Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Co-sleeping. Give it a go!

167 replies

MarmaladeSun · 28/08/2004 10:42

Hi all. I've posted a reply on one of the other threads about my 6 week old sleeping with me, and knowing the reactions Mums get from other people if they co sleep, I thought I'd paste this information onto this thread. Hope it helps anyone who's struggling with the night time!

Harvard psychiatrist Michael Commons and his colleagues recently presented the American Association for the Advancement of Science with research that suggests that babies who sleep alone are more susceptible to stress disorders.

Notre Dame anthropology professor and leading sleep researcher, James McKenna, has long held that babies who sleep with their mothers enjoy greater immunilogical benefits from breastfeeding because they nurse twice as frequently as their counterparts who sleep alone.

In his book on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, pediatrician William Sears cites co-sleeping as a proactive measure parents can take to reduce the risk of this tragedy. McKenna?s research shows that babies who sleep with parents spend less time in Level III sleep, a state of deep sleep when the risk of apneas are increased. Further, co-sleeping babies learn to imitate healthy breathing patterns from their bunkmates.

Every scientific study of infant sleep confirms that babies benefits from co-sleeping. Not one shred of evidence exists to support the widely held notion that co-sleep is detrimental to the psychological or physical health of infants.

If science consistently provides evidence that the American social norm of isolating babies for sleep can have deleterious effects, why do we continue the 150-year crib culture in the United States? Why do parents flock to Toys R? Us to purchase dolls that have heart beats, sing lullabies and snore when they can do the same for free?

McKenna suggests that there are several factors that maintain this cultural norm. Foremost is the American value of self-sufficiency. Independence is an important characteristic for a successful person in our society. We take great pride in watching our babies pick themselves up by their own bootie straps. But the assumption that co-sleeping inhibits independence is pure cultural mythology. In fact, the opposite it true.

Children who share sleep with their parents are actually more independent than their peers. They perform better in school, have higher self esteem, and fewer health problems. After all, who is more likely to be well-adjusted, the child who learns that his needs will be met, or the one who is left alone for long periods of time? McKenna suggests that it is confusing for a baby to receive cuddles during the day while also being taught that the same behavior is inappropriate at night.

The Commons report states that when babies are left alone to cry themselves to sleep, levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, are elevated. Commons suggests that the constant stimulation by cortisol in infancy causes physical changes in the brain. "It makes you more prone to the effects of stress, more prone to illness, including mental illness, and makes it harder to recover from illness," he concludes.

The best-selling book on infant sleep is frighteningly misdirected and offers absolutely no scientific grounds for its thesis. Richard Ferber suggest that the best way to solve your child?s "sleep problems" is to isolate them in another room, shut the door, and let them cry for ten minutes without interruption. Then parents may enter the room and verbally soothe the baby, but are warned against making physical contact with their baby. Shortly after, they are advised to leave the infant to cry for another timed interval a la "Mad About You."

Most sleep disorders are not biologically based, but rather, created by well-intended parents. Making oneself available by intercom is simply not meeting the nighttime needs of an infant.

Many parents argue that they tried "Ferberizing" their baby and enjoyed great success with the technique. Indeed, the infant may stop crying and learn to go to sleep on his own, but this is a short-term pay off for parents. The baby has not suddenly discovered quiet content. He simply is exhausted from his futile efforts to be nurtured. Fifteen years later, the same parents shrug their shoulders and wonder why their kids are shutting them out.

Though co-sleeping is common in most parts of the world, many American parents would not consider it because they fear it will cause them sleep deprivation. Every scientific study concludes that parents who bring their babies to bed sleep longer and better.

A few parents do experience difficulty sleeping with a baby in their bed. For them, a "sidecar" or bedside sleeper is an ideal way to meet their needs for rest and their baby?s need for co-sleep. Keeping a crib or bassinet in the parents? room is another option. A "family bed" is not for everyone, but creative solutions for co-sleep are abundant in our consumer-friendly culture.

The most common question co-sleepers are asked is about maintaining a sexual relationship with one?s partner. The answer is simple. Go someplace where the baby is not. Enough said.

For those who consider unlimited access to their sexual partner more important than meeting the needs of their baby, cat ownership is a wonderful alternative to parenthood. You can just toss a bowl of Nine Lives on the floor and frolic around the house whenever the mood hits you.

Co-sleeping is not right for everyone. Heavy drinkers and drug addicts should avoid sleeping with their babies. Of course, these folks should probably avoid parenthood altogether.

