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Original poster

I went to a baby group today...

85 replies

GMtoBe · 12/02/2018 15:57

And I was the only person there who had a baby who is difficult to get to sleep for a nap and who is up 5-7 times a night. She's ebf and is 16 weeks old. Please tell me I'm not the only one!

OP posts:
wibblywobblyfish · 12/02/2018 19:04

Urgh I remember these conversations from baby groups! A couple mums we saying that their babies were 'sleeping through' from ridiculously early ages and I felt quite inadequate with mine that seemed to wake every hour. A bit of probing and I realised that 'sleeping through' actually meant the baby was sleeping from midnight after a feed til 5am and not the 12hr deep sleep that I thought they meant.

GummyGoddess · 12/02/2018 19:06

You felt like you were failing after coming back from group, you can see how likely it is that the others had the same experience as you. The difference is that some will lie so they don't look like they're 'failing'.

The only failure is failing to realise babies aren't supposed to sleep through! If they do I'm convinced it's down to luck rather than what anybody does or doesn't do.

Neonlights91 · 12/02/2018 19:14

Remember that there is more to a baby than sleeping through- my dd sleeps 10 hours most nights... but is a wailing Velcro baby for the other 24. She’s the best sleeper of our group but probably still the hardest work

Neonlights91 · 12/02/2018 19:14

** other 14
Woops

martellandginger · 12/02/2018 19:31

As you will soon begin to realise and as every parent of more than 1 will tell you is that yes some babies are little angels sleep eat and poo on schedule but most are not and most parents lie - or at least have a different definition of sleeping through the night. Babies sleeping for 3 hour stretches, babies needing a dummy replaced every hour or babies sleeping on top of mums awake in armchairs is not a baby sleeping through.

Sadly I had to ditch 2 nct friends because I felt betrayed when I found out they weren’t being truthful. God only knows why they lied.

MyKingdomForBrie · 12/02/2018 19:34

Mine would only nap in her car seat and even that was a gamble, woke every 2-4 hours until she was 1! She’s better now but I remember nearly all my friends being in the same boat, you’re in the majority I promise!

Kannet · 12/02/2018 19:36

My sil told all about how well her baby slept. Pretty much slept through by six weeks. I mentioned this recently and her dp was creases up laughing calling her a liar. Very very selective memory apparently

Spangles1963 · 12/02/2018 19:38

I used to get told this when my DD (now 34) was a baby,and DD used to get the same when her DD was a baby. I have come to the conclusion since that some of them were lying. When I think about it now,is it really possible that approximately 20 babies,ranging in age from one month up to a year,all slept solidly from 7pm to 7am,EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? While mine (at the age of 4 months) wouldn't settle until gone 10pm,was awake again at 1am,wouldn't go back to sleep until 2am,then was awake again at 5am for the day? I felt like I was sleepwalking for the first year of her life.

NeverMetACakeIDidntLike · 12/02/2018 19:42

You are NOT alone!

My Dd1 was absolutely horrendous and I thought she was trying to kill me through sleep deprivation. I used to go stay at my mum's just so I could get some extra help as I was starting to lose my marbles!

She wasn't a great sleeper until she was about 4 (and still now needs to be told when she's tried and to go to bed, as she doesn't like 'giving in'!).

You'll get there - it doesn't last forever (but it can seem like it at the time!).

user1487194234 · 12/02/2018 19:46

My 2 are in their 20s
DD slept through at 6 weeks
DS was a terrible sleeper right up until he went to school
Try and ignore what others are saying at baby group etc Enjoy your baby it will all pass (eventually)

pastabest · 12/02/2018 19:47

I've never actually found this at baby groups my experience has been that everyone is trying to out do each other at how crap a time they are having but that's maybe because I'm a bit of a loud mouth and usually set the conversation off in that direction Grin

OP were all the other babies also exactly 16 weeks old? That age is a really tricky age for most babies (4 month sleep regression anyone?) and it may be that babies that are a bit younger or a bit older ARE sleeping and napping better. The ones that are younger their parents may be heading for a shock, and the ones that are a bit older have probably forgotten just how awful it was at the time.

Not long ago I was waffling on to my DM about how DD is hard work at 12 months and how 'good' she was as a newborn/young baby my mum laughed and reminded me that actually DD was awful, she was colicky and screamed pretty much constantly from 10 days old until she was about 16 weeks old. She woke multiple times during the night and was a banshee if the car seat if she was in it any longer than about 15 mins.

It's surprising how quickly you forget Blush

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 12/02/2018 19:50

What a massive bunch of liars.

