Co-sleeping. Give it a go!

[MarmaladeSun]

Hi all. I've posted a reply on one of the other threads about my 6 week old sleeping with me, and knowing the reactions Mums get from other people if they co sleep, I thought I'd paste this information onto this thread. Hope it helps anyone who's struggling with the night time!

Harvard psychiatrist Michael Commons and his colleagues recently presented the American Association for the Advancement of Science with research that suggests that babies who sleep alone are more susceptible to stress disorders.

Notre Dame anthropology professor and leading sleep researcher, James McKenna, has long held that babies who sleep with their mothers enjoy greater immunilogical benefits from breastfeeding because they nurse twice as frequently as their counterparts who sleep alone.

In his book on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, pediatrician William Sears cites co-sleeping as a proactive measure parents can take to reduce the risk of this tragedy. McKenna?s research shows that babies who sleep with parents spend less time in Level III sleep, a state of deep sleep when the risk of apneas are increased. Further, co-sleeping babies learn to imitate healthy breathing patterns from their bunkmates.

Every scientific study of infant sleep confirms that babies benefits from co-sleeping. Not one shred of evidence exists to support the widely held notion that co-sleep is detrimental to the psychological or physical health of infants.

If science consistently provides evidence that the American social norm of isolating babies for sleep can have deleterious effects, why do we continue the 150-year crib culture in the United States? Why do parents flock to Toys R? Us to purchase dolls that have heart beats, sing lullabies and snore when they can do the same for free?

McKenna suggests that there are several factors that maintain this cultural norm. Foremost is the American value of self-sufficiency. Independence is an important characteristic for a successful person in our society. We take great pride in watching our babies pick themselves up by their own bootie straps. But the assumption that co-sleeping inhibits independence is pure cultural mythology. In fact, the opposite it true.

Children who share sleep with their parents are actually more independent than their peers. They perform better in school, have higher self esteem, and fewer health problems. After all, who is more likely to be well-adjusted, the child who learns that his needs will be met, or the one who is left alone for long periods of time? McKenna suggests that it is confusing for a baby to receive cuddles during the day while also being taught that the same behavior is inappropriate at night.

The Commons report states that when babies are left alone to cry themselves to sleep, levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, are elevated. Commons suggests that the constant stimulation by cortisol in infancy causes physical changes in the brain. "It makes you more prone to the effects of stress, more prone to illness, including mental illness, and makes it harder to recover from illness," he concludes.

The best-selling book on infant sleep is frighteningly misdirected and offers absolutely no scientific grounds for its thesis. Richard Ferber suggest that the best way to solve your child?s "sleep problems" is to isolate them in another room, shut the door, and let them cry for ten minutes without interruption. Then parents may enter the room and verbally soothe the baby, but are warned against making physical contact with their baby. Shortly after, they are advised to leave the infant to cry for another timed interval a la "Mad About You."

Most sleep disorders are not biologically based, but rather, created by well-intended parents. Making oneself available by intercom is simply not meeting the nighttime needs of an infant.

Many parents argue that they tried "Ferberizing" their baby and enjoyed great success with the technique. Indeed, the infant may stop crying and learn to go to sleep on his own, but this is a short-term pay off for parents. The baby has not suddenly discovered quiet content. He simply is exhausted from his futile efforts to be nurtured. Fifteen years later, the same parents shrug their shoulders and wonder why their kids are shutting them out.

Though co-sleeping is common in most parts of the world, many American parents would not consider it because they fear it will cause them sleep deprivation. Every scientific study concludes that parents who bring their babies to bed sleep longer and better.

A few parents do experience difficulty sleeping with a baby in their bed. For them, a "sidecar" or bedside sleeper is an ideal way to meet their needs for rest and their baby?s need for co-sleep. Keeping a crib or bassinet in the parents? room is another option. A "family bed" is not for everyone, but creative solutions for co-sleep are abundant in our consumer-friendly culture.

The most common question co-sleepers are asked is about maintaining a sexual relationship with one?s partner. The answer is simple. Go someplace where the baby is not. Enough said.

