The non-sleepers are still not sleeping

[NinaMarieP]

New thread, guys!

Hi @LyndseyC and @Missonhartbaby welcome to the non sleeping club. I'm still struggling with sleep myself so haven't got a lot of advise. We're here for support though!

Lyndsey I would say yours are still very young and it will pass! I wouldn't recommend CIO as they're still so very young. It totally normal at their age to wake up multiple times in the night so you may have to ride it out. It'll get better.

We're 8months in and am starting to see improvements (when not teething or full of cold)

Hi everyone! I'm "glad" to see there are so many of us. I read some post, enough to see I'm not alone in the world. I have a 7 month baby girl. So it's been more than 7months that I got a good night sleep. I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm going insane. And I don't know why she doesn't sleep!! :( and it gets worse as time goes by! I did sleep training and day naps were good but night were aways rubbish. Multiple wakings. I don't understand. Now naps are back being rubbish, nights continue shit, i can rarely get 2 hours sleep in a row, recently barely 1 hour. I look (and feel) like a "walking dead" character. I'm going to continue reading the thread, makes me feel better somehow... Stay strong everyone! One day they will be grown-ups and even if they don't sleep we don't have to hold their hands :p

Definitely not alone @Bartos there's at least 4 previous threads of us.

We've had one wake up already, I did manage to settle with out feeding though.

Well done! Mine took 1 hour to settle, I had to go to her 3/4 times. Slept 2 hours in a row and just fed her. I would love to get 2 hours sleep in a row tonight, but it's nothing but a dream... Good luck to all mums out there!

Gah
Welcome
You’re not alone.
I just want to sleep.

Not been on for a while. Dd isn't sleeping through but she's getting a tiny bit better. I'm occasionally getting 5 hours which is a huge improvement. She's 9m today so I'm praying that means she's getting it but not holding my breath because she's done it before and then reverts.

AH came out with an absolute clanger though. He said to me earlier 'I should be prioritised sometimes'.

I'm sorry, should I stop from looking after baby all day, cleaning, cooking, shopping, meal planning, more cleaning to give you lots of attention? Not forgetting that 30mins before he said that we had dtd ! Don't know how much attention he wants. He then said 'I understand where I am in the pile'.

He thinks he's so hard done by when I'm doing everything and he thinks that going to work is enough. He comes home, plays with dd for an hour and then says 'I'm going to sit down, is that ok?' Ffs.

I'm the bottom of the pile, doing everything and getting nothing for it. Everybody wants something from me. All I want is to be left alone and to be able to shower fgs.

frozen He really doesn't get it does he! I honestly don't know what to say to that. Perhaps if everything wasn't left to you you'd be able to want to spend more time together and you'd be happier. So selfish to say that but not think about you and what you need.

Ds's sleep is pretty much the same, but he's started waking more earlier in the evening... Last night was 5times before 10:30.

Having to start thinking about sleeping arrangements. Currently we co sleep and have the cot next to the bed with the side off. I leave Ds in the cot bit in the evening then go downstairs (we use a monitor and I put pillows around the edge of the bed). Now he's getting more and more mobile I don't know what to do. I worry about him falling and getting hurt.

Might have to rearrange the furniture and try and put him in the cot (side up) in the evenings and co sleeping when I go to bed. DH said we should put him in the cot all night but didn't seem so keen when I said I'm not getting out of bed every hour so he can get up and pass Ds to me!!
Has anyone else had this? How do you co sleep but still have some time in the evening? We only have the one cot so we'd have to look at buying one just to use for evenings if we want to keep the current set up.

@MummyCuddlesSolveEverything I just can't even anymore. I honestly don't think he gets it. I'm biding my time up to when I go back to work and then he can't say 'but you're home all daaaayyy'. He was so used to having all my attention he's struggled since dd came along. She was his bloody idea!!

With dd she stays in her cot for the first part. We used to be up there 20 ish or more times between 6:30-midnight but she's slowly getting better and it's only a few times now. When she wakes up at whatever time in the night I try to settle her in the cot but if she's completely awake (and I usually know because she will be on her hands and knees) I will take her in with me and she will go right back off. She usually wakes anywhere between 2-5.

How old is your Lo now?

The worst thing is @MummyCuddlesSolveEverything he started the sentence really slowly because I said something about how much I had to do, and he said 'Yeah but, I should..' And in my head I thought that he was going to say 'yeah but I should be helping more' but no. More selfish crap coming out of his mouth.

He's improved as the day has gone on - I can't seem to find who asked me that as this thread has gone crazy and all the posts are repeating/in the wrong order

Not 100% himself, much quicker to cry and we're back to naps every 2 hours but he's definitely better than yesterday.

I'm back on duty tonight with him so fingers crossed we are not back to hourly wake ups!!

I'm now doing an unscheduled 5am feed as he woke up soaked through, it has gone through his sleeping bag and into the sheet! Nappy's not even that heavy so it's obviously come right out the side.

On the plus side he slept 11ish to 4.40 without needing the dummy which is brilliant for him.

Awful night here. From 11pm DS has been constantly restless. I'm genuinely at a loss for what to do to soothe him. I must be doing something wrong because he just won't settle!! Wondering if I should get him checked by the doctor?

He won't take a dummy or a bottle. Rocking or shush pat don't work.

I don't have the energy to keep going anymore. He's broken me.

@frozen I'm sorry but I'd have punched your AH when he said that. Especially feeling as tired as I am now! Im really sorry he's being like this. No words of advice just

Not alone @bartos! Welcome to the cast of The Walking Dead: the parenting years

I find it very reassuring to know I'm not the only one with a non sleeping baby - and I don't mean just in the first few months. My DD didn't sleep through till she was 2.4. She still has nights where she is unsettled. DS is 5 months and sleep just keeps getting worse. I have been tired since 2014 when I got pregnant. I'm actually amazed I'm still alive and functioning some days!

