How to get 12 week old baby to sleep through?

[Belle723]

Just looking for some advice. Im a first time mum and haven’t got much of a clue about how to do things. I’m generally winging it most days (as I think many do). I’ve always let me baby bottle fed on demand and she generally goes 3-4 hours between feeds throughout the day but when I put her down at night she’s starting to do some 6-7 hour stints between her last feed to the first morning one which is obviously amazing - but it’s very inconsistent and I’d like to try and get a bit more routine out of her.

On a good day she will feed around 4am, 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm then 8pm then go to bed around 9ish. She takes approx 6oz at each feed - sometimes she doesn’t always finish the bottle.

However sometimes she wakes up at midnight/1am for a feed and I’m not sure what I’m doing differently? The only thing I can think of is actually putting her to bed later? But I like to have an hour in the evenings to tidy the house etc and actually have a hot cup of tea!

We’ve always had a relaxed routine and a baby every other day and get changed into her sleepsuits in the evening. We use white noise and she has a dummy to help soothe her for sleep.

How do i get her to sleep more consistently? Am I doing anything wrong?

Not much point of a sleep board if you are going to say that no part of baby behaviour & sleep is modifiable!

We could have a form answer "go with the flow, your baby will find it's own way soon enough. My 4 yo DS still doesn't sleep through the night, that's just the way it is"

Yes, five minutes AFTER I put him down. NEVER would I let my 12 week old cry for five minutes. Let's get that straight.

Alyosha you are talking about a sleep training method that is not advised by most proponents before 6mo, or even 1yo in some cases, and you are doing it much earlier. And you are implying that those who haven’t chosen your way have chosen to have babies who do not sleep for long periods - even, that they are damaging their babies by not “giving them the opportunity” to sleep for long periods. People are going to have views about this.

No one has said “no part of baby behaviour and sleep is modifiable” - my own post said that some babies responded to parent-led methods and others don’t. You will have some babies that (eg) swaddling works miracles for and they are happy to then sleep alone in a crib. And others (like mine) for whom swaddling was torture and nothing would make him happy other than to be touching me. People on this board have a wide range of experience of different babies and there are many suggestions that do not involve controlled crying during the fourth trimester! But there will always be some babies who need a lot from their parents and those people need not to be told that, when it is really tough, they chose that

My 18 month old wakes between 3 and 8 times a night . She'll grow out of it at some stage, I hope

I think I just can't see it from your perspective really - perhaps karma will sock me and I will have a velcro baby for number 2 or DS will turn into a hellion. You can't choose your baby but you can choose how you respond to them - I don't think that is insulting to point out.

I give up.

And if how you choose to respond doesn’t work for your baby...? Or is that another perspective you can’t hnders?

*understand

I had a maternity nurse helping me when DD was a newborn. Over her career she looked after more than 150 babies. She has also had 4 children and 6 grandchildren of her own. In her view, the vast majority (i.e. 99.9%) of healthy babies could be taught to self-settle from early in life with minimal to no tears. If she started with a baby at birth and worked with them for 12 weeks, she could pretty much "guarantee" the baby would start "sleeping through the night" (7pm to 5.30/6am with one dream feed at around 10-11pm) by the time she left the family.

I could not afford to have the maternity nurse for the whole 12 weeks but I followed her advice and recommendations. I started when DD was 8 weeks and I used a version of pick up/put down at bedtime and shush/pat during the night. The secret was to be 100% consistent. I know it sounds very simple but it did mean that for a few days I had to shush/pat DD for 40 minutes several times a night. I was wondering why I was going through all this hassle while I could just feed to sleep but I didn't. I kept track of DD feeds (she was FF) and I knew she was not hungry.

At 10 weeks things got much better. DD started "sleeping through the night" every other day. By 12 weeks she "slept through" (7pm to 6.30/7am with one dream feed at 10.30pm) consistently. She has also learnt to love her sleep and her cot. She is now 2 and I have never had to "re-train" her. Even now when DD resists anything and everything, she happily goes to her cot if she feels she is tired (she actually climbs in rather than out). In retrospect, early sleep training was absolutely the right thing for DD and me.

I know it sounds very simple but it did mean that for a few days I had to shush/pat DD for 40 minutes several times a night.

Doesn’t sound simple - just sounds horrible and unnatural.

Doesn’t sound simple - just sounds horrible and unnatural.

I guess it all depends on our attitude to delayed gratification. We clearly have very different views. For me personally, investing time and effort upfront and being able to enjoy proper sleep for months after that was 100% worth it.

Of course, DD still occasionally woke up (e.g. with teething) but (1) it was very rare, (2) if she ever cried during the night, I knew there was a real problem and (3) DD went back to sleep as soon as the issue was resolved. I never had to feed for comfort and I always had a reliable method of calming DD down (firm patting at the back).

Different babies. Great that it worked for you. 40 minutes of shush/pat here would not have resulted in sleep - it would have resulted in a hysterically sobbing baby. Pick up put down the same. Do not imply it is because I was doing things wrong.

“Delayed gratification”
Seriously, listen to yourself, it is unpleasant

Self-sooth is a very parent-pleasing way of saying training your baby to realise that nobody will hold you if you cry.

I couldn’t do that to a puppy never mind a 5 week old baby.

Seriously, listen to yourself, it is unpleasant.

@HerSymphonyAndSong - that was a response to a different poster. Words like "horrid" also do not sound particularly pleasant.

I have used a strategy that my maternity nurse thought would work for my baby. In my particular case, she was 100% right. DD turned into a brilliant sleeper. I know I would have never got there on my own. I have no problem admitting that I knew very little about babies and their sleep before I had DD or that I still do plenty of things wrong. Luckily, my DD is forgiving and she probably knows I am always trying my best.

At the same time, I am not implying you are doing anything wrong. I do not know if my maternity nurse is right. However, I do think her opinion may be interesting to consider since she has probably had more experience with babies than other posters on the forum.

More experience with babies does not overtake natural maternal instinct. It is totally without doubt that without all the books and ‘experts’ telling us to leave babies to cry, we would NATURALLY respond to our child’s needs by holding them, loving them, comforting them, as that is what they are crying for and what they need. There is a very real reason why people come on this forum saying st like starting controller crying tonight, need a hand hold because it feels totally awful to leave your child to cryz

My 6 month old doesn't sleep through. I'm not worried but then again going by some posters I an one of these horribly unsafe mothers who cosleep, and feed on demand. From 3 months he woke once a night, currently he wakes more cause he's teething. No way would I let him cry, he wakes up literally screaming in pain.
Interesting that some people associate baby sleeping alone as prioritising the mothers sleep. I actually see cosleeping as prioritising both our sleep. My ds wants to be close, esp when he started with the separation anxiety, by cosleeping we have both got more sleep. He breastfeed for about 5 mins and then goes straight back to sleep as do I. So we both get a decent amount of sleep, he is content and secure.
My HV has stated from day 1 that crying in young babies releases the stress hormone which isn't good for them. I doubt she would advice letting a 3 month old cry for 20 mins.
I also have a 3yr old and we did the same thing with her, she self settled at 9 months, no crying to sleep in sight.

Aloysha she said five minutes AFTER not FOR five minutes. As in she put him down at 8, at8. 05 he cried. She picked him up. He burped.

But you'd have left him and then after 30 minutes gone, oh you had wind! How does that help anyone

Oops I missed a whole lw page