8mo wakes every 30/40 mins day and night!

[onetwofive]

Help me someone! My lovely DS2 is the happiest of babies but can't connect sleep cycles. Have been trying the Tracy Hogg approach, applied pick up/put down to naps and that definitely has helped to get him down in the first place. BUT it doesn't seem to make the blindest bit of difference whether he's fed to sleep or gone down in that fabled "awake but drowsy" state; he still wakes up 30/40 mins later. Occasionally an hour and a bit. With naps it's not breaking us too much as I can either pick him up to get him back to sleep or just make sure he has another couple of naps but at night time - omg. Put him down at 18:30/19:00, he'll just keep waking up all evening and then the night too. The problem is that it's partial awakenings so he won't settle back to sleep by himself, I have to pick him up, but atm he is instantly falling asleep on my shoulder. Then I have to try to get him down in his cot without waking him up which can take a Very Long Time. Atm I'm up and down all evening till I go to bed, then I'll pop in one or two more times, then normally at 11 something I give in and bring him in the bed with us as who could actually function going in every half an hour all night, every night? Unfortunately even in the bed he still tosses and turns and feeds a lot all night, so none of us are getting brilliant sleep. I just don't know what to do. If I try to settle him in his cot his crying just escalates.

Anyone resolved a similar situation? X

I can't quite believe it but my patting shushing thing is working! First two nights were the worst and at one point she did get really worked up so I picked her up and cuddled her to settle her back down. Since then she's managed to give me 3 hours in the evening (I was so shocked I had to keep checking on her!). She's a bit restless between 10 and 3 but then will do another 3/4 hour stretch until 7. It's not perfect but it's such and improvement on waking every 30 minutes!

Wow that's great @LouMoo13 well done!

Forgot to ask @Loumoo13 is your DC crawling/standing yet. Wondering if the shhh/pat technique can work with my DD who will be crawling around cot and pulling herself up.

That's amazing Loumou well done!! Can I pick your brains please??! We are about to go away for two weeks so all routine is going out the window but when we go back she is going into a proper cot (she's crawling now so have to ditch the Next To Me! 😭) and I want to try something gentler than controlled crying.
Do you just literally shhhhh and Pat in the cot until they fall asleep? Does your little one crawl yet? DD is just crawling so when I put her on her tummy she starts getting onto her knees immediately. If I put her on her back and try to pat her tummy she just wails at me!
How long did it take before you got your evenings? At the moment I don't really care about the rest of the night and I'm happy to co-sleep; I'd just love a glass of wine on the sofa with DH of an evening!!! :)
Sorry for all those still going through a tough time :( DD was awake 2-5am the night before last then I couldn't sleep as knew my eldest would be up soon, gargh!!

Hi @desparate4sleep and @tumtitum
She doesn't crawl yet so probably a bit easier for me! We have also taken the side off of the cot and turned it into a cosleeper so I can lay next to her to pat/shush.
She did her first long evening stretch on the 3rd night (2 hours) did about 3 hours the next night. I roll her on her side and pat her lower back/ bottom and as she settles she rolls back onto her back. As the crying eases I just stroke her leg. The first couple of nights were tough but if she got too upset I did pick up and cuddle. For night wakings I just did the same although she doesn't cry much just needs a bit of help resettling. I also limited her to 2 feeds (one at 10 and one at about 3 ish) any other wakings I do shush pat.
My take on it is that her cries are more frustration and by being there I'm helping her learn the new skill of falling asleep her own. She has already started falling asleep faster. I'm on day 6 now and she settled to sleep in under 10 mins (it was 45 minutes on the first night). My plan now is to gradually reduce the amount of shushing and patting I do and see how that goes.

Sorry should add that I pat and shush until I see signs that she is starting to settle x

This is my experience:

I know that many are against CC and, of course, that is absolutely fine - but, for us, it was a lifesaver. We have 3 DC (now 6, 5 & 3) and each one, when they got to around 5/6 mths, would hit a point where they just couldn’t sleep for longer than 30/45 mins.

Up to 5/6 mths, any time DC cried they got hugs and cuddles, and feeding if necessary. But it got to the point where we couldn’t continue with the constant wakings.

