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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

How to put a baby down to sleep

84 replies

Emmerina · 04/01/2019 17:17

I know this might sound stupid but how do you put your baby down to sleep?
My lb is 13 weeks and I feed him to sleep (breast fed) and we bed share. This wasn't planned but is just the only way we have managed. I genuinely don't know how anyone puts a baby down for a sleep? ?
If I put him down he wakes up crying. I have tried waiting over 25mins, warming the cot (next2me), having something that smells of me and he always wakes up crying and won't settle. In the daytime he will often sleep in his rocking swing or sleeps on me. Although I don't mind bed sharing I am starting to feel quite trapped. I can't even slip away out the bed without waking him.
I really don't know how to do anything else?

OP posts:

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SunnyintheSun · 05/01/2019 09:37

I think it depends on the baby. My first was a terrible sleeper, would never settle in a cot, woke up screaming if I tried and so we co-slept out of necessity until age 2. Second baby was a dream, happy to sleep in a bedside cot all night, will sleep anywhere tbh. I’ve done nothing different, they just have different personalities and needs.

Raisinbrain · 05/01/2019 09:39

I breastfed mine to sleep until he was 2 and 9 months. It worked for us.

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 09:41

I dont want to sleep train but I'm so desperate for sleep. I dont expect him to sleep through the night but he is waking every hr. It's not fair on him. I'm currently in the bedroom with him napping on me..my back is breaking. I'm exhausted.

Original poster

Emmerina · 05/01/2019 09:42

Sorry to hear of others struggling too.
I have invested in a swing which lb will usually have a nap in at some point during the morning. Often need to put white noise on too and make sure he's in it before he starts getting upset. They are expensive but I managed to find one second hand. So that gives me 30 mins to get dressed and do a couple of quick jobs!
I really feel that lb isn't ready to self-settle just yet so I wasn't convinced when my HV recommended the same - to put him down when drowsy

OP posts:

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 09:53

Mississippilessly I have been the same. It is so hard. I don’t know how I survived but I did. By all means give it a go, but I honestly don’t think sleep training would have made much difference in my case as he just was not developmentally ready

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 09:54

4 month sleep regression - it has a purpose. You just have to find a way to get through it. Where is your partner?

Silkei · 05/01/2019 09:56

I’ve never managed to put my baby down drowsy and have him go to sleep. Putting him down would just reverse the drowsiness and he would scream himself wide awake.

At 1yo we mostly bed share because I’m desperate to sleep. In the last 6 weeks or so I’ve managed to put him to bed about 9pm and have 2-3 hours break while he sleeps in his cot. But then he wakes up and it’s difficult to settle him again. I usually give up because it’s late at night and I can’t be bothered. If I bring him into my bed he stops screaming and goes to sleep, which means I can go to sleep, so that’s what I do. I don’t think there’s any magic solution. Small children are biologically wired to want to be close to a parent for warmth and safety.

SayNoToCarrots · 05/01/2019 10:11

I have two methods:

No. 1: feed baby, then vigorously jiggy rock whilst mentally counting down from one hundred and dramatically breathing in her face. For some reason I find it less boring counting backwards. When I get to fifty, I switch down to swaying. When I get to zero, if she is just looking at me I do it again. If she seems asleep, I continue swaying for fifty seconds, reducing the sway until it's barely anything. I stand still for a bit. If she doesn't wake up, she is ready. I lower her into the cot, swaying a bit, and then try to simultaneously bounce the cot mattress whilst gently lying her down so she thinks I'm still rocking her, wait a few seconds to check she's still sleeping, and then quietly commando roll out of the room.

No2. Put her in an ergobaby on my front and jig about whilst reading mumsnet on my phone. Continue until she has been asleep a few minutes. Gently undo and switch to rocking in my arms. Then lower her into the cot as above.

Actually I have three. The third is breastfeed her to sleep in a full sized bed with cot sides. She's 1 now.

😂

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 10:39

poutysprout doing as much as he can. Watched over us for 3 hrs last night while we unsafely coslept

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 11:20

Why were you cosleeping unsafely? Have you looked up the safe cosleeping guidelines?

