SIDS guidelines and getting baby into a routine

[Blahblahblahzeeblah]

My babies are nearly 3 months old now. More and more are people (mother, MIL, HV) talking about getting them into a good bedtime routine.
As it is the babies are with us downstairs until 10ish, we then take them up, turn the lights off. Change them, feed them and put them to sleep but by the time I'm done this might be 11.30.
To get them to bed any earlier would involve me and DH sitting in the dark, whispering to each other for a few hours before bed each night because as I understand it they should be sleeping in our room until 6 months? Hey were premature and low birth weight so at additional risk for SIDS. Is this what people Do? HV says their bedtime is too late but I don't know how to make it earlier without completely sacrificing our evenings every evening. They won't settle with the TV on.

We did the same as you with our first for the first 3-4 months. Around 3-4 months we decided that he needed to get used to going to sleep earlier, so we did sit in the dark with him for hours until he went to sleep (often taking shifts). We moved him into his own round around 18 weeks old as he was too big for the Moses basket and would wake himself up by hitting the sides in his sleep. But we did this both in his room and when he was in with us.

At first we sat with him from 7pm until midnight, then slowly the time we sat with him came forward. By around 6 months it was until around 830-9pm.

He went to nursery at 6 months and that wore him out so much that he was flat out by around 7pm every night!

My prem baby on the other hand still fights to not sleep (& doesn't stay asleep either...) and I'm not sure if that's a prem thing or just him.

Good luck

Why does the HV say that's too late? Surely if they are getting enough sleep in 24 hours then it hardly matters when bedtime is? I think as long as they and you are getting enough sleep then don't worry. You may well find they naturally start sleeping earlier themselves. I do tend to go to bed when DS does so that I maximise on my own sleep (he is 5 months and a terrible sleeper), however I think you should do what works best for you and your family.

Confused about why HV says it's too late surely if they are asleep it doesn't matter if they have officially gone to bed? I am assuming they are not awake all evening? DS is 4 months old, I get him changed, clean nappy, bathed etc and then he comes downstairs in his sleepsuit until he is ready for a feed. That is usually about 9, then when he is done at 9.30 I carry him upstairs if well are going to bed or he has cuddles on the sofa until we go up

I started a bedtime routine for DD at 4 months (she was 7 weeks premature) and put her to bed at 7.30pm and checked on her very frequently. She wouldn’t sleep in the lounge with the lights and noise so I didn’t feel I had much choice.
The health visitor advice goes against safe sleep advice so it’s really your decision and what you feel is best for your babies.
If they’re settled with you in the evenings I wouldn’t worry too much about an earlier bedtime now. A lot of my friends with 6 month old babies are only starting earlier bedtime routines now and it’s working fine

When I say wouldn’t sleep in the lounge I mean she would cry relentlessly as she was tired but I might not have done it so early if she was happily awake

All of mine had a bedtime routine from around 3/4 months. As they were still using the baby bath I'd bath them downstairs and get changed for bed, feed them and up to bed for around 7/7.30. I used a baby monitor and checked on them regularly until I went to bed. Moved them into their cots in their own room around 6 months, so used the big bath upstairs dried and dressed and fed in my room then into their own cot in their room.

We started a proper bedtime routine by about 6 weeks I think which involved a 7pm bedtime. For the first month or so I went to bed with baby because it was the only way I got enough sleep to function the next day but as baby slowly slept a bit better, we just put the baby monitor on while we go back downstairs for dinner/an evening together and then go and join baby in our room for the night.

What is happening now between say 7pm and when you're taking them upstairs? If they're awake the whole time that is quite long but if they're napping or not long had a nap then I don't think it really matters what time you actually take them up to bed at this age.