If scientific research consistently demonstrates that co-sleeping offers tremendous benefits for babies and has no deleterious effects, it?s time Americans join the rest of the world and parent our babies 24 hours a day.

Jennifer Coburn
San Diego, California
USA

Send this article
to a friend!

----------------

Related Articles

The Family Bed: An Evolutionary Approach to Family Sleep
To Sleep or Not to Sleep: That is the Question
Someone's Been Sleeping in My Bed!

----------------

Home | All About | Lighter Side | Advocacy | Reading Room | Help Me! | Shopping | Community | Working Mom

URL: www.breastfeeding.com/
Copyright © 1998-2000 Breastfeeding.com, Inc.. Comments and Feedback

Disclaimer: All material provided at Breastfeeding.com is provided for educational purposes only. Consult with your lactation consultant or health care provider regarding the advisability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your individual situation.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MarmaladeSun · 01/09/2004 11:45

And there is plenty of stuff about saying that co sleeping IS dangerous and unhealthy...but that seems to be ok. One sided? Hmm....

OP posts:
codswallop · 01/09/2004 11:46

can i just as k about the practicalities of it?
if your baby goes to bed at 6 pm hwere do you put it?

Hulababy · 01/09/2004 11:49

coddy - we had a bedside cot from about 6 weeks. I put DD in there until I went to bed, then knocked side down fully when we went to bed so she could wriggle over during the night. Before then she fell asleep in the lounge with us and she went to bed at same time as us. As she got older and complained about the cot side, I simply put her in the bedside cot, attatched to our bed.

beansmum · 01/09/2004 11:49

The article doesn't say that not co-sleeping causes damage, it even says that cosleeping isn't for everyone and suggests a bedside sleeper or a crib in the same room.

It does however suggest that leaving a baby to cry himself to sleep will cause damage.

'The Commons report states that when babies are left alone to cry themselves to sleep, levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, are elevated. Commons suggests that the constant stimulation by cortisol in infancy causes physical changes in the brain. "It makes you more prone to the effects of stress, more prone to illness, including mental illness, and makes it harder to recover from illness," he concludes.'

It's not an attack on sleeping separately, just on allowing your baby to cry for a long period. many people sleep separately without letting their baby cry himself to sleep.

codswallop · 01/09/2004 11:51

so they dont co sleep all night?

whayt if you get pissed and theya re int here?( not that WE do things like that!)

Hulababy · 01/09/2004 11:54

Before 6 weeks we did co-sleep all night. At 6 weeks we got a bedside cot and co-slept from when we went to bed, but she was put in her cot asleep most nights until a few months old. I loved cuddling DD to sleep that's why.

I didn't get druunk whilst co-sleeping - and we co-slept until moving house when DD was 15 months. I did have the odd drink but never more than one or two glasses. I simply knew that I couldn't and neither could DH if she was in the middle. Didn't cause us any problems at all.

codswallop · 01/09/2004 11:55

does he come in still?
cant stand wriggling kids in bed

hercules · 01/09/2004 11:56

I just put dd on our bed and come downstairs.
Cosleeping doesnt mean you have to lie next to them all the time they are sleeping. It means sharing the bed.

aloha · 01/09/2004 11:56

And frankly, so are yours, my dear. As for 'presuming' to comment, well, yes I do. And I have every right to do so. How dare you suggest otherwise? Also, if you simply want to make snide comments about other mumsnetters ('some people') to your friends why not do it between yourselves instead of using this forum to do so.It's becoming extremely childish - and somewhat ridiculous - you know. I simply can't be bothered with you anymore but please, in future, think before post silly articles.

Hulababy · 01/09/2004 12:00

DD still comes in very occassionally ina morning, but very rarely. She stopped co-sleeping pretty much entirely at 20 months. She is now 2y 4m and sleeps happily in her own bed in her own room.

MarmaladeSun · 01/09/2004 12:07

Comment all you like Aloha, all I asked was that you read a post properly before you do so as you may (and do) get the wrong end of the stick. And as for snide comments about other mumsnetters...I don't believe I have. Up until now I have had nothing but help, advice and basically a good laugh with the other mums on here; even during a debate. Now, I have conceded that I did not view the article from a non co sleepers point of view but it seems you are unable to concede that perhaps you have mistaken my intentions also. I was actually trying to steer the thread away from the nastiness that has crept into it, but you seem intent on keeping it alive. Let it go for God's sake.