For those who consider unlimited access to their sexual partner more important than meeting the needs of their baby, cat ownership is a wonderful alternative to parenthood. You can just toss a bowl of Nine Lives on the floor and frolic around the house whenever the mood hits you.

Co-sleeping is not right for everyone. Heavy drinkers and drug addicts should avoid sleeping with their babies. Of course, these folks should probably avoid parenthood altogether.

If scientific research consistently demonstrates that co-sleeping offers tremendous benefits for babies and has no deleterious effects, it?s time Americans join the rest of the world and parent our babies 24 hours a day.

Jennifer Coburn
San Diego, California
USA

Send this article
to a friend!

----------------

Related Articles

The Family Bed: An Evolutionary Approach to Family Sleep
To Sleep or Not to Sleep: That is the Question
Someone's Been Sleeping in My Bed!

----------------

Home | All About | Lighter Side | Advocacy | Reading Room | Help Me! | Shopping | Community | Working Mom

URL: www.breastfeeding.com/
Copyright © 1998-2000 Breastfeeding.com, Inc.. Comments and Feedback

Disclaimer: All material provided at Breastfeeding.com is provided for educational purposes only. Consult with your lactation consultant or health care provider regarding the advisability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your individual situation.

All the people I know who cosleep over 12 months love it and have very secure relationships.

Last post.

DH colslept with his parents, I didnt.

He has no problems with an adult relationship before kids and after. In his culture it is normal and I'm sure they dont all have problems having sexual relations as adults!

hercules, had just gone for a shower and was thinking what to reply and you've said it all for me!

I co-slept with my parents (so did my brother) until I was 3. I still did all the normal sleep overs etc, since they start after that age anyway. I haven't had any probelsm in adulthood due to co-sleeping, I don't think!

I can leave my kids for the night, they co-sleep with my parents.

I agree whole heartedly with hercules, co-sleeping has enriched my relationship with dh, not damaged it. That said we bought a super king size bed (I think hercules has said previously that they have the same) which means it is really easy to co-sleep as we all have our space and his shift work has meant that we have never got used to sleeping in the same bed (pre-kids too).

I think it's an individual decision personally, you can only do what's right for you and your child but I also believe that co-sleeping into toddlerhood is not a major issue, but then ,aybe I'm less 'conventional' than I thought

Clayhead- DH works nights!
We do have a super king size bed. Brill for dd and me. I still have to hunt for her if she wakes as bed is so big!

Funnily enough we had a sleep over a few days ago with 2 of ds's friends. The one who had coslept as younger child had no problems. The one who had never coslept winged all evening and wanted to go home!

Whinged

Wow Hercules, I was only discussing my personal experience and anecdotal experience from friends. Seems to have got you a bit defensive so I'm sorry if anything I've said has upset anyone.

I don't think that feeling the presence of a child in the bed restricts one's sex life is any indication of an unstable relationship, although I do know plenty of people who admit it suits them to have a baby/toddler in there so they can get out of sex.

Perhaps if we had a super king sized bed we'd all be in it together too.

Just out of interest though... where ARE all you co-sleepers getting your nookie if not in bed? Seriously. The only place in our house would be the sofa and that's a bit on the small side - or there's the floor, but carpet burns aren't that appealing either

Now, first and foremost I have to state that I am not against
co-sleeping. I understand that there is a lot of quite negative reactions to the concept of co-sleep and co-sleepers. However, I do take umbrage at the initial post and accompanying poorly written article. If you want to co-sleep, that is absolutely fine, but righteous condemnation of non-co-sleepers is not. Just as uninformed and inexperienced negative comment on co-sleep is not okay, so is uninformed inexperienced comment on 'seperate sleep' not okay.

Jennifersofia

I wasn't going to join in this as I thought most of it had been said but.......I don't see either the inital post or the article as being poorly written, it reads to me more like a precis of a longer article.

Also, I wouldn't read it as being righteous condemnation of non-co-sleepers, rather positive affirmation of co-sleepers.

