How do you do controlled crying?

[thingymaboob]

Basically I'm going to do this next month as am having to rock and shush baby to sleep. She's 10kg and I can't do it anymore! Any advice on how to do it... What worked for you? Tell me your success stories! Thank you

Cosleep. Put a mattress on the floor and they you can get into bed and cuddle and rock your baby while lying next to them. There is no need to make your baby cry.

How old is she?

You'll not get a great response on mumsnet. Best to google and see what others have done. I found it a lifesaver

Just warning you OP, brace yourself for the tonnes of very unhelpful replies calling you a terrible mother for even entertaining the idea of controlled crying. I started a little earlier than you and began controlled crying (or at least my own version of it) at 7 months. I would put DD down in her cot after a bottle and a story, in a sleeping bag and with a comfort object (in this case her blanket). I would then say "it's night night time" and then leave. Leave her for five minutes and if she was crying go in, lie her back down, say it's "night night time" and pull the door almost closed. Second time I would go in after ten or so minutes and again say "it's night night time". Third time going in, I would say nothing and if she continued keep lying her down without saying anything. I would then slowly increase the time i would leave it before going back in (this is entirely up to you but I did it in five minute increases). It was two weeks of hell but so so so so worth it in the end. The key in my opinion is a consistent bed time and bed time routine. I give DD a bath, a story and a bottle before bed at 7 for example. Make sure you have someone to support you as I did this as a single parent and it was extremely difficult. Don't give in, push through, even if you feel like giving up as I promise you the results are well worth it. DD is 13 months now and self settles, asleep in about five minutes and sleeps through till about 7am. Hope this helps OP and good luck!

I did it with all my babies. It works beautifully imo. My babies were in a kind of routine thing from birth really, bath at 6, a feed and put down at 7. I suppose it was more of a routine for me than the babies. But anyway I did cc at about 4 months with both.

So usual bedtime routine and then down in cot. DS1 cried on and off for about 40 mins the first night, 15 the second, 2 mins the third and then never again. He was in a Grobag and room was pitch black.

Pretty much the same thing with DS2.

Some people are horrified by this, but whatever works for you I suppose. DH and I were able to share the bedtime stuff and put the kids to bed at 7 knowing with certainty that they would wake, play up, call out etc and we could always watch tv and eat dinner in peace.

The boys are teens now. They've always been good sleepers because of that early cc I think.

*Wouldn't wake up etc

Cc is not recommended before 1 year

When a baby (or adult!) cries, they're releasing tons of harmful stress hormones. People on Mumsnet don't discourage controlled crying because they're snowflakes who can't bear to hear their babies crying, but because it's actually harmful to babies' neural development. It makes me feel sick to think of the harm caused by babies being left in distress like that, unless there are no other options available (ie. You're at the end of your tether and likely to cause more harm to the baby if you don't put them somewhere safe and walk away for a few minutes). More people would be horrified at leaving an adult alone in such distress than are horrified at leaving vulnerable babies who have no way of getting themselves out of a situation that is, to them, terrifying. They think they've been abandoned and are therefore likely to be in extreme danger and are screaming to get the attention of an adult who could keep them safe. If no adult comes, their instincts make them quieten down to avoid alerting any predators around, but the stress hormones remain. They don't learn to self-settle, they learn to give up.

I did CC at 6 months, took 2 nights. Went in after 1min,then 2,then 4then 8etc. Only got to 8 mins once.
CC gave me proper nights' sleep during DD's babyhood and gave her the ability to self settle and get a good night's sleep, plus an undying love of bedtime and sleeping. I really don't see that as cruel.
I second the recommendation to just Google it though. On MN you're not a real mum unless you sacrifice yours and your baby's sleep to the god of co-sleeping.

Same as @autumndear here, DS at 5 months for nap time. I recommend CC but PPs and more to come will say how it damages them.

DS 2.5 still self settles for nap and bedtime and sleeps through and shows no signs of being damaged by the process.