OP posts:
MarmaladeSun · 01/09/2004 12:09

Thankyou beansmum

OP posts:
lisalisa · 01/09/2004 12:44

Message withdrawn

lisalisa · 01/09/2004 12:50

Message withdrawn

MarmaladeSun · 01/09/2004 13:04

Lisalisa, I would also agree with you that such a sweeping statement is wrong. Everyone is different. What works for one will not work for another. I am extremely lucky, in my eyes, that co sleeping worked and continues to work for me, and that I enjoy it. I can understand why it may not work for others...for instance lack of personal space as you said. I just wanted to show that there are enormous benefits to be had IF someone wants to do it, and that not everyone is against it (by everyone I mean parents, in laws, doctors etc). Each to their own. The thinking behind the article was not my own, only the ideas that promote co sleeping. It was not intended to be a dig at others. Glad CC worked for you.

OP posts:
MarmaladeSun · 01/09/2004 13:06

Doh...I keep doing this; forgetting a point I wanted to make. For ME I do sleep longer and better this way, as does my daughter. Doesn't work for everyone though.

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 01/09/2004 13:07

do you see marmaladesun? it's a badly researched, poorly written and extremely biased article that's winding everyone up, not your original intention to celebrate that co-sleeping has worked for you. can you see that there is a difference between justifiable criticism of the article (which is extremely provocative and damning of non-co-sleepers btw) and an attack on you or on co-sleeping per se?

lisalisa · 01/09/2004 13:07

Message withdrawn

lisalisa · 01/09/2004 13:09

Message withdrawn

MarmaladeSun · 01/09/2004 18:07

Lisalisa, I know what you mean about alternative/natural methods of parenting. I am also a fan of many natural/alternative methods but feel that it sets you apart in most walks of life. Take the co sleeping; when people ask me the inevitable 'does she keep you up at night?' I am always really proud to tell them that she only usually wakes up once, around 4.30 in the morning and then goes back to sleep. They then ask 'Oh how do you manage that then?' and when I say it's cos I have her in bed with me I get all kinds of reactions, especially from Mums at the clinic, and health visitors, and none of them favourable reactions. I was going to start another thread on here about another aspect of alternative parenting (I hesitate to use the word natural as this may be misconstrued where no offence is intended) but I am reluctant to do so in light of the way this thread has gone.

OP posts:
joanneg · 01/09/2004 18:32

sorry off topic (just slightly!) back to you! you are an inspiration marmaladesun. Studying as well as bringing up 5 children and a dh in the army! Do you find that the older children help with the younger ones. I have one of those slings too (was a godsend when ds was little only way I got things done). I sometimes feel like I am in parenting in the dark and making it up as I go along!! Next time I am in a muddle (I am studying with the OU and juggling ds who is 2) I will contact you!!
Good luck with your exams.

Canadianmom · 01/09/2004 19:51

Marmaladesun. I am impressed that you summon the courage to tell people that you co-sleep knowing that the reaction is likely to be a negative one. I just gave up. The health visitor came by to do a routine developmental test of ds2 when he was 18 months and he was just waking from his afternoon nap as she arrived. He strolled out into the living room and asked to be breast fed. I was asked if he had started climbing out of his cot and when I said that we didn't have one I was subjected to a lecture about sleeping with him as well as still breast feeding him.
Everyone is entitled to make their own parenting decisions but somehow it is less politically correct to criticize or question those that follow the 'cultural norm' of having their babies self-soothe in a cot after a bottle of formula and a pot of food from Tesco.

hercules · 01/09/2004 19:57

I remember ds's two year check. The hv was very concerned at our cosleeping and breastfeeding. Looking back at his red book there are some ridiculous comments about us throughout eg mum still breastfeeding despite being talked to about weaning. These started from around 9 months.
I have usually met neg comments in rl about extended bf and cosleeping. I agree with your comment candianmum about it not being correct to comment on the "norm" but if you cosleep etc people find no problems in openly criticising.
I have to say I dont really find that on mumsnet as such but def in rl.

Canadianmom · 01/09/2004 20:01

I have to agree (for the most part) about MNers being more supportive if you admit to such practices! Thanks for pointing that out as that is one of the main reasons I enjoy MN.

Heathcliffscathy · 01/09/2004 20:03

canadianmum: sorry but no one on mn is criticising co-sleeping or breastfeeding!!! i just don't know where you or marmaladesun are coming from on this. the only thing that has been criticised is an article that was quoted at the beginning of this thread, which surely you agree had good reason to be criticised. i've found that people on mn are v supportive of both co-sleeping and breastfeeding past six months if not actively encouraging (i've done both!). it has surely to be ok to criticise a really dodgy article without this level of hostile defensiveness??? if anyone gets a hard time on mn it's hv's!

Swipe left for the next trending thread