Will ds learn to sleep longer by himself? 45min cycles at 16wks

[Jellybabie3]

I appreciate this is the regression. Its been getting worse since Christmas day. He now wakes every 45 min to an hour, i lift him out of his side cot. He has a 5min nibble on my boob, back to bed and repeat.

Will he learn to sleep longer himself or do i need to something??? Baffled

@Chocwocdoodah hmm ok. So it doesnt involve crying? Ive just read the no cry sleep solution which seems straight forward although maybe a few weeks to implement.

He very very rarely self settles

The baby will cry mainly out of protest because you’re not giving them boob/rocking etc but you never, ever leave them. You’re there the whole time until they stop and each time they cry you pick them up and the second they stop, you put them down. They cry - you pick up again, they stop - you put them back down ( pickup-put down method - the book explains it). You’ll be like a yo-yo but I promise you it works if you’re consistent. By picking them up when they cry, you’re reassuring them you’re there when they need you. And you just have to remind yourself that crying doesn’t = distress or harm. It’s how they communicate.

What was really interesting for me is that before I tried this, an HV recommended crying it out. It was absolutely awful. DD was sobbing hysterically in a really distressed way. Did it for 2 days. She would fall asleep but through exhaustion and would jolt awake, again v distressed. For a long while after those 2 days, she was v clingy and would scream every time I left a room. It made her v insecure. The way she cried during CIO was clearly out of distress and fear.

The BW method I felt really taught her to be secure and after doing it successfully, it not only changed her sleep, but other areas of her behaviour. She was happy to just be on her own in her room because she knew if she needed me, I’d be there. She wouldn’t freak out if she couldn’t see me and would wake up from sleep and just lay cooing in her cot.

Everybody has their preferred method but I can not recommend BW enough but you MUST stick with it. You’ll feel like a nutter doing PU/PD but it really works.

Should’ve said, at your baby’s age you might want to start with shush-pat method first. This post is quite helpful www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/01/pupd-tbw.html?m=1

I’ll stop banging on about it now.......

Thanks.looks like theres a lot of work to do....babies huh

You poor thing. The 4 month regression is brutal but it passes. I started co-sleeping around then and it really helps us (I’m still breastfeeding at 18 months) - he wakes maybe once a night and sometimes not even that, but goes straight back to sleep and I barely wake up. Is there a reason you want to get him in his own room? Safe sleeping advice is that it’s best for them to be in same room as you till they’re a year. I may be wrong, but it seems like your instincts are to just be there and comfort him but you feel pressured to sleep train? If you’re on FB, Gentle Parenting UK has lots of supportive advice. Hang on in there- it won’t last forever! X

@Sophia1984 Safe sleeping advice is that it’s best for them to be in same room as you till they’re a year

I thought it was 6months? Thats food for thought. Do others keep them in with them that long?? I have to say my family suggested longer than this is molly coddling him

I agree that i have kind of been looking at sleep training in the thought that he will be going into his own room in 8 weeks time. Its difficult because i am ebf and form my perspective i envisage being up and down like a yoyo for a while and we dont have the biggest nursery so finding a suitable chair to nurse him in there is going to be tricky. I'd love a rocker but the room is too small. At the moment i nurse him in bed and lift him into a co sleeper cot next to me. Hes realistically only got about 3-4 inches spare height in this to go though as he is quite long and hes in a sleepyhead. We have the sleepyhead grande ready to go in his cotbed in the nursery.

Anyway sorry for blabbing - our room set up is probably not something for others to worry about i really appreciate the advise though

My one year old still has 45 min naps and in the night the longest she does is about 2 hours at a time

Please look into how damaging sleep training is on the developing brain. Before all these books women followed their instincts which involve never leaving a tiny infant who doesn’t know any better to ‘settle themselves’.

@crazycatlady5 that's really tough!

I'm hoping we can get to longer stretches at night as every 45mins at night means i barely get my head down before i am up again. We had a 2 hour stretch last night so fx.

I am working on the no cry sleep solution atm as i just cant face CIO

Personally I'd want the sleeping sorted before moving LO to their own room (its easier to do when they're sleeping in a crib next to you than when you have to get up and walk to another room).

As another poster said, the 45min is a sleep cycle so perhaps work on getting LO to self settle for naps to start with? I also agree with not feeding to sleep. It's not saying you can't feed before bed, it's just having something between the feed and bed so it's not linked in LOs head eg I do feed, bath, book, bed. I also always fed on waking from naps rather than before. In the night I wouldn't feed more frequently than I would during the day, so if LO feeds 3hrly during the day, LO wouldn't get fed more frequently at night. I did use a dummy to start with but easily weaned off this at 5mths (he's slept through since about 4mths) I know you are ebf but could you try expressing and DH giving a feed at night just to give you a couple of hours rest?

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and it was only when she stuck to her guns (doing a no cry solution) at 8mths that her LO would sleep for longer than a sleep cycle. Perhaps DH could take a week off, and you could work through this together - he can watch LO during the day so you can nap etc, and then you have more strength for sticking to your guns at night.
Other friends had babies who slept well prior to the 4mth regression but have yet to regain this level of sleep at 8mths and are now considering sleep training.

🤞🏻it improves soon.

I would just say - don’t confuse “sleep training” with “ leaving your baby to cry”. I think some people hear “sleep training” and immediately envisage being sat in a different room listening to their poor baby scream which I don’t recommend at all.

