When do you start getting them into a routine?

[DuRezidal]

Our little boy is one month old tomorrow and has slept really well most nights. I usually bring him up with me when I go to bed (between 11pm and 12am) and be eels for
4 hours, had a feed then straight back to sleep.

Don't get me wrong, we have had a few nights where something has disrupted this, such as Timmy ache etc. But on the whole his sleep pattern has remained quite constant.

However, I would like to get him into a routine of going to bed no later than 9pm as that way my husband and I can have some time together, plus I would like him to settle when he is in the room on his own rather than just when we are in with him.

So tonight, at 9pm I gave him a little top up of milk and then brought him up at 9.30. I left him and he remained fast asleep and I have just come up at 10pm. This is the first time I have had him in bed earlier and would like this to be something we can do regularly but not sure if it is unrealistic at this stage.

We did baby led and had a bit of a routine going (everything in the same order at bedtime) at about 7 months. She’s 10 months now and it’s dinner, playtime, in the night garden, bath, bedtime. That’s about as much routine as we’ve got though.

About 3.8.

Years.

When she started school.

But still only loosely.

At 1 month I was still just keeping her alive!

Chances are your LO's sleeping patterns will change quite soon regardless of routines you try to establish now.
4 month regression (I like to call it 'progression') is probably the most debated topic on here.

Don't get me wrong, we put our DD down at roughly the same time each night, but her sleep is changing as we speak.

six months and in a good routine, wakes from nap at about 5.15pm, play ect till 6.30pm then bath, bottle at 7.00pm, usually in bed by 7.45/8.00pm, sleeps till 11.30pm and is woken for last feed of the day and after that goes till about 6.30am at earliest 7.15am at latest before getting up for the day! there was a time I could never imagine not doing 3 hourly feeds during the night! xx

One month is far too young. They are supposed to do all their sleeping in the same room as you at that age (up until 6 months). Falling asleep on their own is a personality trait not teachable.

Try following the routines suggested in the Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove - it's much less strict than some but still helps get into a settled pattern. My DD is 9 weeks and has been in a pretty good routine for three or four weeks now, though we don't tend to take her up to her room until 9pm or so, not 7 as Rachel suggests - though I'm sure we'll get to that. It's good to have some evening time on our own and she's learned to fall asleep in her own room already.

It's good to have some evening time on our own and she's learned to fall asleep in her own room already.

That’s against all SIDS guidelines.

If they're a good sleeper go with it sounds like its working well ...my second would go to sleep at 630 till 2am from a really young age and I put her in her cot with a monitor in the evenings from quite a young age . My other two were rubbish sleepers so had to tackle evenings Aroubd 6 months

I put her in her cot

The sids guidelines are because your baby needs to be able to hear you, not you hear her.

I know, but they're guidelines not rules. Everyone has to do what works best for them. I couldn't sleep at all with DD in our room so she went into her room at three weeks. We keep the door open and I can still hear her.

I find it hard to believe that most people keep their babies with them for every nap. For instance, right now DD is napping in her pram next to me in the front room, but when I go through to the kitchen to cook for half an hour or so I'll leave her here, not take her in where she'd surely be more uncomfortable with the noise and heat.

Cross posted there.

We keep the door open and I can still hear her.

Small babies can forget to breathe when they are asleep. Hearing an adult breathing helps them to remember.

It’s your choice, but you should know the risks when making it.

We are really struggling from 7.30pm.

I bath him at 6pm when I bath my daughter then she has to be in bed by 7.30pm at the latest. At that point I will make dinner for my husband and I, and then by the time we have eaten it is 9pm. At this point I try to get him to settle in his cot so we can get some normal jobs done (such as order the food shop, sort out the week, but Christmas presents, have a normal adult conversation) but it's just not happening. I have now been upstairs with him since 8.30pm (now 10.30pm) so non of the above things have been done and I am hugely stressed about that! I haven't even ironed my daughters uniform yet as just can't get him to settle long enough on his own b

Could you put him in a sling while you do the chores? Or take it in turns with your DH to hold him while the other does chores? Could they be done during the day? Evenings are a no chore zone here as I know I'll be too wiped out and baby's needs have to come first plus cluster feeding means moving from the couch is often not an option

My DS is also a month old. In the evening we all eat together at 6pm (we have a DD2), bath together at 7, DD down for 730, then I feed DS while we watch a bit of TV. I go up with him at 9 ish.

