will survive and it will be ok.
Are you sleeping in the day?
You need to tell your partner how you feel and get more support even if it's just a few really early nights or him doing the weekend nights.
Are you going to baby groups? I found it invaluable getting out most days and just offloading to others who have been through the same. Motherhood is a really lonely time when you have a tiny baby that gives nothing back.
And if you're really struggling there is no shame in telling the hv or gp.

Eee eek sorry op but I think two night wake ups (the 7am is morning I'd say) sounds amazing! I have a 10 month old and we are on wake up number 7 now!!

I know lots of babies have a 4 month regression. Try and get help where you can it's tough 😢

Sorry to say it but it sounds pretty good to me. You are already getting 5 hours sold sleep from 9 until 2. If I was you I would get DP to do the 9 feed and go to bed earlier than baby.

It’s rare for babies to sleep through at all and extremely rare for it to continue. The good news is baby sleep is always changing.

Hi OP!

Firstly: you can do this. I've a 6 month old and I've felt like you on more than one occasion! You can do it. You will and it will get better.

Secondly; honest to god for the regression those wake ups sound amazing! My little one woke at least once an hour during the regression. Then for a couple of weeks woke every night 2am until 5am and got up as usual at 7.

He now wakes at 11, 3 and is up for the day at 6.30. I'm really happy with that!!!

You'll be fine. It's all normal.

That sounds normal to me! (I have 2 babies - an 18 month old and a 1 month old). I know sleep deprivation can have a terrible effect on your physical and mental wellbeing but remember it doesn’t last forever so just take it one day at a time. (Your baby might still wake up in the night when they’re older but eventually they won’t need to be fed to go back to sleep, so it will become much less disruptive for you). In a few months you’ll look back on this time and be amazed at how quickly it passed. Hang in there!

Sorry to hammer the point home, but it sounds pretty normal to me too. My DD lulled us into a false sense of security by sleeping through from an early age and the one day decided she'd had enough and started waking through the night

Since your DC is bottle fed, could your partner do the 2am feed? Then you're getting a nice chunk of sleep in? He may work full time but that shouldn't stop him helping through the night!

I can so empathise,OP. DD was a terrible sleeper and I remember many nights of thinking, "I just can't do this". But you know what? I did, and so can you. Get as much help as you can, lower your expectations (temporarily) in other parts of your life and know that THIS WILL PASS.

Currently on wake up number six with my 18wk old! Who only sleeps for 20mins exactly during the day by being swaddled and bounced in a bouncy chair! We are hitting every 1hr 40mins at night

Non-mumsnetty hugs for you, the first sleep regression is so tough! It does get better.

Practical suggestions:

• Do you have a schedule for baby? There's tons on the Internet, just google. I followed a rough EASY (eat, activity - basically just being awake at this age - sleep, YOU TIME). Try not to let them always feed to sleep as this can create a dependency.
• Sounds like you're working too hard for the naps, maybe try 4 instead? A short first one - wake after 30 mins, then try to extend the lunchtime one to 1-2 hours. Useful break for you!
• Tell your partner he's doing all the night feeds on at least one night of the weekend so you get a proper sleep
• Agree with PP, get him to do the 9pm one too and go to bed earlier if you're shattered.

Good luck

It’s the weekend tonight. Your DH can be on night duty Friday and Saturday as you’re FF (well done!). 2 full nights sleep for you and you’ll feel loads better.

I’m actually jealous of you! My 16 weeker is DREADFUL at sleep, day and night. In the day his naps take me an hour (or just over) to achieve. The nap will then last 30 min. I can manage this twice a day before I want to throw myself out of the window.
At night it takes around 3 hours to get him to sleep and then we are up every 60-90 min.
He used to be brilliant up to 12 weeks and now it’s shot to sh!t.
I’m getting a professional in before I end up divorced.

Hi all thank you for your replies

I think what I am struggling with is the fact he has such short naps in the day means I can't nap which means I'm getting about 5 hours of broken sleep a night for the past two weeks and the lack of family support means all the washing, cleaning, appointments, shopping, cooking and everything else as well as looking after him with no sleep is what's getting to me.

He also screams the house down most days when I am trying to get him to nap. Yesterday he was screaming for 90 minutes before his morning nap and with my partner at work it feels very hard and upsetting. And because he is now like this it makes me scared to leave the house with him alone.

I don't feel like I can ask my partner for more help as he works so hard and is tired too. I might ask him to so the feeds tomorrow night for a break.

I know millions of women cope with this everyday without support so I feel like I should be coping but I'm not

Again thank you for all the replies the practical suggestions are really helpful as well as knowing it's not just me who has a baby who won't nap i. The day-I thought I was doing something awfully wrong!

Also to clear up confusion he isn't sleeping through 9-2 as I am feeding him at 11 whilst he is asleep (I did say this in original post as a dream feed) so I'm not getting to sleep until almost midnight

Just do what you can to get through this week.
Buy some ready meals/ easy food.
Clean toilet and kitchen work tops.
Online shop.
Every short cut you can.
This week d you need a chunk of sleep to protect your mental health. Husband gets whole night tonight, you get tomorrow.
If napping is a pain- can you get him off in car/ push chair/ sling?
Genuinely- don’t worry about rods for back, future etc- just get to a better place.
The hardest part is admitting you are struggling.
As to women do it every day- yes they do, but a quick google/ search shows just how many of us also find it hard.

Take care.

I meant to say, download the huckleberry app!!!! You track sleep on it and it predicts a sweet spot to start putting baby down for a nap, my god it's so accurate! Wish I knew about it for my first two

Op your feelings are valid it’s blood hard ...my little guy never slept for very long out of arms for the first 3 months
One reason silent reflux and wind.

Have you tried using infracol ? It helps them bring more wind up which reduces the back and tummy pain from wind ... he used to have acid bubble up ( you can smell it is acid ) that was helped with infracol ( as wind makes it worse ) and gripe water ..( gripe water actually may be from
3 months but you can use infracol from
Birth )

It may not be but simple things to try .. as once the wind started coming out in burps the settling got better ... I didn’t try any if this for about 3 months

I did have blessing of parents coming and holding the baby while I slept once a week

Also husband slept in a spare room for work but wld look after baby say 7pm - 10pm while I had a bath and a few hours sleep ... honestly made a world of difference then on the days he worked from
Home he would get up at 5 am and hold baby until 8am ..if Not at least I had the night.
Have you tried anything like this ?

It’s so hard these early days but you are doing an amazing job and it get lots easier over time

Mine only naps for 20-30 mins too. I - honestly - have had 2 naps during the day since he was born.

You just find a way! If you go to bed at 9 you would get another 2 hours, so 7 hours of sleep (albeit broken).

Good luck OP. You'll feel better about the sleep soon, the other stuff is a conversation between you and your partner.

Also - if your baby is bottle fed, why doesn't your partner do the 11pm feed?

Normal ...

In fact i think baby was going too long in the first instance, their blood sugars can drop if they go too long at night.

I would also be putting baby in the cot from 7pm rather than putting downstairs.

If your thoughts are around hurting yourself or your baby - you must see your GP because although baby blues are usual those types of thoughts aren't.