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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

How to put a baby down to sleep

84 replies

Emmerina · 04/01/2019 17:17

I know this might sound stupid but how do you put your baby down to sleep?
My lb is 13 weeks and I feed him to sleep (breast fed) and we bed share. This wasn't planned but is just the only way we have managed. I genuinely don't know how anyone puts a baby down for a sleep? ?
If I put him down he wakes up crying. I have tried waiting over 25mins, warming the cot (next2me), having something that smells of me and he always wakes up crying and won't settle. In the daytime he will often sleep in his rocking swing or sleeps on me. Although I don't mind bed sharing I am starting to feel quite trapped. I can't even slip away out the bed without waking him.
I really don't know how to do anything else?

OP posts:

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Jackshouse · 04/01/2019 17:19

Fuck knows. Sorry that was not helpful but my DD was like this. Do you have sling? If it makes you feel any better DD got better and by 20 months was in her own big girl bed.

Havana7 · 04/01/2019 17:21

Every baby is different but with my DD I started her bedtime routine at 13 weeks. Bath at 6.30, get ready for bed then lights off with a light show projector on the ceiling, gave her a bottle then swapped it for her dummy and lay her down in her next to me. With the light show still on (it knocked off after 15 mins) for the first week I would be up every 20 mins or so for an hour and half putting her dummy back in and stroking her face then she started to self settle. Still do this now and she’s 18 months but gets her self to sleep as soon as she’s finished her bottle and I put her down

spugzbunny · 04/01/2019 17:21

It will get easier. I still feed my girl to sleep but I can then put her down and she stays down for a few hours before needing another feed. I don't know who has these magical babies that go to sleep without any help!

GrubbyHipsterBeard · 04/01/2019 17:27

Do you have a co-sleeper crib? Could you try sleeping with the side down and your arm round your son? And gradually reducing how much you hold it? I assume you’ve tried swaddling?

Also you could try a sleepyhead, that was the only thing my daughter would be put down in.

Original poster

Emmerina · 04/01/2019 17:29

Thanks all. I've been trying to put him down after his feeds, when he's just about drifting off but haven't managed it. He just cries. So I tried waiting for a deeper sleep and moving into cot but he wakes immediately and cries .

OP posts:

PoutySprout · 04/01/2019 17:29

With the light show still on (it knocked off after 15 mins) for the first week I would be up every 20 mins or so for an hour and half putting her dummy back in and stroking her face then she started to self settle.

Guidelines are that they shouldn’t be left alone to sleep for at least the first 6 months.

Havana7 · 04/01/2019 17:34

Poutysprout - DD was In my room until she was 6 months old but for 2 hours a night between DD going to bed and me going to bed with her monitor and sensor pad on it obviously hasn’t done her any harm!

PoutySprout · 04/01/2019 17:45

Babies can forget to breathe. Hearing an adult breathe appears to remind them to keep breathing. Something that can’t be replicated by machines.

You spent 9 months growing your baby. To leave them alone when they’re so little seems like an odd (and anti-evolutionary) trend.

You have no way of knowing what impact that had.

PoutySprout · 04/01/2019 17:48

Likewise the idea that a baby only just finishing their fourth trimester could be taught to self settle.

MeOldChina · 04/01/2019 18:29

I think they're all different.

I used to use the bouncy chair for DS for daytime naps. I would bounce him and get slower and gentler as i watched his eyes droop so that the chair was actually still when he actually fell asleep. This meant i could then get up and do stuff while he napped. It also meant that he didn't need to be in my arms to feel OK to sleep.

If putting him down in the cot, there was the dreaded transfer, which was just hit and miss i'm afraid.

When he got to 5mo though he definitely started to prefer a quieter room to sleep- we started to wake him by moving around and he was getting irritated. That was when we started putting him in his own room.

Original poster

Emmerina · 04/01/2019 18:36

Thanks I suppose that is what I'm trying to understand what people do. I'm not expecting self-soothing but I know babies do sleep in cots so I'm wondering how.
I did try laying with my hand around him in the next2me and he was still upset - but this was only once I tried so may try that again.

OP posts:

DwayneDibbly · 04/01/2019 18:56

Honestly, I couldn't manage it at all. My DC is 10 months and for the first three months she slept on my chest (a complete no-no, but I just couldn't wrap my head around lying them down!). I invested in a Cocoonababy (which they loved) and then a Sleepyhead.

But to finally get them out of my bed and into a cot, I had to leave it to my DP. DC was getting to a stage quite naturally where they didn't want to be cuddled to sleep, but I couldn't quite master the art of transplanting them into the cot. My DP put them to bed one night, and stayed there with them whilst they grizzled and cried; it took a few minutes and they were out like a light.

DP is still the King of Bedtime in our house; DC can smell my hesitation I think, and if DP is away DC invariably ends up back in bed with me.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 03:22

Mine didn’t go down in a cot for months and he never ever coped in the bedside crib - he just didn’t feel close enough to me. Sleepyhead and swaddling etc hopeless. We coslept for months and it is only now (8mo) that he might (not always) go into his cot after night wakings - I can put him into the cot for the first part of the night. Cosleeping doesn’t stop the frequent waking sadly

Poppins2016 · 05/01/2019 03:56

We're in the same boat (I was actually thinking of asking the same question myself)!

My DS is also 13 weeks and we have no way of successfully 'putting down' to sleep except for breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

I'm not too fussed about this right now (instinctively I want to be close to my baby and I'm enjoying the snuggles), however I will admit to being a bit jealous of those with 'easy sleepers' and I do miss being able to stretch out in my bed rather than sleeping 'protectively' as it's not doing my back any favours!

