How do you do controlled crying?

[thingymaboob]

Basically I'm going to do this next month as am having to rock and shush baby to sleep. She's 10kg and I can't do it anymore! Any advice on how to do it... What worked for you? Tell me your success stories! Thank you

Totally agree with hangingtrousers - babies need to learn how to sleep - mine were terrible sleepers up to 6 months and controlled crying for naps to start with , then bedtime then night waking was such a positive step for all of us.
I work in healthcare with families and so many older children have long term sleep problems from never learning good sleep routines - in my ecoerience not many children magically 'grow out' of being difficult sleepers and good sleep is vital to good health

Thirtyrock39 I am assuming that as you work in health care you see a disportionate number of children with health problems and their health problem may have impacted in their sleep.

I coslepted with DD until just before she was two. Now at 2 1/2 we sit with her for the 10 minute it takes her to go to sleep and durring the night she self settles about 75% off the time when she wakes up. She often only needs us if she can’t figure out how to get the duvet back as she has twisted herself around in bed, had a nightmare or needs a wee.

I think some people think controlled crying always involved hours of leaving the baby to cry and cry

It can sometimes be very quick!
I did it with my 6 month old, and I went in every minute patted him till calm and then left it took 10 mins night one and then 5 the next and then we were done. The result was a really happy rested baby who wasn’t exhausted and crying all day from a lack of sleep. I really don’t think I have damaged him.

Re co sleeping. Also sadly seen 2 occasions of safe cosleeping followed but resulting in tradegdy. Once seen never forgotten. So like the OP I can totally understand why she wouldn’t want to cosleep.

I'm not really a fan of cosleeping anyway, DS doesn't sleep very well, I try and feed him lying down but keep him on his back which I don't think he finds very comfortable, it takes him ages to feed, ages to get to sleep and I can't sleep while he is feeding like other people seem to be able to. It wouldn't really be a solution for me even if I wanted to do it! Not sure why everyone raves so much about it!

I completely understand why you won’t bedshare and that you have had hideously traumatic experiences.

This does not detract from the fact that saying “It takes one second to roll onto your baby and crush their trachea.” in a conversation about safe bed sharing is scaremongering.

Buy the Richard Ferber book and be confident that it is something you want to do.

It isn't leaving your baby to cry it out or ignoring your baby, it is just not picking your baby up and rocking it back to sleep or feeding it back to sleep.

I did this with my DS at 15 months, when I was starting to lose the plot completely from lack of sleep. I no longer felt safe driving the car, couldn't do my job properly and didn't feel I could look after DS properly either.

I was so worried that I put a chair outside DS's room and I went in initially every 2 mins, very quietly and calmly to reassure him it was time for sleep. After 30 mins, I extended to 5 mins and I kept going in and out in the dark, not making eye contact but letting him know it was time for sleep. It took 3 long hours for him to settle fully the first night. Second night it took 40 minutes, the third night it took 15 minutes and thereafter he was able to settle himself.

He is 19 years old now and we have a great relationship, he doesn't have any attachment issues or hold any of it against me!

Are they safe standing / sitting? I would be inclined to leave them to it.
Obviously if they can't get from standing to lying I'd go in and lie them back down - they should give up!
Sitting I would definitely leave if they can lie down from sitting.

I second the Ferber method too

We laid her back down at checks but in between times left her to it. After 3 nights she was falling asleep inside 5 minutes, after 5 nights she was sleeping through.

It's all very well going on about how crying means cortisol and you might as well just microwave your baby's brain now, but chronic sleep deprivation isn't great for brains either; being able to self-settle back to sleep is good for baby, and if they get a bit pissed off while they're learning it, well, so it goes.

I didn't do CC, but my DD is almost 18 months and will quite often lay back down and go to sleep after standing up, so I'd be inclined to leave them.

Controlled crying?

You don't. Woman up and parent your child. Controlled crying is just a label for neglecting your child's needs.

