How to get 12 week old baby to sleep through?

[Belle723]

Just looking for some advice. Im a first time mum and haven’t got much of a clue about how to do things. I’m generally winging it most days (as I think many do). I’ve always let me baby bottle fed on demand and she generally goes 3-4 hours between feeds throughout the day but when I put her down at night she’s starting to do some 6-7 hour stints between her last feed to the first morning one which is obviously amazing - but it’s very inconsistent and I’d like to try and get a bit more routine out of her.

On a good day she will feed around 4am, 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm then 8pm then go to bed around 9ish. She takes approx 6oz at each feed - sometimes she doesn’t always finish the bottle.

However sometimes she wakes up at midnight/1am for a feed and I’m not sure what I’m doing differently? The only thing I can think of is actually putting her to bed later? But I like to have an hour in the evenings to tidy the house etc and actually have a hot cup of tea!

We’ve always had a relaxed routine and a baby every other day and get changed into her sleepsuits in the evening. We use white noise and she has a dummy to help soothe her for sleep.

How do i get her to sleep more consistently? Am I doing anything wrong?

Yes sleep training does work. At the right age. I just think you're assuming that because your baby does then they all can.

My baby is 13 weeks and wakes 1-3 times a night. I think this is great as my first woke 5 times a night until he was 6 months!
The definition of ‘sleeping through’ is a 6 hour stretch, so if your baby is going 9pm - 3am they are technically sleeping through the night.

Wait a couple of years. 12 week old babies are not supposed to sleep through.

Haha at “given the opportunity”
I’m not stopping my 8mo sleeping for several hours straight. It’s his teeth pushing through his gums doing that

Given the opportunity seems to mostly involve a bit of crying, obviously not all parents want to leave their baby to cry. However it is absolutely a skill that can be learnt, as successful sleep training & sleep consultants have shown...

Yes - at the right age!!!

Well there is a lot of debate on what's achieved by leaving babies to cry

Indeed- and I'm pretty sure even Ferber said not before 6 months?

Yes I’m not sure that sleeping is really what a baby learns from being “left to cry”

Tbh I am not really fussed about what other people choose to do with their own babies but my eyebrow is raised at the idea that my 8mo hasn’t been given the opportunity to learn to sleep for long periods of time. He’s welcome to learn to do it any time

Everyone I know who has sleep trained before 6mo has had to do it again (multiple times)

Hersymphony no doubt! Doesn't mean that it didn't give benefits for the parents/baby in the meantime though.

I'm not saying everyone should do what I do just that self settling early on is certainly possible, even if it is a skill that has to be refreshed now and then!

Alyosha - please can you share your tips for self settling? I'm keen to teach this now the fourth trimester is over and would love to know what worked for you? Don't want controlled crying though. Thank you in advance!

Alyosha you are coming across as judgemental whether you intend to or not - it is your implication that those whose babies do not sleep for long periods of time have not “given the opportunity” to their babies to “learn a skill” that is problematic. It’s quite unpleasant to imply that parents are failing their children in that way

Christ on a bike. Some babies sleep, some don't. Telling a mother of a tiny baby who is in the midst of sleep deprivation hell that the baby "should be sleeping through" or "will sleep if taught to" is just not on.

Neither of mine slept unless they were in a pram, a sling or we co-slept and yes, we bloody well tried everything else. They both just wanted to be snuggled into my boobs all night so that's what we did for 2 years apiece and we were all happy ever after!

*now both happy and healthy and sleeping soundly through in their own beds from age 2, BTW

My instinctive answer is "wait til they're bigger" but as the 3.5 YEAR OLD doesn't sleep through, I don't know what age to tell you!! Sounds like your baby is sleeping appropriately. She has a tiny tummy which needs frequently refilling and she's making sure you can't get too far from her and get eaten by a Sabre Tooth tiger

What everyone else said.

My 2 year old cosleeps, and sleeps 8pm-7am, with a 1.5-3 hour nap in the afternoon.

Until 5 months ago, he was waking 3-4 times a night to breastfeed.

12 weeks is tiny. Let her be. And tell people that ask that she’ll sleep through when she’s biologically ready, and not before

Thing is if your 3 month old baby stirs, but is content and drifts off on their own, that isn't being trained to self soothe / settle. That's a fed, warm, comfortable baby working thorigh sleep cycles.
If baby isn't happy and cries and you go into him to settle him (quite rightly imo) then again that isn't self sorting / settling.
I'm not really sure that Alyosha is actually sleep training if she goes to her baby when he cries and goes to him if he wakes up properly (so is awake for over 20 minutes) but doesn't interrupt if he wakes up happy and drifts off quickly again

Lots of peoole are very judgemental about controlled crying!!!

I've got no idea How to teach self settling without controlled crying, however I believe there are several methods outlined in the little ones sleep programme and elsewhere online. Have a Google! Controlled crying very effective though. We leave ds between 2 and 6 mins, 6 mins now he is older.

A quick Google will show many experts believe self settling is a skill that can be taught from early on.. Doesn't mean you have to or are a failure if you don't..

Alyosha people are judgemental about controlled crying in babies under 6 months old precisely because the only thing babies under 6 months need to develop normal attachment and emotional security is to have their cries responded to. As someone else pointed out they can do nothing for themselves and have no other way of communicating all the things a toddler could sort out themselves or indicate verbally or with gestures.

I take back my earlier comment, it was based in Alyosha saying"(unless he cries, in which case I go straight away" whereas now she's saying she does leave him screaming.

I'm assuming he isn't sleeping in your room then, as per SIDS guidelines?

I dint understand how you think I 3 mo being left to cry for what feels like an eternity to them teaches anything other then I one is coming. That's why they stop crying long term. They dunny think "OK Copernicus, you're warm, dry and full. Stop crying now cos Momma needs her sleep" thry think "No point crying Copernicus, no one is coming. Youretalone now"

We leave ds between 2 and 6 mins, 6 mins now he is older.

Older than what?! A baby actually still wet from the womb?!

No, we don't follow all the sids guidelines. At night we sleep in same room as him but he is alone for naps and from 7-10.

It is odd that the biggest risk factor sids is still cosleeping yet it is what the same people recommend on here who get all judgey about babies Sleeping in Their own rooms.

Don't worry, ds still cries - but at night I am happy to leave him for 5 minutes at settling times as I know he is fed winded and changed...cc not for everyone but it does work.

Out of interest, Aloysha - when you say that you've done lots of research and this is a very mainstream choice, who recommends doing controlled crying with a newborn? Because Ferber, usually seen as the controlled crying expert, doesn't, and nor does Gina Ford, who you say you're following?

And when you say you leave him for 6 minutes - do you mean you leave him for 6 minutes then pick him up and soothe him? Because that isn't controlled crying, it's just making him wait for no reason. If you mean that after six minutes you check on him but don't intervene then that is controlled crying and, again, who recommends doing that with a baby of 12 weeks?

I was seriously contemplating sleep training a couple of weeks ago when DS turned six months, so I am not inherently opposed to it in any form (though I can't see why anyone would go straight to controlled crying over a method like gradual retreat where you stay with the baby) - I did have huge doubts, and I'm immensely grateful that his sleep improved by itself (which all the sleep training websites claim is impossible...) but I do think doing it with such a tiny baby is wrong.

We leave ds between 2 and 6 mins, 6 mins now he is older.

Just goes to show it doesn’t ‘work’ as you’re still having to do it 🙄 poor kid.