Should I let a 4 week old cry it out to settle to sleep

[crispaddict76]

Hi

My beautiful 4 week old boy is not settling for a nap in the day unless he is asleep on me or my OH. As soon as I put him down in his Moses basket or sleepyhead about 15 mins later he starts to stir and won’t settle on his own again. I’ve tried swaddling which has a mixed response. I have read and was told at antenatal that you cannot spoil a baby and that if the baby wants to cuddle then you cuddle them and meet their needs. However, we are being told by countless family members that our 4 week old can manipulate us from an early age and the words “rod for own back” have been said. So basically we are being told if we don’t leave him to cry and settle himself we will be creating all sorts of problems for ourselves and that he never will settle to sleep. I have tried to leave him to cry a few minutes and feel so guilty and he is crying real tears. Am I creating a rod for my back or should we be responding to him at this stage when he cries. And if we carry on responding to him will there be a point where he does start to self settle? Would be keen to know others views! Thank you xx

4 weeks is nothing, definitely look up the '4th trimester' as mentioned above. I promise you're not making a rod for your own back, pick up your baby and enjoy the cuddles 😊

My son is 6 months and he only slept on me for the first 6 weeks, he still sleeps on me during the day. But he self settles and is happy in his cot all night, I think the more you cuddle them now the more secure they feel in the long run.

A babies sleeping routines will regularly change so much right up to toddler ages and sometimes beyond. Don’t listen to old fashioned advice

Aw no, please don't let him cry. He's really still so tiny. Naps are pretty hit and miss until they get a bit bigger I'm afraid. My lo slept best when being held until he was about 10-12 weeks. You really can't spoil them this age. My lo is a toddler now and I've never left him to cry and he's a great sleeper. Making them feel loved and secure helps them settle and sleep better in the long run.

This is sad to read.

At 4 weeks, no. I didn't get this when my DD was that old but they've just come in to this big world and haven't a clue what's going on. Crying is their way of communicating. Give him a cuddle.

Ditto to the message above - my 2 and a half year old is a brilliant sleeper but I held her constantly when she was a baby (up to about 6months when she was happier then playing and sitting with toys etc). You can't spoil a baby - enjoy all the snuggles! X

I've currently got my 6 week old asleep in my lap here he's just the same at the moment...... unless he's very deeply asleep I can't really put him down. He really needs to nap in the day otherwise his sleep is worse at night. I too have the 70's parenting brigade on my back. Not only has 'rod for your back' been mentioned but also putting him in the garden in the pram so he can cry his heart out without me hearing him!!! Not a bloody chance in hell of that happening here. Also been informed I shouldn't feed on demand and give him formula so he can have a set routine. I've bitten my tongue an awful lot in 6 weeks.

He's tiny and needs to feel safe, he's only going to be little for a short time and I'm making the most of every single chance I get to cuddle him up. Tune out all of that nonsense and follow your instincts. I'd be in tears myself if I had to let him cry. A sling is really helpful to let him nap on your chest but allow you to have your hands free. All the little ones I know that have had unlimited cuddles and comfort have become happy and confident little people who sleep well in their own beds when they are ready.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

NO

4 weeks old? No.

4 months old? Still no.

4 years old? We'd be sleep training. Still not crying it out.

I did sleep training with my 3rd and did what some others would say was awful, it worked for us and I would do it again. However, he was 7 months at the time.

4 weeks is way way to young to leave them crying. Could you try putting your hand on his tummy or head so he knows you are there when he's in his cot? Or singing or just gentle chatting/shushing so he can hear you?

God no no no, 4 weeks old it s not behavioural, and anyway cry it out really is quite stressful for everyone

this is a nice help re infant sleep

Have a look at Brazelton - https://www.amazon.com/T.-Berry-Brazelton/e/B001I9TV4S as a nice help for parenting

no

Also what MrsTerryPratchet said

Your family sound deranged. A four week old doesn’t even know he’s not still part of you there is no way he is manipulating you! Please go with your instincts and ignore anyone who utters the phrase ‘making a rod for your own back’.

Oh no please don’t let him cry.
I did it with my first and realised she just wants more milk and to be held.
Letting newborns cry usually results in mother and baby both being stressed

No

My 3 wk old is the same and i wont dream of letting them cry it out. Reading about the 4th trimester helped me understand why.

We all agree. NO.

Please hold your teeny baby every time he cries.

All 3 of mine slept on me that young (and older).

Firmly tell family members to BUTT OUT.

My family were like this. Partly I think it’s because they did it, so if you do the opposite, then they did it wrong. IYSWIM.

Enjoy your newborn snuggles x

No

Another no from me.

My DS slept on me day and night for the first 8 weeks.

Oh my god cuddle your baby! He's so tiny. Please don't leave him to cry. That's cruel and dangerous. Enjoy the cuddles. Get a sling (Google sling library) so you've got hands free some of the time.

My dd had all her naps in my arms, next to me on my bed or in sling until I returned to work at 9 months. Occasionally when she was several months old, I was able to put her down after she fell asleep.

When she started at nursery at 9 months , she adapted easily to napping without me.

No

Babies have NEEDS, not wants. A baby is as capable of manipulating you as they are of riding a bicycle.

DD is 15 months old and she has never cried herself to sleep (admittedly I have walked out of the room to shout into a tea towel when she’s being really tricky). But by and large (is that how it’s written?) she sleeps well from 7:30pm to 7:30am.

I’m not anti CIO, but I’ve never seen the point of making a difficult bedtime/naptime more difficult.

Sorry that sounded unbearably smug, I just meant to say, she’s never cried herself to sleep and we don’t feel that a rod has been made for our backs.

They are talking nonsense
I'm older, not a softie with my babies at all, did controlled crying at some point but at 4 weeks they just need cuddling

Thanks everyone. It’s just I’ve had it from three sets of family members and I think in my sleep deprived haze I am questioning myself. They really do think I’m being too soft and emphasise the fact that he stops crying as soon as he is picked up as a sign that he knows whst he is doing?!?! He goes down at night and is feeding every 2-3 hours he just will not style for a nap unless in my arms in the day!! A shower would be nice :-) but it’s more my concern for him and whether he is getting enough sleep in my arms! I have ordered a book re the fourth trimester from amazon so I’m reassured that some of you have told me to google it. Thank you.