Besides, if it can be proved that co-sleeping with your baby reduces the risk of cot death (which lots of studies have done) surely not sleeping with your baby is a bit like putting them to sleep on their backs?

On a personal note, we do co-sleep with our 19mt old, we do have a sex life, and yes we do intend her to have her own bed when she is ready for it.

I have three children, the first I has sleeping in her own cot unless she was ill. The second suffered various medical problems and it just happened that he slept in the bed with us. The third slept in the bed with us because the second did, so it was four in the bed at one time and a nightmare! We moved house recently and we got car shaped fairy lights and basically put our foot down, they slept in the same bed as each other for about a month and then all of a sudden they slept in their own beds. Needless to say, the second child does'nt go to sleep until about 9pm and he is now 6, the third is better and sleeps about 8pm and he is four. CO-sleeping wa'nt intentional and it has pros and cons and I am not for or against. But I have a fourth child on the way and am determined to get him or her in his own bed from at least six months! Can see it working out differently though...

As the author of the original post (all of 3 lines and in no way can it be construed as derogatory to non co-sleepers) I would like to point out a couple of things. Firstly, I would like to ask how the article (which was included to reassure parents who DO co-sleep that it is, in fact, beneficial to sleep with your baby and not a bad thing as most people would have you believe)can be called 'uninformed'? The article included quotes from a Harvard Psychiatrist, an Anthropology Professor and a Pediatrician. May I ask,Jennifersofia, what is YOUR profession or area of expertise? I don't believe that the article was intended to slate parents whose children sleep seperately from them, it was just, as honeybaby said, positive affirmation for those of us who do. It does seem to have touched a rather raw nerve which would suggest that you are maybe more against the notion than you would have us believe.

Incidentally, I had hoped that my 'poorly written' post and 'uninformed article' would be received in the spirit with which it was intended i.e as a happy, upbeat post to enable co-sleepers to be able to voice their opinions, when faced with negativity, with conviction and facts. It's a shame when someone, when faced with opposition to their own beliefs, feels the need to insult.

MarmaladeSun

As I said before, I saw it as a refeshing antidote to the normal negative reaction (not in anyway a condemnation of those who don't co-sleep)

thanks

But it isn't just a nice, encouraging article about the benefits of co-sleeping. It's tone is incredibly hostile to people who don't. It basically says that if you don't your child will reject you in later life, and will not be well adjusted - probably even becoming mentally ill - all without any study references. It also says that people who don't co-sleep are lesser parents (ie don't parent 24 hours a day FFS) This article has been posted before. Sears has a well-known agenda, and Ferber is at least as well qualified, so let's not bandy qualifications. I'm all for sleeping with your baby if you want to and your baby sleeps better. Fantastic! But, firstly, not all babies sleep wonderfully just because they are in bed with their parents. Some do, some don't. There is evidence that co-sleeping under 8 weeks can potentially raise the risk of Sids. I did it myself and I think you can make your own mind up about your individual risk, but the article is wrong when it says there is no evidence linking co-sleeping with SIDS. The article is also extremely American, and seems to define co-sleeping as having the baby in the same room as you, albeit in a separate cot. I don't think most English people would call this co-sleeping at all but just normal practise. In this country co-sleeping is considered to be parent and child in the same bed. Also, the article is sloppy IMO as it doesn't mention ages. Are we talking about week old babies or year old babies? Or even three year olds? It simply doesn't say.

I have to say I agree with aloha. I don't think this is a useful article at all as it is incredibly negative towards those parents who, for whatever reason, have chosen not to have their babies in bed with them, or in their bedroom. It states that those parents will have problems communicating with their fifteen yr olds but where is the evidence for this? I also deeply resent the idea that not co-sleeping means that you are leaving your child to cry themselves to sleep. I know many people whose babies sleep in their own room, but who would rather stick needles in their eyes than allow their babies to cry like that. By all means post a positive article about co-sleeping as it is a lovely and special thing for a family to do, but don't heap scorn on parents who have chosen a different path.

aloha, What is Sear's agenda? I was under the impression that he aims to help parents and children alike...