Nothisispatrick · 05/01/2019 11:24

We bottle feed so we feed her lying down in her Next2me until she falls asleep then take the bottle away. She luckily doesn’t have any wind or reflux problems so she can sleep without needing to be burped. For a breastfed baby I have no idea what we’d do.

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 11:34

pouty yes I have, but he wouldn't settle. He would only settle literally being cradled by me and I wasn't comfortable sleeping like that.

I'd you could hold fire on the unhelpful confused face I would appreciate it. We are knackered and could do without it.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/01/2019 11:40

I'm honestly not convinced by most of what I read about self settling. Mine just goes apeshit when I try to put her in the cot at night, she has no "drowsy but awake mode" and screams until picked up.

I'm just keeping her with me or wearing her for naps and cosleeping. I dont think they are all ready for selfsettling at 6 months

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 11:56

I'd you could hold fire on the unhelpful confused face I would appreciate it. We are knackered and could do without it.

How is taking it out on your baby going to help?

My DD slept on me, between my boobs, for around 4 months. I had to prop myself up with pillows to make sure she was secure and couldn’t roll off. Wasn’t particularly comfortable for me but I caught up on sleep by napping on the sofa during her naps (in the bouncy chair or pram next to me. And as DH worked away and I had no family within 2,500 miles I had to do what I could.

From 4 months she slept next to me in the middle of the bed. I lay on my left side with my left arm above her head and knees bent so if she moved anywhere I knew about it. I could rest my right hand on her to let her know I was there. She could smell me and hear me and was able to sleep. She woke frequently, as I expected her to.

Oh, and to top it all off, I exclusively expressed for her. So would have to express every 3 hours day and night and then prep bottles for her when she woke (she liked her milk hotter than body temperature).

It sounds like things may be a touch less complicated for you.

Can’t your DH have your baby for a few hours today so you can sleep?

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 12:02

Sorry - what?

How am I taking it out on my baby? And what's with the winking? Why are you making this a competition of difficulty?!

I'm going to leave this thread, its easier.

Bananarama12 · 05/01/2019 12:02

@Poutysprout
You don't get awards for having to express every 3 hours and making yourself SO uncomfortable you couldn't sleep, all whilst your husband was away.

You do however get one for being a big twat. Bye! 🤦‍♀️

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 12:06

How am I taking it out on my baby?

Sleep consultants, sleep training, comments that his absolutely normal sleeping patterns are wrong and need fixing.

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 12:07

You don't get awards for having to express every 3 hours and making yourself SO uncomfortable you couldn't sleep, all whilst your husband was away.

I’m not expecting awards. I didn’t say I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep either. If you’re going to pick fault at least understand what you read properly!

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 12:08

pouty not sure where you get off commenting on other people's parenting like that.

I didnt say his sleep patterns were wrong. I said that they are breaking me and he is unhappy.

What an unpleasant attitude you have.

RandomMess · 05/01/2019 12:16

Look up the "Pick up Put Down" method.

No crying involved, will take time but it's great.

Dandelion89 · 05/01/2019 12:20

I'm pleased to have found this thread. I have a 15 week old Dd who until this week was quite a good sleeper but for the past few nights won't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. She sleeps in something similar to a sleepyhead in a next2me crib. She is breastfed to sleep but I can't get her down in the crib without being rocked or fed.
I read this week that they are supposed to be able to self settle at this age 😐. Everyone who is struggling has my sympathies. Its awful.

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 12:31

I read this week that they are supposed to be able to self settle at this age 😐

Where did you read that? Neuro-scientists disagree.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 12:50

Pick up put down DEFINITELY involves crying here 😂

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 12:56

Honestly Dandelion that sounds completely normal for that age, sorry

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 13:02

Dandelion we have had some success in rocking until he is nearly asleep and then putting him down so he just finally falls asleep in his crib. We have then done it a bit earlier slowly so now he goes in his pjs, picked up, rocked for maybe a minute then out down as he is getting dozy.
Does fuck all for him staying asleep in the wee hrs but it seems to be working for getting to bed.

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