Page 35 | The non-sleepers are still not sleeping

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

threeunderfour · 01/06/2018 18:24

@Meepmoop sounds like my little one, I've never known a baby so resistant to rocking 😱

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/06/2018 19:39

Having an awful day. I'm a mess. H just swore at me and stomped out the house slamming the door.

Dd has been hard work all day. She's teething and has just been constant whinge. I never get 5 mins to myself at all. I'm being touched and grabbed all day. H just goes about doing whatever he likes. I bath her and ask him to put her to bed.

Then I think excellent, I'll watch my tv programme that h never wants to watch and dd never lets me watch. But I can hear her screaming. Not just crying, actual screaming. He's just leaving her there screaming so much it sounds like she will be sick. She's got an awful cough, she's teething and isn't well and is getting herself so stressed out I don't know how she will sleep except to be exhausted from screaming. So I go out to the bottom of the stairs and he hears the door and says 'don't come up' and I said 'but I can't listen to her scream like that' and he says 'well you fucking do it then' and I ask him not to swear at me. Then I go up and he says 'I'm going out to get some food' (despite us having bought dinner today for us to have together) and I said 'go on then, go away' and he slams the door.

I'm going to sleep in the spare bedroom tonight.

How did I get myself in to this situation? Why can't I have half an hour to watch something for me without having to intervene?

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/06/2018 19:39

I have nobody in real life to talk to.

Meepmoop · 01/06/2018 20:38

Sorry you're having a rough time @FrozenMargarita17. Your H is certainly an AH. I really don't think they get it. I struggle to relax as well when DH is trying to settle DS and he's screaming I always end up intervening to.

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/06/2018 20:47

The thing is, if he just was a bit gentler with her she goes fine. I sit next to her cot and I put my hand on her face and she goes off.

Him ignoring her turns it in to a total circus. She's still a baby and she wants a little bit of reassurance. I could understand having to walk around/sing/rock because it would be hard but the girl just wants a hand on her face until she drops off enough.

But no, his way is the right way and I have to listen to screaming while I try to get my head back. :(( I'm so stressed and upset

tealandteal · 01/06/2018 21:18

Frozenmargarita17 that sounds tough. I have had so many arguments about DS's sleep With DH! I'm sure I heard hearing a baby crying releases stress hormones, I instantly feel hot and stressed when he is crying. We had a sit down chat about it and came up with a plan. Do you think he would listen? Seems very unfair that it's his way or the high way.

We were up every hour last night and awake at 5.30. I think more teeth are coming.

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/06/2018 21:41

He's like this in so many aspects I wonder why I'm even bothering anymore. Having a baby has really shown up just how selfish he is. I'm struggling so badly.

tealandteal · 01/06/2018 21:52

Frozenmargarita17 have you anywhere to go for a few days? With your DD? I'm sorry I can't remember how old she is. Could you stay with family or could he just for a 'reset'? It sounds so tough having all this on top of no sleep.

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/06/2018 22:01

Yeah I could maybe go to my mums but I'm so embarrassed to tell her. And she's really dramatic and a bit invasive so I would struggle being there. I just don't know what to do. I really don't want to leave him but I don't know how I can live like this

tealandteal · 02/06/2018 04:04

What about if you phrased it as helping your mum out/seeing old friends? Does she live far away? It might help just to get some breathing space

up at 11, 1.45, and 4 here.

Bartos · 02/06/2018 10:51

@FrozenMargarita17 I'm so sorry! Sounds horrible! I'm not great to advise in this situations. I think you need to rethink your relationship. I believe everyone deserves to be happy. Can you be happy with him? The tiredness and sleep deprivation makes everything blurry. Maybe if you would open with your mum she could help?

FrozenMargarita17 · 02/06/2018 12:13

I need to have a good talk with him, that is for sure. He's ruining everything. My mum only lives round the corner and he would know I would go there as well so it wouldn't be getting away, really.

Bartos · 02/06/2018 13:06

@FrozenMargarita17 maybe she could help with baby so that you can rest, think and have a good talk with him. Good luck! Hope it improves soon!

Meepmoop · 03/06/2018 09:19

How are you @FrozenMargarita17 hope you're okay.

We've had two nights of one wake up which has been nice. Hoping it continues but trying my best to not get my hopes up.
In a couple weeks I'm going to try night weaning as I want to stop breastfeeding at 1 but don't want to faff with bottles in the night

FrozenMargarita17 · 03/06/2018 17:25

I'm ok. We had another chat and we decided on two things - some counselling and a 'task list' where we are responsible for certain things around the house. I don't want to have to manage him all the time so for me to just tell him once what he is responsible for doing would be good.