Depends on the age- did this with my DD from c.10months.
Dinner at 5pm/ bath at 6pm/ bottle at 6.30pm/ bed at 7pm
Lights off, mobile on, rub her back and say “night night” time- lay her down and leave the room. She cried, returned after 2mins, layed her back down and rubbed her back and said “night night” and walked back out. I’d still cried repeated after 5mins then 10mins then 10mins again ...and then she was asleep. She’s really good at self settling now and I no longer spend 30-40mins rubbing her back trying to tiptoe out room without her noticing.

I did it with both of mine and it does work and it's so much better for your child to learn to go back to sleep without crying for you every time they wake up. Take the advice of how to do it on here and stick with it.

Even the person who invented it says not to do it vefore 12 months!

Even the person who invented it says not to do it before 12 months!

This is incorrect. Ferber did not recommend using controlled crying on babies younger than 6 months. There are numerous studies that failed to identify any negative impact on babies sleep trained after 6 months of age.

The 12 months cut off period is usually mentioned by attachment parenting proponents but I personally struggle to see how anyone can use controlled crying with a mobile toddler. It is likely to turn into a battle of wills and if the child is anything like my DD, the parent is highly likely to fail. I can see why Ferber came up with a 6 month recommendation.

Why are people leaving babies to cry at six months old? I think that's really sad.

After 12 months, I would explore it. But not at such a young age.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with parents wanting to get more sleep. Exhaustion is hell. And if controlled crying gets them more sleep then they may well think it's worth it. And who am I to say it isn't? But it's wrong to say it's for the baby's benefit. It isn't.

We recently used cc with DS who was 5 months old at the time. None of us was getting any proper sleep and we and DS were exhausted all the time. Luckily it only took us a day and we never made it past 10 minutes. There are lots of different variations of it so have a look online.
He now sleeps much better and is happier in himself. It's a very personal choice to make.
Good luck if you choose to go down that path!

So I had this same issue. I knew nothing was wrong with my little one so I started putting her in the cot after her feed and just patting her bum. Everytime she stood herself up I stood up too said it's sleepy time and I love you and left the room. I set a timer on my phone for 2 minutes then went back in quick cuddle. Laid her back down and started again. With 4 sets of 2 minutes she got the hang of it and I stayed until asleep. Within a week I had no crying. I then started just patting a little bit and putting my hand next to her. Then no patting. Then leaving the room before fully asleep etc. Bedtime takes 10 minutes now. Shame I've not cracked the waking 3 times a night at 19 months but I have a lot less willpower in the middle of the night!!
Consistency was the key and I couldn't have done it without the two minute timer as it felt like a lifetime but it wasn't. Good luck!

It’s wrong to say it’s for the babies benefit

That isn’t necessarily true. I did CC with my twins because they were really struggling to sleep, and they were consequently exhausted during the day - cranky, miserable, etc. Obviously it was very much for my benefit as well - I was utterly losing the plot through sleep deprivation. But as soon as they learnt to get a solid 11 hours’ sleep at night they were like different babies, so much happier. And I was a better parent to them.

Obviously they cried for parts of the three nights we did CC, but they’ve been happier children for it across the board. So, depending on individual circumstances etc etc, it can be for the good of the child.

Personally think we teach our children to talk and eat etc so why not teach them to sleep... It's not like you are leaving them in a room to scream all night. I've done going in and out after a few mins.. yes my child was pissed off.. but any change to something they are used to is going to upset them. She now sleeps through the night and we are all a lot happier.

Good luck OP, just don’t build it up in your mind would be my advice based on my experience.

DS1 co slept, we were dreading trying to get him into the cot, as he would only settle next to me. Midwife said wait until he’s 7 months and use controlled crying, the reason she said to wait until 7 months is because he will remember then btw. We picked a quiet weekend to try, imagining no sleep etc. And do you know what, he cried for a minute and went to sleep, never had a problem again, he was in his cot every night.

I haven’t had to do CC but I would have if needed. Good sleep is important for everybody, and like OP I would also not bedshare, as I have similar professional experiences.

Have you looked at other sleep training methods OP? It's quite a jump from rocking to sleep to controlled crying - perhaps a gentler technique might suit?

Those with medical experiences- have you ever dealt with a baby who died when bed sharing safely?