Having said that, I am starting to become a bit concerned about how we'll manage to develop 'sleep cues' other than the breast, getting through the 4 month sleep regression and developing a bedtime routine when we're ready... It feels as though I've somehow missed a parenting memo!

DS sleeps on my DH in the living room until around midnight (I usually take the chance to nap on the sofa), but the number of hours he'll sleep is variable - sometimes he'll sleep from 7 pm, sometimes he won't sleep until 9/10 pm... Then DS will go to bed with me, BF to sleep and will only then sleep right next to my body. He'll sometimes nap in the pram during the day but is more likely to need to be held/put in the sling to nap.

Poppins2016 · 05/01/2019 04:01

Forgot to say... I have a Chicco co-sleeper crib... Which is now only used to hold the pillows that I can't use in my bed!

I've tried pre-warming with a hot water bottle and/or leaning over with a hand to reassure... But nothing works other than being right next to me.

Not really sure that I've been any use, OP, but at least you have reassurance that you're not alone?!

toomuchisneverenough · 05/01/2019 04:07

Do you have a sleepyhead?
I'd highly recommend!

Original poster

Emmerina · 05/01/2019 08:13

Thank you, that is just how I feel too! Including the bad back ha. I always say my next2me is my overpriced bedside table.
Because we can't settle him downstairs we end up in bed for 6 45 though! When he's tired on an evening he seems to find the light and tv too distracting.
For those whose babies eventually moved out of this phase, was it a case of just continuing to try? Do you put them down awake or asleep? Thank you

OP posts:

Bananarama12 · 05/01/2019 08:20

We co slept for about 4 months, then he wouldn't settle doing that so I bought a sleepyhead which for us was a life saver. I was in tears all the time I was so exhausted.

TheCag · 05/01/2019 08:22

My ds1 was exactly as you describe op. Ds2 was easy and happy to be plonked down in the cot after a feed. Each baby is different and it will come.
If it’s any consolation, my ‘bad’ sleeper as a baby is now a great sleeper (and has been for years) and my ‘good’ baby is 4 and still comes into our bed every night!

reetgood · 05/01/2019 08:30

I’m just here as thinking about my 12 month sons sleep. How we did it was he slept on us for about 15-20mins then we lowered him into a prewarmed cot (used a wheat bag). We got quite good at doing it. Our son had reflux so lying flat was not good. Does yours lie down in the daytime? If not, a tilted cot helped us.

I just watched an nhs video with a health visitor advising you to just ‘lie them down in the cot’. HAH. If I wanted a screaming awake baby, I would.

The downside is that my baby has never ever fallen to sleep in a cot. This has only recently become a problem for me however. In the meantime, we all got some sleep rather than worrying about lying the baby down awake.

FuchsiaG · 05/01/2019 09:04

I'm in the same boat as a lot of you. My son is 13 weeks and will not sleep in his cot at all. We've a next to me crib with the side down and he goes hysterical when we try to put him in this. He seems to be such a light sleeper that no matter how long I wait once he's fallen asleep, he wakes as soon as I try to move him. For the first 8 weeks he would only sleep upright on my chest (silent reflux, seems under control with medication), now I can only get him to sleep next to me in bed by feeding him to sleep. I've tried a sleepyhead and he just thrashes about In it and gets upset. Lately I've had some success rocking him to sleep rather than feeding but then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up and screams and we have to start again. He won't settle for my husband at all which is getting us both very down. Throughout the day the only way he will nap is on a big v pillow on my lap (fed to sleep) so I'm trapped and can't get on with anything in the house, I also can't nap because I'm sat right up :(

Lol our crib has also become an extended bedside table / pillow storage!

I just feel like I've done everything wrong and don't know how to put it right. The health visitor told me to leave my husband to settle him and to put him down drowsy but he just screams and screams when we try this and I can't bear to leave him crying.

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 09:20

FuchsiaG no words of wisdom but I am in exactly the same boat regarding daytime naps. Its soul destroying.
My DS is 16 weeks and his night sleep has gone to shite. I'm going to pay for a sleep consultant. Feel like I've done it all wrong.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 09:24

It’s completely biologically normal for babies to be like this. FWIW the sleepyhead made zero difference to us - fortunately we hadn’t forked out lots of money for it and it is not recommended for overnight sleep too.

Don’t worry about sleep regressions etc as there isn’t a lot you can do - my son’s sleep never really improved or got worse much anyway.

I still feed to sleep and can put him into the cot for most naps and always at the beginning of the night. It was something he was gradually able to do. There were some awful nights in a travel cot with a bed not suitable for cosleeping when we were on holiday when he was about 3mo, but by 5mo he was starting to spend evenings in the cot I think. He never ever managed to really sleep in the bedside crib - he went into the big cot when he started to roll and I slept in the same room

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 09:29

You haven’t done anything wrong and 16wo is too young to spend money like that IMO - so much is changing so quickly that you might think you have “fixed” things only for it all to revert after a short time. I think my baby developed his own bedtime at around 4-5mo so we started doing a bit of a routine. Ignore the “I just pop him in his cot” and “shush and pat” advice because it just does not work for many babies. It’s not because you’ve failed or done anything wrong

reetgood · 05/01/2019 09:31

Ah yes @hersymphonyandsong you have reminded me: around about 9/10 months I started to be able to occasionally resettle my son in the cot, if he woke. It definitely felt developmental. My son spends the first half of his evening in the cot, and second half in bed with me because at 2am I am not up to feeding, waiting and transferring.

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