Should I let a 4 week old cry it out to settle to sleep

[crispaddict76]

Hi

My beautiful 4 week old boy is not settling for a nap in the day unless he is asleep on me or my OH. As soon as I put him down in his Moses basket or sleepyhead about 15 mins later he starts to stir and won’t settle on his own again. I’ve tried swaddling which has a mixed response. I have read and was told at antenatal that you cannot spoil a baby and that if the baby wants to cuddle then you cuddle them and meet their needs. However, we are being told by countless family members that our 4 week old can manipulate us from an early age and the words “rod for own back” have been said. So basically we are being told if we don’t leave him to cry and settle himself we will be creating all sorts of problems for ourselves and that he never will settle to sleep. I have tried to leave him to cry a few minutes and feel so guilty and he is crying real tears. Am I creating a rod for my back or should we be responding to him at this stage when he cries. And if we carry on responding to him will there be a point where he does start to self settle? Would be keen to know others views! Thank you xx

No
It's normal for babies and even toddlers to need help to sleep. I don't even know why 6 months is somehow given as the age when it's ok to leave your baby feeling abandoned, unable to understand where you are, to cry until they can't cry anymore. My 2yr old is still cuddled to sleep, he hasn't 'slept through' on more than the odd night or two, it's only recently that it happens sometimes. He'll learn to fall asleep alone when he's ready. Ignore friends and family. By responding to your baby you're helping to always create a secure attachment which will pay off as they get older.

Baby is still in the 4th trimester, they’re only born when they are because we wouldn’t be able to give birth to them if they completed cooking fully.

Your friends and relatives are cocks.

Tell them "Cry it Out" is not recommended until baby is at least 6 months (and then only if you are comfortable doing it).

CIO is NEVER recommended at any time. Controlled crying is completely different.

Oh god. Please don't leave your baby to cry. I'm getting upset thinking about it! My three month old is asleep on me as I type this. He only sleeps being held. And I think it's wonderful that he knows we are always there for him
my family roll their eyes and think I'm nuts and overprotective. I couldn't care less, I know I'm right.

Please don't leave your baby to cry

I 100% agree that you can't leave a small baby to cry it out.

However, I think it's fine to experiment a bit with things that help him go to sleep. If you put him down when he has been cuddled and fed, but before he is really tired, he might fall asleep on his own. Try putting on the Hoover for a minute. Warming the bed or sleeping bag (safely) might help. You might be surprised.

I think sometimes family members who have had children way before you forget the realities of each stage of having a baby. A newborn absolutely needs to be cuddled - at 4 weeks they barely know they are separate from you! For the first 3 months at the very least, they are adjusting to the big scary world they've just been born into! They need your arms and your heartbeat and your security.
There's a world of difference between comforting a crying newborn and sleep training a 2 or 3 year old toddler who has their own ideas of what they want! Your little boy has no clue about anything, only that he needs you.
FWIW, my DD wouldn't even be put down in her moses basket for the first 3 weeks at all - we took it in shifts on the sofa at night with her! But eventually over those early weeks she did settle in it. They're just getting used to having space around them, when all they've known is the warmth and closeness of being in the womb. Just give it time - he will adjust :)

I wouldn't leave a 4 year old to cry it out let alone a 4 week old. Would you like to be left to cry to sleep? It is lretty shit parenting tbh.

Tell the relatives to mind there own and cuddle that baby.

I will never understand where the idea that month old babies are these master manipulators came from. As PP's have said I think they forget the reality of newborn babies and just parrot on about rods and spoiling.

My thoroughly cuddled baby is 14 months old and is a bright, confident toddler now.

Ignore them and do what you feel is best.

Thank you and yes the antenatal class did say that we would be told by others we are ‘spoiling’ and being manipulated by our babies and to just basically meet our babies needs for cuddles. I think tiredness and anxiety (I want my baby to nap so he gets enough sleep for his well-being not just so I can take a quick shower!!) didn’t help me see the wood for the trees yesterday. Thanks ladies. This does get easier doesn’t it? Xxx

good plan OP, yes it does get easier! (the sleep I mean, the family poking their nose in and telling you how to be a parent... probably not )
Hope you get your well-deserved shower.

It does get easier. A sling is great for daytime naps leaving you hands free.

NO!

I despair at some of these type threads lately. He is 4 weeks old for goodness sake!!!!!

Another resounding No.

Enjoy the cuddles and ignore your family.

Congrats!

And yes it does get easier, 4 weeks was my hellish point. one of them

Hang in there!

It gets easier! Although the judging and 'helpful' advice never stops!

Sounds like you family needs boundaries rather than the baby!

Babies this age do not nap on their own in their cot at this age! They will do when older but not when so young.
I’m currently cuddling my third baby who is 10 weeks.. all my children have been cuddled and fed to sleep. No rod for my own back here.. my eldest two sleep like a dream but I have never once left them to cry

And now you know that no family members will be having your baby without you around!!

It gets so much easier.
I recommend learning to feed lying down if you're breastfeeding; and getting a sling or carrier. I have a Boba. DD used to pass out in seconds in it as a tiny baby, and I now use it to carry her on my back at 19 months. So it has longevity. She slept on me until 2 months, in my bed until 16 months and now sleeps in her cot happily having been put in awake by dh after her stories (I still can't put her down awake but hopefully one day!) And we've never left her to cry. You'll get there. DS took longer but it happened eventually with him too.

OP it sounds like your baby is sleeping brilliantly if he's going 2-3 hours at night already. I'm a believer in appropriate, gentle sleep training, yet the idea of leaving a 4 week old to cry it out makes me want to vomit. So glad you're listening to PPs and enjoy all the newborn cuddles. Tell anyone who criticises you to fuck off and put the kettle on.

My son is nearly 9 months old andprobably 7/10 times I cuddle him to sleep... why would you leave your tiny baby to cry when they aren't capable of self settling for months yet. If you feel it's wrong then it's wrong - tell your know it all family to butt out.

Cry it out isn't recommended until 6 months (if you're going to consider that route later). It's traumatising for a tiny baby to be abandoned to cry when they need comfort

It does get easier. And you get better at studiously ignoring all the 'helpful' advice as well. It'll be teeth next, then weaning, my mother in law became obsessed with feeding DD the second she hit 4 months. Just smile, nod and then do precisely what you think is best. Whilst mentally flicking the v's at them.

My rule of thumb is that rods and backs don't exist until 6 months plus

I refused to let my babies cry. If they were crying I was doing everything I could to work out why! If they just wanted a cuddle, then they got a cuddle. If I was busy, if it was at 3am they got their cuddle!
If a family member was holding them when they started to cry I refused to let them carry on holding them and calmed them down.
Babies do not manipulate! That is absurd!
Rod for your own back is also ridiculous. I have 3 DDs, aged 10, 4 and 1 (2 in 3 weeks)
Not one of them are clingy, none of them refuse to go sleep at bed time. They are in general happy and well behaved kids! Certainly not spoilt.

Family members will always interfere give advice whether wanted or not!
Enjoy those cuddles! I will tell you now in a very short 10 years your DD will roll her eyes at you if you ask for a hug - especially in sch playground!

**Sorry, your DS not DD