baby never sleeps during day

[verytiredmumma]

Please help. Sitting here crying after trying to battle my 5 month old to have a nap for the last 5 hours. She sleeps well overnight c.10 hours and then is a bloody nightmare all day everyday.

I don't even know why I'm asking for help because I guarantee I've tried everything already.

Baby is crying and so am I

I have exactly the same problem. He's currently crying because he's so tired now. It's relentless. I have no advise but I'm hoping it all gets better when he's mobile . We can hope

@verytiredmumma please don't think I was disputing your little girl being exhausted and needing the naps as that's not the case at all . All I was trying to say is that I know a lot of mums / babies that just stopped having them even when it made them miserable and drove the moms to despair . I only mentioned my personal experience to say that I was where you were at thinking, ' he's only 5 months old , why do other friends children nap in the day and some are older , younger etc ' . I looked at our routine a lot and found that I probably wasn't helping so shortened the night routine to start earlier and I push for the nap to be between 11-12 ( he wakes at 6 every morning without fail ) so that either side of his nap he was awake 6 hours and started some simple weaning at 5 months with the recommendation of the HV and it seemed to work with a steady routine .

I really do empathise and know how hard it can be and didn't mean to offend you x

Have you thought about approaching a sleep consultant? Not sure if you might have the funds for that. I was at that point at around 5mo with my youngest and then a lovely member of the health visiting service saved us before it got to that point.

I am a firm believer in sleep feeds sleep and have always persisted through the difficult times - I'm not saying this is easy! When DD2 was 5mo she was awake for a whole month. Got there in the end - after a month from hell I will never forget. So kudos to you for persisting - you are amazing.

I second the staying in bed idea. This is what fixed things for us. Although our problem was night time sleep (awake for 2 hours every 40 mins) and a night of cosleeping worked (even though I was awake the whole time because I can't sleep when cosleeping). I know you have tried the sling but what exactly have you done? When DD2 was refusing day time naps I introduced the sling. She hated it with a passion for quite a while but one day she just settled. I did have to pull the sling over her head to keep her enclosed and cosy. All of a sudden she was napping for 2 hours at a time.

Do you think MIL would have a go? If she knows how to fix it and all...!! ;-) I'm being half serious (if only to shut her up).

Try and ignore what the people who bring you down say. You know your baby best. I am a firm believer however that everything is salvageable and that "all" you have to do is work out the one thing that she needs. If only you could give her a piece of paper and a pen hey!

I would be looking closely at timings. This is something that has always helped me with both of mine. For example my toddler recently stopped napping and everyone told me she was ready to drop it. Her behaviour said otherwise though. So I moved nap from 11am to 11:30am and she started napping again. Thrn she stopped again, so I swapped it with lunch and am now doing lunch at 11:30am and nap at 12:30pm. She's now napping for over 2 hours! Tweaking times ever so slightly can help. I remember when mine were little if they napped for 20 mins, sometimes I would do nap at the usual routine time and others I would just do it 2.5 hours later or when I saw sleep queues....nothing worked consistently and it was just trial and error as we went through phases of each different thing working and then suddenly failing.

I'm keeping everything crossed for you!

My eldest only ever had 3 or 4 ten minute naps a day from coming home from hospital. She did sleep very well at night, sleeping through from 4 weeks. When she was very tired I would put her in front of the washing machine, when it was on, in her bouncy chair. She didn't go to sleep but would be mesmerised for up to half an hour and it seemed to refresh her. Weird. My point is that they are all different and seriously 'this too shall pass'. She's nearly 40 now 😉
Can you get a day off to yourself?

@Zoe2411 absolutely no offence taken I was genuinely wondering if it seemed normal as I know a large number of other mums with babies the same age in my area and no one has this issue. Or they do but they lie to me about it when I ask which would be a bit cruel I think.

Thank you @MaverickSnoopy that is helpful. Unfortunately not in a position to afford a sleep consultant although I did look into it.

I basically put the sling on and walk around the house until she settles. Maybe 10-20% of the time she will drift off for up to 30mins in it. The rest of the time she is practically trying to kick her way out of the sling!

@Justkeeprollingalong I'm breastfeeding so more difficult to get time off. I will try out the washing machine though. I find she is so easily bored and wants to move onto something new it is exhausting!!

@verytiredmumma I could write this about my 8 week old. Yes, 8 WEEKS. She barely sleeps for any extended length of time during the day. She's asleep now, but between 9am and 8pm, she slept for around 2-2.5hours (and that's not all in one go!). I worry about it harming her development.

DD1 was like this. DD2 is quite different. However i have treated them exactly the same.
DD1 just wouldnt nap (not more than 15mins, and only in my arms, the slightest movement would wake her and i would cry) as a small baby. There was nothing i could do. I tried all of the above. Being strict and tough and trying to let her cry it out made things worse.
She slept brilliantly at night, DH was never once woken up at night, and me only to breastfeed, and she would drink what she needed and then go back to sleep.
My attitude is that there isnt anything you can do about her sleep. It will change when it changes. You can however, ensure that you rest by her side when you can, and get a ring sling or baby carrier so that you can make yourself food/go to the loo/walk around and meet friends in the park.
DD1 would aso not let me put her down, i was at my wits end and it was dreadful when she was teething at about 8-9 months and it intensified.
People who havent had a high needs child just cannot understand. I felt like such an incompetent mother but in the end i just followed my baby’s cues and gave her what she needed.
She started to nap in the afternoons once she was mobile and walking about. I suppose she was then physically tired.

