I can't do this anymore

[Amelia910]

Baby is 14 weeks. Was sleeping 21:00-07:30 with a dream feed @ 23:00.

Now wakes at 02:00, 04,00 and 07:00 for food and has been for the past two weeks. I'm at the end of my tether I just can't do it anymore what an I doing wrong??!?

He wasn't a planned baby and in the night I am having some awful thoughts- I really love him but hate my life now

Your body will adapt mine is 16 months and still does those wakings some nights. Just sleep when you can go to bed early. I'm also an insomniac so once I'm up it's really hard to get back to sleep.

I also found that letting baby lead and throwing all the routine stuff out of the window helps. So don't bother with the dream feed it's one less waking and don't put baby down for naps just wait till he falls asleep himself then put him down. Personally I found that all the stuff ur supposed to do to get a routine etc was all rubbish, baby will do what baby wants. Just grab the rest whilst you can. I also felt like you was absolutely exhausted but it does get better.

He has a bath a 06:30pm then have him downstairs in pram with dimmed lights etc and he sleeps 19:00-20:00 then at 20:30/21:00 I take him upstairs for the night (and stay with him)
I would put him straight upstairs and go with him and sleep at 7 or 8, though to be honest, two wake-ups sounds dreamy from where I'm standing, with a kid who wakes up half-hourly until I come to bed then settles into hourly chaos.

Does he actually wake up when you dream feed? If not, why not try leaving him and seeing if he actually sleeps through that time? Then you'd be sleeping 9pm-2am too. Or 7pm-2am if you take him up straight away.

if I do feed her in the night, I only have the night light on, feed her, put her down and leave the room. She knows that when it’s dark it’s bed time, not playtime, not awake time etc.
When people say stuff like this do they honestly think those of us with shit sleepers have been chucking the big light on overnight since birth, blasting out a few episodes of Peppa Pig on the iPad and shaking some toys at 3am? You can do everything right: routine, darkness, quiet, no eye contact, filling the baby up during the day, solid bedtime routine, and they can still wake up.

I really think your partner needs to step up and do more. Looking after a baby is a physically and mentally exhausting job - once he comes home from work, you should both share domestic tasks. I have been at home with a baby and now back at work in a full-time, demanding career; and no question being at home is harder.

When our DS was small, DH and I agreed that we each had a full time job during the day - him at work and me with our son. Once he was home, he took baby immediately so I could rest/ have a potter. We took turns to cook and the other person tidied up. He did all the nappies in the evening, I breastfed then he burped and cuddled. We had a cleaner every week so I just did washing and ironing. At the weekends we split everything 50/50.

Genuinely, why would it fall to you to do it all?

If you have a spare couple of hundred pounds get a sleep consultant it changed our lives! I wish I had done it sooner. He was waking every 2 hours and now does a solid 8 hours within a week and no controlled crying.

I used sleep time baby sleep consultant try googling her she offers free questions on a Monday

Hi Guys

My partner does help I don't think that's in question really he does loads especially at the weekends.

I use infacol yes and he had terrible colic early on.

When I dream feed he doesn't wake whilst I feed him but might try a night without it of other things work.

I can't just leave him to fall asleep during the day because after 2 hours he starts screaming the house down because he is tired-gone are the fresh newborn days when he just fell asleep.

Thank you again for the words of support. Might just get a sleep consult and see what they say.

Those saying that they had it worse/I am lucky aren't really helpful comments. Five hours of broken sleep and an exhausting baby all day isn't exactly living the dream is it 🙈 I appreciate people have had it worse they always do but that doesn't make my experience and feelings less valid xxx

OP I agree people saying you have it good aren't helpful! Sleep deprivation is never easy.

But... your body does adapt. Honestly you just get used to having a bit less sleep, you wake up less for each waking etc. It all becomes automatic.

Also times of regular waking might be a short lived growth spurt.

Make sure you both get fresh air each day, it makes everything better.

I have a 10 week old and tbh that doesn't sound too bad (very similar to my nights at the moment!) but all things relative! It's so hard, but it does pass! That's what I keep telling myself anyway....

To be fair this does happen a lot when they reach the 3 month ish mark & is generally related to the gut maturing.

You could try a professional but in all honesty its just time .

I know you dont want to hear this but gratitude does help.

Your baby is healthy, you are healthy, you have a partner.

No one feels great on sleep deprivation, but i never get more than 2 hours sleep due to illness , & had to cope with poorly premature babies & tube feeding .

I hope if you haven't already that you will speak to your GP.

You've fallen into the trap of thinking you must do all the night feeds/wakings because your partner is working. Well it depends on his job but there are many jobs that are harder than looking after a baby by yourself on precious little sleep.

SHARE THE NIGHT FEEDS AND WAKINGS.

You can do this in 2 ways, either take it in turns during the night, so each person gets a good stretch of sleep each night, or take it in turns to do each night, so every other night is is an interrupted night's sleep.

OPTION A
9.30pm Parent 1 goes to bed
11pm Parent 2 does the dream feed then goes to bed
2am P1
4am P2
7am P1
(This means P1 would sleep 9.30pm-2am then 2.30-7am, and P2 would sleep 11.30pm-4am then 4.30-7.30 or whenever they have to get up.)

OPTION B
9.30pm Parent 1 goes to bed
11pm Parent 2 does dream feed then goes to bed
2am & 4am P1
7am P2
(This means P1 would sleep 9.30pm-2am and then 4.30am-7.30am or whenever they have to get up, P2 would sleep 11.30pm-7am... it would be a killer for P1 but you would just have to take it in turns.)

It's not that we are trying to be unhelpful saying that we don't get much sleep either it's just the reality. Nothing can prepare you for the sleep deprivation. It's so hard, but we've all been there (and are there now)

All you can do is work with your partner so you are both doing wake ups and you take help and support from him.

Take it easy during the day. If your baby is little can you feed / let them sleep in your arms and watch some TV?

Do something nice for yourself. Take an hour away at the weekend and have a coffee / do your nails or whatever.

Remember you are stronger than you think - don't put so much pressure on you and your baby.

If you need additional support talk to your GP.

I don't think there's any other choice.

My 10 month old woke 9 times last night - it's horrific.... I try to find the humour in it and know I'll look back on this and be proud of myself!

💪💪💪💪💪

I wasn't trying to be unhelpful, I was trying to help you to see that your babies sleeping pattern sounds very very normal and millions of us are doing it, day in day out. That doesn't mean it can't be really really shot sometimes, it's just the way it is. And your partner needs to help at night. A few nights broken sleep isn't going to kill him!!!

Your partner must do some night feeds. Doing one every few days isn’t going to kill him, my partner works six days a week but when little one was younger he done two nights a week so I could sleep as i was getting probably four hours broken sleep a night. Also mine napped for 35 minutes on the dot, no time to sleep in the day. It is a killer but it is so normal, once you try to accept that it does get a bit easier. Ask partner to take baby for a walk Saturday or Sunday morning so you can sleep, put baby in his cot at half seven and go to bed yourself, let baby nap on you during the day so you can relax with a cuppa watching telly. Sleep deprivation is the worst thing possible but your body will get use to surviving on less sleep - this is coming from a mum of a 16 month old little girl who can still be awake for 2 hours in the night and then I have to go and do a 8 hour shift 😴