Will ds learn to sleep longer by himself? 45min cycles at 16wks

[Jellybabie3]

I appreciate this is the regression. Its been getting worse since Christmas day. He now wakes every 45 min to an hour, i lift him out of his side cot. He has a 5min nibble on my boob, back to bed and repeat.

Will he learn to sleep longer himself or do i need to something??? Baffled

I think we have very similar babies. I won’t lie that the first 4 months with DS weren’t enjoyable at all. He was the most difficult newborn. Cried all day, for hours at a time. Wouldn’t go in pram, car seat, bouncer, play mat etc. Wouldn’t go to anyone else. Had to be held constantly. He was just never happy or contented for more than 10 mins at a time. Never and still doesn’t take a bottle. So add this to the fact he never bloody slept at night it was hard. You should be proud! Sleep deprivation is no laughing matter and is used as torture for a reason.

Personally Co sleeping only made a slight difference to how much he woke, but at times h just refused to settle at all unless lying across me. I felt it would never end, but honestly he hit 6 months and all of a sudden it became much easier and he’s the happiest little guy now. Is there a DP/DH for support?

Yeah DH is here but its the classic 'up for work' routine plus im ebf so i take the hit. Its fine we will keep going. The boob is all that works tbh.

I am getting nervous about the 6months people keep quoting....DS isnt even 4 yet and its week 6

I know he’s working but arguably what you are doing is harder. Make sure he pitches in, giving you a lie in on days he’s not working or taking baby out for a walk so you can nap after work or during the day at the weekend. With my DP he always got up with DS when he woke for the day- he still does even now. Gives me an extra 2 hours in bed. It’s non negotiable with us, same as you because of the EBF I’ve always taken the hit and he’s never had to do a single night feed so if he’s getting unbroken sleep he will get up with DS whether he likes it or not. Sometimes if I’m feeling generous and we’ve had a good night I’ll give him a lie in 😂😂

It’s shit isn’t it? 18m before ours did any better than that.

@Anatidae 18m before he would sleep more than 45mins??? How are you alive

I think I died about 10 months in, i just haven’t stopped moving yet :(

It is massively difficult - so you have my sympathy. We tried everything- sleep consultants, the hospital- everything. Nothing worked. He is perfectly healthy he just didn’t sleep.

My advice (which is probably just as useless as all the rest) is this.

1. It’s probably nothing you’re doing/not doing
2. They probably will grow out of it
3. Your task is to survive until that point.

When we finally gave up and realised nothing we did worked we just drew up a coping plan where each of us got x hour blocks of sleep. It meant we survived.

And one magical day at about 18m he just slept through and has done so ever since. We’ve had a few bad nights if he’s been poorly but generally he sleeps. And it was nothing we did. I firmly believe that sleep is a developmental skill just like walking is. They get it when they get it.

Anyway you have my genuine sympathies - it was a hard, hard 18m. Go easy on yourself.

Thanks @Anatidae i think that cements my decision to just ride the wave and ignore any sleep training for now. I actually feel more relaxed just having made the decision as up until now i have felt like i should be doing something and felt bad about not!

I take my hat off to you i really do!

I’m sure sleep training works for some - I’m not either for it or against it in general. All I know is that it made my son much worse. I think looking back he was quite afraid when left, and all the ‘methods’ involve leaving them repeatedly and it just scared him. He’s still a bit like that now.
I think sleep training can work if there’s a habit to be broken with no deep emotion attached. If the kid is just getting up at three to party then it’s probably going to work! But for us it just fed his fears and I wish we’d never done it.

They’re all individuals. Your kid will get it and you will sleep again. It’s honestly just changing what you can about your own routines to survive up to that point.

100% agree with Biscuitmillionaire. Have a look at the Baby Whisperer’s Secrets to Getting Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night book and the 45min waking cycle will make sense....sorted my DD out in 3 days - LIFE-CHANGING!!!

Thanks. I have a copy of the no cry sleep solution in the post! I chose this one as it sounded best suited for ebf. I did look at the baby whisperer one and it had really mixed reviews. That sad i will see how the other goes! I dont want to invest too much now as i am hoping we will turn a corner. I really dont like the sound of some of the sleep training approaches so fx!!

Totally agree with Anatidae. We only had to wait until 15 months but it suddenly just happened. It nearly broke me but I think realising it wasn't anything I was doing / not doing saved my sanity!

Such a long time 😥

It is, and it’s so bloody hard while it’s onhoing.

Think about why you think he’s waking - is it habit? Or is he upset and checking you’re there? If the former then yes, you might have some success with sleep training (although he’s really young, I’d give it a bit longer) if the latter, any form of withdrawal type training could make it worse.

Looking back as well those first 6 months there were so many changes in sleep. I think anything you do in Those first months just gets erasedbin the next change. After 6 m you might see some stabilisation and at that point you can start to reduce night feeds a bit.

Yeah i think its a case of him wondering where i am. He wakes up kind of frantic looking about but not crying. Hes in a next to me cot so i can see him. I've tried leaving him and switching ewan the sheep on but after a few mins he cries. He knows i am there. He does always feed if only for a couple of mins, or sometimes full on gulps. Hes started to detach himself and roll onto his back when hes had enough. Sometimes i can get him straight back into his bed but sometimes he grizzles and reaches for me. Not for the boob but because he wants to cuddle up to me.

Its adorable but i would like some sleep

Just stop feeding to sleep. Move to feeding upon waking instead. Settle any other way. Your DH is your best tool for settling because he isn’t lactating.

There’s no way I could carry on at 45 minute wakings.

Just stop feeding to sleep. Move to feeding upon waking instead.

We tried that.. didn’t work. :/

What he’s doing is normal. It’s not fun, and it’s hard to deal with, but it’s not outwith the bounds of normal behaviour. You could try having his dad take him for a few hours each night. So he still has the comfort but isn’t getting the milk reinforcement.

At his age you’ve still got a couple more sleep architecture changes to go.

Just stop feeding to sleep. Move to feeding upon waking instead.

Well easier said then done.

We are currently doing the pull off method with a cuddle to try n stop the sucking to sleep association which seems to be working slowly.

Tbh i want to feed him before sleep. Else he would go to sleep with an empty tummy.

Sounds very simplistic and not intended to be patronising but have you tried a lot of fresh air during the day? Regardless of weather but obviously well-wrapped up? Getting natural light especially in the morning is known to help sleep patterns. Also cool fresh air seems to aid sleep.

Sorry, it’s the natural outdoor light in the afternoons that helps.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1477238/A-daily-dose-of-fresh-air-helps-babies-to-sleep-longer-at-night.html

@Abra1de yeah i make an effort to get out everyday, for my own sanity! With the exception of illness that is. Thanks though

🙂

We cried it out.

3 days. Seriously, 3 days.
Went in every 5 minutes (seems longer) to pat him and say night night.
49 mins first night
30 next
10 third night

4th night straight to sleep

Co-sleeping saved us!

I’m guessing he can’t self-settle - i.e. he needs to be fed/cuddled/rocked to sleep or something like that?

45 mins is a baby’s sleep cycle. They naturally rouse after that time. A baby that can SS will roll over and go back to sleep. A baby that can’t will wake fully and need you to do whatever it is you did to get them to sleep in the first place.

My DD used to wake crying from a nap on the dot at 45mins and I couldn’t work out why it was such precise timing. Much googling later and I discovered the Baby Whisperer Book which explained it all & solved my problem. It’s not a hard “leave them to cry” approach but nor is it too soft. 3 days. Job done. Most amazing feeling ever