He is extremely pro-cosleeping, and promotes it in all his books. I'm not saying that is a terrible thing, but he is not 'neutral' on the subject. It is his agenda to push it.
Everything you say about Sears - helping parents and children etc - can apply to Ferber too. They just have different opinions about what is best for both.

I have done both co-sleeping and sleeping alone with my kids. My co-sleeping experiences only lasted a matter of months - think DD1 moved out at 5 months, DS1 6 months. At this point, we were disturbing each other and everytime I moved they'd wake up. And, (I will be honest here!) I REALLY did not want to end up in a situation of bed-sharing with a toddler/preschooler (as did my friend 4 times!).

However with No 3, I assumed she would follow suit. She had other ideas. She HATED being in our bed and would scream and fling herself about if I tried to settle her in our bed. She slept better in her carry-cot at the bottom of our bed.

I remember getting into an "argument" with an avid co-sleeper on another parenting site - when I suggested that co-sleeping doesn't work for ALL babies, quoting the situation with DD2. This person than declared that had DD2 been hers, she would have been very concerned and went onto suggest that there was in fact something wrong with DD2 (purely because she didn't like the closeness of co-sleeping!!).

Now DD2 is a very cuddly/affectionate 4.5yo who did infact spend some time sleeping in our bed in May when she was poorly with Chicken Pox!

I don't think one method of sleeping is any better than the other - it's what suits you and your child more than anything - and I REALLY don't believe that I am going to have a better relationship with DD1 and DS1 and not DD2, simply because I co-slept with them for a few months and not her! Relationships are FAR more complex than that!

I also find it hard to take seriously an article that says 'Co-sleeping is not for everyone" but then defines people who are unsuited to it as drug addicts and heavy drinkers. And cariacatures anyone who is concerned about maintaining the intimacy of their sexual relationship with their partner as someone who would be 'better off with a cat". I think that's plain nasty.
It also misrepresents Ferber and is wrong when it says there is no scientific basis for what is in the book. It is jam-packed with study references. He didn't invent controlled crying either and it is NOT the only answer offered in the book.
I find the whole feature somewhat muddled, particularly in the definition of co-sleeping itself.

It's a shame this thread has gone like this, I think MarmaladeSun just set out to show the positive side of co-sleeping, it doesn't seem like she wanted to offend anybody.

aloha, I thought the references to drinkers and drug takers was more to do with the fact that you can roll onto your baby without realiseing if you are under the influence of any substances (and I think that includes some medications too)

aloha, Thanks for the promtp reply. I thought that he had some sinister 'agenda' that I didn't know anything about. I was honsestly only curious.

Clayhead, I'm sure we are all perfectly happy to have positive things said about co-sleeping. For many people sharing a bed with their baby and even toddler or older child is fantastic. And the vast majority of us have our babies sleeping in cots in our rooms for the first few months - though this may be different in the US. What I don't like is the tone of this article which is sarcastic and dismissive of people's concerns, suggests that people who don't bed-share are selfish, rubbish parents who would be better off with a cat, and are likely to be hated by their (mentally ill) kids in later life - with no evidence at all for any of it!

And I've got nothing against Sears, except I do personally think he's a bit obsessive and dogmatic about bed sharing etc. Believe me, I would have done anything to get my son to sleep, including sleeping with him every night, but it didn't work for us. It's not magic.

Deep breath. For anyone who seems to have taken offence at my post, let me labour the point please which I intended to make. That is, that I co-sleep with my 6 week old daughter. That, for me, it is far preferable to sleep deprivation, and that for me it is a wonderful experience. It works for me. I was not trying to stick my fingers up to those people who choose not to share a bed with their child but was very happy to see an article which goes against popular opinion and actually gives encouragement to those of us for whom it does work. I know how crippling going without sleep can be, and my aim was to say to anyone struggling with the nights 'look, give it a go, it's not making a rod for your own back and it may just save your sanity'. layhead, you're spot on with your assumptions as to my intentions so thankyou for your messages. By the way, sorry it's taken me so long to reply but me and my daughetr have only just woken up...together.