A colleague at work recommended Ferber’s book - saying that she had followed it to the letter with her two DC, after someone had recommended it to her. So, I read it cover to cover, made notes (I’m a geek), mulled it over, discussed with DH and we decided to proceed. And follow it to the letter when DC1 was 6 mths.

The reasons why were this:

• I was shattered and, with a previous history of anxiety & depression, couldn’t risk slipping into a mire again
• DC1 was shattered and it was impacting on his daily routine - which then fed the beast of poor sleep at night
• We decided that a few nights of horrendousness was worth it to sort the solution - a quick rip of the plaster, so to speak

I won’t summarise the book here but it is based on extending the intervals of going in and comforting in their cot. And we chose to go with 1, 2, 3, 5, 8 minutes and then stick with 8 for any more repetitions. Night wakings used the same 1, 2, 3, 5, 8 min pattern.

It worked with all three DC - on their respective first nights, DC1 was asleep after 18 mins; DC2 was (and still is) stubborn and took 94 mins of 8-min repetitions; and DC3 took 37 mins. First night was the worst, subsequent nights got better and better. And within a week, it was done and they would sleep from around 7pm to something like 6/7am.

And the difference was amazing - we were all so much happier and calmer. I wouldn’t have believed it had this colleague not given her personal endorsement.

So, that’s how it was for us. If you’d rather not, then of course that’s fine but I thought it was worth sharing our experience, in case anyone finds it helpful.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. I think I will try shush pat and if there's no improvement I will have to do CC, it's definitely impacting on my mood and I'm so angry towards my elder DD when she plays up and it's not her fault I'm so tired and frustrated :(
One question for you all - at the moment I'm not bothered by her night wakings, once she's in bed with me it's easy to settle her. I really just want her to sleep in the evenings in her cot so I can get on with things and have some time to myself. Do you think it will be too confusing for her if I do shush pat/controlled crying but then continue to feed her at night wake ups? At the moment I just rock with dummy after her 7pm feed until whenever I give in and take her to eve, usually about 10, 8 on a really bad night 😂😂😂 thanks so much for all the advice and sharing of experiences

tumtitum I'm in exactly the same position. However mine does go to sleep with patting and shushing - he still wakes up so many times. I'm the same, I really miss having any kind of evening. sometimes I barely manage dinner. Its desperate..

I have no advice but you have my sympathy

@tumtitum last night was our best yet. She slept from 7-11 and I fed her at 11 and she fell back asleep (because of our co-sleeping cot set up). She next woke at 3 for a feed (again fell asleep feeding) and slept until 7.30. So for us it's not seeming to confuse her but because of our set up she is falling asleep in the same place she wakes up. Might be different if you feed her in one place and move her?

Miss I feel your pain!! I currently eat at 5 when I feed the kids as if I do get 20/30 mins later on I then have to choose between eating or a shower! 😭
Lou she's too big for her co-sleeper now so we're getting her a cot when we're back from holiday, but I imagine I'll be doing the same as I did with my elder DC which was cot until first wake up and then co-sleeping. Just to add to the confusion 😂😂😂 she sometimes does fairly long stretches beside me (nothing like yours tho!! Go baby go!!) so I know she has it in her!!! Somewhere very deep! 😂

Stoplazyjournos of course you can join in! Everyone is welcome. So sorry to hear of everyone struggling with terrible sleep. Ours has been pretty bad recently too although not as bad as some. It's really shit isn't it! Sending strength to all and thinking of a few years down when we'll be able to look back and chuckle - and when they're teenagers and we're having to drag them out of bed at noon!

Hello all. 5month old here walking hourly. I just can't get comfortable cosleeping. Very worried this is going to go on for years mine is a bad / short napper so I'm trying to increase nap times as I'm told overtiredness causes frequent waking. My whole life now revolves around naps and shusshing. I can only really extend naps if I let baby nurse continually which seems a bad idea if I ever want to stop the hellishly uncomfortable cosleeping. Arghhhhh

@Pandabandit

My baby boy had me up every 20-40 mins for what felt like forever!! Would only go back to sleep if I nursed him. I was at absolute breaking point.....

