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Original poster

How to put a baby down to sleep

84 replies

Emmerina · 04/01/2019 17:17

I know this might sound stupid but how do you put your baby down to sleep?
My lb is 13 weeks and I feed him to sleep (breast fed) and we bed share. This wasn't planned but is just the only way we have managed. I genuinely don't know how anyone puts a baby down for a sleep? ?
If I put him down he wakes up crying. I have tried waiting over 25mins, warming the cot (next2me), having something that smells of me and he always wakes up crying and won't settle. In the daytime he will often sleep in his rocking swing or sleeps on me. Although I don't mind bed sharing I am starting to feel quite trapped. I can't even slip away out the bed without waking him.
I really don't know how to do anything else?

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HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 13:14

I have to agree that being able to “self settle” makes little difference to wake ups here. My son is capable of getting himself to sleep in the cot sometimes but it doesn’t hel him if he wakes up hungry, thirsty, wanting a cuddle, teething pain etc

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 13:16

Also it doesn’t make much difference if some babies can do XYZ - it doesn’t mean yours is ready to, or that you have done anything wrong

Original poster
Emmerina · 05/01/2019 13:17

Thank you, I've been reading about put down pick up and feel a bit unsure - my instinct is that this would really wind him up!
The other night I tried breastfeeding him in his next2me lol I was half laying in the thing, seriously bad for the back and was quite gutted to learn that my boobs are now droopy enough to do this! He fell asleep but it lasted less than 5 mins, he seemed to realise where he was and was most unimpressed!!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/01/2019 13:22

Pick Up Put Down is picking them up when they cry...

It does help when you can distinguish between a complaining squawk and crying and utter distress 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I picked up as soon as the crying started, it's not controlled crying where you leave them to cry! I viewed it as "teaching" my baby that I would always be there if they cried and it was ok for them to be in their cot awake.

I was conscious of not feeding them to sleep.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 13:24

I’m afraid that here PUPD results in increasing levels of distress. He ends up being unable to put down at all. It’s fine if it works for your baby but either mine isn’t compatible or he isn’t ready.

RandomMess · 05/01/2019 13:25

If baby always feeds to sleep then they "need" them every time...

I used to wake fine up after a feed so they were out down awake from a very young age. I couldn't cope with co sleeping so was very motivated!

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 13:25

RandomMess does that go for night feeds to? I try not to feed DS to sleep, he tends to eat on waking anyway, but in the middle.of the night he falls asleep whilst feeding - he only feeds for a few minutes. He did that probably 5 times last night.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 13:26

Mine doesn’t need feeding to sleep every time these days. Sometimes he just wants a cuddle

RandomMess · 05/01/2019 13:29

Try PUPD during the day and when they are less tired?

Once you are used to certain props to get to sleep it is slow going to change them so you don't cause distress. If they like being rocked it's doing it slightly less for a few days then slightly less again and so on. Anything cold turkey will be distressing.

I envy all those happily co sleeping people Grin

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2019 13:29

Please don’t interpret this as me being negative - it is worth trying things if you are really miserable - but if something doesn’t work don’t be made to feel that it’s becausw you did anything wrong now or in the past. Babies are all different

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 13:29

Her I'm increasingly finding this, picking up and cuddling and he falls asleep again. Then it's trying to get him back in the crib... then an hr later he is awake again.

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 13:32

When he wakes at the moment he is very thrashy, like he had wind but I dont think he does.
It is a laugh this parenting lark isn't it?!

RandomMess · 05/01/2019 13:32

@Mississippilessly when one of mine did that I realised I was being used as a human dummy!

RandomMess · 05/01/2019 13:33

You are all helping to demist my rose tinted glasses of the baby years!!!

I have 4DC

😂😂😂

DameSylvieKrin · 05/01/2019 13:34

Now that I have my second I have realised that there are different types of baby in this respect and nothing that you do will can change that before 5–6 months. My daughter was exactly like your son and we coslept until she started sleepwalking (well, crawling) and then we sleep trained her. She was a light sleeper and could be woken by a light switch several rooms away despite white noise.
My son is 14w and has been able to fall asleep alone for weeks. I can put him down for naps and at night. I can take him out of the sling and he keeps sleeping, I can change his nappy without waking him up.
I would just accept that you can’t change it and tag team to get enough sleep until 6 months.

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 13:38

@RandomMess that is exactly what I am
And he has a sodding dummy!!! I dont want to get into a habit where he is feeding more at night than in ne daytime but I also dont want to deprive him if he is genuinely hungry!

Amara123 · 05/01/2019 14:02

I have the same baby as you all (incl barely used co-sleeper!) and am coming to the conclusion that is just the way he is and there is no magic wand to fix it. Neurodevelopmentally there is no point in trying to do any training at this age. I did read a book (Lucy Wolfe) on sleep, she has 4 kids and breastfed so understands that, and her main recommendation from ages 3-6 months is to get the baby up for the day before 7.30, no matter what kind of night they had. I've done this for a couple of days and the baby seems to be napping better.

Desmondo2016 · 05/01/2019 14:10

Omg @poutysprout... everything I hate about parenting advice forums. Ram your smug and pompous ideals, they're not real life.

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 14:12

they're not real life.

Well then perhaps that needs changing. Not expecting the youngest in society to do what’s convenient when their wonky interests are meeting their biological needs.

PoutySprout · 05/01/2019 14:14

*only interests

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 14:17

Amara I'm going to try this tomorrow. The idea of waking him after a crap night seems wrong but might help..

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 14:22

Desmondo thankfully most of MN is more understanding and less 2D

Nothisispatrick · 05/01/2019 14:23

How is taking it out on your baby going to help?

Wow, what a fucking cunt of a comment, and complete nonsense anyway.

Amara123 · 05/01/2019 14:49

Mississippilessly do give it a go. She also said it's important that when the baby is woken that they should be exposed to natural light (open curtains etc). She says feed on waking up at 7.30 and expect baby to need their first nap fairly soon after (I think about an hour), so be tuned into their sleep cues and rock them a little when this time comes up. She said don't worry where they sleep as bad night time sleep can be due to insufficient napping during the day. We can sort the locations later! Let me know how it goes!

Mississippilessly · 05/01/2019 14:51

Yes I follow the light and dark as much as I can, bloody difficult in this weather!!!
I spend my life making sure he naps well - I've done my back in with him in the sling so much! I'm hugely anxious about it - I think a waking time might help me have a bit more control