FrozenMargarita17 · 03/06/2018 17:25

I'm ok. We had another chat and we decided on two things - some counselling and a 'task list' where we are responsible for certain things around the house. I don't want to have to manage him all the time so for me to just tell him once what he is responsible for doing would be good.

Meepmoop · 03/06/2018 19:14

Glad you're okay and have come up with a plan to resolve.
We have a large chalkboard in our kitchen that is broken into sections - DH, Me, Dinner and Memo. When one of us thinks of a job it goes on othe board under one of us, Appointments etc go on memo.

Missonhartbaby · 03/06/2018 22:58

Hiya, I've been quite quiet on here recently but hope everyone is doing OK? Sorry to hear things arent so good for you @FrozenMargarita17 :( I imagine sleep deprivation plays a huge part in your arguments and stresses. I know it makes me and DH argue alot when we're both knackered! Fingers crossed things will work out for you!!
... Things were getting pretty good with DS either sleeping through or waking up once for a feed but for some reason we're back to three night wakings. And he's a nightmare to get off to sleep now, he's so much more mobile, not crawling or standing yet but alot of rolling and thrashing around. He gets himself in a right state!
And naps are literally the bane of my life at the moment. He will only go if I push him around our lounge in his flat bit of the pram which he's too big for now but he will scream the whole time til he falls asleep. He won't fall asleep or calm down if I hold/feed him. And he won't nap in his cot at all. He makes out like its literally the end of the world!!
Anyone happen to have any tips for napping?!

Bartos · 04/06/2018 09:02

@Missonhartbaby doesn't sound good the nap situation, although I would pay to have nights like yours! :) napping wise,DD was a bit like you are describing. I realise my presence was distracting her more than helping her to sleep. So I started leaving her to it in the cot. Not easy at the beginning but now naps are much better. She goes down normally without fuss. Sleep training in the evenings and then keeping the same response for naps helped her to nap better.
Now, unfortunately our nights are a nightmare. HV is coming tomorrow to review sleep situation and I'm ashamed we actually moved backwards... DD was already back to hourly wake ups, sometimes more, wanting to feed every time, then Friday she got sick, with fever only subsiding this night, so I was holding her to sleep, spending hours in the nursing chair holding her and co-sleeping. It was the only way to get her to sleep and me to have some rest. I was already knackered from all the previous weeks (months!) of sleep deprivation so this fever just came to finish me. Her suggestion to offer water at midnight wake up also didn't work, she won't have it...
The book from Gina Ford... Who has time to read?? It sounds like I should dilute a feeding in whatever proportion she mentions, for ages, then choose another feeding and do the same, but DD is feeding hourly... So... By year 2 maybe I've finished night weaning!!!
I'm going back to work next month. I'm afraid I might crack and go nuts

GinUnicorn · 04/06/2018 09:06

Naps are a nightmare at the moment. Her night wakes are down to two thank God. Good luck all

Meepmoop · 04/06/2018 22:14

It's so hot I can't get to sleep. So far we've only had 1 wake up but it's so warm I'm expecting more. DS is flailing around a lot to

WhoAteAllthePercyPigs · 04/06/2018 22:16

Hi all. for you @frozenmargarita but glad you've come up with a plan. Sleep deprivation certainly does challenge a relationship but it sounds like your DH has much room for improvement.

Things still bad here. After two ok ish nights DS back to waking loads last night and was joined by DD at 4am. Gah. Had a meltdown today when DS refused to nap. It's taking so much effort to get him down. The most effective way is feeding him then letting him sleep on me...but as those of you with more than one know, not an option when you've got a lively non napping toddler in the house! Or even if you just want to get things done. He'll nap in the pram but it takes a LOT of pushing...andI just do not have the stamina or energy for that right now.

Sigh. I just don't know how to make it better. I haven't got the mental energy to see through any kind of big change. Just got to keep going I guess. I want to cry when I hear about others just having one wake up. How is it possible for them and not us?? Why can't he just sleep? What am I doing wrong?? Etc etc...

Gearing up for another bad night...anyone want to join me?

Meepmoop · 04/06/2018 22:28

I'm on wake up number 2 already so I'll be joining you @WhoAteAllthePercyPigs. You're not doing anything wrong! It's all developmental. I can only get DS to feed to sleep as well. I keep meaning to try and change it but it works (for now)

Missonhartbaby · 04/06/2018 22:43

Just thought I'd share this with you
😂😂
How is that comfy?!?
Just had to move him around and thank god he stayed asleep!

Meepmoop · 04/06/2018 22:53

That's quite something @Missonhartbaby!

We're now on third wake up, just when I was falling asleep