A woman At Tesco's check out told me to try him in his own room, so he didn't sense that "mum" was there every time he fussed.

I tried this.... and now at 9months... he's loads better and will go 3 hours at a time without waking.
I would cry myself not knowing how I could cope on no sleep.... I'm always here if I can help. Not sleeping almost broke me as a person!
Maybe try your little one in their own room... just to see! Hope this helps. X

It's so random. We are on holiday and he fell asleep in my arms last night at 8pm. He woke at q, nursed then went back I his own bed. He woke at 5 was awake for about 40 mins then went back til 6.40.
It may be the best night we have ever had. But i dont know why so i have no chance of replicating it!

My little one randomly slept five hours the other night, also on holiday! Got another week being out of routine then will be back home and moving into a big cot, argh!!

Argh needing some solidarity tonight if anybody about. DD is almost 8 months now and still so unpredictable, apart from predictably not sleeping!! Still on holiday but in a different setting... some nights she'll sleep beautiful in her buggy of an evening, other times not at all. Some days naps beautifully, others not. I'm not doing anything differently. Argh!!! 🤬

Oh tumtitum I feel your pain! DS is a few weeks older but sleeping craply. Naps are ok atm but night time sleep is a joke. I'm somewhat resigned to it atm but would love to have my evenings to myself again. Thank God for cosleeping or I'd be on the floor my knees. This too shall pass..

How are all my sleep deprived homies? I think I'm going to have to saddle up and go back to putting DS down awake at start of night as have gradually sleeper back into feeding to sleep it seems a waste of all that effort before, but it happened so there we are. DS is waking several times between 7 and grown up bedtime and it is a pain. However I do count my blessings that he isn't very upset and doesn't take long to settle as long as I feed him every single time:

How's everyone else?

Hello, I posted weeks ago to the tune of ‘it’s shit but just needs to be ridden out’, but DD2 at 7mo has just been getting worse and worse at sleeping, expecting boob every 30m to help her get back to sleep. I endured that for a long time with her sister but just cannot do it again. Last two nights I have been loosely following the gradual retreat method in this old thread, with great success, have folk seen it? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

She has settled in cot with a bit of crying but nothing major, and first night after doing it she only woke once and fed at 1.30, slept til 6.30. Last night up 3 times but settled surprisingly well. I think I didn’t do it right either, stroked and shushed her til she fell asleep, which I think is wrong and you should stop intervening as soon as they are calm, but even this has improved her sleep so far, so I’m delighted. Let me know if anyone wants to try it, I’d love a buddy and the thread is old!!

Hey sorry everyone I posted for support and then disappeared!! 🙈 we are home from holidays now and getting the cot out so now the fun begins...! I think I am going to try the shushing and patting in the cot thing so happy to be a buddy! :)

Ooh yes up for that merename, I remember that thread. I definitely need to reboot. We're at a stage where I'm just kind of resigned to things but they are very far from ideal and it would be so nice to be able to go out of an evening!

So it was going great, last night night 3 and she was asleep within 12min of me siting with her and less shushing and patting, only up for a feed at 10.30 and 4.45 so a vast improvement. Her big sis has had a cold since yesterday and today about 4pm the snot began pouring out of her and she’s been pretty inconsolable (And unputdownable) this eve. I suspect I’m going to have to sleep cuddling her, poor love. And while thing will be back to square 1 probably! But I have confidence at least that it made an impact instantly. So when do you both start?!

So glad to hear it's going so well! Sorry to hear about the cold though - funnily enough DS is also totally snot ridden so I'm putting it off until he's at least somewhat better. Then I'm REALLY going to try. Worried about him being hungry when he wakes in the night though :/ but I suppose even if he is it's habitual hunger so hopefully we will overcome! Last night was horrendous due to snot and new tooth I think. This is his first proper cold. Hates having his nose wiped!

Shush pat is still working for us (fingers crossed it stays that way). I can lay her down awake and she falls asleep quite quickly now with only a couple of wakings for feeds. Those of you still coping with frequent wakings have my sympathy though. Good luck all!