It helps that I breastfeed as it means I can watch telly at the same time! Are you breastfeeding or formula feeding?

As others have said, it's very early days. I agree one month is way too young to sleep alone, I know everyone is different but there's no way I would risk it. Hate to trot out the much used line about it not being forever...but it really isn't and six months is such a short time (well in my case I was still going to bed with DD at 8 months but she was the original sleep thief ). At this stage it's not about routine, its about giving baby that sense of closeness and reassurance. And I say that knowing how frustrating it is not to have an evening!

I think your expectations are a bit high to be honest. Having the evening with your partner and spending 1.5 hours cooking dinner aren’t normal expectations with a baby so young.

Why wasn’t he ironing the uniform while you were upstairs?

Was your baby showing signs of tiredness at 8:30pm? When mine was a month old 10pm was the earliest she would go to sleep - she could no sooner sleep at 8:30pm than I could now.

Would your baby sleep in his pram (being rocked to sleep) while you did those things?

Remember until 6 months every sleep should be with an adult in the room.

He's a month old! He's still brand new and has no concept of what a routine is. Get your husband to do ironing etc while you cuddle ds and feed him on the sofa until you go up to bed. Cook much simpler meals and google the 4th trimester and SIDS guidelines.

He dozes on and off from 7.30 but as soon as I put him down he wakes up. From 11pm he will be out like a light but as I am back in work full time now I have an ever growing list of things I need to do in the evening.

We literally have no food in the house this morning so I am grabbing coffee on the way to work at the moment, and I have my year end to get done before mid month so I need to do those at night too!

It's just all got hugely on top of me.

You're working full time at 1 month? Jesus I still felt like I'd been hit by a car at that stage lol

Are you in the U.S Op? I know it’s quite normal to go back to work so soon there. It must be really tough for you.

But your expectations are too high for a newborn. Sleep wise they just nap frequently over a 24 hour period, it’s not appropriate to expect them to sleep 12 hours 7-7 (with night wakings) as they’re still working out night and day and need to feed very frequently. Have you got a sling? Sorry if you’ve mentioned this up thread. I would feed, stick baby in sling and do whatever else you need to do during the evening actually I would have sat on the sofa with baby plugged in and the Tv on surrounded by snacks but that’s just me

It’s still such early days. We followed a rough routine (more like a pattern) during the day, and she was downstairs with us at night until about 4 months old. At this point she was clearly getting irritated by our sounds / being downstairs, and wouldn’t settle. That’s when we knew we needed to put her up to bed. At this age I would just be guided by her, until she starts to set her own little pattern.

I’ve just seen you’re back at work, sorry OP. Will he sleep / doze on your lap whilst you work?

We started a bedtime routine at about 10 weeks. Bath, massage, bottle and in bed for 7-7.30 ish. We then did a dream feed when we went to bed at 11ish, then he would usually sleep through (bar illness and the usual sleep regressions). Prior to that I used a sling in the evenings so I could still cook dinner etc. I think at 4 weeks it’s a bit early to worry about routines, but don’t worry it does improve rapidly!

DH started when I went back to work and he took over - 8 weeks - he managed it in 3 days - git

I started putting my dd up to bed in her crib at 7pm when she was 6 weeks. The next few weeks involved a lot of going back in and settling her and she still up during the night for feeds, but by 12 weeks she was sleeping 7pm to 7am with no night feeds and usually settling herself. Probably won't be as lucky with the second one who is just a few weeks old!