My solution for sanity is a ring sling 😇. Good luck, and dont fall into the trap of comparing yourself with the mothers of more compliant babies. Each baby is different.

And FWIW she turned out extremely perceptive and empathic and not problems or harm to development, as a PP - flatwhite fears. Top of her class and very excessively kind.
If you think she is a high needs baby, see the books by Dr. Sears. Lightbulb moment for me.

Oh - i see you have a sling already - sorry 😐. Well, no further advice from me.

I will definitely look for that book @Harebellmeadow my DD is absolutely high needs. It's unbelievable how demanding she is and the urgency with which she cries. It's unlike any other baby we know and the other mums do notice 🙈

I worry about development too @Flatwhite32 especially as my DD had severe colic for the first 3 months. Inconsolable Crying most evenings for 5+ hours. Even holding her did nothing!! If there is any harm in crying then I'm afraid there is no hope for us. I often see posters on MN begging mums not to sleep train their babies before they are 8/9/10+ months old as it is damaging to them. Well we must be f**ked then because my DD has already notched up a lifetime of crying!

@Harebellmeadow That's a relief! Great to hear your DD is fine, despite not sleeping much during the day as a baby. My DD generally sleeps well at night for her age too (with the exception of recently, but to be fair to her she has been under the weather with eczema, jabs etc. Thankfully she seems quite a bit better now). She is also very alert for her age. She loves looking around her, and loves looking at the dangling animals on her playmat. I sometimes think she's too interested in the world to sleep much during the day!

Hi op,

It does sound exhausting.

I must say though, 30 mins may be all she needs. Certainly at some times of the day. At some point I remember my first only did 30 mins first thing then longer later but it might have only been 46 mins.

My 4 mo old has just started doing 30 mins unless we have a 1-2 hr boobathon where he'll nap and feed on and off.

I've been looking at the possums approach actually and thinking that it helps me not worry. Singing seems to cheer him up, a boob or a change of scene. He really does seem to nod off when he needs to.

www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/catnapping-answer-to-better-baby-sleep/

I do keep an eye on how long he can stay awake but it's all over the place at the moment.

I can't put him down now after a feed as he always has wind that I now can't get up and which wakes him up if I try or if I don't! (Rubbish latch.)

@Harebellmeadow thanks for the dr sears book recommendation. I've been reading it this week and although encouraging in many ways it has begun to make me feel extremely anxious about going back to work when DD is 10 months old. The advice seems do-able but I am so worried about going back to work fulltime that no one else will be able to give her what she needs and she will be badly impacted. She would be in a mixture of nursery and looked after by grandparents. Example of why I'm anxious would be DD kicks off big style (for what appears to be no reason) and nothing parents in law do will calm or help her to the point DD is hysterical. If I am with her I can USUALLY stop her from getting her to the hysterical stage. I just desperately want to do good by her and I feel that she needs me fulltime a lot longer than 10 months. In no way is that going to be possible and I'm terrified of what impact that will have on her.

That's 5 months away which is literally half her lifetime! So much will happen in 5 months, she will be a different baby. Please try not to stress about going back to work just yet. Apart from anything else she will pick up on your worry I know it's hard but try and take each day as it comes

mumma How much time does DD spend with grandparents? If you are going to be leaving them to care for her when you are back at work, and you are worried about her settling, would it be possible for them to have a lot of input now from an early age? When I go back to work baby will be about 9 months old and she will be in nursery 2 days and with my DM 2 days. DM has had a lot of input since she was born because baby is so high needs and I have always struggled. She can get her off to sleep no worse than me and calm her down etc and has been doing this regularly since she was born. It would probably be good for whoever is going to provide childcare for you to be involved right from the start.

My baby is 14 weeks and similar to yours, very high needs, the last few weeks she has started napping about 3 times a day for about 30-40 mins at a time but then she has stopped sleeping through at night so I'm only getting like 4/5 hours sleep a night, last night I got a 3 hour block and then a couple more hours interrupted every 20 mins or so with her needing dummy to be put back in and she's been like this for the last week or so. I do feel for you it was awful when she didn't nap at all but then now I'm running on so little sleep it feels similar anyway because I am sooo exhausted whereas I got a good rest when she was sleeping through.

I don't really have any suggestions for naps because you've probably tried it all. I have RTFT but sleep deprived so I can't even remember the whole list you wrote, did you say you have tried pushing her in the pram? Not ideal in the sense that you can't get a rest or do household things during that time but at least you get a break from the crying and she gets a nap. DD always falls asleep in the pram, sometimes only for like 30 mins or so but better than nothing. There have been times when DH or I have taken her out in the pram or in the Baby Bjorn when she's been screaming blue murder cos she's overtired and she has contiuned to scream at the top of her lungs for 20/30 minutes but eventually tired herself out and went to sleep for a bit. It is awful I really do feel for you, I still cry loads every day even though the screaming is less she still whinges all day from the moment she wakes up til the moment she goes to bed and now also sleeps horrendously at night too. I am very tired and sad most of the time. My mother says I was similar as a baby and didn't reliable sleep through the night until after I started primary school.

@verytiredmumma - this is a really old thread but wow It's like I wrote these posts myself! My little girl was exactly the same! The nightmare hell days I had on mat leave!! I couldn't believe how it was turning out, the screaming to sleep but only napping a short time! This was from 2018 how are things now?? My LG is 2 now and we're still not out of the woods abs

@verytiredmumma I'm tired sorry hit send, I still find her so tiring, she just has a huge amount of energy! X x