Hiya just to add I second everything the pp said about the baby whisper pick up put down method, I do think that can really work and be an approach you can manage emotionally yourself as parents

However I'd also say that because being 100% consistent is they key to teaching it, wait until you are completely sure you so need/want to do it that you can go through with it. Can be best to start doing it at nap times and then move to nights.

And agree with pp who said when time is right then get partner to take week off work and do it together

Really all best to you and hang in there

People my generation were very frequently ‘sleep trained’ in the UK and so were generations before us. It doesn’t necessarily mean crying and stressed babies.

6 months minimum but a year ideally. Don’t worry - you’re not blabbing. It’s hard to know what to do when there is conflicting advice and pressure. I’d say it sounds like you’ve found a method (No cry sleep solution) that feels right for you, so I would follow your instincts and go with that, and not worry what family members think. Having a good, soothing bedtime routine can really help too - bath, reading book, feed or cuddle etc. You may also want to look up the Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell Smith x

OK i will have a go with self settling for naps tomorrow. I havent tried naps in a dark room etc yet. I always thought he should be able to nap wherever and not be affected by noise...see how it goes in his nursery in the dark. I may have to have a go and if all else fails let him nap on me as usual. I don't want to risk him being overtired!!

Dustpan- everything you said. But wouldn’t you say it’s best to use it for naps AND bedtime from the start, to ensure consistency? Otherwise the baby will be confused.

Also I agree that the rec is to have baby in your room for first 6 months.

@Jellybabie3 I'd try to get out the habit of having the baby nap on you too. Most books say get naps sorted, and nights will follow (although my DS was the other way round). The friend I mentioned earlier with the shocking sleeper would let her baby nap and sleep on her as it was the easier option but ended up in a right pickle at 8mths. Naps are defo the easiest place to start, just stick to your guns (and don't think that cos one nap worked you can let LO nap on you the rest of the day) and it will only hopefully take a few days of perseverance.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Thanks. I've put off naps in his room because of SIDS. Hes only 4 months old so i dont get how it's safe tbh??

I only have a basic monitor.

I can put his sleepyhead inside the cotbed in the nursery and draw the curtains to keep it dark. He usually sleeps in the sleepyhead in a next to me crib

You’re right- for first 6 months you’re ideally with them when they’re napping, but you can still do that with him in a darkened room. Either have a nap yourself or do some reading/catching up on things on your phone. My son still either feeds to sleep or goes to sleep in pram but can then be put down in his bed for the rest of his nap.

@Jellybabie3 I agree with pp. take a book and lie in bed relaxing or having a read/nap.

If you do try some form of sleep training (which does not mean cry it out) I suggest you get rid of the sleepyhead too. A friend (yes, the same friend) used one of these and had to restart sleep training when she tried to wean the baby off it. You may as well just get it all done in one (slightly hellish) go...

I'm going through something similar. My little girl is just over 6 months. The 4 month regression hit us hard and we had sleepless nights for a good 3-4 weeks, sometimes waking every 45-60mins. At about 5 months she started sleeping again and we had a good couple of weeks of sleeping 8-10 hour stretches and I thought we had some bit of normality back in our lives! However at 5.5 months she regressed again waking 2-3 times a night to start and now she is waking every 45-60 mins again.

She has been EBF up until starting solids a week or so ago. I've always fed to sleep. She will nap on me during the day or in the pram during walks as she has always refused being the cot in the day however during the night after a feed she would always sleep in the cot. Now soon as I put her down she wakes and cries. I always said that I didn't want to co-sleep but in the past couple of nights I've put her in our bed to try and get some sleep. She will sleep 1.5-2 hours in the bed before waking again and most of the time she will only stay asleep on me. I've left her to whinge a bit in the cot to see if she will settle but this turns into a full meltdown in a few minutes and she will only then settle if I feed her. If I pick her up on the first sign of a whinge she will calm instantly and fall asleep on me but she will wake if her put her down again in either the bed or cot.

I thought it was teething initially but I don't think it is. I thought after we got over the 4 months we would be ok! I am considering sleep training-a no cry option but there are so many conflicting views and some saying that developmentally a baby cannot learn to self soothe at such a young age and all you are doing is teaching baby not to bother to make noise as no one is going to respond and comfort them. That seems so cruel but also not sure how long i can last with broken sleep and im sure it would be beneficial for baby too to get a good sleep. I don't know what to do!!

conflicting views and some saying that developmentally a baby cannot learn to self soothe at such a young age and all you are doing is teaching baby not to bother to make noise as no one is going to respond and comfort them

@EllaJ1984 thats really upsetting.

I'm going to persist with the pull away nipple thing and try to put DS down drowsy. I have to say i am also struggling to not get confused whats best to do.

I guess the aim is he will go down fully awake when tired and just nod off but that seems aaaaaaaages away.

I really dont want him to feel upset or neglected though.

@Jellybabi3 I know it's all so confusing! U would think after all these years people would have figured out what's going on with our little bubbas!

My OH is at home the week after next so think if she isn't settled but then we will try and decide on what to try but slowly pulling away as she is falling asleep may be the best way to go. Forgot to mention that I tried PU/PD a few times for morning nap and it's always resulted in a meltdown

I keep repeating 'this too shall pass' and on days that it gets to much screaming into a pillow and a large glass of wine help