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Original poster

HELP! 9yo daughter won’t sleep and I’m losing my sanity

80 replies

Gyh2429 · 08/05/2019 21:49

It’s been going on for around 4 months now and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. Everything in life is piling up before my eyes. We go upstairs with her at 6.30/7ish, she has a routine where she baths, reads a book and is in bed with book down at 8. She is still up and down the stairs at 10pm sometimes later. We have tried everything that we know of and nothing helps. It is taking over our lives. We are in desperate need of some advice. We also have a 6yo son who on occasions has been kept awake by all the noise. Would really appreciate even the tiniest amount of support. I feel like I’m failing massively as a parent and have no idea where to turn. When we ask her why she can’t sleep she just says she’s never tired

OP posts:
Littleteacup1 · 08/05/2019 21:51

Start by sitting in her room till she sleeps each night go further away until your sat outside the room. Each time she gets out put her back in the bed it will go on for a while the first time just don’t give up and she will soon realise that you won’t be giving in

Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 21:53

What time does she wake up? 8pm sounds way too early for a 9 y/o, especially if she's not tired. You're not failing at all, maybe just needs some extra stimulation and a more reasonable bedtime. My DD is similar age and often plays out with her friends until 7:30, then it's time for baths etc - bed at 9/9:30. She does have to be up before 7am though.

OakElmAsh · 08/05/2019 21:55

Sounds like a long drawn out routine for a 9 year old, can you start having her go up for a quick shower at 7:45, in bed for 8, read and asleep at 8:15?

AFistfulofDolores1 · 08/05/2019 21:57

I agree with Cellardoor - I think that's too early for a 9 year old.

Passthecake30 · 08/05/2019 21:57

How does she get up? My 9 yr dd goes upstairs at 8.30/8.45, reads (or not) and lights out by 9. Up at 7.15.

PatrickMerricksGoshawk · 08/05/2019 21:58

What was it like before 4 months ago? What has changed?

Copperandtod · 08/05/2019 21:59

Sitting in her room until she sleeps? I would not entertain this. Surely you have better things to do with your time. I wouldn’t do this with a 9 week old far less a 9 year old. Bedtime seems a bit early but tell her In no uncertain terms that it’s not acceptable to get up but she shouldn’t be going upstairs for bath book until at least 8 pm. Why do you go up with her? Surely she can handle the routine on her own

Original poster
Gyh2429 · 08/05/2019 21:59

Thank you. We need to be out of the house by 8.20 and it’s a struggle to wake her. She never wakes naturally. We did try the later nights where she could read until 9pm but then she would be awake until gone 11pm Shock it wouldn’t be so bad if she stayed in her bedroom but she is constantly up and down the stairs! Ive gone without dinner too many times to count in the last few months because I just give in and go to bed! Most probs not the best idea but it’s just exhausting.

OP posts:
NeverSayFreelance · 08/05/2019 22:00

Not to sound dickish but have you considered that maybe she really isn't tired?

When I was that age, I went to bed about 10pm. And that probably makes my parents look awful but if they put me to bed any earlier I would just lie awake. You maybe need to push her bedtime back a bit.

Copperandtod · 08/05/2019 22:00

Give in to what exactly?

AbbevilleRd · 08/05/2019 22:01

This could have been me last year! We tried everything we could think of and in the end a later bed time routine/ bedtime (in bed 830, story/reading 9pm) resulted in earlier to sleep 915pm ish and far less messing around! Good luck!

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 22:01

She's old enough to understand that bedtime means bedtime, surely? Although upstairs at 6.30/7.00 is probably early for a 9yo. You'll certainly have to make it later during the summer when it's still light.

TanMateix · 08/05/2019 22:04

That’s way too early for a child that age.

At 9, I would say going to bed at 8:30 lights out at 9 would be more appropriate.

fudesina · 08/05/2019 22:05

My 2 year old goes up for 7pm, asleep by 7.45/8pm. Think it's way to early for a 9 year old!

TanMateix · 08/05/2019 22:06

Ps. Leaving the house at 8:20 is not such an early start. If this is an issue it may help for you to wake up in time and get ready BEFORE waking her up, much quicker and far less stressful for everyone.