Has anyone tried the sleepy lotion from lush? I have just bought some out of desperation.

@WhoAteAllthePercyPigs I was so furious. I'd even sat down to have a cuddle because I never get one and he started complaining about how only the dog gives him attention ffs. Still angry now. Even this morning, dd got up at 6 so downstairs, breakfast and whatever. At 6:50 his alarm goes off and he NEVER gets up for it, just lets it ring and ring so I thought let's go up and he can have a nice wake up with dd. He just said hi and turned over and went back to sleep! The amount he ignores her winds me up so much.

@frozenmargarita
That post could really have been written by me on AH. He has said the exact same thing to me “you should pay me attention too, you know”. I’m beginning to feel like a domestic slave, cooking, cleaning, laundry, two kids, I’m on my feet all fuckibg day. I just want time to have a shower too. Without the kids.
My fury has burnt itself out though. I know I’m not going to leave him and the anger isn’t hurting anyone but me. He absolutely does not get it. And he won’t get it. And the only way he will get it is if one day I walk off for a week and let him deal with it all - which is advice given to me frequently. But this isn’t like not doing his laundry until he finally does it himself. The babies suffer in this scenario - I’m not even sure he would wake up when they cry. So I won’t do that.
And that means I am trapped. I just have to wait to through now till the kids are a bit older and it’ll get easier....

Baby woke up at 345am today and didn’t go back to aleep. Third night in a row. So so tangry. I can’t be starting the days at 3 fucking am. I don’t even know why she was awake; she didn’t want a feed or a new nappy or anything I could fix...

frozen he's 7months old next week, he's rolling, backwards crawling, almost crawling forwards too. I'm worried he'll get hurt. We don't have another cot so I'll try pushing the bed up against the wall so he can't roll out at night and putting him in the cot in the evening. I think I'll do it soon so he can get used to it before I go back to work.

I'm not surprised you're angry and worrying about going back to work. I am too...I think I'll end up working full-time and still doing everything at home while he works/studies from home 4days a week and looks after ds 1day a week. I'm so worried about ah coping on his own 1day a week, he won't know what to do. I've suggested that we have a trial run for a few hours (so that ds gets used to me not being there)but apparently he'll be fine because he'll be with daddy. But daddy hasn't been alone in the house with him for more that 30minutes and doesn't know simple things like which drawers ds's clothes are in. Perhaps he'll appreciate me more when he realises what it's like,but in reality he probably thinks he's doing more than he is now.

I'm done, I'm just done. I was up with ds at 7, lah stayed in bed till 9:30. Someone's supposed to becoming to pick up something at 1, I thought they were here (they weren't, 3rd time they've not turned up) so went to get ah....he was napping in his office. He'd told me he was going up to work. I wonder how often he does this. I'm stressed out and upset but I don't think lah understands why.
Meanwhile it's a beautiful day and I'm stuck inside. I'm so exhausted.

@mummycuddles
Lah doesn’t have a clue where the babies clothes are; and he lies in every weekend till 930am - I get up when the kids too to get them breakfast. I get it. I get really angry. I go into his home office when he is wfh and he is surfing the net. He goes into the garden or out and tells me to text him if I need him. It drives me up the wall.
My mums advice which I am taking is to try to reform him in gentle and small steps. When I was back at work (full time and earning as much as him) I did everything. Nursery pick ups and drop offs and home bathtime, making dinner, then back to work till 11pm.
So I spoke to him; and he agreed to do loads and forgot in a few weeks.
So now I just ask him to do small things.20 minutes when I shower on the weekends.
Take dd1 for an hour walk with the dog.
Thirty minutes here and there cuddling DD2.
It’s not much.
He says he does 50%, it’s more like 10%, but it’s common for men to think they do more than they do.
I count my blessings and I take the 10%. At least it’s not nothing.
I know this isn’t what everyone would agree with but I’m tired tired tired and I can’t spare more energy training lah or fighting him and then becoming the person who lost their temper. It’s only a few years until they go to school... once DD2 sleeps the night it’ll be easier

@Meepmoop thanks for replying! I understand about the night waking, not too bothered about them. But they just won't sleep during the day??? They're tired, sleep for 20 mins then wake, stop l9ve tored, sleep for 10 mins, wake, still be tired and just wake every 5 mins! I've tried getting them up but they just whinge and cry because they're still tired. It's driving me nuts! I have pnd because of how stressful they are, how do I get them to sleep longer during the day? If they weren't grumpy and tired I wouldn't mind, but they are

That sounds very tough @LyndseyC have you tried putting them in a bouncy chair and bouncing them back asleep when they show signs of stirring before they wake up properly.
Appreciate it would be hard with two.
That's what I used to do with mine, it means you cant go very far but could put something on the tv with a cup of tea and bounce.

I want to reply to everyone but I keep forgetting who said what and the usernames! Sleep deprived brain is mush!

Some of the AHs on here are shocking! It seems they really think they'll are doing loads and have no idea of what you ladies are actually doing and going through. I'll be hoping for better nights for you all.

The pp with the rubbish daytime naps, DS went through a stage of terrible naps, 20 minutes max and so grumpy. They do get better! Although I am still waiting on the improvement in nighttime sleep.

Someone else mentioned this, I cannot shake the feeling that there is something I'm doing wrong or not doing and it must be my fault that he doesn't sleep. None of the babies I see irl have split nights or so many wakings. Or no one says so anyway.

@tealandteal I really believe that they either sleep or don't. You haven't been doing anything wrong. My sister has twins one has always slept right through every night, the other one doesn't sleep through and she's 2. They've been brought up exactly the same.