I'm not sure what age (over 3 months I think) but we eventually put her in our room at her bedtime (7ish) once she seemed capable of having a bath/bottle/bed routine. I bought an Angelcare movement monitor (cheap second hand by the way) and set up a video monitor (with built in thermometer too) and went up whenever she needed us. I would have panicked without these measures, and still did to some extent as I am very much a "rule follower" and didn't want to "break the rules" of not having her in the same room as me, but this worked beautifully.

my hv told me to put my 3 week old upstairs in his cot for naps - so i wouldn't take too much notice !

up until 3 / 4 months ds slept in his carrycot downstairs then we'd take him up to his cot which was in our bedroom , when we went to bed (9pm ! i was so tired )
after 4 months i'd pop him upstairs about 6.30 and have the baby monitor on ( kept going up to check on him ) - he was the worst sleeper in the world though until he was 2 , so not sure if the routine did anything . It might just be down to the individual baby

I wondered what other people did too as mine wouldn’t settle downstairs from 8 weeks so we put him to bed at 8pm upstairs then went up ourselves around 9. He’s been wanting to go to bed earlier & earlier since then though (now 19weeks) so we check on him every half hour (and have monitors).

I’m still uneasy doing this tbh so if he was going later or happy to settle downstairs I’d be happier. He still naps downstairs & his cot will be in with us during the night until 6 months.

At the moment I put them to sleep around 11ish. They will sleep for around 8 hours and then wake up around 7. I feed them and they drop back to sleep for another 4 hours or so. Then they're up for the day. They're still quite sleepy (I guess because of the prematurity) so they're awake for an hour and a half and then nap for around the same. This carries on until 6ish when they feed like lunatics for a couple of hours then they nap with us before bedtime. I think I'm happy with the routine I'm just worried something isn't right because I'm being pushed to start their night sleep sooner.

Ignore HV. Carry on. My 1 year old still doesn't have a routine. The world won't end.

So baby is sleeping 11pm-11am with a fees at 7pm? Yes, that needs shifting.

What is baby doing (in terms of sleep) during the day? In particular what happens from around 7pm-11pm?

FATEdestiny why do you day with such certainty it needs shifting. Don't get what that would achieve.
Sounds good to me op.

Do what you like enjoy your evening cuddles.

You're a mother of 3mo twins who gets eight hours sleep a night? Don't rock the boat! Sounds absolutely fine to me OP as well as unlikely to continue indefinitely so enjoy those sleepy cuddles whilst you can

Each to their own. We have school aged kids so an 11am start to the day is no good to us. All three of mine go to bed at 6pm and wake up at 6am. Own room by 12 weeks except middle child who co slept for a year due to lack of space.
We bought a snuza apnoea monitor and angelcare apnoea monitor to alleviate anxiety. 6pm till midnight is now adult time, yay!

Is it working for you? Then NO ONE else matters.

My little one found her own routine at 7 months. She needs to be in bed by 7 now.
They get there on their own.

That's a whole load of sleep for you! I wouldn't change a thing!!

So baby is sleeping 11pm-11am with a fees at 7pm? Yes, that needs shifting.

Why?

Haha Yes, in terms of me getting a good night sleep it's ideal. Their longest sleep is exactly when I want to sleep. They do go down late and dont start their day until late but I don't have anywhere else to be. I've even found a couple of afternoon baby groups (this was MY biggest concern because everything seemed to be morning). My feeling is that I'm very lucky we're all sleeping now, I don't want to rock the boat and next month it could be all change. I was just curious how settling the baby early and following the SIDS guidelines for together. Its interesting to see what others have done.

If it works for you, then there's no need to change it Blahblahblahzeeblah.

Those who need baby up early (for work or school run) usually go bedtime routine earlier (6-8pm or so) but then put baby to sleep downstairs until they go to bed. Then team bringing baby up with a dream feed in the hope that 11pm onwards is the long stretch.

Or indeed, lots of others just don't follow this aspect of sids guidelines.

Most communities have am and pm playgroups, if you hunt around. So whatever works for you is fine

It’s working for you, everyone is getting enough sleep and you’re following SIDS guidelines. Why chance anything? Ignore the HV and everyone else - it sounds like you have a good thing going!

If you are getting an 8 hour stretch of night sleep from both babies at 3 months don’t try and change anything! I’ve found health visitors to be clueless about most things especially involving twins.

I’ve got 13 month old twins and Only in the last few months have I had consistently good sleep from both for longish periods.

Who cares what clock hours they are sleeping for (unless you have to do a school run or something) as that means you are getting great rest! Well done!!