HELP! 9yo daughter won’t sleep and I’m losing my sanity

[Gyh2429]

It’s been going on for around 4 months now and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. Everything in life is piling up before my eyes. We go upstairs with her at 6.30/7ish, she has a routine where she baths, reads a book and is in bed with book down at 8. She is still up and down the stairs at 10pm sometimes later. We have tried everything that we know of and nothing helps. It is taking over our lives. We are in desperate need of some advice. We also have a 6yo son who on occasions has been kept awake by all the noise. Would really appreciate even the tiniest amount of support. I feel like I’m failing massively as a parent and have no idea where to turn. When we ask her why she can’t sleep she just says she’s never tired

Have you talked to her about what she is thinking/feeling when she wants to leave her room?

Have you checked over things like if there's a draft or noise disturbing her?
One place we lived had a creaky heating system used to freak me out till I got used to it.

Is she expected to go to sleep in a silent darkened room? Because even adults struggle with that

Could hormones be at play? Falling out with a friend? School issues?

Is she comfortable in bed?

Is there a toy/shadow that's freaking her out? One place we lived there was a tree in the garden that unfortunately cast a very witch like shadow on one wall of my bedroom, when my mum finally got out of me what the problem was dad cut off a couple of the branches and that completely changed the shape and I was able to relax.

It can be the most odd things that throw kids.

Hi, OP. This isn't always popular on MN but since my DC were about 8, we've put them to bed at whatever time we thought appropriate (at age 9 I think it was 8.30 or so on school nights) and told them they could read as long as they liked. One LOVES reading, the other only does it at bedtime, but both very quickly regulated themselves and I think they loved the responsibility of deciding when the right time was to turn out the light. They both understood that they had the freedom to choose when to sleep, but that they had to stay in their rooms. I think your DD is old enough to understand this too? She might like to be able to make one decision by herself, and that might help.

God I'd be having kittens at all this, I'm in bed myself by 9.30pm most nights!

op

Mine just turned 9 and for the last 6 months she turns her lights off at around 8:30PM, after reading in bed or playing for about half an hour. Before that, she is with us in the living room (we live in a flat). She wakes up at around 7AM.
Sometimes she gets back up, but we always put her back to bed immediately after fixing whatever was bothering her (thirsty, too hot or too cold, wanted a kiss or a pep talk etc).
I hope you find something that works for you!

My DD has always found falling asleep very hard. Still does at 12.
What sort of works for us, is not trying to go to bed too early. Snack and drink. Then she gets ready for bed and I go in 20 mins or so later when she has begun to unwind. We then chat for another 10-20 mins. She can get up to go to the bathroom once I leave but not come downstairs again.
I'd also be curious why this has only just started - is something bothering her? My DD often keeps herself awake by worrying about things.