No it isn't spacedinosaur don't be so dramatic it is an important part of parenting your child by helping them learn the importance of good quality sleep
It actually involves quite a bit of motivation and perseverance but is so worth it in the long run- two or three difficult bedtimes and you'll have cracked it,

Yes I would leave her standing up (assuming she can’t climb out of cot). If she doesn’t yet know how to get herself back to laying I would go in and lay her down, but no talking etc. I would also do lots of practice in the day going from standing to laying etc.

I have done controlled crying with all 3 of mine, just have a good bedtime routine, mine started to wake through the night, I'd go in give dummy and say sleep time, then i wouldn't go in again unless i really needed to. Its hard listening to them cry but its all worth it, we only had about 4 bad nights then they would settle themselves, they now all sleep thru. Good luck.

I think some babies will respond to controlled crying easier than others.

I can’t imagine my baby will respond well to it, so it’s not for me.

Keep in mind that sleep training is also not necessarily a permanent fix.

Controlled crying worked for us! We were at the end of our tether with DS1, all three of us on our knees with exhaustion.

So we researched it, gritted our teeth, and did it.

It took 3 nights. Our sanity was restored; DS1 became a happier child, and I became a better mum to him.

Now we're working on controlled waking.

He's 19.

😂

I was pushed to do it because all my methods for getting him to sleep were slowly being rejected and he was sleeping worse and worse and worse

It always surprises me how people against CC because it is bad for the baby tend to recommend co-sleeping, which is really not recommended and any health professional will advise against it. I don't think it's coherent, it puzzles me .

I think nobody likes to leave their baby crying and there is something unnatural about it, but I also think people who decide to do CC are desperate, sleep deprivation is serious and I don't blame anyone for doing it if they are not getting proper sleep. I belive the baby's needs are important and so are the parent's. I really don't believe in being a martyr. Nowadays it seems like the more you are willing to suffer the better mother you are.

But I also think there are other things you could try before CC that are gentler and may work. We bought the book "The baby sleep guide : Practical advice to establish good sleeps habits" by Stephanie Modell (she is a sleep consultant) and I cannot recommend it enough. In the book there is a section about CC but we were lucky enough not to have to go down that route. Simply by reading the book and learning some really interesting things about sleep and applying that, our problem was sorted. You need to identify what is making your baby sleep and if it is something dependant on you, break that habit, also it is really important that the baby falls asleep in the same place he/she is going to wake up. For example, if the baby falls asleep in your arms, then wakes up in the cot, he is going to feel startled as he doesn't understand why he is not in the same place if he rouses during the night. If you want the baby to sleep in the cot then you need to put him in the cot awake.

For us that worked wonders. We were feeding her to sleep before and she will go from my arms straight to the cot. From day one we change this following the advice from the book, she slep through. We didn't leave her to cry though, she likes to pinch our hand's skin for comfort, so the bedtime routine was (and still is) putting her down in her cot awake and one of us lays on the floor and hold her hand, she pinches our hand's skin until she falls asleep and sleeps through.

Maybe we were lucky, I hope you are lucky too and you find an alternative that is not CC, however if you need to do CC, that books tells you how to do it and there are different ways, some gentle than others.

Getting good sleep is very important for babies (and adults), white blood cells, restoration of muscle, realease of growth hormone and many more important things happen during deep sleep, it is good for their health. My DD wakes up sooo much happier since she sleeps well!!!

I can't explain how life changing CC was for us. My son is happier and my husband and I are happier. All worth it. I suggest waiting until everything else is failing before CC though because then the baby is probably more ready for CC. My son slept through the first night and has continued to do so. Still murmurs a bit at bedtime but nothing much

@SpaceDinosaur I'm woman enough thank you and parent my child and did controlled crying. It worked wonders and transformed my child's sleeping. OP came on here to ask for advice on cc not for judgement. Cc isn't for everyone but for some people it is and it works, who are you to judge??
Time to get off your high horse.

Controlled crying. Even the name of it sounds cruel.

Perhaps it does sound cruel, but it’s really not, done properly and for the right reasons.

My twins did an awful lot more uncontrolled crying during the day, for months on end, prior to the CC (due to poor sleep and general exhaustion) than they did during the three nights it took to get their sleep sorted, and they’ve been happier children for it ever since.