Original poster
GMtoBe · 12/02/2018 19:51

Pastabest - the others in the group range from 3 weeks to 5 months but no others are exactly 16 weeks. Nearest was 19 weeks.

4 month sleep regression has hit us pretty hard, it started about 2 weeks ago I think and she's also just started teething so I know it's particularly bad at the moment for those reasons.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 12/02/2018 19:55

Some of them are lying. I was you OP. Ds1 woke every 40 minutes through the night, would only nap on me etc.

I co slept. For sanity. Had loads of comments "still feeding him? Still in your bed? " etc. "Put him down in his cot, walk out, shut the door" (fuck off.....)

He was sleeping through in his own cot by 15 months. He's 2.5 now and goes to bed at 7.30 pm and gets up at 8 am. Unlikw almost all of the other baby group babies. Many of which either wake several times, wont go to bed til 10pm or nap for 3 hrs in the say so parents cant go anywhere He doesn't nap. We never did crack that one. Car and pram naps are what we did.

Chunkymonkey123 · 12/02/2018 20:00

At 16 weeks DS was an obsessive roller who then cried every time he ended up on his front but rolled over every 5 minutes! I remember there being one night where I strapped him into his pram in desperation as it was 5am and I hadn’t slept at all!

I’m part of a NCT group and my DS is by far the worst sleeper, my advice is to just ignore them as all babies are different. The one who showed off about sleeping through at 6 weeks is now having other issues.

TheVanguardSix · 12/02/2018 20:17

Baby Group = a lovely, fragrant bouquet of mothers in denial

Baby group... it'll never change. Wink
OP, you are so not alone! I never had a sleeper. All 3 of mine were determined to bury me alive. DC3 took the cake. 9-10 times a night. I was an absolute monster to live with, hand on heart.
From my first DC born 16 years ago (in two weeks!) to my last DC born nearly 4 years ago, I longed for new mums to just be more honest! I longed for a handhold. I never found it at a baby group.

OP, I am sure this is in MN classics, but I remember coming upon this thread. What can I say? I found my tribe in this thread. I revisited it many, many times during DC3's first two years of not sleeping. I just wish I'd had this thread to read with DCs 1 and 2!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1960846-So-sick-of-being-so-angry-all-the-time-because-Im-so-fucking-tired

HashtagPenelope82 · 12/02/2018 20:31

I agree with XmasinTintagel - everyone with a non sleeping 4 month old baby is too exhausted to get to a morning baby group! So it’s a self selecting group of mums. (And kudos to you for getting out!)
I felt like you when mine was the same age, and it took me forever to discover that ‘sleeping through’ for most resulted from putting baby in cot, leaving the room and turning the monitor on silent. Which I wasn’t ever prepared to do, but it seems many did, just don’t want to admit it.
Mine took til 17 months to sleep through, but I still wouldn’t do anything different, no matter how hard it was.

Original poster
GMtoBe · 12/02/2018 20:39

TheVanguardSix - thank you for that thread!!! It's brilliant. It does make so much difference knowing there are thousands of other parents having the exact same issues!

OP posts:
Owlettele · 12/02/2018 20:40

You're not the only one. I also think more babies in the group are probably similar. Hang in there mummy. You're doing great.

FrozenMargarita17 · 12/02/2018 20:57

My baby is 6 months and I stopped going to baby groups so I wasn't surrounded by 'oh this is great!!' People. Used to drive my poor tired mind round the bend wondering what the hell I was doing wrong.

Am currently sitting outside her bedroom praying she goes to sleep after an hour and a bit of her being utterly frantic and refusing to go down.

Haven't had any dinner yet 😞

Owlettele · 12/02/2018 21:13

@frozenmargarita17 feel your pain. 4 month regression hit and we have never returned. Almost 7 month old and I've been trying to get him asleep since 7.......hes exhausted. Keep going mama. Hope you get some food soon

ktjb39 · 12/02/2018 21:17

I found it very much depended on what other parents called "sleeping all night" I call it 7pm until 7am ( never happened!) but other parents might consider 11pm until 5pm sleeping all night Wink

Moonflower12 · 12/02/2018 21:28

I was just coming on to say that it is the 4 month sleep regression.

If you can find a bf support group? Everyone will be in the same boat.

FrozenMargarita17 · 12/02/2018 21:31

@Owlettele she's finally gone.. I think.. just having some dinner now thank goodness

MistyMeadow · 12/02/2018 21:32

First rule of baby group, those who appear to be doing incredibly well, they lie!

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