How do you do controlled crying?

[thingymaboob]

Basically I'm going to do this next month as am having to rock and shush baby to sleep. She's 10kg and I can't do it anymore! Any advice on how to do it... What worked for you? Tell me your success stories! Thank you

It isn't cruel. If it sounds cruel, it is because the person who thinks that is projecting.

It is a gentle way to break really bad sleep patterns. There is nothing cruel about reassuring your older baby every couple of minutes that it is time to sleep, not times for cuddles or feeding.

But a baby so young cannot tell you the reason they are crying. Could be just because they'd rather be snuggled by mum, or could be scared or in pain.

That's why you go in every few minutes to check that they are not in pain or scared.

You don't do it with really tiny babies either. Mine was a hulking great 15 month old when I did it. I knew him really well and knew full well he wasn't scared or in pain but that he'd got into the habit of being awake from 1am to 3am every night.

We did this with my twins around a month ago at 8 months old.
They would only go to sleep in the day being pushed in the pram or rocked, impossible to do on my own most of the time. They fell asleep at night on their bottle however woke frequently and wouldn't settle themselves.

First night we started at bedtime. Bottle downstairs, then bath, story and bed. We left them 5 minutes then went in at 6,7,8 mins etc to settle them. Didn't talk after the first two visits.
It took 20 mins the first night then has gradually reduced to us now putting them down and not having to go back into them at all.

Nap times when I'm on my own are the same, into their sleeping bags, story inside the cots then settled down.

However much people say it isn't the right thing to do, nobody else knows your baby. Do what is right for you and your circumstances.
It was the best thing we ever did, we have our evenings back and I'm not pulling my hair during the day when I'm on my own. The boys sleep for longer, are more rested as a result and much more settled.

@bobstersmum cc actually helped me figure out when he really needed me, a lot of the time he was crying because he simply couldn't sleep. Now I know when he cries it's actually because there's something wrong. Now that we have broken the cycles of bad sleep and he cries out during the night I'm in to him straight away as I know there's a reason for it. When you have a baby waking up crying 10-12 times a night it's very hard to decipher if they are in pain!

I do wonder if some parents (mums...) who shriek 'Cruel!'? 'I could never damage my baby like that!'/'It's neglect'/'Your job is to minister to your baby 24/7, regardless of cost to your mental and physical health'....etc etc... are the same ones who are dangerously close to needing grief counselling due to their madly disproportionate reaction to their child going to uni, such have they allowed their very identity to be subsumed by that child...

You wonder away, Miljah. It seems to impair your reading skills, make you post extraordinarly rude things, and must waste a lot of time, but feel free.....

I did controlled crying because co sleeping as a child has affected me as an adult.

I didn't sleep as a child and so was allowed to sleep with a sibling or parent. It made me absolutely unable to sleep alone as an adult. I would fear the night and fear being alone.

It has got me into trouble a fair few times in situations I don't want to go into.

When I had children I was very strict with sleep and did controlled crying from an early age for both dc. I wanted them to be happy to self sooth and go to bed alone. I have not regretted it for a second, they are both brilliant sleepers and are happy well rounded, well rested individuals. I did it as I believed it was the best thing for them in the long term.

I don't judge anyone else for anything they believe is right. But there are down sides to co sleeping and I've yet to meet an adult who has been adversely affected by a few nights crying as a child.

By the way in terms of practical advice, I never left it longer than 5 minutes before going in. I know the real method says to increase the gap every time but I couldn't stand more than 5 minutes of hysterics for my own sanity!!
I went in and calmly patted and said sleepy time now, I placed them back in sleep position and walked back out.
Give yourself something to busy yourself with, my kitchen cupboards were sparkling!! It's better than sitting outside the room and torturing yourself.
It's the single most difficult thing I've ever done as a parent but well worth it.

Night one was an hour and 40 minutes, night 2 was around 30 minutes, night 3 there was very little crying. And perfect sleeping ever since. Stick with it, it gets better

I don't get how CC works. If I put DD in her cot and leave the room (or don't leave the room!), she screams the place down instantly. If I leave her for 10 secs, 2 minutes or an hour, she still screams. At what point are you supposed to walk out? While they're crying? Before they're crying (impossible)? DD is now 14 months and has never at any age tolerated being put down awake. Shushing and patting does nothing. She only stops crying once picked up. What am I missing here?!

There is co-sleeping in every culture and throughout history. You don’t need to leave your baby to cry for either of you to get a good night’s sleep.
Tips and links: www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/sleep/co-sleeping-safety

You don't. You lay with them until they fall alseep. You don't leave them upset.

How old is your baby op? We did cc with ds just before he turned one and it worked very well. At 7 months (when he crawled)he started waking up every 90minutes or so, we would feed and rock him back to sleep, it took around 30 minutes then start the whole thing again an hour or so later. Over time he took less and less milk at every wake up and he would often throw the milk up. He would not Co sleep. No one on here every seems to have a baby who hates Co sleeping but mine did. After 4 months of this we were all exhausted, including ds.
We started by shh-patting ds for his naps (I found I had more energy during the day), then we night weaned him (offering water and rocking instead), then did cc. We felt secure that he could self settle as he did it for naps and that he wasn't hungry . We did a modified version of cc, rather than they usual increasing time increments we left him or 2 minutes at a time for 12 minutes then slept in the room with him (we had a bed in his room)but wouldn't rock him, I just said "time to sleep now baby". Can't really remember how long I did that for but it wasn't long before he lay down and went to sleep. He slept through the night and, barring illness has done so every night since. There is no doubt in my mind that we did the right thing. Some of my friends still lay for a hour plus with their 5 and 6 year olds trying to get them to sleep- they are utterly frustrated with it.

Great news OP! Glad all is going well.

Great news op
The first night is really tough but it is amazing how much of a difference it makes and how much more content they are after a good sleep
Sleeping and feeding are such emotive issues for mums of young babies it's a shame people are so judgey on here. I don't understand why posters come on controlled crying threads and suggest co sleeping.
For anyone reading and considering cc I had really Velcro babies who were terrible sleepers and co slept for a while and all slept through between 9 months and one in their cots due to controlled crying - I really don't think they would have grown out of their bad nights and we all really needed to get some sleep. The advice against cc is very much about young babies under 6 months and has been misinterpreted in the media.

Great to hear that it's working OP! It's amazing when you've done it and realize how in a way you were hindering their sleep. We get ourselves so worked up trying a million different things to get them to sleep when actually they just need to be left to it with a little guidance and reassurance!

Personally think we teach our children to talk and eat etc so why not teach them to sleep

We don’t teach our children to talk. If it were possible to teach my kids to talk, they’d be able to talk. Kids talk when they’re developmental ready to talk. They sleep through when they’re ready to sleep through, or when they learn that no one will respond to their cries so there’s no point crying. My twins were terrible sleepers and then it just improved overnight at about 15 months.

Honestly I agree, there's a point when the baby gets irritated with being rocked and bounced and messes around with - this is the exact time when you know they are ready to be left alone to work out how to sleep on their own. A valuable live skill.

I’m getting the sense that our every two hour waker is moving towards being ready to try different method (currently mostly feeds to sleep).

I do wonder like @n0ne how people shush their baby. My boy is a determined little chap and I’ve seen him throw himself backwards in frustration aged 8 months. I can’t see him taking to controlled crying because his outrage will fuel him for hours. It might be that he’s not ready or it’s not the technique for him. There’s some work we can do first re moving away from feed to sleep for example. But am I right in understanding you’re going in reassuring and walking out whilst they’re still crying? He just seems to escalate, I can’t imagine that working!