Peridot1 · 08/05/2019 22:06

You are starting her bedtime routine far too early.

Why on Earth are you putting her to bed so early?

Propertywoes · 08/05/2019 22:08

Id put her to bed earlier and then crack down in her coming out of her room without a good reason. She's way too old for that. What do you do about it now when she comes out of her room?

purplecorkheart · 08/05/2019 22:09

6.30/7ish is way too early for a child her age (bonkers honestly).9.00 seems more right with no electronics etc at 8.30. Leave her curtains open a crack so the natural light will gradeually wake her up and set alarm clocks (two or three if needs be).

Branleuse · 08/05/2019 22:09

what time does she usually go to sleep? Whats it like at the weekend?
Could she do exercise/physical activities after school to tire her out?
I do think this age is difficult for that, because when they are younger, you get much more of an evening. Sending her up at 6.30/7 is far too early. Can she listen to audiobooks/radio/telly in bed?

Original poster
Gyh2429 · 08/05/2019 22:10

Thank you all for your comments! I think we’ve established that we’re obviously trying to send her to bed too early! I work near enough full time and so most of the routine is done with my 6yo out of ease. I will definitely try a later routine for her. As previously mentioned we did try it before and she still kept getting out of bed and didn’t end up actually getting to sleep until much later but we will definitely give it another go. I’m not too worried about what time she’s actually going to sleep...she never seems tired but I need her to stay in her room so I can get things done. At 10pm at night I’ve lost my patience so just go to bed to try to forget about everything, again not the best solution!

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 08/05/2019 22:11

I agree with others - leave her until 8.30/9. She’s probably just not tired!

TeacupDrama · 08/05/2019 22:12

I have a 9 year old DD we go up to her room at 9pm I read her a chapter or two of a book, I say goodnight and go downstairs, she wakes between 6.45 to 7.30, so plenty of time to dress and have breakfast before leaving for school
if she came down I would ask what was up and then send her back up, she has probably come down 3 times this year
I think the starting bed routine so early is probably doing her head in and yours to by the sound of it
I will say at something like 8.30 time to put toys/ tablet/ game away and have a quick bath, brush teeth in bed for 9 she has long hair so twice a week bath is a bit earlier to allow for hair washing and combing
my advice would be to simplify it if she needs 9-10 sleep getting up at 7.30 should be ample time to dress and eat breakfast to be out at 8.20 so she needs to be asleep by 9.30 I would get bath done about 8.30 a story at 9 then just walk downstairs at 9.15 and say you don't expect her down before breakfast every time she comes down just send her straight back up without fail; she is old enough to understand bedtime is 9.30 and she is to stay in her room she should be able to go to sleep all by herself
Why you are going without dinner for a 9 year old wandering round the house is beyond me stop being a martyr you and your partner ( whether he is her father or not doesn't really matter) need to be on the same page she is far too old to be coming down with silly excuses of being thirsty she can have a glass of water in her room, hungry ... you've had your dinner, I heard a noise ... ignore it, I can't sleep well of course not wondering the house go back to bed etc etc stop pandering and put your foot down Go to bed and stay there

leafinthewind · 08/05/2019 22:13

My ten year old has lights off between 9 and 9.30pm. For the seven year old it's 8pm. The older one is hard to wake, but I just think she's not at all a morning person. Sending her to bed earlier just sees her lying awake, wriggling and getting uncomfortable.

DonnaDarko · 08/05/2019 22:14

My nearly 3 year old goes to bed at 9 lol.

(Wakes up at half 6 every fecking day).

When i was 9, I was going to bed much later than that. It sounds like she's not tired and then she's over stimulating herself by getting up and walking around. I would aim for a 9pm bedtime or later.

purplecorkheart · 08/05/2019 22:15

The poor thing probably feels lonely being banished to her room at 6.30/7 and is probably coming out for reassurance. I am sure if you delay her bedtime this will not be such a factor. What jobs are you doing that she can not be there for? Maybe try including her in these jobs rather than making her conform to your 6yrs route

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