Gentle sleep training?! Is it possible?!

[Aw12345]

We have decided we absolutely have to do something to help our 9 month old sleep better. We're all completely shattered and most importantly LO is tired/grizzly all day because we can't get him to sleep anywhere near enough for his own needs.

Has full bedtime routine, bath etc, goes to bed about 7, normally takes about 2 hours rocking him in the pram to get him to sleep, wakes about 5 times a night for feeding (ebf) and then awake for the day at about 7am. Naps for about 2 hours during the day (also very difficult to get him to sleep at all in the day, feed to sleep/rock in pram/drive in car etc).

We're trying "pick up, put down" and "stay and support" but he is crying lots and it's breaking my heart 😪.

Is it normal to cry so much with these methods?

Any help/wisdom needed. We feel so guilty that he's not getting enough sleep, and feel guilty about the sleep methods too 🤷😢

I think you're forgotten what having a 9 month old is like, or yours were great sleepers in the first place. If 'holding their little hand' for 10-15 minutes is what OP's baby was taking to go to sleep I don't think she'd be considering sleep training.

No, you've read it wrong. I'm talking about now. Now that they're older.

When they were babies it was awful. My Prem baby had awful reflux and we had to feed the. Keep upright for at least an hour before he slept, and each feed was about 2 hours apart at best. I was desperate! I'm not sure I will ever forget how dark those days were.

But now I know it doesn't last forever, like it seems it will at the time. And that's why I have regrets that through my desperate tiredness I would have tried anything to get them to sleep. Now, give the time again I think I'd do it differently and I regret it.

Harm is also relative, perhaps my dc would have had more even cortisol levels during the night if I had stayed awake and tried to meet their every cry over night but they would have suffered more harm during the day as I would have been unable to meet their needs emotional or physical during the day.
My dc have had the love and care they need to fire their neural pathways during day light hours predominately.
This is one of those issues of early childhood that seems so encompassing and important at the time but a few years down the line is pretty much irrelevant.
Once they get to 10, nobody talks about it, it has no daily impact, you cannot tell who did what.
You need to do what feels comfortable and right for you. What seems a sensible balance of your parenting approach and everyone staying safe and sane. There is a right approach or a one size fits all approach. No one should feel guilty about the choices they make.

@riddles26 - please don't leave the forum! I had a DD around the same time as yours, and we had similar nap issues. We probably left it a bit late for PUPD so did a version of CC. I have read your comments on a number of sleep threads and they always strike me as kind, sensible and non-judgemental. I suffered bad post natal anxiety and felt awful about my decision to sleep train despite the fact it was quick, effective and she was immeasurably happier after. The sleep threads usually make me feel even worse about the decision, although I am inexplicably drawn to them - however your posts are always so reasonable and back up everything the logical side of me thinks. @NewAccount270219 - I have never seen your posts before this, but they struck me in a similar way so thank you both!

That is really lovely of you @SuperStingray, thank you. Don't doubt yourself - you did what you felt was best for your family which is all any of us can do. As someone else said, there are so many bigger challenges to come in parenting and this will fade into insignificance as time goes on.

I will dip in and out of the forum when I can, usually posting when I feel that someone is being unfairly judged or attacked for their situation/choice. I don't post more than that now because I feel that I'm wasting my precious time arguing with people who just can't be reasoned with.